people do not have enough free time with their families and friends. Why is that? How can it affect on individuals and society?

It is an increasing number of individuals today who do not have enough leisure time with their families and friends. Initially with the development of the world, it make everyone have to learn more in the future. One reason why people lack of free time with their relatives is the grow of knowledge. That means the studying way is never end and reach more knowledge is the important way to improve our self and it also bring to us the aware ness of every thing in the world. Therefore, both more they have to spend time learning new lessons and practices. Another reason cause that problem become a trend is the stressful of income for daily life. In other words, people now have to face to face many issue about money that can come from food, water or the electricity. As a result, it takes them more time to work and make money for daily life to their relationship of Because that problem can affect their relationship or Because they spend all their time studying or making money, so that it could be reduced the relation ship from their friends and also wrote has bad consequence them. Thus, it could not be the best way to improve the relationship. Another effect of the lack of time for families and friends is the stressful. That means they are always studying or working so those it could be limit the communication way and entertainment with relative such as communication, playing video games or watching movies.
In conclusion, both the amount of we have to spend more time with families and friends to balance time in your life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is an increasing number of individuals today who do not have enough leisure time with their families and friends." -> "Increasingly, many individuals today lack sufficient leisure time with their families and friends."
Explanation: The revised phrase "Increasingly, many individuals today lack sufficient leisure time" is more concise and uses more formal language, improving the academic tone of the sentence.
"Initially with the development of the world, it make everyone have to learn more in the future." -> "As the world develops, it necessitates everyone’s increased learning in the future."
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The revised version corrects the grammatical structure and uses more formal language, enhancing clarity and precision.
"the grow of knowledge" -> "the growth of knowledge"
Explanation: "Grow" is a verb, whereas "growth" is the noun form, which is correct in this context.
"the studying way is never end" -> "the learning process is never-ending"
Explanation: "The studying way" is an awkward and incorrect phrase. "The learning process" is the correct term, and "never-ending" is the appropriate adverbial form.
"reach more knowledge" -> "acquire more knowledge"
Explanation: "Reach" is not the correct verb in this context; "acquire" is the appropriate verb for gaining knowledge.
"it also bring to us the aware ness of every thing in the world" -> "it also brings us awareness of everything in the world"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.
"both more they have to spend time learning new lessons and practices" -> "they must spend more time learning new lessons and practicing"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and improves readability.
"Another reason cause that problem become a trend" -> "Another reason causing this trend"
Explanation: "Cause" should be "causing" for grammatical correctness, and "that problem become a trend" is awkwardly phrased; "this trend" is more direct and clear.
"the stressful of income for daily life" -> "the stress of making a living"
Explanation: "The stressful of income" is incorrect; "the stress of making a living" is a more precise and formal expression.
"face to face many issue about money" -> "face numerous financial issues"
Explanation: "Face to face many issue about money" is awkward and incorrect. "Face numerous financial issues" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"it takes them more time to work and make money for daily life to their relationship" -> "it takes them more time to work and earn a living, affecting their relationships"
Explanation: The original phrase is convoluted and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and improves formality.
"Because that problem can affect their relationship or Because they spend all their time studying or making money, so that it could be reduced the relation ship from their friends and also wrote has bad consequence them." -> "This problem can affect their relationships, or they spend all their time studying or working, leading to reduced relationships and negative consequences."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects these issues and clarifies the meaning.
"the stressful" -> "stress"
Explanation: "The stressful" is incorrect; "stress" is the correct noun form.
"it could be limit the communication way and entertainment with relative" -> "it limits communication and entertainment with relatives"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.
"In conclusion, both the amount of we have to spend more time with families and friends to balance time in your life." -> "In conclusion, it is essential to allocate time to balance relationships with family and friends."
Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The revision is clearer and maintains formal academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both parts of the prompt: the reasons why people lack free time and the effects of this lack on individuals and society. However, the explanations are vague and lack depth. For instance, the mention of "the grow of knowledge" and "the stressful of income" are not clearly articulated or supported with specific examples. The connection between these reasons and their effects on relationships is also not sufficiently developed.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should clearly define each reason and effect. Providing specific examples or statistics to support claims would enhance the argument. For instance, discussing how long working hours or educational pressures specifically impact family time could add depth.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and consistent position. While it mentions reasons and effects, the overall stance on the issue is muddled. Phrases like "it could be reduced the relationship" are unclear and detract from the argument. The conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points or reiterate the position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. Using clear topic sentences for each paragraph can help guide the reader and reinforce the main argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For example, the claim that stress affects communication is mentioned but not elaborated upon. The essay does not provide concrete examples or evidence to illustrate how these stresses manifest in daily life.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples. For instance, discussing how a long workday might prevent family dinners or social outings would provide clarity and depth. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help in extending ideas logically.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic. For instance, the phrase "the amount of we have to spend more time with families and friends to balance time in your life" is confusing and does not clearly relate back to the prompt. The structure of sentences often leads to ambiguity, making it difficult to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each sentence contributes directly to answering the prompt. Regularly revisiting the prompt while writing can help keep the essay on track. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and coherence before submission can help eliminate off-topic statements.

