Old people should live by themselves instead of living in large, multigenerational families. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In this day and age, many people argue that elderly individuals should reside independently rather than in large, multigenerational households. Although living alone has many good aspects, I believe that living with my family even though it is a bit crowded is also a good way.
It is understandable why some individuals believe that old people should live alone. The common argument is that there exists differences in lifestyle between generations. Since the elderly have different diets and living hours than young people to ensure their health, they will be encouraged to live alone when they get old. In addition, there will be a generation gap in interests that the elderly can not integrate. For example, children playing and teenagers like to play loud music that causes chaos in their homes while the elderly individuals only like soft music that helps relax the mind, which leads to the old people not being able to do the things they like as well as not being able to integrate with other members in their interests.
However, living with other generations in the same house also has many advantages for the elderly. First, the elderly will be fully monitored for their health. Other family members will take care of the health of elderly individuals, they can monitor the health of the grandparents regularly to promptly take them to the hospital when there is any danger. In addition, many researches show that many people when they get old will suffer from some mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety due to loneliness. It would be better if during this time they are accompanied by family members, creating happy emotions in the last part of life.
In conclusion, even though living alone has many benefits, I opine that residing with my family, even if it feels a bit crowded, is also a positive option.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"many people argue" -> "many individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal synonym for "argue," aligning better with academic style.
"living alone has many good aspects" -> "living alone has several advantages"
Explanation: "Advantages" is a more precise and formal term than "good aspects," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"living with my family even though it is a bit crowded" -> "residing with my family, despite the crowded conditions"
Explanation: "Residing" is more formal than "living," and "despite the crowded conditions" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea.
"there exists differences" -> "there are differences"
Explanation: "There are" is the correct form for indicating the existence of differences in formal English.
"different diets and living hours" -> "different dietary needs and schedules"
Explanation: "Dietary needs" and "schedules" are more specific and formal terms than "diets" and "living hours."
"the elderly can not integrate" -> "the elderly cannot integrate"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form of the modal auxiliary verb in formal writing.
"children playing and teenagers like to play loud music" -> "children and teenagers who enjoy loud music"
Explanation: This revision clarifies that it is the preference of the children and teenagers, not their actions.
"causes chaos in their homes" -> "creates chaos in their households"
Explanation: "Creates" is a more formal verb choice than "causes," and "households" is a more formal term than "homes."
"the elderly individuals only like soft music" -> "the elderly tend to prefer soft music"
Explanation: "Tend to prefer" is a more precise and formal way to express a general tendency.
"not being able to do the things they like" -> "inability to engage in activities they enjoy"
Explanation: "Inability to engage in activities they enjoy" is more formal and precise than "not being able to do the things they like."
"fully monitored for their health" -> "closely monitored for their health"
Explanation: "Closely monitored" is a more precise and formal expression than "fully monitored."
"they can monitor the health of the grandparents regularly" -> "they can regularly monitor the health of their grandparents"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the subject and object of the action, improving readability and formality.
"many researches show" -> "numerous studies indicate"
Explanation: "Numerous studies indicate" is more formal and academically appropriate than "many researches show."
"due to loneliness" -> "due to feelings of loneliness"
Explanation: Adding "feelings of" clarifies the type of loneliness being referred to, enhancing precision.
"I opine" -> "I believe"
Explanation: "I believe" is a more straightforward and commonly accepted expression in academic writing compared to "I opine," which can sound overly formal or pretentious.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether elderly individuals should live alone or with family. The writer presents reasons for both perspectives, such as the differences in lifestyle and interests between generations and the benefits of family support for health and mental well-being. However, the essay could be more explicit in stating the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement, as the conclusion suggests a preference for living with family but does not clearly articulate the level of agreement.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. A more definitive stance on whether they agree or disagree with the prompt would strengthen the overall argument. Additionally, providing a more balanced discussion of the pros and cons with specific examples could help in addressing all parts of the question more comprehensively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, favoring living with family over living alone. However, the initial statement suggests a more neutral stance, which may confuse readers about the writer’s true opinion. The use of phrases like "I believe" indicates a personal opinion, but the lack of a strong, consistent position throughout the essay weakens the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and consistently refer back to it throughout the essay. Using phrases that reinforce their stance, such as "I strongly believe" or "In my opinion," can help clarify their position. Additionally, summarizing their viewpoint in the conclusion with a definitive statement would enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting both sides of the argument. For instance, it discusses the potential for loneliness and mental health issues when elderly individuals live alone, as well as the benefits of family support. However, some points lack depth and could be further developed. For example, the mention of "chaos" caused by younger family members could be expanded with more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more detail and examples. Including specific studies or statistics related to elderly care and mental health could provide a stronger foundation for the claims made. Additionally, using clear topic sentences for each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the living arrangements of elderly individuals. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the specifics of music preferences and lifestyle differences, which may not directly relate to the core argument about living arrangements.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central question of whether elderly individuals should live alone or with family. Avoiding tangential discussions and ensuring that each paragraph clearly ties back to the main argument will help keep the essay on topic. A brief outline before writing could also help in organizing thoughts and maintaining relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the living situations of elderly individuals, effectively contrasting the benefits of living alone with those of living in multigenerational households. