Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic: The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion mil be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life. You should write at least 250 words. Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.
Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic:
The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion mil be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.
You should write at least 250 words. Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.
The vision of clinging to a single career for the whole life is becoming outdated.Today, it's more typical for individuals to have several careers or extra ways to earn money. This change is occurring because the world is developing quickly, as well as the skills needed to succeed.
Technology is advancing rapidly, and many jobs that exist today may not exist tomorrow. This means people need to keep learning new skills. As a result, it's becoming common to switch careers or take on different jobs over time. For instance,someone might start as a teacher, but then become a writer, and later find and run their own business.
In addition to changing careers, many people are finding new ways to make money outside of a traditional job. This could include free labor, starting a business,or investing. Having multiple sources of income can offer more income and allow people to pursue different interests.
Because of these changes, further education isn't just for young people. Learning throughout life is now essential, whether taking a course, earning a new certification, or picking up new skills on the
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"The vision of clinging to a single career for the whole life" -> "The notion of adhering to a single career throughout one’s life"
Explanation: "Adhering" is more formal and precise than "clinging," which can imply a negative connotation. "Throughout one’s life" is a more formal expression than "for the whole life." -
"Today, it’s more typical" -> "Currently, it is more common"
Explanation: "Currently" is more formal than "Today," and "it is more common" is a more academic way of expressing frequency than "it’s more typical." -
"have several careers or extra ways to earn money" -> "pursue multiple careers or engage in additional income-generating activities"
Explanation: "Pursue multiple careers" and "engage in additional income-generating activities" are more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "have several careers or extra ways." -
"the world is developing quickly" -> "the world is rapidly evolving"
Explanation: "Rapidly evolving" is a more precise and formal way to describe the pace of change, enhancing the academic tone. -
"many jobs that exist today may not exist tomorrow" -> "many occupations that currently exist may become obsolete"
Explanation: "Become obsolete" is a more precise term than "may not exist," which is vague and informal. "Occupations" is also more formal than "jobs." -
"keep learning new skills" -> "continuously acquire new skills"
Explanation: "Continuously acquire" is more formal and specific than "keep learning," which is somewhat informal and vague. -
"someone might start as a teacher, but then become a writer, and later find and run their own business" -> "an individual may begin as a teacher, subsequently transition to a writer, and eventually establish their own business"
Explanation: "An individual" is more formal than "someone," and "subsequently transition to" and "establish their own business" are more precise and formal than "but then become" and "find and run." -
"free labor" -> "volunteer work"
Explanation: "Volunteer work" is a more specific and formal term than "free labor," which can be ambiguous and informal. -
"starting a business,or investing" -> "starting a business or investing"
Explanation: Removing the comma after "business" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more formal and clear. -
"further education isn’t just for young people" -> "further education is no longer limited to young individuals"
Explanation: "Is no longer limited to" is a more formal and precise way to express the change in scope, and "young individuals" is more formal than "young people." -
"Learning throughout life is now essential" -> "Continuing education throughout life is now imperative"
Explanation: "Continuing education" is a more specific term than "Learning," and "imperative" is more formal than "essential." -
"taking a course, earning a new certification, or picking up new skills on the" -> "enrolling in courses, obtaining certifications, or acquiring new skills"
Explanation: "Enrolling in courses," "obtaining certifications," and "acquiring new skills" are more formal and precise than "taking a course," "earning a new certification," and "picking up new skills," which are somewhat informal and vague.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the shift from a single career to multiple careers and the importance of lifelong learning.However, it lacks depth in exploring the implications of this change. For instance, while it mentions that technology is advancing and jobs may disappear, it doesn’t delve into how this affects job security or personal fulfillment. The essay also fails to fully explore the concept of "further education" and its role in this new career landscape.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should expand on the implications of having multiple careers, such as the benefits and challenges associated with this trend. Additionally, providing specific examples of lifelong learning opportunities and how they relate to career changes would enhance the response.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position that multiple careers are becoming the norm, but it lacks a strong, clear thesis statement that encapsulates the argument. The position is somewhat muddled by the lack of a definitive conclusion or a summary of the main points, which makes it difficult for the reader to grasp the writer’s stance fully.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should formulate a strong thesis statement early in the essay and reiterate this position in the conclusion. This would help to unify the argument and remind the reader of the main point throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the necessity of adapting to technological changes and the pursuit of multiple income sources. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient examples or evidence. For example, the mention of someone transitioning from a teacher to a writer lacks detail on how this transition occurs or the skills involved.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should include more specific examples and elaborate on them. For instance, discussing particular skills that are valuable in multiple careers or providing statistics on the rise of freelance work could strengthen the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the shift from single careers to multiple careers and the importance of lifelong learning. However, some sentences could be seen as tangential, such as the brief mention of "free labor," which is not clearly connected to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the central argument. Avoiding vague terms and ensuring that all examples are clearly tied to the main topic will help keep the essay on track.
