Restoration of old buildings in many cities involves enormous government expenditure. It would be more beneficial to spend this money to build new houses and roads. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

The restoration of old buildings in cities often demand significant authority funding. While preserving historical structures is essential, it is more advantageous to utilize this fund to construct new buildings and pavement. From my perspective, I agree that investing money on building more houses and roadways are more beneficial for several reasons that I will mention in this essay.
First of all, spending money on building new place for residents can improve the quality of resident’s life. As urban populations continue to rise, the demand for affordable and accessible apartment increase. By prioritizing money on constructing new houses, government can ensure that more citizens will have chance to access to living condition, which in turn improve the quality of their life. Furthermore, having more house can decrease the amount of money that spend on to own a house.
Secondly, investing fund on roadway can improve the traffic quality and avoid road accident. Nowadays, there are many personal’s vehicle participates which lead to the increased in the frequency of traffic jams. Moreover, on some roads, there are still many potholes, making the possibility of traffic accidents becoming more and more frequent. Therefore, enhancing roadways can reduce an enormous traffic congestion, decreasing travel time and improving the safety while in traffic. Moreover, well planned transportation networks can boost public transit options and encouraging people to use more public transport to reduce the amount of greenhouse gas.
In conclusion, although it is significant to spend money on historical structure for preserving the historical value, it will be more advantageous to invest government fund on houses and pavements.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"demand significant authority funding" -> "require substantial government funding"
Explanation: "Require" is more precise and formal than "demand," and "substantial government funding" is more specific and appropriate for an academic context than "significant authority funding," which is vague and unclear.
"construct new buildings and pavement" -> "construct new buildings and roads"
Explanation: "Pavement" typically refers to the surface material of a road, not the road itself. Using "roads" is more accurate and contextually appropriate.
"investing money on building more houses" -> "investing in the construction of additional housing"
Explanation: "Investing in the construction of additional housing" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "investing money on building more houses."
"spend money on building new place for residents" -> "allocate funds for the construction of new residential spaces"
Explanation: "Allocate funds for the construction of new residential spaces" is more formal and specific, replacing the vague and informal "spend money on building new place for residents."
"increase the demand for affordable and accessible apartment" -> "increase the demand for affordable and accessible apartments"
Explanation: "Apartment" should be plural to match the context of multiple dwellings, and "increase the demand for" is more formal than "increase the demand for a place to live," which is too casual.
"government can ensure that more citizens will have chance to access to living condition" -> "the government can ensure that more citizens have access to improved living conditions"
Explanation: "Have chance to access to living condition" is awkward and incorrect. "Have access to improved living conditions" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"decrease the amount of money that spend on to own a house" -> "reduce the costs associated with homeownership"
Explanation: "Reduce the costs associated with homeownership" is more precise and formal than the awkward and incorrect "decrease the amount of money that spend on to own a house."
"investing fund on roadway" -> "investing in road infrastructure"
Explanation: "Investing in road infrastructure" is more specific and formal than "investing fund on roadway," which is grammatically incorrect and vague.
"participates which lead to the increased in the frequency of traffic jams" -> "vehicles that contribute to increased traffic congestion"
Explanation: "Participates which lead to the increased in the frequency of traffic jams" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Vehicles that contribute to increased traffic congestion" is clearer and more formal.
"making the possibility of traffic accidents becoming more and more frequent" -> "increasing the likelihood of traffic accidents"
Explanation: "Increasing the likelihood of traffic accidents" is more concise and formal than the verbose and awkward original phrase.
"enhancing roadways can reduce an enormous traffic congestion" -> "improving roadways can significantly reduce traffic congestion"
Explanation: "Significantly reduce" is more precise and formal than "reduce an enormous," which is vague and informal.
"well planned transportation networks can boost public transit options and encouraging people to use more public transport" -> "well-planned transportation networks can enhance public transit options and encourage the use of public transport"
Explanation: "Enhance" and "encourage" are more formal and precise than "boost" and "encouraging," and the use of hyphens in "well-planned" is correct for compound adjectives in formal writing.
"it will be more advantageous to invest government fund on houses and pavements" -> "it would be more advantageous to allocate government funds to housing and infrastructure"
Explanation: "Allocate government funds to housing and infrastructure" is more formal and precise than "invest government fund on houses and pavements," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument in favor of spending government funds on new buildings and roads rather than restoring old buildings. The writer acknowledges the importance of historical preservation but ultimately argues that the benefits of new construction outweigh these considerations. However, the essay could have more explicitly stated the extent of agreement or disagreement, as the prompt asks for a specific degree of agreement or disagreement. The phrase "I agree that investing money on building more houses and roadways are more beneficial" suggests a strong agreement, but the lack of nuanced discussion on the balance between restoration and new construction limits the depth of the response.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clarify their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement. Including a brief discussion on the potential benefits of restoration alongside the arguments for new construction could provide a more balanced view and directly address the prompt’s request for the extent of agreement.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that prioritizes new construction over restoration. The writer consistently supports this stance throughout the essay, particularly in the body paragraphs. However, the introduction could be more assertive in stating the position, and the conclusion should reiterate the main argument more emphatically. The phrase "it is significant to spend money on historical structure for preserving the historical value" somewhat dilutes the overall position by introducing a counterpoint without sufficient emphasis on the primary argument.
