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People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In this day and age, there is some uncertainty about whether the standard of living in the 21st century surpasses that of previous eras. In my opinion, I agree that people in most parts of the world today enjoy a better lifestyle than those in the past.

First and foremost, the progress achieved in the realm of medical sciences has played a pivotal role in enhancing the global populace's quality of life. It is an indisputable fact that revolutionary pharmaceutical developments, encompassing vaccines, antibiotics, and other efficacious medical treatments, have redefined the once insurmountable boundaries of health challenges. Consequently, the burden of illnesses has been alleviated and the prognosis for life-threatening diseases has significantly improved, thereby making noteworthy contributions to enhanced healthcare and overall well-being. A notable illustration of this progress is evident in the case of HIV, wherein individuals can now lead lives that are virtually indistinguishable from those unaffected by the virus, a stark contrast to the high fatality rate experienced in the past.

Moreover, it is worth noting that the 21st century has witnessed remarkable advancements in the realm of education, which have undeniably contributed to the betterment of humanity. Specifically, the transformation of educational methodologies has engendered the development of critical thinking aptitudes and the cultivation of creative capabilities among learners. In the contemporary educational landscape, emphasis is placed not solely on knowledge acquisition, but also on the nurturing of analytical proficiencies and the encouragement of innovative initiatives. Consequently, this has led to the emergence of a highly adept and competent young workforce in present times. Additionally, the widespread availability of information via the internet has bestowed individuals with an extensive repertoire of learning resources at their disposal. E-learning platforms and online courses, in particular, have effectively democratized access to high-quality education, formerly confined to urban locales, by extending its reach to students residing in remote areas.
In conclusion, I believe that the current century has witnessed a significant elevation in the overall standard of living, surpassing that of the preceding eras.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In this day and age" -> "In the contemporary era"
    Explanation: Replacing the colloquial expression "In this day and age" with the more formal "In the contemporary era" aligns with academic style, conveying a sense of time without resorting to informal language.

  2. "whether the standard of living" -> "whether the quality of life"
    Explanation: Substituting "standard of living" with "quality of life" provides a more precise and academic term, enhancing the formality and clarity of the statement.

  3. "I agree that people" -> "I concur that individuals"
    Explanation: Substituting "I agree that people" with "I concur that individuals" imparts a more formal tone to the expression of agreement, employing a synonym that is better suited to academic writing.

  4. "First and foremost" -> "Primarily"
    Explanation: Replacing the informal transition "First and foremost" with the more formal "Primarily" maintains coherence while elevating the overall formality of the essay.

  5. "indisputable fact" -> "undeniable fact"
    Explanation: Substituting "indisputable fact" with "undeniable fact" maintains the strength of the assertion while using a more formal and commonly employed phrase in academic discourse.

  6. "revolutionary pharmaceutical developments" -> "groundbreaking pharmaceutical advancements"
    Explanation: Replacing "revolutionary pharmaceutical developments" with "groundbreaking pharmaceutical advancements" enhances the sophistication of the language, adhering to academic standards.

  7. "efficacious medical treatments" -> "effective medical treatments"
    Explanation: Simplifying "efficacious medical treatments" to "effective medical treatments" maintains clarity while avoiding unnecessary complexity, aligning better with academic writing principles.

  8. "burden of illnesses" -> "prevalence of illnesses"
    Explanation: Substituting "burden of illnesses" with "prevalence of illnesses" provides a more precise and academically appropriate term, enhancing the essay’s formal tone.

  9. "prognosis for life-threatening diseases" -> "outlook for life-threatening diseases"
    Explanation: Changing "prognosis for life-threatening diseases" to "outlook for life-threatening diseases" maintains the meaning while utilizing a more formal and widely accepted term in academic contexts.

  10. "A notable illustration of this progress is evident in the case of HIV" -> "An illustrative example of this advancement is evident in the context of HIV"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a more formal and expansive expression, aligning with the academic style of the essay.

  11. "lead lives that are virtually indistinguishable" -> "live lives that are nearly indistinguishable"
    Explanation: Replacing "lead lives" with "live lives" and adjusting the adverb "virtually" to "nearly" maintains precision and formality in the description.

  12. "it is worth noting" -> "it is noteworthy"
    Explanation: Substituting "it is worth noting" with "it is noteworthy" enhances the formality of the expression, adhering to academic writing conventions.

  13. "21st century has witnessed remarkable advancements" -> "21st century has experienced significant advancements"
    Explanation: Replacing "witnessed remarkable" with "experienced significant" provides a more formal and nuanced description of advancements, aligning with academic language expectations.

