People living in the 21st century have a better life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Life has improved a lot in every aspect since the day we were born. Some argue that life is better now than what others experienced in the previous generations. Nevertheless, I am of the opinion that everything has its own value and advantages.

When mentioning about the modern days, there are obviously lots of improvements in our daily aspects. First of all, education is one of the most upgraded sections compared to the past. With more well-developed physical infrastructures and effective modern methods, education is not only accessible but also decent. Moreover, the impact of technology on modern life is also significantly positive. With the emergence of social platforms come the increased connectivity among people from different cultural backgrounds. In addition, more remote work opportunities are offered to people, creating more flexible lifestyles.

On the other hand, drawbacks still exist in such development in the modern society. First and foremost, people are more prone to mental issues including anxiety, depression and loneliness. Since the advances of technology, social isolation takes place more often since people feel like they are having the right to criticize others on the Internet. The second drawback of life in the 21st century is the rising population. Better health care and other services lead to the increase in world’s population. However, with such large population, lack of space and shortage of resources can be a forthcoming threat in general.

In conclusion, while the century we are living in may be beneficial with lots of improvements in educational, entertaining and medical aspects, it is still disadvantageous in terms of mental issues and overpopulation.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Life has improved a lot in every aspect since the day we were born." -> "Life has witnessed significant advancements across various dimensions since our birth."
Explanation: Replacing "improved a lot" with "witnessed significant advancements" elevates the language by using a more precise and formal expression.
"Some argue that life is better now than what others experienced in the previous generations." -> "Some contend that contemporary life surpasses the experiences of previous generations."
Explanation: Substituting "better now than what others experienced" with "surpasses the experiences" enhances the formality of the statement.
"Nevertheless, I am of the opinion that everything has its own value and advantages." -> "Nevertheless, I believe that each aspect possesses inherent value and advantages."
Explanation: Changing "of the opinion" to "believe" and restructuring the sentence provides a more formal and concise expression.
"When mentioning about the modern days, there are obviously lots of improvements in our daily aspects." -> "Regarding the present era, numerous enhancements are evident in various aspects of our daily lives."
Explanation: Replacing "mentioning about" with "Regarding" and restructuring the sentence improves formality and clarity.
"First of all, education is one of the most upgraded sections compared to the past." -> "Primarily, education stands out as a significantly enhanced domain compared to the past."
Explanation: Substituting "most upgraded sections" with "significantly enhanced domain" adds precision and formality to the description.
"Moreover, the impact of technology on modern life is also significantly positive." -> "Furthermore, the influence of technology on contemporary life is undeniably positive."
Explanation: Replacing "Moreover" with "Furthermore" and adjusting the sentence structure contributes to a more formal tone.
"With the emergence of social platforms come the increased connectivity among people from different cultural backgrounds." -> "The emergence of social platforms has facilitated heightened connectivity among individuals from diverse cultural backgrounds."
Explanation: Rearranging the sentence and replacing "come" with "has facilitated" enhances the formality and clarity of the expression.
"On the other hand, drawbacks still exist in such development in the modern society." -> "However, challenges persist in the development of modern society."
Explanation: Substituting "On the other hand" with "However" improves the transitional flow, and rephrasing the sentence enhances formality.
"First and foremost, people are more prone to mental issues including anxiety, depression and loneliness." -> "Primarily, individuals are increasingly susceptible to mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and loneliness."
Explanation: Changing "First and foremost" to "Primarily" and specifying "mental issues" instead of "mental issues including" contribute to a more formal and precise expression.
"Since the advances of technology, social isolation takes place more often since people feel like they are having the right to criticize others on the Internet." -> "Due to technological advances, social isolation has become more prevalent as individuals feel entitled to criticize others on the Internet."
Explanation: Clarifying the cause-effect relationship and using "Due to" instead of "Since" enhance both clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Quoted text: "Nevertheless, I am of the opinion that everything has its own value and advantages."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction lacks a clear statement of the writer’s position regarding whether life in the 21st century is better than in previous centuries. It’s essential to establish a clear stance in the introduction to guide the essay’s direction. Consider explicitly stating whether you agree, disagree, or hold a balanced view on the prompt to enhance clarity for the reader. For instance, you might state, "While acknowledging the advancements in modern life, I believe that the quality of life in previous centuries had its own merits that cannot be overlooked."
- Improved example: "While acknowledging the advancements in modern life, I believe that the quality of life in previous centuries had its own merits that cannot be overlooked. I will explore both the benefits of the current era and the advantages of past generations in this essay."
Quoted text: "Since the advances of technology, social isolation takes place more often since people feel like they are having the right to criticize others on the Internet."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The explanation of the drawbacks in the 21st century lacks specificity and depth. To enhance the development of ideas, consider providing more concrete examples or elaborating on how technology-driven criticism contributes to social isolation. For instance, you could discuss cyberbullying, the impact of negative online comments on mental health, or how virtual interactions may lack empathy and understanding. Elaborate on these points to bolster the depth of your argument.
- Improved example: "The proliferation of technology has facilitated instances of cyberbullying, where individuals feel entitled to criticize others online without considering the consequences. This behavior not only contributes to social isolation but also adversely affects mental health. For example, studies have shown that continuous exposure to negative comments or cyberbullying can significantly impact an individual’s self-esteem and well-being, leading to increased feelings of loneliness and anxiety."

