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People living in the 21st have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People living in the 21st have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Opinions vary on whether the standard of living has become higher in comparison to the previous centuries. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly concur with this assertion due to advancements in healthcare and education.

To begin with, my compelling justification for my viewpoint is the improvement of people's health. A century ago, numerous illnesses such as smallpox or malaria were often deemed life-threatening because of inadequate disease prevention and the limitations in medical research and treatment at that time. However, in recent years, with the advancement of medical science, various medicines have been introduced such as new vaccines and antibiotics in order to enhance the quality of human well-being and increase years of their life span.

Furthermore, another rationale for supporting this argument is that the general population in this century also derives benefits from a finer education. First, a growing number of schools and universities have been established over the world over 100 years. Moreover, with technology, various forms of learning have emerged such as online platforms or video recording. As a result, more students can have a chance to access education with fewer financial and geographic constraints. In addition, increasing education standards contribute to making life better in the 21st century. Innovative educational methods employed in both teaching and learning undergo constant testing and application. This can facilitate the knowledge and skills students possess and result in a qualified workforce that forms the foundation for a nation's economic prosperity. A stronger, and more sustainable economy is, finally, one of the key factors contributing to a superior quality of life compared to the past.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that the standard of living in the 21st century has become better compared to the previous centuries thanks to the improvement of people's well-being and finer education which yields long-term economic benefits.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Opinions vary on whether the standard of living has become higher in comparison to the previous centuries." -> "Opinions vary on whether the standard of living has improved compared to previous centuries."
    Explanation: Replacing "higher" with "improved" maintains formality and precision in expressing the enhancement of the standard of living over time.

  2. "From my perspective, I wholeheartedly concur with this assertion due to advancements in healthcare and education." -> "From my perspective, I strongly agree with this assertion owing to advancements in healthcare and education."
    Explanation: Replacing "wholeheartedly concur" with "strongly agree" maintains the formality of the language, eliminating an overly informal expression.

  3. "A century ago, numerous illnesses such as smallpox or malaria were often deemed life-threatening because of inadequate disease prevention and the limitations in medical research and treatment at that time." -> "A century ago, numerous illnesses, such as smallpox or malaria, were often considered life-threatening due to insufficient disease prevention and the limitations in medical research and treatment of that era."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using "considered" instead of "deemed" contributes to a more formal tone.

  4. "However, in recent years, with the advancement of medical science, various medicines have been introduced such as new vaccines and antibiotics in order to enhance the quality of human well-being and increase years of their life span." -> "However, in recent years, with the advancement of medical science, various medicines, such as new vaccines and antibiotics, have been introduced to enhance the quality of human well-being and increase their lifespan."
    Explanation: Simplifying the sentence structure and using commas for better readability while maintaining a formal style.

  5. "First, a growing number of schools and universities have been established over the world over 100 years." -> "Firstly, an increasing number of schools and universities have been established worldwide over the past century."
    Explanation: Using "firstly" for clarity and rephrasing for conciseness and precision.

  6. "Moreover, with technology, various forms of learning have emerged such as online platforms or video recording." -> "Moreover, with technological advancements, various forms of learning have emerged, including online platforms and video recording."
    Explanation: Clarifying the connection between technology and learning methods and using "including" for better enumeration.

  7. "As a result, more students can have a chance to access education with fewer financial and geographic constraints." -> "Consequently, more students now have the opportunity to access education with reduced financial and geographic constraints."
    Explanation: Substituting "can have a chance" with "now have the opportunity" for a more formal expression and refining the sentence for precision.

  8. "Innovative educational methods employed in both teaching and learning undergo constant testing and application." -> "Innovative educational methods employed in both teaching and learning are subject to ongoing testing and application."
    Explanation: Refining the sentence structure for academic formality and clarity.

  9. "A stronger, and more sustainable economy is, finally, one of the key factors contributing to a superior quality of life compared to the past." -> "Finally, a stronger and more sustainable economy is one of the key factors contributing to a superior quality of life compared to the past."
    Explanation: Removing unnecessary commas and improving sentence structure for a smoother flow.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the main parts of the prompt, discussing both healthcare and education. However, there is a slight imbalance, with more emphasis on healthcare. The reference to "advancements in healthcare and education" could be expanded with more specific details related to education.
    • How to improve: To improve, provide a more balanced treatment of healthcare and education. Elaborate on the advancements in education with specific examples, such as technological innovations and the impact on accessibility and quality of education.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and developed position throughout, expressing strong agreement with the idea that the quality of life has improved in the 21st century. The stance is evident in the introduction and consistently supported in the body paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To enhance, consider anticipating potential counterarguments and addressing them to strengthen the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay successfully presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides relevant examples, such as advancements in medicine and the expansion of educational opportunities, to bolster the argument. The ideas are well-developed and contribute to a cohesive response.
    • How to improve: To further excel, consider providing even more depth in the examples given and connecting them explicitly to the overall thesis. This can involve discussing specific breakthroughs in healthcare or notable educational reforms.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is mostly relevant to the prompt, with a focus on healthcare and education. However, there are instances where the connection to the prompt could be more explicit, especially in the conclusion where economic prosperity is introduced as a key factor.
    • How to improve: To improve, ensure that every point made directly ties back to the prompt. In the conclusion, explicitly connect the economic benefits discussed to the overall improvement in the quality of life in the 21st century.

