ome people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
ome people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Crime rate has been a contentious issue since it can pose a threat to social order and security. Some people assert that the optimum way to reduce it idd lengthening prison sentence. Others believe that there are better ways to lower crime rate. This essay shall elaborate on both perspectives, presenting why I concur with the latter.
To commence with, Supporters of prolonged imprisonment Harbour the view that this can help reduce recommit rate. After being put in prison, inmates are often required to participate in rehabilitation programs that can help change their behaviors for the better. Therefore, more time spent in jail can assuee that prisoners gain insight into unlawful acts’s ramifications and feel remorseful for their wrongdoings, hence the declined recidivism rate. Notwithstanding the benefits of longer jail time, this approach grossly neglects the multifaceted nature of law-breakers. To be more specific, the prolonged prison sentence allows inmates to make friends with others, thereby planning crimes to reoffend upon release. As a result, the crime rate may increase.
Regarding alternative resolutions, providing the imprisoned with job opportunities and enforcing stricter police force might suppress crime. To begin with, when prisoners are released from jail, they might have to encounter social discrimination, thus struggling to find a job. Consequently, these ex-prisoners tent to face financial burdens—making them resort to crime again. Another worthy point of note is that improving security measures, such as increasing the police presence, surveilance, and the act of pursuit of criminals, can lead to a decrease in crime rate as it brings fear to the idea of committing crime.
All things considered, despite the advantages of prison sentences' extension, there are various better approaches to deter crime, such as job provision for prisoners and stricter public security measures. I personally harbour the view that each solution should be thoroughly considered before implementing to maximize the outcomes.
Crime rate has been a contentious issue since it can pose a threat to social order and security. Some people assert that the optimum way to reduce it idd lengthening prison sentence. Others believe that there are better ways to lower crime rate. This essay shall elaborate on both perspectives, presenting why I concur with the latter.
To commence with, Supporters of prolonged imprisonment Harbour the view that this can help reduce recommit rate. After being put in prison, inmates are often required to participate in rehabilitation programs that can help change their behaviors for the better. Therefore, more time spent in jail can assuee that prisoners gain insight into unlawful acts’s ramifications and feel remorseful for their wrongdoings, hence the declined recidivism rate. Notwithstanding the benefits of longer jail time, this approach grossly neglects the multifaceted nature of law-breakers. To be more specific, the prolonged prison sentence allows inmates to make friends with others, thereby planning crimes to reoffend upon release. As a result, the crime rate may increase.
Regarding alternative resolutions, providing the imprisoned with job opportunities and enforcing stricter police force might suppress crime. To begin with, when prisoners are released from jail, they might have to encounter social discrimination, thus struggling to find a job. Consequently, these ex-prisoners tent to face financial burdens—making them resort to crime again. Another worthy point of note is that improving security measures, such as increasing the police presence, surveilance, and the act of pursuit of criminals, can lead to a decrease in crime rate as it brings fear to the idea of committing crime.