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to first present one viewpoint and then counter it with another. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between the benefits of living alone and those of living with family could be smoother. The use of phrases like "however" indicates a shift in perspective, but the connection between the two ideas could be more explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely." Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that summarizes the main idea will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct argument. The first paragraph addresses the reasons for living alone, while the second discusses the advantages of living with family. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more defined structures. For example, the second paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on health monitoring and the other on the emotional benefits of companionship.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Consider starting each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main point, followed by examples and explanations that elaborate on that point. This will not only clarify the structure but also enhance the overall readability of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "in addition," and "for example," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied expressions to enhance fluidity. For instance, the phrase "the elderly" is repeated multiple times, which can create a sense of redundancy.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate synonyms and varied phrases to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "the elderly," consider using "older adults" or "senior citizens." Additionally, explore using other cohesive devices such as "furthermore," "consequently," or "in contrast" to create a more dynamic and engaging narrative flow. This will help maintain reader interest and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on common phrases and lacks variety in word choice. For instance, terms like "elderly individuals," "living alone," and "multigenerational households" are repeated without much variation. While these terms are appropriate, the essay could benefit from synonyms or related expressions to enhance lexical diversity. For example, instead of repeatedly using "elderly individuals," the writer could incorporate terms like "seniors," "older adults," or "aged population."
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and alternative phrases. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find varied vocabulary that conveys similar meanings. Additionally, practicing writing with prompts that encourage the use of diverse vocabulary can aid in expanding word choice.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the elderly can not integrate" is vague and could be more clearly expressed as "the elderly may struggle to relate to younger generations." Moreover, the phrase "chaos in their homes" could be more accurately described as "disruption in their living environment," which conveys a clearer picture of the situation. The use of "good aspects" is also quite informal; a more precise term could be "benefits" or "advantages."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on context and the specific meanings of words. Reading more academic essays can help in understanding how to choose words that convey exact meanings. Additionally, revising sentences to ensure clarity and specificity will improve the overall quality of vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. However, there are instances such as "researches," which should be corrected to "research" when referring to studies in a general sense. The phrase "old people" is also somewhat informal; while not a spelling issue, it could be improved for formality and appropriateness.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize spell-check tools when drafting essays. Additionally, reviewing common spelling rules and frequently misspelled words can help minimize errors. Reading extensively can also improve spelling through exposure to correctly spelled words in context.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and overall essay quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "Since the elderly have different diets and living hours than young people to ensure their health, they will be encouraged to live alone when they get old." This shows an attempt to convey more nuanced ideas. However, the essay relies heavily on a straightforward structure, with many sentences beginning similarly (e.g., "In addition," "However," "First,") which can make the writing feel repetitive and less engaging.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use different conjunctions or transitional phrases. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "In addition," the writer could use phrases like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or even restructure sentences to begin with a dependent clause. This would enhance the flow and complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors that do not significantly impede understanding. For example, the phrase "the elderly can not integrate" should be "the elderly cannot integrate," as "cannot" is the correct form. Additionally, there are some punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "they can monitor the health of the grandparents regularly" in the sentence "Other family members will take care of the health of elderly individuals, they can monitor the health of the grandparents regularly to promptly take them to the hospital when there is any danger." This creates a run-on sentence that could confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review the rules for contractions and ensure that they are used correctly. Additionally, practicing the use of punctuation, especially in complex sentences, would be beneficial. Breaking down longer sentences into shorter ones can also help clarify meaning and reduce the risk of run-on sentences. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and seeking feedback on writing can further aid in improving accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, but there is room for improvement in sentence variety and grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is understandable why some individuals believe that old people should live alone. The common argument is that there are differences in lifestyle between generations. Since the elderly have different dietary needs and living hours than young people to ensure their health, they will be encouraged to live alone when they get old. In addition, there will be a generation gap in interests that the elderly cannot integrate. For example, children and teenagers enjoy playing loud music, which creates chaos in their households, while elderly individuals tend to prefer soft music that helps relax the mind. This leads to the elderly not being able to engage in activities they enjoy as well as not being able to integrate with other members in their interests.

However, living with other generations in the same house also has many advantages for the elderly. First, the elderly will be closely monitored for their health. Other family members will take care of elderly individuals; they can regularly monitor the health of their grandparents and promptly take them to the hospital when there is any danger. In addition, numerous studies indicate that many people, when they get old, will suffer from some mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety due to feelings of loneliness. It would be better if, during this time, they are accompanied by family members, creating happy emotions in the last part of life.

In conclusion, even though living alone has many benefits, I believe that residing with my family, even if it feels a bit crowded, is also a positive option.