People in many countries are spending less time with their family.What are the reasons, and effects of this?

Over the past decade, there has been an ongoing concerning trend in the restriction of time for family.Although often debated, it is believed that long-term consequences of this alarming phenomenon will be felt at the societal level.This essay will prove this correlation by demonstrating and analyzing the resultant lack of family bond and the potential thread in sentimental terms after first examining some underlying causes of the growing tendency.
The negligibly low amount of time spent for family could be ascribed to a number of reasons.Firstly, the fast pace of life in the modern world sweeps people away in its current of hectic schedules, resulting in a reduction in meetings for family members.In fact, there is plenty of economic pressures which often require individuals to work extended hours or hold multiple jobs, meaning that those would eventually limit their time with their family.Secondly, the rise of technology and social media has wrapped their tentacles around their family members and make them be more involved in in the virtual world which can divert human attention away from face-to-face family connections.
In the long run, the detriments of this trend are severe.One of the most prominent negative repercussions is the lack in family bond that will inevitably ensue.In other words, weakened family connections would compromise emotional support and foster feelings of loneliness which could pose a thread to human emotional development and overall well-being.Moreover, the restriction of quality family time might contribute to depression as individuals miss out on opportunities for relaxation, communication and mutual support within the family unit.
In conclusion, due to the daily busy lifestyle and electronic entertainment, the family time seems to shrink which lead to weakened family bonds and sentimental problems.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"concerning trend" -> "concerning trend"
Explanation: The word "concerning" is redundant when used with "trend," as "trend" inherently implies a direction or movement. Removing "concerning" maintains the intended meaning while enhancing the formal tone.
"often debated" -> "frequently discussed"
Explanation: "Often debated" is somewhat informal and vague. "Frequently discussed" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"alarming phenomenon" -> "concerning phenomenon"
Explanation: "Alarming" carries an emotional connotation that is less appropriate in academic writing. "Concerning" is neutral and maintains a formal tone.
"lack of family bond" -> "weakening of family bonds"
Explanation: "Lack of family bond" is grammatically incorrect and vague. "Weakening of family bonds" is grammatically correct and more precise.
"potential thread" -> "potential threat"
Explanation: "Thread" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "threat," which is the correct term for a danger or risk.
"negligibly low amount of time" -> "significantly reduced amount of time"
Explanation: "Negligibly low" is awkward and unclear. "Significantly reduced" is more direct and appropriate for formal writing.
"sweeps people away" -> "sweeps individuals away"
Explanation: "People" is too informal for academic writing; "individuals" is more formal and precise.
"wrapped their tentacles around" -> "enveloped"
Explanation: "Wrapped their tentacles around" is metaphorical and informal. "Enveloped" is a more formal and precise term for describing the influence of something.
"make them be more involved in" -> "involve them more in"
Explanation: "Make them be more involved in" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Involve them more in" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"lack in family bond" -> "lack of family bonds"
Explanation: "Lack in family bond" is grammatically incorrect. "Lack of family bonds" is grammatically correct and maintains the plural form necessary for the context.
"pose a thread" -> "pose a threat"
Explanation: "Thread" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "threat," which is the correct term for a danger or risk.
"due to the daily busy lifestyle" -> "due to the daily busy lifestyle"
Explanation: This is a typographical error and should be corrected to "due to the daily busy lifestyle" to maintain the correct punctuation.
"electronic entertainment" -> "electronic media"
Explanation: "Entertainment" is too broad and informal for this context. "Electronic media" is more specific and appropriate for discussing the impact of technology on family time.
"which lead to" -> "which leads to"
Explanation: "Lead" should be in the singular form "leads" to agree with the singular subject "time."

