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People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary society, it is undeniable that choosing a career path is among the pivotal aspects of an individual's life. Therefore, many people believe that it is more necessary to make an early plan for their future and pursue it rather than changing jobs regularly. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will discuss the reasons as to why I completely disagree with this viewpoint.
On the one hand, the notion that an individual can persist in a single occupation throughout their lifetime is unrealistic. That is to say, for young people, choosing a job which is most suitable with their abilities is inappropriate as they lack sufficient experiences to fully comprehend all their aptitudes and grasp understanding about their career prospects. Furthermore, when people reach a certain age, their creativity and adaptability will diminish, which can lead to less opportunity to develop themselves, even their enthusiasm for jobs can be challenging to sustain. Especially with the rapid development of technology, there are more and more current jobs being predicted to be replaced by automatic devices. As a result, it is exceedingly difficult to ascertain whether a particular job can stick closely with somebody throughout her or his life.
On the other hand, changing jobs can bring people numerous benefits. Precisely, by immersing themselves in diverse roles, they will receive more valuable experiences and improve their understanding about jobs’ market. Thus, this can help employees understand themselves and pursue another job which can satisfy their needs. In addition, thanks to facing more challenges, they will have a more mature mindset, exhilaration and motivation to reach their goal.
To recapitulate, it is impossible for any person to ensure that their abilities can satisfy all the requirements of their job in the future. Therefore, putting themselves in various roles is necessary as it can bring them more opportunities to develop their overall skills, as well as to be successful in their life.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "many people believe" -> "many individuals assert"
    Explanation: Replacing "many people believe" with "many individuals assert" adds formality to the statement by using a more assertive and sophisticated term.

  2. "In the forthcoming paragraphs" -> "In the following paragraphs"
    Explanation: The phrase "In the forthcoming paragraphs" is slightly formal; however, using "In the following paragraphs" maintains formality while being more concise.

  3. "That is to say" -> "Namely"
    Explanation: Substituting "That is to say" with "Namely" contributes to a more formal and concise expression of the idea.

  4. "abilities and grasp understanding" -> "abilities and comprehend"
    Explanation: Replacing "grasp understanding" with "comprehend" streamlines the language without sacrificing clarity, enhancing the academic tone.

  5. "when people reach a certain age" -> "as individuals age"
    Explanation: Changing "when people reach a certain age" to "as individuals age" introduces a more formal and precise construction.

  6. "enthusiasm for jobs can be challenging to sustain" -> "sustaining enthusiasm for employment becomes challenging"
    Explanation: Rewording "enthusiasm for jobs can be challenging to sustain" to "sustaining enthusiasm for employment becomes challenging" maintains the meaning while using more formal language.

  7. "there are more and more current jobs being predicted to be replaced" -> "an increasing number of contemporary jobs are anticipated to be replaced"
    Explanation: The substitution enhances formality by using a more precise and grammatically sound structure.

  8. "it is exceedingly difficult" -> "it is extremely challenging"
    Explanation: Changing "it is exceedingly difficult" to "it is extremely challenging" maintains emphasis while employing a more formal term.

  9. "stick closely with somebody" -> "remain consistent for someone"
    Explanation: Replacing "stick closely with somebody" with "remain consistent for someone" introduces a more formal and precise expression.

  10. "exhilaration" -> "excitement"
    Explanation: Substituting "exhilaration" with "excitement" maintains the positive tone while using a more common and suitable term in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will discuss the reasons as to why I completely disagree with this viewpoint."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction establishes your stance on the topic, which is good. However, it would be more effective if you briefly outlined the main points you will discuss in the essay. This would provide a clearer roadmap for readers to follow your argument, enhancing the essay’s structure and coherence.
    • Improved example: "In the following discussion, I will detail my reasons for strongly opposing this perspective. I will delve into the limitations of adhering to a single career path early in life, emphasizing the benefits of exploring varied job roles and the skill development associated with this approach."
  2. Quoted text: "Furthermore, when people reach a certain age, their creativity and adaptability will diminish, which can lead to less opportunity to develop themselves, even their enthusiasm for jobs can be challenging to sustain."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This argument is a crucial point but lacks detailed development. To strengthen this idea, elaborate on how creativity and adaptability may decline with age and why this impacts sustaining enthusiasm for a single job. Providing a concrete example or personal experience could make this argument more compelling.
    • Improved example: "As individuals age, there can be a natural decline in cognitive flexibility and adaptability. For instance, studies suggest that older adults may find it harder to adapt to rapidly changing work environments due to cognitive rigidity. This reduced adaptability may lead to a lack of enthusiasm for a stagnant job, hindering personal growth and career satisfaction. Anecdotal evidence from my own family illustrates how my elder relative struggled to adapt to technological changes in his workplace, affecting his enthusiasm and job satisfaction."
  3. Quoted text: "Precisely, by immersing themselves in diverse roles, they will receive more valuable experiences and improve their understanding about jobs’ market."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While discussing the benefits of changing jobs, it’s important to elaborate further on the types of valuable experiences individuals gain. Specify how diverse roles contribute to a deeper understanding of the job market. Providing a practical example or a scenario would reinforce this argument’s credibility.
    • Improved example: "Exploring diverse roles exposes individuals to varying work cultures, challenges, and skillsets, fostering a well-rounded professional. For instance, someone who transitions from a marketing role to a customer service position not only hones interpersonal skills but gains insights into different facets of the business. This comprehensive understanding of the job market aids in making informed career choices and leveraging skills for personal advancement."

