People who read for pleasure in their free time have a better imagination than those who prefer to watch TV. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People who read for pleasure in their free time have a better imagination than those who prefer to watch TV.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Reading has been a popular hobby around the world for centuries, while recent society prefers to watching television. Some people believe that television provides visual imagination and ideas which they can use to develop themself. This essay shows agreement on the both views.
One of the main roles of many people suppose that reading is a more effective way to imagine. When we read, we have to create visual imagery ourselves. If someone read science fiction, their imaginations are constantly working to envision all the interesting things in the unknown world and fantastical with no limitations. The more we read, the more our brain roams all over, free to create all sorts of wonders because our imagination will become more and more powerful and developing. In addition, reading a lot of books help people learn patience if they want to succeed in fully exploring something. These visual methods provide a number of opportunities to promote their imagination.
On the other hand, a TV show is to keep individuals visually entertained and offer all information in a short time. For instance, when we watched common TV programs contain fashionable humor which can make viewers laugh. By watching TV, they can improve communication skills as well as knowledge. To elaborate, due to visual effects and vocal presentation one can learn how to pronounce more words than just look on the page in the books. What is more, with the topic of globalization and multicuturalism, media shows allow folk to live global life in a high-dimension perspective, especially for children who want to be artists in the future.
In conclusion, reading books or watching television all help people increase their imagination, provide knowledge and expand their new vocabulary.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "recent society prefers to watching television" -> "recently, society has come to prefer watching television"
   Explanation: The phrase "recent society prefers" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The revised version corrects the grammatical structure and adds a temporal marker ("recently") to improve clarity and formality.

2. "visual imagination and ideas which they can use to develop themself" -> "visual imagination and ideas that they can use to develop themselves"
   Explanation: "themself" is a nonstandard and incorrect form. "themselves" is the correct form for the reflexive pronoun, and "that" is the correct relative pronoun to use in this context.

3. "This essay shows agreement on the both views." -> "This essay supports both views."
   Explanation: "shows agreement on the both views" is awkward and incorrect. "Supports both views" is a more direct and academically appropriate way to express agreement with multiple perspectives.

4. "many people suppose that reading is a more effective way to imagine" -> "many individuals believe that reading is a more effective means of imagination"
   Explanation: "suppose" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Believe" is more appropriate, and "means of imagination" is a more precise and formal expression than "way to imagine."

5. "If someone read science fiction, their imaginations are constantly working" -> "When individuals read science fiction, their imaginations are constantly engaged"
   Explanation: "If someone read" is informal and lacks specificity. "When individuals read" is more formal and precise. "Engaged" is a more accurate term than "working" in this context, as it implies active participation.

6. "fantastical with no limitations" -> "fantastical with no bounds"
   Explanation: "with no limitations" is redundant as "fantastical" already implies limitless possibilities. "With no bounds" is a more concise and academically suitable alternative.

7. "reading a lot of books help people learn patience" -> "reading extensively helps individuals develop patience"
   Explanation: "reading a lot of books" is informal and vague. "Reading extensively" is more precise and formal, and "helps individuals develop" is more appropriate than "help people learn."

8. "These visual methods provide a number of opportunities to promote their imagination" -> "These visual methods offer numerous opportunities to enhance their imagination"
   Explanation: "provide a number of opportunities" is somewhat informal and vague. "Offer numerous opportunities" is more precise and formal, and "enhance" is a more specific verb than "promote" in this context.

9. "a TV show is to keep individuals visually entertained" -> "a TV show serves to visually entertain individuals"
   Explanation: "is to keep" is awkward and informal. "Serves to" is a more formal and precise way to express purpose.

10. "fashionable humor which can make viewers laugh" -> "humor that can elicit laughter from viewers"
    Explanation: "fashionable humor" is unclear and informal. "Humor that can elicit laughter" is more precise and formal, and "from" is more appropriate than "which" in this context.