All things considered, despite the advantages of prison sentences' extension, there are various better approaches to deter crime, such as job provision for prisoners and stricter public security measures. I personally harbour the view that each solution should be thoroughly considered before implementing to maximize the outcomes.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Crime rate has been a contentious issue" -> "Crime rates have been a contentious issue"
Explanation: Using the plural form "rates" is more accurate as it refers to the multiple types of crimes, enhancing the precision of the statement. -
"idd lengthening prison sentence" -> "increasing prison sentences"
Explanation: "Idd" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "increasing" for grammatical correctness and clarity. -
"Supporters of prolonged imprisonment Harbour the view" -> "Proponents of prolonged imprisonment hold the view"
Explanation: "Harbour" is less formal and slightly archaic; "hold" is more commonly used in academic writing and maintains a formal tone. -
"recommit rate" -> "recidivism rate"
Explanation: "Recommit rate" is a non-standard term; "recidivism rate" is the correct term used in criminology and academic contexts. -
"assuee" -> "assure"
Explanation: "Assuee" is a typographical error; "assure" is the correct spelling and is used correctly in the context of ensuring or making certain of something. -
"unlawful acts’s ramifications" -> "the ramifications of unlawful acts"
Explanation: The possessive form "acts’s" is incorrect; "the ramifications of unlawful acts" is grammatically correct and clearer. -
"grossly neglects" -> "grossly neglects"
Explanation: "grossly neglects" is grammatically correct, but it could be improved to "grossly overlooks" for a more precise and formal tone. -
"the crime rate may increase" -> "crime rates may increase"
Explanation: Using "crime rates" instead of "the crime rate" is more accurate as it refers to the multiple types of crimes, aligning with the plural form used earlier in the sentence. -
"providing the imprisoned with job opportunities" -> "providing job opportunities to the imprisoned"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured; rephrasing it to "providing job opportunities to the imprisoned" improves readability and clarity. -
"enforcing stricter police force" -> "strengthening the police force"
Explanation: "Enforcing stricter police force" is awkward and unclear; "strengthening the police force" is a more precise and formal expression. -
"surveilance" -> "surveillance"
Explanation: "Surveilance" is a typographical error; "surveillance" is the correct term. -
"the act of pursuit of criminals" -> "pursuing criminals"
Explanation: "The act of pursuit of criminals" is verbose and awkward; "pursuing criminals" is more concise and formal. -
"tent to face financial burdens" -> "tend to face financial burdens"
Explanation: "Tent" is a typographical error; "tend" is the correct verb form used in this context. -
"making them resort to crime again" -> "leading them to reoffend"
Explanation: "Resort to crime again" is less formal and slightly vague; "leading them to reoffend" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing. -
"I personally harbour the view" -> "I personally hold the view"
Explanation: "Harbour" is less formal and slightly archaic; "hold" is more commonly used in academic writing and maintains a formal tone. -
"before implementing to maximize the outcomes" -> "before implementation to maximize outcomes"
Explanation: "Implementing" is a gerund form that should be used as a noun, "implementation," for grammatical correctness and clarity.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding crime reduction. It presents the argument for longer prison sentences, highlighting the potential benefits such as reduced recidivism through rehabilitation. However, it also critiques this approach by discussing the risk of inmates forming criminal associations. The alternative solutions, such as job opportunities for ex-prisoners and increased police presence, are also discussed, fulfilling the requirement to explore both perspectives.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made about both longer sentences and alternative methods. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the two views in separate paragraphs could improve clarity.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear opinion in favor of alternative methods to reduce crime, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the two views could be smoother, as the position sometimes feels overshadowed by the detailed exploration of the opposing view.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their stance throughout the essay. Phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can be used more frequently to remind the reader of the author’s viewpoint.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of rehabilitation and the importance of job opportunities for ex-prisoners. However, some points lack depth. For instance, the mention of rehabilitation programs could be expanded with specific examples of successful programs or statistics on recidivism rates.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. This could involve discussing specific rehabilitation programs or citing studies that show the effectiveness of job training for ex-prisoners.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the issue of crime reduction. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused, particularly in the section about the drawbacks of longer prison sentences, which could be more directly tied back to the main question of crime reduction.