Overall, the essay effectively presents a clear counterargument against the idea of sticking to a single career path. To improve, focus on providing more detailed examples, personal experiences, or hypothetical scenarios to bolster the arguments and enrich the content’s depth. Remember to ensure a clear and structured flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, with clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, presenting the topic and the author’s stance. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, with appropriate referencing and substitution. The essay maintains a central topic within each paragraph, contributing to clarity.

However, there are instances of overuse of certain cohesive devices, which slightly affects the overall cohesion. For example, there is repetition in the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand." While this helps in signaling different perspectives, diversifying the language could enhance cohesion further.

Paragraphing is generally logical, but there are minor lapses in the flow of ideas. The transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to strengthen cohesion. Despite these issues, the essay exhibits a commendable level of coherence and cohesion overall.

How to improve:

  1. Diversify cohesive devices: Use a variety of transition words and phrases to avoid repetitive structures and enhance overall cohesion.
  2. Refine paragraph transitions: Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs by explicitly connecting ideas and maintaining a clear flow of thought.
  3. Check for overuse: Be mindful of overusing certain phrases or cohesive devices that may slightly impact the essay’s cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, showcasing less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The candidate employs various expressions and vocabulary to discuss the topic, indicating flexibility in language use. However, occasional errors in word choice and spelling are present, affecting precision and fluency.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource further, focus on refining word choice for precision. Review and revise for spelling and word formation accuracy to minimize occasional errors, thereby boosting the overall impact and clarity of the essay. Additionally, strive for more nuanced vocabulary incorporation to elevate the sophistication of the language used.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and generally maintains good control over grammar and punctuation. There are, however, a few errors present that slightly affect the overall accuracy. The writer effectively uses a mix of simple and complex sentences to convey their ideas, showcasing a good range of structures. The vocabulary is diverse, contributing to the overall fluency of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to sentence structures, ensuring that complex sentences are constructed with precision. Additionally, careful proofreading is advised to catch and rectify minor errors and inconsistencies, such as the use of plural pronouns like "their" when referring to a singular noun. Achieving greater clarity in expression can further elevate the essay’s overall quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, it is undeniable that choosing a career path is among the pivotal aspects of an individual’s life. Therefore, many individuals assert that it is more necessary to make an early plan for their future and pursue it rather than changing jobs regularly. In the following paragraphs, I will discuss the reasons as to why I completely disagree with this viewpoint.

On the one hand, the notion that an individual can persist in a single occupation throughout their lifetime is unrealistic. Namely, for young people, choosing a job which is most suitable with their abilities is inappropriate as they lack sufficient experiences to fully comprehend all their aptitudes and grasp understanding about their career prospects. Furthermore, as individuals age, their creativity and adaptability will diminish, making it extremely challenging to sustain enthusiasm for employment. Especially with the rapid development of technology, an increasing number of contemporary jobs are anticipated to be replaced by automatic devices. As a result, it is exceedingly difficult to ascertain whether a particular job can remain consistent for someone throughout their life.

On the other hand, changing jobs can bring people numerous benefits. Precisely, by immersing themselves in diverse roles, they will receive more valuable experiences and improve their understanding about the job market. Thus, this can help employees understand themselves and pursue another job that can satisfy their needs. In addition, thanks to facing more challenges, they will have a more mature mindset, excitement, and motivation to reach their goal.

To recapitulate, it is impossible for any person to ensure that their abilities can satisfy all the requirements of their job in the future. Therefore, putting themselves in various roles is necessary as it can bring them more opportunities to develop their overall skills, as well as to be successful in their life.

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