Overall Feedback: This essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt, presenting a well-organized argument with clear support. To elevate the score, aim for a more balanced treatment of all aspects of the prompt and delve deeper into examples to provide a more nuanced and thorough analysis. Additionally, explicitly connecting all points back to the prompt will further strengthen the essay’s overall coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization with a clear progression of ideas throughout. Each paragraph presents a distinct argument, with a smooth transition between them. For instance, the introduction clearly states the viewpoint, and subsequent paragraphs delve into supporting reasons, creating a cohesive structure.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining the connection between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly builds upon the previous one, creating a seamless progression of ideas. Additionally, pay attention to the balance of information distribution among paragraphs to maintain a consistent and well-paced argument.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs, with mostly logical sequencing of ideas within each. Each paragraph introduces and develops a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to overall coherence. However, there are instances where the sequencing could be further improved for a more seamless transition between ideas.
    • How to improve: To refine paragraph structure, ensure that the opening sentence of each paragraph clearly introduces the main idea, and subsequent sentences provide supporting details. Additionally, consider employing transitional phrases or sentences to strengthen the connection between paragraphs, fostering a smoother transition of ideas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a flexible use of cohesive devices, contributing to overall coherence. However, there are occasional inaccuracies or instances where the amount of cohesive devices may be inappropriate, affecting the flow. Instances of cohesive devices include the use of conjunctions, pronouns, and lexical cohesion.
    • How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, review the essay for consistency in the application of linking words and pronouns. Ensure that these devices are used accurately to establish clear relationships between ideas. Additionally, consider diversifying the types of cohesive devices employed to add variety and sophistication to the essay’s overall cohesion.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Coherence and Cohesion, there is room for improvement in refining the connection between paragraphs, enhancing the sequencing of ideas, and ensuring the accurate and varied use of cohesive devices. Paying careful attention to these aspects will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision. It incorporates terms such as "compelling justification," "advancements in healthcare," and "innovative educational methods." However, there is room for improvement as certain terms could be more varied and nuanced. For example, the repetition of "advancement" in both healthcare and education could be replaced with more specific terms to enhance lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: To elevate your vocabulary to a Band 7 level, strive for greater diversity in word choice. Instead of relying on general terms like "advancement," consider using more specific and varied vocabulary. For instance, you could replace "advancement in medical science" with terms like "medical breakthroughs" or "technological strides in healthcare."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally conveys its meaning clearly, but there are instances where the vocabulary lacks precision. For example, the phrase "numerous illnesses" could be specified to enhance precision. Additionally, the repetition of the word "rationale" may be considered less precise and could be substituted with alternatives like "justification" for greater clarity.
    • How to improve: To move towards a Band 7, focus on precision in your vocabulary. Instead of using broad terms like "numerous illnesses," specify the illnesses you are referring to. Also, vary your language to avoid repetition, opting for synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of frequently using "rationale," consider using "justification" or other suitable alternatives.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable level of spelling accuracy with few errors. The errors present do not significantly detract from the overall clarity of the content. The use of correct spelling enhances the professionalism and coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the spelling is generally accurate, continue to pay attention to details. To maintain and improve your spelling accuracy, proofread your work meticulously. Consider using spelling and grammar tools to catch any minor errors that may have been overlooked. Consistent attention to spelling will further enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex ones. For instance, the author utilizes both compound and complex sentences effectively, contributing to a mature and sophisticated writing style. However, there is room for improvement in terms of flexibility, as some sentence structures appear slightly repetitive. For example, the use of introductory phrases or clauses can be diversified for a more nuanced expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating a wider array of sentence structures. Experiment with different types of subordinate clauses, such as relative clauses or adverbial clauses, to add depth and complexity to your sentences. Additionally, vary the placement of introductory elements within sentences to achieve greater flexibility and eloquence.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only occasional minor errors. These errors do not significantly impede comprehension, and the majority of sentences are well-constructed. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement or pronoun reference could be refined for more precision.
    • How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in complex sentences. Ensure that pronouns have clear antecedents to prevent ambiguity. Proofreading the essay thoroughly for these specific aspects can help eliminate minor errors and elevate the overall grammatical precision.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally well-controlled punctuation. Most punctuation marks are appropriately used, contributing to the overall clarity of the writing. However, there are a few instances where the placement of commas could be refined for more effective communication. Specifically, there are occasions where a comma splice or a missing comma after introductory elements affects the flow.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining the use of commas, especially in situations involving introductory elements or coordinating independent clauses. Be mindful of avoiding comma splices by either using a coordinating conjunction or separating the clauses into distinct sentences. Additionally, consider the nuances of punctuation in complex sentences to enhance overall clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions differ on whether the standard of living has improved compared to previous centuries. From my perspective, I strongly agree with this assertion owing to advancements in healthcare and education.

A century ago, several illnesses, like smallpox or malaria, were often life-threatening due to insufficient disease prevention and limitations in medical research and treatment of that era. However, in recent years, with the advancement of medical science, various medicines such as new vaccines and antibiotics have been introduced to enhance human well-being and increase lifespan.

Moreover, an increasing number of schools and universities have been established worldwide over the past century. With technological advancements, various forms of learning have emerged, including online platforms and video recordings. Consequently, more students now have the opportunity to access education with reduced financial and geographic constraints. Innovative educational methods used in teaching and learning are constantly tested and applied.

Finally, a stronger and more sustainable economy is one of the key factors contributing to a superior quality of life compared to the past.

In summary, I strongly believe that the standard of living in the 21st century has improved compared to previous centuries due to advancements in healthcare, enhanced educational opportunities, and a more robust economy. These factors collectively contribute to a better quality of life for people today.

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