- How to improve: To improve focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of how to reduce crime. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each argument to the prompt and avoiding any tangential discussions that do not contribute to the overall argument.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, enhancing the depth of analysis, clarity of position, and relevance of examples will help elevate the score further.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph addresses a specific viewpoint, with the first discussing the merits of longer prison sentences and the second presenting alternative solutions. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between discussing the benefits of longer sentences and the drawbacks could be more fluid. The conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments but could better reinforce the main points made in the body.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through contrasting viewpoints more smoothly.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. For example, the paragraph discussing alternative solutions is slightly less developed than the one on prison sentences, which may give an impression of bias.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring each paragraph is of similar length and complexity. This can be achieved by expanding on the alternative solutions with more examples or evidence, thereby providing a more comprehensive view of the argument.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices effectively, such as "therefore," "notwithstanding," and "consequently," which help connect ideas within paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "As a result" could be complemented with additional linking words to clarify the relationship between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "furthermore," "in addition," or "however" can help clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, addressing the areas for improvement will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of crime and punishment. Words such as "contentious," "recidivism," and "rehabilitation" indicate a good understanding of relevant terminology. However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition, such as the phrase "crime rate" appearing multiple times without variation. Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, which detracts from the overall fluency.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "crime rate," alternatives like "criminal activity" or "offending rates" could be employed. Furthermore, exploring more sophisticated expressions for common ideas (e.g., using "incarceration" instead of "put in prison") can elevate the lexical quality of the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "assuee" appears to be a misspelling of "assure," which impacts clarity. Additionally, the phrase "unlawful acts’s ramifications" is awkward and could be better expressed as "the consequences of unlawful acts." The use of "Harbour" with a capital ‘H’ is also incorrect in this context.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using words that accurately convey their intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and correctness. For example, replacing "the prolonged prison sentence allows inmates to make friends with others" with "long prison sentences may lead inmates to form connections that could facilitate future criminal behavior" would provide clearer meaning. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and peer feedback can also help refine word choice.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "idd" instead of "is," "assuee" instead of "assure," and "surveilance" instead of "surveillance." These mistakes detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should allocate time for proofreading their work before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing regularly and reviewing spelling rules can help solidify correct spelling habits.
By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision, and ensuring correct spelling—the writer can aim for a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion of the IELTS Task 2 essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. For instance, phrases like "Some people assert that the optimum way to reduce it is lengthening prison sentence" demonstrate an attempt at complexity. However, the overall variety is limited, with several sentences following a similar structure. The use of phrases such as "To commence with" and "All things considered" indicates an awareness of discourse markers, but the repetition of certain structures detracts from the overall range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and varied clauses. For example, using subordinate clauses or conditional sentences could add depth. Instead of starting multiple sentences with similar phrases, the writer could experiment with different introductory elements, such as "While some argue that…" or "In contrast to the belief that…".
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "idd" should be "is," and "assuee" should be "assure." Additionally, phrases like "unlawful acts’s ramifications" are awkwardly constructed, and the use of "Harbour" should be lowercase. There are also instances of missing articles, such as "the crime rate" in some contexts. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, affect the clarity of some sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, especially with verb forms and possessive constructions. Practicing sentence structure variations and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement will also help. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding commas and apostrophes, can enhance clarity. It may be beneficial to read the essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument, addressing the noted weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will help elevate the score.
Bài sửa mẫu
**Improved Essay:**
Crime rates have been a contentious issue since they can pose a threat to social order and security. Some people assert that the optimum way to reduce crime is by lengthening prison sentences. Others, however, believe that there are better alternative methods to lower crime rates. This essay shall elaborate on both perspectives, presenting why I concur with the latter.
To commence with, proponents of prolonged imprisonment hold the view that this can help reduce the recidivism rate. After being incarcerated, inmates are often required to participate in rehabilitation programs that can help change their behaviors for the better. Therefore, more time spent in jail can assure that prisoners gain insight into the ramifications of unlawful acts and feel remorseful for their wrongdoings, thus leading to a decline in the recidivism rate. Notwithstanding the benefits of longer jail time, this approach grossly neglects the multifaceted nature of law-breakers. To be more specific, prolonged prison sentences allow inmates to form connections with others, potentially planning crimes to reoffend upon release. As a result, crime rates may increase.
Regarding alternative solutions, providing job opportunities to the imprisoned and strengthening the police force might effectively suppress crime. To begin with, when prisoners are released, they often encounter social discrimination, making it difficult to find employment. Consequently, these ex-prisoners tend to face financial burdens, leading them to reoffend. Another worthy point of note is that improving security measures, such as increasing police presence, surveillance, and actively pursuing criminals, can lead to a decrease in crime rates by instilling fear of the consequences of committing crimes.
All things considered, despite the advantages of extending prison sentences, there are various better approaches to deter crime, such as job provision for prisoners and stricter public security measures. I personally hold the view that each solution should be thoroughly considered before implementation to maximize outcomes.