11. "due to visual effects and vocal presentation one can learn how to pronounce more words than just look on the page in the books" -> "thanks to visual and auditory elements, one can learn to pronounce more words than simply reading from the page"
    Explanation: "due to" is less formal than "thanks to," and "vocal presentation" is not a standard term. "Auditory elements" is more precise and formal. "Simply reading from the page" is clearer and more formal than "just look on the page."

12. "What is more, with the topic of globalization and multicuturalism" -> "Furthermore, with the topics of globalization and multiculturalism"
    Explanation: "What is more" is informal and vague. "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase, and "multicuturalism" should be spelled as "multiculturalism" for accuracy.

13. "media shows allow folk to live global life in a high-dimension perspective" -> "media shows enable individuals to experience a global perspective"
    Explanation: "allow folk to live global life in a high-dimension perspective" is awkward and unclear. "Enable individuals to experience a global perspective" is clearer and more formal, and "high-dimension" is not a standard term; "global perspective" is more appropriate.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both reading and watching television as means of developing imagination. However, it lacks a clear stance on the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The introduction suggests agreement with both views but does not clarify the author’s position, which leads to ambiguity. The body paragraphs present arguments for both reading and television but do not effectively weigh the two against each other or provide a definitive conclusion on which is more beneficial for imagination.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly state their position in the introduction and consistently support it throughout the essay. For example, they could assert that reading is more beneficial for imagination and then provide supporting arguments while briefly acknowledging the merits of television without giving it equal weight.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a consistent and clear position. While it mentions agreement with both reading and television, this duality creates confusion about the author’s actual viewpoint. Phrases like "This essay shows agreement on the both views" are vague and do not indicate a strong stance. The conclusion reiterates that both activities help increase imagination but fails to prioritize one over the other.
  • How to improve: The author should adopt a clear position from the beginning and maintain it throughout the essay. They could use phrases like "I strongly believe that…" or "In my opinion, reading is superior because…" to assert their viewpoint more effectively. This would help guide the reader through their argument and reinforce their stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the benefits of reading and watching television, but these ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For instance, the claim that reading enhances imagination is made, but it could be strengthened with specific examples or studies that illustrate this point. Similarly, the discussion of television’s benefits is somewhat superficial and lacks depth.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author should provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, they could discuss specific books that have inspired readers’ imaginations or cite research showing the cognitive benefits of reading. Additionally, they could elaborate on how television can enhance communication skills with concrete examples of programs that achieve this.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing reading and television in relation to imagination. However, some sentences introduce ideas that are not directly relevant to the prompt, such as the mention of "globalization and multiculturalism," which distracts from the main argument. The focus on communication skills and vocabulary development, while related, diverts attention from the core issue of imagination.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. They could outline their main arguments in the introduction and refer back to these points in each paragraph. Additionally, avoiding tangential topics will help keep the essay cohesive and relevant.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the author should clarify their position, develop their arguments with specific examples, and maintain a consistent focus on the topic of imagination as it relates to reading and television.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the introduction states that the essay will show agreement on both views, yet the body paragraphs do not clearly delineate the arguments for each side. The first paragraph focuses on reading, while the second discusses television, but the connection between these points and the overall argument is somewhat weak. The transition from discussing reading to television lacks a clear linking statement that would help the reader follow the argument more seamlessly.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should explicitly state the relationship between the two viewpoints in the introduction. Additionally, using transition phrases such as "Conversely," or "In contrast," at the beginning of the second body paragraph would help clarify the shift in focus. It would also be beneficial to summarize the main points of each paragraph at the end to reinforce the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct idea. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly defined in terms of topic sentences and supporting details. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of reading but lacks a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Similarly, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that guide the reader through the argument being made.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For instance, the first paragraph could start with "Reading enhances imagination by requiring readers to create their own visual imagery." This would provide a clear focus for the paragraph. Additionally, ensuring that each supporting detail directly relates back to the topic sentence will strengthen the coherence of each paragraph.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "In addition" and "On the other hand," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases. For example, the phrase "What is more" is used, but alternatives like "Furthermore" or "Moreover" could enhance the sophistication of the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. This includes using synonyms and varying sentence structures to avoid repetition. Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas within and between paragraphs will improve the overall flow of the essay. For example, using phrases like "This illustrates that…" or "Consequently…" can help clarify relationships between points and enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments for both sides, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By addressing these aspects, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument, potentially raising their band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "visual imagery," "fantastical," and "globalization." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the phrase "visual imagination" appears in a context that could be expressed with more variety, such as "visual creativity" or "imaginative visualization." Additionally, phrases like "help people learn patience" could be enhanced with synonyms or more descriptive language to avoid redundancy.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "imagination," they could use "creativity," "inventiveness," or "fantasy." Engaging with a wider array of reading materials can also expose the writer to different lexical choices, which can be integrated into their writing.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "develop themself" should be "develop themselves," indicating a grammatical error that affects clarity. Additionally, "the both views" is incorrect; the correct phrase would be "both views." The phrase "TV show is to keep individuals visually entertained" could be more precisely stated as "TV shows are designed to entertain viewers visually."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and ensure that phrases are constructed correctly. Regular practice with grammar exercises and peer reviews can help identify and rectify these issues. Furthermore, using a thesaurus to find more appropriate words can aid in achieving precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "multicuturalism," which should be "multiculturalism," and "developing," which is used in a context that suggests a need for a different form, such as "development." These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. Reading more widely can also improve spelling through increased exposure to correctly spelled words.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable effort in vocabulary usage, there are clear areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By actively working on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the sentence "When we read, we have to create visual imagery ourselves" is a complex structure that effectively conveys a clear idea. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures. For example, the phrase "reading is a more effective way to imagine" is straightforward but could be enhanced by using a more varied structure, such as "It can be argued that reading serves as a more effective means of fostering imagination."
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of complex and compound sentences. Incorporating introductory phrases, clauses, and varying the order of subjects and verbs can create a more engaging flow. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "When we read" or "By watching TV," the writer could use transitions like "In contrast," or "Moreover," to introduce new ideas and maintain reader interest.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays several grammatical inaccuracies that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "recent society prefers to watching television" should be corrected to "recent society prefers watching television." Additionally, the sentence "This essay shows agreement on the both views" is awkwardly phrased and should be revised to "This essay agrees with both views." Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on sentence construction can be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for compound sentences, will help in creating clearer and more effective sentences. For instance, the sentence "For instance, when we watched common TV programs contain fashionable humor which can make viewers laugh" could be improved by restructuring it to "For instance, common TV programs that contain fashionable humor can make viewers laugh."