These changes enhance the formal tone, improve grammatical accuracy, and clarify the meaning of the essay, making it more suitable for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying reasons for the decline in family time, such as the fast pace of life and the influence of technology. The author also discusses the effects of this trend, particularly the weakening of family bonds and potential emotional issues. However, while the reasons are presented, the effects could be explored in greater depth. For instance, the mention of "depression" is somewhat vague and could benefit from further elaboration or examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics to illustrate the reasons and effects discussed. Additionally, addressing a wider range of effects, such as impacts on children’s development or societal implications, would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the reduction of family time is a concerning trend with significant negative consequences. The introduction sets this tone effectively, and the conclusion reiterates the main points. However, the phrase "this essay will prove this correlation" is somewhat assertive and could be softened to reflect a more analytical approach.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author could use more neutral language and ensure that each paragraph reinforces the main argument. Additionally, including transitional phrases that link the reasons and effects more explicitly would help in maintaining a cohesive argument throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas regarding the reasons for reduced family time and its effects. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, the discussion on technology lacks specific examples of how it detracts from family interactions. The effects mentioned are valid but could be further developed with more detailed explanations or examples.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to provide concrete examples or anecdotes that illustrate the points made. Additionally, expanding on the implications of weakened family bonds with more detailed analysis would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons and effects of reduced family time. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly convoluted, such as "the potential thread in sentimental terms," which may confuse the reader and detract from the main focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should aim for clearer and more straightforward language. Avoiding overly complex phrases and ensuring that each sentence directly relates to the topic will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, a brief outline at the beginning could help clarify the structure and main points to be discussed.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents relevant ideas, but there is room for improvement in depth, clarity, and support for the arguments made.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the points to be discussed. The body paragraphs are logically organized, with the first addressing the reasons for reduced family time and the second discussing the effects. However, the transition between the introduction and the body could be smoother, as the connection between the causes and effects is somewhat abrupt. For instance, the phrase "this essay will prove this correlation" could be more effectively linked to the subsequent paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the introduction to the body. For example, after stating the intention to discuss causes and effects, you could add a sentence that links the two sections, such as "Understanding the reasons behind this trend is crucial to grasping its potential consequences." This would create a more seamless transition and reinforce the relationship between the points being made.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with a clear distinction between the introduction, body, and conclusion. Each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, which aids in clarity. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of the paragraph. For example, the first sentence of the second body paragraph could be more direct in stating that the effects of reduced family time are detrimental.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For instance, you could start the second body paragraph with, "The effects of reduced family time are profound and multifaceted." This approach not only clarifies the focus of the paragraph but also aids the reader in following the argument more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Moreover," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, there is some repetition in the use of these devices, and the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive phrases. For example, the phrase "in the long run" is effective, but using alternatives like "over time" or "ultimately" could enhance variety and maintain reader engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a broader range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "Firstly" and "Secondly," you could use "To begin with" and "In addition" for the reasons section. Additionally, using phrases like "Consequently" or "As a result" when discussing effects can help to clearly indicate the relationship between ideas and improve overall cohesion.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "concerning trend," "economic pressures," and "emotional support." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks sophistication. For example, the phrase "fast pace of life" is common, and alternatives such as "accelerated lifestyle" could enhance the lexical variety. Additionally, the phrase "wrapped their tentacles" is a creative metaphor but may not be the most appropriate choice in this context, as it can imply a negative connotation that might not align with the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and more advanced expressions. Utilizing a thesaurus can help identify alternatives that convey the same meaning but with greater variety. Incorporating idiomatic expressions or less common vocabulary related to family dynamics and societal changes could also enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can confuse the reader. For example, the term "thread" in "potential thread in sentimental terms" appears to be a typographical error for "threat," which changes the meaning significantly. Additionally, the phrase "the restriction of time for family" could be more clearly articulated as "the reduction of family time" to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch typographical errors and ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed accurately. Furthermore, practicing the use of contextually appropriate vocabulary in sentences can help solidify understanding and application of precise terms.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "thread" instead of "threat" and "negligibly" which may not fit the context. While the overall spelling is fairly accurate, these errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can lead to misinterpretation of the ideas presented.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps through exercises that focus on commonly misspelled words or through the use of spell-check tools. Reading extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts. Additionally, revisiting and proofreading the essay multiple times before submission can help catch and correct these errors.

By addressing these areas of lexical resource, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as, "Although often debated, it is believed that long-term consequences of this alarming phenomenon will be felt at the societal level." This showcases the ability to use subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the second paragraph where several sentences begin with "Firstly" and "Secondly," which can lead to a monotonous rhythm. Additionally, phrases like "the fast pace of life in the modern world sweeps people away in its current of hectic schedules" could be restructured for more impact.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider varying the use of introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting with "Firstly" or "Secondly," you could use participial phrases or questions to engage the reader. Additionally, incorporating more compound-complex sentences could enhance the essay’s fluidity and complexity. For instance, merging shorter sentences into longer ones can create a more sophisticated narrative flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "the restriction of time for family" should be "the restriction of time spent with family," which clarifies the subject. The phrase "there is plenty of economic pressures" is incorrect; it should be "there are plenty of economic pressures" to match the plural noun. Additionally, punctuation errors such as missing spaces after periods (e.g., "family.Although") detract from the overall readability of the essay. The use of "thread" instead of "threat" is another example of a spelling error that affects clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement and ensure that plural nouns are matched with the correct verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can also be beneficial. For punctuation, ensure that there is a space after each period and that commas are used appropriately to separate clauses. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation mistakes, allowing for corrections before submission.

By addressing these points, the essay can achieve a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially raising the overall band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Over the past decade, there has been an ongoing concerning trend regarding the reduction of time spent with family. Although this issue is frequently discussed, it is believed that the long-term consequences of this alarming phenomenon will be felt at the societal level. This essay will demonstrate this correlation by analyzing the resultant lack of family bonds and the potential threat to emotional well-being, after first examining some underlying causes of this growing tendency.

The significantly reduced amount of time spent with family can be attributed to a number of reasons. Firstly, the fast pace of life in the modern world sweeps individuals away in its current of hectic schedules, resulting in fewer opportunities for family gatherings. In fact, there are considerable economic pressures that often require individuals to work extended hours or hold multiple jobs, which ultimately limits their time with family. Secondly, the rise of technology and social media has enveloped family members, making them more involved in the virtual world, which can divert attention away from face-to-face family connections.

In the long run, the detriments of this trend are severe. One of the most prominent negative repercussions is the weakening of family bonds that will inevitably ensue. In other words, diminished family connections would compromise emotional support and foster feelings of loneliness, which could pose a potential threat to human emotional development and overall well-being. Moreover, the lack of quality family time might contribute to depression, as individuals miss out on opportunities for relaxation, communication, and mutual support within the family unit.

In conclusion, due to the daily busy lifestyle and the influence of electronic media, family time seems to be shrinking, which leads to weakened family bonds and emotional challenges.