People think that video games are not good for both adults and children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The assertion that video games are harmful to both children and adults is a generalization I disagree with. While it is true the excesive gaming can lead to addiction, sedentary behavior, and poor academic or professional perforance, these issues stem from a lack of moderation rather than the games themselves.

When played in moderation, video games can offer significant benefits. They enhance cognitive skills like problem-solving, spatial awareness, and decision making. For example, puzzle games such as 'Portal' challenge players to solve intricate problems, improving analytical thinking. Video games also provide stress relief and entertainment, offering an escape from daily pressures. Multiplayer games and online communities facilitate social interaction, helping players from friendships and community ties. During the Covid-19 pandemic, online gaming was crucial in maintaining social connections.

Additionally, educational games, such as 'Minecraf: Education Edition' and 'Civilization', make learning engaging and interactive, fostering a deeper understanding of subjects like history, science and mathematic. From personal experience, strategy games have improved my planning and resource management skills, while multiplayer game have enhance my teamwork and communication abilities

In conclusion, while excessive gaming can be detrimental, video games, when played in moderation, offer cognitive, social, and educational benefits, making them a positive and enriching activity for both children and adults.

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Errors and Improvements:

"excesive gaming" -> "excessive gaming"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling from "excesive" to "excessive" ensures accuracy and maintains formal language standards.
"perforance" -> "performance"
Explanation: Rectifying "perforance" to "performance" addresses a typographical error, enhancing the clarity and professionalism of the text.
"stress relief" -> "stress relief"
Explanation: The term "stress relief" is appropriate; no change needed.
"players from friendships" -> "players form friendships"
Explanation: Replacing "from" with "form" corrects the grammatical error and improves clarity, indicating that players establish friendships through gaming.
"have enhance" -> "have enhanced"
Explanation: Changing "have enhance" to "have enhanced" maintains grammatical correctness by using the past participle form of the verb "enhance" to agree with the auxiliary verb "have."
"Minecraf: Education Edition" -> "Minecraft: Education Edition"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling from "Minecraf" to "Minecraft" ensures accuracy in referencing the specific game.
"mathematic" -> "mathematics"
Explanation: Replacing "mathematic" with "mathematics" provides the correct plural form of the subject, maintaining formal language usage.
"strategy games have improved my planning and resource management skills, while multiplayer game have enhance my teamwork and communication abilities" -> "strategy games have improved my planning and resource management skills, while multiplayer games have enhanced my teamwork and communication abilities"
Explanation: Adding "s" to "game" to make it plural ("multiplayer games") ensures grammatical correctness and agreement with the subject "strategy games."
"making them a positive and enriching activity for both children and adults" -> "rendering them a positive and enriching pursuit for both children and adults"
Explanation: Replacing "activity" with "pursuit" elevates the language and aligns with formal writing style, emphasizing the seriousness and significance of engaging with video games.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt by presenting arguments both in agreement and disagreement with the statement that video games are harmful to both adults and children. It acknowledges potential negative effects but argues that moderation is key and emphasizes the benefits of video games.
- How to improve: While the essay covers all parts of the question, it could enhance its response by providing a brief overview of the opposing viewpoint at the beginning to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that video games are not inherently harmful but can be beneficial when played in moderation. Each paragraph consistently supports this stance by providing examples of the positive effects of gaming.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, the essay could explicitly state its position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion to ensure the reader understands the writer’s viewpoint from start to finish.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas by offering specific examples and explanations. It elaborates on the cognitive, social, and educational benefits of gaming and provides personal experiences to illustrate these points.
- How to improve: To enhance the depth of analysis, the essay could incorporate additional research or statistics to bolster its arguments and provide a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the effects of video games on both adults and children and the extent to which they are harmful or beneficial. However, there is a slight deviation towards the end when discussing the positive aspects of gaming without directly addressing their relevance to adults and children separately.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt and clarifies how it applies to both adults and children, avoiding tangential discussions that may detract from the main argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, it could further improve its structure, clarity, and depth of analysis to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, progressing logically from discussing potential harms to acknowledging benefits. For instance, the introduction sets up the argument by addressing the prompt statement, followed by paragraphs that present arguments against the assertion, and then counterarguments supporting the benefits of video games. This logical progression aids the reader in following the argument coherently.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider refining the transition between paragraphs to ensure a seamless flow of ideas. For instance, using transitional phrases like "Moreover" or "Furthermore" can strengthen the connection between arguments and enhance coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas and arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, with clear topic sentences introducing the main idea. For example, the paragraph discussing the benefits of video games for cognitive skills begins with a clear statement: "When played in moderation, video games can offer significant benefits."