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures and some accurate grammar and punctuation, there are notable areas for improvement. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Reading has been a popular hobby around the world for centuries, while recently society has come to prefer watching television. Some people believe that television provides visual imagination and ideas that they can use to develop themselves. This essay supports both views.

One of the main roles of many people is that reading is a more effective way to imagine. When we read, we have to create visual imagery ourselves. If someone reads science fiction, their imaginations are constantly engaged to envision all the interesting things in the unknown world, which is fantastical with no bounds. The more we read, the more our brains roam freely, creating all sorts of wonders because our imagination becomes more and more powerful and developed. In addition, reading extensively helps individuals develop patience if they want to succeed in fully exploring something. These visual methods offer numerous opportunities to enhance their imagination.

On the other hand, a TV show serves to visually entertain individuals and offers all information in a short time. For instance, when we watch common TV programs, they contain fashionable humor that can elicit laughter from viewers. By watching TV, they can improve communication skills as well as knowledge. To elaborate, thanks to visual and auditory elements, one can learn to pronounce more words than simply reading from the page in books. What is more, with the topics of globalization and multiculturalism, media shows enable individuals to experience a global perspective, especially for children who want to be artists in the future.

In conclusion, reading books or watching television both help people increase their imagination, provide knowledge, and expand their vocabulary.