- How to improve: Strengthening the introduction by clearly stating the degree of agreement and reinforcing the main argument in the conclusion would enhance the clarity of the position. Using phrases like "I strongly believe" or "I firmly disagree" can help convey a more decisive stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of constructing new houses and improving roadways. The first body paragraph effectively discusses the impact on residents’ quality of life, while the second paragraph addresses traffic issues and safety. However, the ideas could be extended further with more specific examples or data to support the claims. For instance, citing statistics on urban population growth or referencing studies on the benefits of improved infrastructure would strengthen the arguments.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to include more detailed examples and evidence. This could involve incorporating real-world examples of cities that have successfully implemented similar projects or statistics that highlight the benefits of new construction over restoration.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of new construction over the restoration of old buildings. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For instance, the mention of "greenhouse gas" in relation to public transport, while relevant, could be better integrated into the overall argument about the benefits of new roadways.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all points made directly support the main argument. Avoiding tangential discussions and ensuring that each point ties back to the central thesis will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, using topic sentences that clearly relate back to the thesis can help maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument, but there are opportunities for improvement in clarity, depth, and focus.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument favoring the construction of new buildings and roads over the restoration of old buildings. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs are structured to support this viewpoint. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition from discussing housing to roadways feels abrupt. The ideas within paragraphs are generally coherent, but the overall organization could benefit from clearer connections between points.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using signposting language to guide the reader through the argument. For example, explicitly stating the transition from discussing housing to roadways with phrases like "In addition to housing, another critical area of investment is…" can help create smoother transitions. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will strengthen the overall structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph addresses housing, while the second focuses on roadways. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first paragraph is relatively longer and more detailed than the second, which may lead to an imbalance in the argument’s presentation.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph is of similar length and depth. This can be achieved by expanding on the ideas in the second paragraph, perhaps by providing specific examples of how improved roadways can benefit urban areas or discussing the economic implications of such investments. Additionally, consider using a concluding sentence in each paragraph that summarizes the main point and links it back to the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "secondly," and "moreover," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "which in turn improve the quality of their life" could be better integrated into the preceding sentence to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "furthermore," "in addition," or "consequently" can help to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help to avoid repetition and improve the overall flow of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph balance, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "restoration," "significant authority funding," and "affordable and accessible apartment." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "spending money" and "investing fund." The use of synonyms could enhance the essay’s lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary related to urban development and historical preservation. For example, instead of repeatedly using "spending money," alternatives like "allocating resources" or "investing capital" could be employed. Additionally, using more specific terms such as "infrastructure" instead of "roadways" could enhance precision and variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "demand significant authority funding," which could be more clearly expressed as "require significant government funding." The phrase "the amount of money that spend on to own a house" is also awkward and unclear, suggesting a lack of precision in word choice.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. For example, instead of "the amount of money that spend on to own a house," a clearer phrasing would be "the costs associated with home ownership." Additionally, reviewing common collocations and ensuring that words are used in their correct contexts will improve the overall clarity of the writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "demand" (should be "demands"), "pavement" (should be "pavements"), "resident’s life" (should be "residents’ lives"), and "the amount of money that spend" (should be "that is spent"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the essay and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing short essays and proofreading them for spelling errors. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or writing software can also help identify mistakes. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them can aid in reducing errors in future writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, refining word choice, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, the sentence "First of all, spending money on building new place for residents can improve the quality of resident’s life" is a straightforward structure that lacks complexity. The use of phrases like "which in turn improve the quality of their life" attempts to introduce a relative clause, but it does not fully capitalize on the potential for more complex structures. Additionally, the essay features several repetitive patterns, such as starting multiple sentences with "Moreover" or "Secondly," which detracts from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses or varied introductory phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Moreover," the writer could use alternatives like "In addition," "Furthermore," or "Additionally," and combine ideas in more complex sentences. Practicing sentence combining exercises and studying examples of varied sentence structures in high-scoring IELTS essays could be beneficial.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "demand significant authority funding" should be "demands significant government funding," as "demand" must agree with the singular subject "restoration." Additionally, phrases like "the amount of money that spend on to own a house" should be corrected to "the amount of money spent to own a house." There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, which can confuse the reader. For instance, "which lead to the increased in the frequency of traffic jams" should be "which leads to an increase in the frequency of traffic jams."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper verb forms, and the correct use of articles. Engaging in grammar exercises that target these areas can help. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used correctly in compound and complex sentences will enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud may also help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly raise the band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

The restoration of old buildings in cities often demands significant government funding. While preserving historical structures is essential, it is more advantageous to utilize this funding to construct new buildings and roads. From my perspective, I agree that investing money in building more houses and roadways is more beneficial for several reasons that I will mention in this essay.

First of all, spending money on building new places for residents can improve the quality of residents’ lives. As urban populations continue to rise, the demand for affordable and accessible apartments increases. By prioritizing funds for constructing new houses, the government can ensure that more citizens have the chance to access improved living conditions, which in turn enhances their quality of life. Furthermore, having more houses can decrease the amount of money spent on homeownership.

Secondly, investing funds in roadways can improve traffic quality and reduce road accidents. Nowadays, there are many personal vehicles on the roads, which leads to an increase in the frequency of traffic jams. Moreover, on some roads, there are still many potholes, making the likelihood of traffic accidents more frequent. Therefore, enhancing roadways can significantly reduce traffic congestion, decreasing travel time and improving safety while on the road. Moreover, well-planned transportation networks can boost public transit options and encourage people to use public transport, which helps to reduce greenhouse gas emissions.

In conclusion, although it is significant to spend money on historical structures to preserve their value, it would be more advantageous to allocate government funds to housing and infrastructure.