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph maintains unity and coherence by focusing on a single aspect of the argument. Additionally, consider varying the length of paragraphs to create a more dynamic rhythm and engage the reader effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and enhance coherence. Transition words and phrases such as "while," "additionally," and "in conclusion" are used effectively to guide the reader through the argumentative structure. Furthermore, cohesive devices like pronouns ("these issues") and repetition ("video games") help reinforce key concepts and maintain coherence within paragraphs.
- How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of conjunctions and adverbs to establish different relationships between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to the consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay to ensure seamless coherence and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "assertion," "moderation," "intricate," "fostering," and "detrimental." These words contribute to the depth and sophistication of the argument presented.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating specialized terminology related to gaming psychology or educational theory to bolster the argument. For instance, discussing concepts like "flow state" in gaming or "scaffolding" in educational game design could enrich the analysis.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary precisely, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, terms like "sedentary behavior," "cognitive skills," and "stress relief" are used accurately to articulate specific aspects of the argument.
- How to improve: While the vocabulary usage is generally precise, ensure consistency in terminology throughout the essay. For example, if discussing the negative impacts of gaming, maintain clarity by using terms like "adverse effects" or "negative repercussions" to avoid any ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is satisfactory, with no glaring errors detracting from comprehension. Key terms like "excessive," "performance," and "mathematics" are spelled correctly.
- How to improve: To maintain spelling accuracy, consider employing proofreading techniques such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools to catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common gaming terminology to ensure accurate spelling in specialized vocabulary related to the topic.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong grasp of vocabulary and spelling, contributing to its coherence and clarity. Continuing to diversify and refine vocabulary usage while maintaining spelling accuracy will further elevate the quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are utilized effectively throughout the essay. There is a good balance between straightforward statements and more complex constructions, enhancing readability and engagement. For instance, the author employs complex sentences like "While it is true that excessive gaming can lead to addiction, sedentary behavior, and poor academic or professional performance, these issues stem from a lack of moderation rather than the games themselves." This sentence structure allows for the exploration of multiple ideas within a single sentence, contributing to the overall coherence and depth of the argument.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s structural variety, consider incorporating more rhetorical devices such as parallelism, rhetorical questions, or conditional clauses. Introducing varied sentence beginnings and lengths can also add dynamism to the prose.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy. Verb conjugation, tense consistency, and subject-verb agreement are maintained proficiently. Punctuation marks are used appropriately to convey meaning and enhance clarity. For instance, the author correctly employs commas to separate items in a list and to indicate introductory phrases. However, there are minor instances where articles (e.g., "the" or "an") are omitted or where prepositions could be more precisely used. For example, "during the Covid-19 pandemic" could be revised to "amidst the Covid-19 pandemic" for added clarity and formality.
- How to improve: To further refine grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to article usage and preposition selection. Reviewing these elements during the proofreading phase can help eliminate any overlooked errors. Additionally, expanding vocabulary and idiomatic expressions can enhance the sophistication of the language and further elevate the essay’s quality.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, contributing to its cohesive structure and clarity of communication. With continued attention to detail and further refinement of language skills, the author can elevate the essay’s linguistic sophistication even further.

Bài sửa mẫu

The notion that video games are harmful to both children and adults is a generalization I disagree with. While it is true that excessive gaming can lead to addiction, sedentary behavior, and poor academic or professional performance, these issues stem from a lack of moderation rather than the games themselves.

When played in moderation, video games can offer significant benefits. They enhance cognitive skills like problem-solving, spatial awareness, and decision-making. For example, puzzle games such as ‘Portal’ challenge players to solve intricate problems, improving analytical thinking. Video games also provide stress relief and entertainment, offering an escape from daily pressures. Multiplayer games and online communities facilitate social interaction, helping players form friendships and community ties. During the Covid-19 pandemic, online gaming was crucial in maintaining social connections.

Additionally, educational games, such as ‘Minecraft: Education Edition’ and ‘Civilization’, make learning engaging and interactive, fostering a deeper understanding of subjects like history, science, and mathematics. From personal experience, strategy games have improved my planning and resource management skills, while multiplayer games have enhanced my teamwork and communication abilities.