  14. "undoubtedly contributed to the betterment of humanity" -> "undeniably contributed to the improvement of human welfare"
    Explanation: Substituting "betterment of humanity" with "improvement of human welfare" conveys a similar meaning while using a more formal and precise phrase.

  15. "contemporary educational landscape" -> "current educational landscape"
    Explanation: Changing "contemporary" to "current" maintains clarity and aligns with academic language conventions.

  16. "solely on knowledge acquisition" -> "solely on acquiring knowledge"
    Explanation: Adjusting the word order from "knowledge acquisition" to "acquiring knowledge" maintains the meaning while improving the formality of the expression.

  17. "analytical proficiencies and the encouragement of innovative initiatives" -> "analytical skills and the promotion of innovative initiatives"
    Explanation: Substituting "proficiencies" with "skills" and "encouragement" with "promotion" contributes to a more formal and concise expression without sacrificing clarity.

  18. "a highly adept and competent young workforce" -> "an adept and competent young workforce"
    Explanation: Removing the intensifier "highly" streamlines the sentence without compromising on the intended meaning, enhancing the formality of the statement.

  19. "formerly confined to urban locales" -> "previously limited to urban areas"
    Explanation: Replacing "formerly confined to urban locales" with "previously limited to urban areas" maintains precision and formality in the description.

  20. "by extending its reach to students residing in remote areas" -> "by expanding access to students in remote areas"
    Explanation: Substituting "extending its reach" with "expanding access" provides a more concise and academically appropriate expression, improving the overall formality of the sentence.

  21. "In conclusion, I believe that the current century" -> "In conclusion, I contend that the present century"
    Explanation: Replacing "I believe" with "I contend" imparts a more formal tone to the conclusion, aligning with academic writing conventions.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a thorough understanding of the prompt, addressing both the positive and negative aspects of the statement. It acknowledges the uncertainty surrounding the topic and presents a clear stance that aligns with the agreement, supporting it with relevant arguments.
    • How to improve: While the essay effectively addresses all parts of the question, consider enhancing the introduction by providing a concise roadmap of the key points to be discussed in the body paragraphs.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistently clear position throughout, explicitly stating agreement with the idea that people in the 21st century have a better quality of life. The position is well-developed and directly aligned with the essay’s central theme.
    • How to improve: No significant improvement is needed in this aspect. However, to elevate the essay further, consider incorporating a counterargument in one of the body paragraphs to demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay excels in presenting, extending, and supporting ideas. It provides well-developed arguments related to medical advancements and educational progress, offering specific examples and illustrations. The ideas are relevant, thoroughly elaborated, and effectively supported.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider incorporating a bit more complexity in sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate a high level of proficiency in language use.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic, effectively discussing the advancements in medical sciences and education as factors contributing to a better quality of life in the 21st century. However, there is a slight deviation in the introduction where uncertainty about the standard of living is mentioned but not explored further.
    • How to improve: To further improve, ensure that every part of the introduction aligns closely with the main argument, providing a more detailed exploration of the uncertainties mentioned initially.

In summary, this essay is well-crafted, demonstrating a strong command of language and effectively addressing the key components of the prompt. To elevate it further, consider refining the introduction and incorporating a nuanced counterargument while maintaining the high level of language proficiency and clarity evident throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mostly coherent arrangement of ideas with a clear overall structure. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by well-developed body paragraphs that discuss medical advancements and educational improvements. The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs to create a smoother flow. Ensure that the progression of ideas is seamless, reinforcing the relationship between each point and the overall argument.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates the appropriate and effective use of paragraphs. Each paragraph contains a clear central idea, and the sequencing of ideas is logical. The essay structure contributes to the overall coherence of the response.
    • How to improve: While the paragraphing is strong, ensure that the topic sentences of each paragraph are explicit and act as a roadmap for the content within. This will further enhance the reader’s understanding of the essay’s organization.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays flexible use of cohesive devices, contributing to overall coherence. However, there are instances where the use of these devices may be slightly inaccurate or could benefit from additional clarity. Examples include transitions between ideas and within sentences.
    • How to improve: To elevate the score, refine the use of cohesive devices, paying particular attention to transitions. Ensure that the relationship between sentences is evident, making it easier for the reader to follow the progression of ideas. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures for added cohesion.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a solid foundation in coherence and cohesion, fine-tuning the transitions between ideas and sentences will contribute to a more polished and seamlessly organized response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable use of a broad and varied vocabulary, contributing to a nuanced and expressive discourse. For instance, phrases such as "indisputable fact," "insurmountable boundaries," and "prognosis for life-threatening diseases" showcase a sophisticated lexical repertoire.
    • How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, consider incorporating more domain-specific terminology related to the essay’s subject matter. For instance, specifying the names of certain medical advancements or educational methodologies can add specificity and depth to your vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: While the vocabulary used is generally precise, there are instances where certain word choices could be more fitting. For example, the phrase "undeniably contributed" might be refined for greater precision. Nonetheless, overall, the precision in vocabulary usage is at a level characteristic of Band 8.
    • How to improve: To refine precision, scrutinize your word choices for each context, ensuring that they align precisely with the intended meaning. Consider consulting a thesaurus to explore alternative words that may convey your ideas with even greater accuracy.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy, with only occasional errors that minimally impact communication. The errors present do not impede comprehension or hinder the overall effectiveness of the essay.
    • How to improve: Maintain a vigilant proofreading routine, focusing on commonly misspelled words or those specific to your topic. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools to catch any overlooked errors.