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents both positive and negative aspects of life in the 21st century, enhancing the clarity of the writer’s position in the introduction and providing more specific examples to support drawbacks would strengthen the essay’s argumentation and development of ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. The introduction provides an overview of the topic, expressing a balanced view. The body paragraphs effectively discuss both the positive and negative aspects of life in the 21st century. There is a reasonable use of cohesive devices, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The writer uses transitions well to connect ideas within and between sentences. Paragraphing is generally appropriate, with a clear central topic presented in each paragraph.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer can consider incorporating more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices to strengthen the logical connection between ideas. Additionally, ensuring a more consistent use of paragraphing throughout the essay will further improve its overall organization. Careful attention to referencing and substitution can help eliminate any potential repetitiveness and strengthen the overall cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. It effectively uses less common lexical items, such as "well-developed physical infrastructures" and "social isolation," contributing to a relatively diverse vocabulary. There is awareness of style and collocation, evident in phrases like "the impact of technology on modern life" and "drawbacks still exist in such development." While occasional errors in word choice and collocation occur, they are not pervasive, and the vocabulary used is generally appropriate to the task.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource, the writer could incorporate a more varied range of sophisticated vocabulary and ensure precise word choices consistently. Additionally, a careful proofreading to eliminate minor errors in word formation and collocation would further elevate the lexical control. Striving for a more seamless integration of less common lexical items and maintaining a consistent focus on accuracy would contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation with a variety of complex structures, such as the use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence forms. There are frequent error-free sentences, showcasing the writer’s control over language. However, there are some errors present, particularly in the use of verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. Despite these errors, they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. Additionally, a more thorough proofreading can help identify and correct minor errors. Striving for greater precision in language use will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Life has witnessed significant advancements across various dimensions since our birth. Some contend that contemporary life surpasses the experiences of previous generations. Nevertheless, I believe that each aspect possesses inherent value and advantages.

Regarding the present era, numerous enhancements are evident in various aspects of our daily lives. Primarily, education stands out as a significantly enhanced domain compared to the past. With more well-developed physical infrastructures and effective modern methods, education is not only accessible but also decent.

Furthermore, the influence of technology on contemporary life is undeniably positive. The emergence of social platforms has facilitated heightened connectivity among individuals from diverse cultural backgrounds. In addition, more remote work opportunities are offered to people, creating more flexible lifestyles.

However, challenges persist in the development of modern society. Primarily, individuals are increasingly susceptible to mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, and loneliness. Due to technological advances, social isolation has become more prevalent as individuals feel entitled to criticize others on the Internet.

In conclusion, while the century we are living in may be beneficial with lots of improvements in educational, entertaining, and medical aspects, it is still disadvantageous in terms of mental issues and overpopulation.