Overall, to improve the essay’s band score, the writer should focus on clarity, coherence, and depth of argumentation, ensuring that all parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed with specific examples and a consistent position.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 9

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the context for the discussion about the lack of leisure time. The body paragraphs each focus on distinct reasons for this issue, such as the pursuit of knowledge and financial stress. However, there are instances where the logical flow is disrupted, particularly in the transition between ideas. For example, the connection between the stress of income and its impact on relationships could be articulated more clearly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For instance, phrases like "Furthermore," or "In addition," can help link ideas more cohesively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph attempts to address a specific aspect of the prompt. However, some paragraphs are overly lengthy and contain multiple ideas that could be better expressed in separate paragraphs. For example, the discussion on financial stress and its effects on relationships could be split into two distinct paragraphs for clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for a clear structure where each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by examples or explanations. This not only enhances readability but also allows for a more in-depth exploration of each point. Consider using a standard structure: a topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "as a result," and "another reason." However, the range is limited, and some transitions feel forced or awkward, which can disrupt the flow of ideas. For example, the phrase "Because that problem can affect their relationship" is confusing and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "consequently," "on the other hand," or "in contrast" to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately and enhance clarity rather than complicate the sentence structure.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents relevant points, focusing on logical organization, effective paragraphing, and a broader range of cohesive devices will significantly enhance coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempts to use varied vocabulary, such as "leisure time," "development," and "stressful." However, the range is limited, with frequent repetition of basic terms like "time," "money," and "relationship." For example, phrases like "lack of free time" and "spending time" are used multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "time," alternatives like "leisure hours," "free hours," or "downtime" could be employed. Additionally, exploring phrases like "financial pressures" instead of "stressful of income" would elevate the lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the grow of knowledge," which should be "the growth of knowledge." Similarly, "the aware ness of every thing" is awkward and should be rephrased to "awareness of everything." These inaccuracies can confuse the reader and detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary choices and ensuring they fit the context. For example, instead of "the stressful of income," a more precise phrase would be "financial stress." Engaging in vocabulary exercises or using a thesaurus can help in selecting more appropriate terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "aware ness" (should be "awareness"), "the grow" (should be "the growth"), and "stressful" (which should be "stress"). These errors not only affect readability but also suggest a lack of attention to detail.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt strategies such as proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and engaging in spelling exercises can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay presents some relevant ideas, the lexical resource is limited by a narrow range of vocabulary, imprecise word choices, and spelling errors. By expanding vocabulary, improving precision, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can significantly elevate their score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For example, phrases like "people lack of free time with their relatives" and "it make everyone have to learn more" reflect basic structure but lack complexity. The use of conjunctions is inconsistent, and many sentences are overly long or convoluted, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "people now have to face to face many issue about money," you could say, "As people increasingly confront various financial issues, such as those related to food and utilities, they find themselves with less time for family and friends." Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help in creating more varied structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "it make everyone have to learn more" should be "it makes everyone have to learn more," and "the grow of knowledge" should be "the growth of knowledge." Additionally, phrases like "the aware ness of every thing" contain spacing errors, and the sentence "it takes them more time to work and make money for daily life to their relationship of" is incomplete and unclear. Punctuation is often missing or misused, leading to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and article usage. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing with exercises can help solidify these concepts. For punctuation, ensure that each sentence is properly structured, using commas to separate clauses and periods to end complete thoughts. Reading essays or articles can also help in understanding proper punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt, enhancing grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve clarity and coherence. Regular practice and feedback are essential for development in these areas.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is an increasing number of individuals today who do not have enough leisure time with their families and friends. Initially, with the development of the world, it makes everyone have to learn more in the future. One reason why people lack free time with their relatives is the growth of knowledge. That means the studying process is never-ending, and acquiring more knowledge is the important way to improve ourselves. It also brings us awareness of everything in the world. Therefore, they must spend more time learning new lessons and practicing.

Another reason causing this trend is the stress of making a living. In other words, people now have to face numerous financial issues that can come from food, water, or electricity. As a result, it takes them more time to work and earn a living, affecting their relationships. This problem can affect their relationships, or they spend all their time studying or working, leading to reduced relationships and negative consequences. Thus, it may not be the best way to improve their connections.

Another effect of the lack of time for families and friends is stress. This means they are always studying or working, which could limit communication and entertainment with relatives, such as talking, playing video games, or watching movies.

In conclusion, it is essential to allocate time to balance relationships with family and friends.