In summary, your essay has earned a Band Score of 8 for Lexical Resource, reflecting a strong command of vocabulary with only minor areas for refinement. Continue to diversify your vocabulary, strive for even greater precision in word choices, and maintain the high standard of spelling accuracy demonstrated in this essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of complex and compound sentences, effectively contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, the author employs complex sentences to elaborate on medical advancements, stating, "Consequently, the burden of illnesses has been alleviated and the prognosis for life-threatening diseases has significantly improved…" This complexity enhances the essay’s depth and articulation.
    • How to improve: While the essay demonstrates a strong command of sentence structures, consider introducing more complex sentence structures strategically. For instance, experimenting with conditional sentences or rhetorical questions can further elevate the sophistication of the writing.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is predominantly free from grammatical errors, with only minor instances noted. For example, the phrase "there is some uncertainty about whether" could be refined to "there is uncertainty about whether," eliminating unnecessary words. Additionally, consider revising the sentence "In my opinion, I agree that people in most parts of the world today enjoy a better lifestyle than those in the past" for conciseness.
    • How to improve: Maintain vigilance in eliminating unnecessary words for conciseness. Additionally, proofread for subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tense throughout the essay.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally well-managed throughout the essay, contributing to its overall clarity. Commendably, there are no major errors in punctuation usage. For instance, the use of commas in the sentence "Encompassing vaccines, antibiotics, and other efficacious medical treatments" is accurate and aids in delineating the list items.
    • How to improve: Continue to pay attention to nuanced punctuation marks, such as semicolons and colons, to enhance the variety and sophistication of punctuation. Additionally, ensure consistency in punctuation usage, especially in complex sentences, to avoid any potential confusion.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, earning a well-deserved Band Score of 8. To enhance further, focus on strategic integration of complex sentence structures, meticulous proofreading for grammatical accuracy, and refining punctuation usage for added sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, there is some uncertainty about whether the quality of life in the 21st century surpasses that of previous centuries. I concur that individuals in most parts of the world today enjoy a better lifestyle than those in the past.

Primarily, groundbreaking pharmaceutical advancements have played a pivotal role in enhancing the global populace’s quality of life. It is an undeniable fact that revolutionary developments in vaccines, antibiotics, and other effective medical treatments have redefined the once insurmountable boundaries of health challenges. Consequently, the burden of illnesses has been alleviated, and the outlook for life-threatening diseases has significantly improved, making noteworthy contributions to enhanced healthcare and overall well-being. An illustrative example of this advancement is evident in the context of HIV, wherein individuals can now live lives that are nearly indistinguishable from those unaffected by the virus—a stark contrast to the high fatality rate experienced in the past.

Moreover, it is noteworthy that the 21st century has experienced significant advancements in the realm of education, undeniably contributing to the improvement of human welfare. Specifically, the transformation of educational methodologies has shifted the focus from solely acquiring knowledge to emphasizing analytical skills and promoting innovative initiatives among learners. Consequently, this has led to the emergence of an adept and competent young workforce in present times. Additionally, the widespread availability of information via the internet has expanded access to education, previously limited to urban areas, by reaching students in remote areas through e-learning platforms and online courses.

In conclusion, I contend that the present century has undeniably contributed to the improvement of human welfare, witnessing a significant elevation in the overall standard of living, surpassing that of the preceding eras.

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