Overall, the essay needs to be expanded to meet the minimum word count and to provide a more thorough exploration of the topic. By enhancing the depth of analysis, providing clearer examples, and maintaining a consistent position, the writer can improve their score in the Task Response criteria.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear progression of ideas, starting with the outdated notion of a single career and transitioning into the necessity of adapting to multiple careers and continuous learning. Each paragraph builds upon the previous one, maintaining a logical flow. For example, the first paragraph introduces the main idea, while the second elaborates on the implications of technological advancements, and the third discusses alternative income sources. However, the conclusion is missing, which disrupts the overall logical structure.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next and that the essay includes a concluding paragraph that summarizes the main points and reinforces the argument. Consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which aids in clarity. For instance, the first paragraph addresses the shift from single careers, the second discusses the need for continuous learning, and the third explores alternative income sources. However, the absence of a concluding paragraph leaves the essay feeling incomplete.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, include a concluding paragraph that ties all the ideas together, reiterating the thesis and providing a final thought on the topic.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a good range of cohesive devices, such as "in addition to," "as a result," and "for instance," which help to connect ideas and provide examples. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied; for example, the essay predominantly uses simple conjunctions and could benefit from more complex structures.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "consequently," and "on the other hand." This will enhance the fluidity of the essay and improve the reader’s understanding of the relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to avoid redundancy.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, but addressing the noted areas for improvement will help achieve an even higher level of clarity and effectiveness in communication.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "outdated," "typical," "skills," and "investing." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "new skills" and "multiple sources of income," which could be varied for greater impact. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "skills," synonyms like "competencies" or "abilities" could enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and related terms. For example, when discussing "earning money," alternatives such as "generating income" or "monetizing skills" could be utilized. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to career transitions and lifelong learning would strengthen the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "free labor" is vague and misleading; it could imply unpaid work, which may not align with the intended meaning of alternative income sources. Furthermore, the term "extra ways to earn money" lacks specificity and could be more effectively expressed.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should choose words that clearly convey their intended meaning. Instead of "free labor," a more precise term like "volunteering" or "pro bono work" could be used, depending on the context. Additionally, instead of "extra ways to earn money," specifying "side hustles" or "freelancing opportunities" would provide clearer insights into the topic.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "mil" instead of "will," and lacks spaces after commas, which detracts from overall readability. While most words are spelled correctly, these minor errors can impact the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch any mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing regularly can help reinforce correct spelling habits.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, enhancing vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the sentence "Technology is advancing rapidly, and many jobs that exist today may not exist tomorrow" effectively combines two independent clauses with a coordinating conjunction. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence patterns, such as starting multiple sentences with "This means" or "In addition to," which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using more introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "This means," you could use "Consequently," or "As a result," to introduce the implications of the previous statement. Additionally, incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses would add depth to your writing. For example, you could rephrase "Having multiple sources of income can offer more income" to "Having multiple sources of income, which can include investments and freelance work, not only increases financial stability but also allows individuals to explore diverse interests."
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors. For instance, the phrase "the new fashion mil be to have several careers" contains a typographical error ("mil" should be "will"). Additionally, there are instances of missing commas, such as in "For instance,someone might start as a teacher," where a space is needed after the comma. These errors can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Pay particular attention to common errors, such as typos and punctuation placement. Additionally, practicing sentence diagramming can help identify areas where commas are needed, especially in complex sentences. For example, when listing items, ensure that each item is clearly separated by commas. Lastly, consider using grammar-checking tools or apps to catch errors that may be overlooked during manual proofreading.
By addressing these areas for improvement, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy on the IELTS exam.
Bài sửa mẫu
The notion of adhering to a single career throughout one’s life is becoming outdated. Currently, it is more common for individuals to pursue multiple careers or engage in additional income-generating activities. This shift is largely due to the fact that the world is rapidly evolving, along with the skills needed to succeed in various fields.
Technology is advancing at an unprecedented pace, and many occupations that currently exist may become obsolete in the near future. This reality necessitates that people continuously acquire new skills to remain relevant in the job market. Consequently, it is becoming increasingly typical for individuals to switch careers or take on different roles over time. For example, an individual may begin as a teacher, subsequently transition to a writer, and eventually establish their own business.
In addition to changing careers, many people are discovering new ways to earn money outside of traditional employment. This could include volunteer work, starting a business, or investing. Having multiple sources of income can provide financial security and allow individuals to explore diverse interests.
Given these changes, further education is no longer limited to young individuals. Continuing education throughout life is now imperative, whether through enrolling in courses, obtaining certifications, or acquiring new skills. This lifelong learning approach not only enhances personal development but also equips individuals to adapt to the ever-changing job landscape.
In conclusion, the idea of a single career is becoming an old-fashioned concept. Embracing multiple careers and lifelong learning is essential for success in today’s dynamic world.
