Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. Do you agree or disagree?

Rich countries often give money to
poorer countries, but it does not solve
poverty. Therefore, developed
countries should give other types of
help to the poor countries rather than
financial aid. Do you agree or disagree?

Financial inequality among countries and social classes has sparked endless debates to figure out an inclusive solution to narrow this gap. While monetary subsidy is exerted to be the most effective tool of support, many people argue that other forms of aid are in need to help eradicate poverty in underdeveloped countries. Without disregarding the crucial role of financial assistance, I am of opinion that poverty can only be battled by an inclusive integration of diverse resources.
It can’t be denied that money is a powerful means of support to help poor countries address their immediate dilemmas in urgent situations. Owing to the fact that money and currency are the most common tool of trade, it can be diverted into myriad forms of necessities including food, medicines, shelter, etc. Instead of being in a rigid form, financial aid possesses a peculiar flexibility to meet the needs of different situations by exchanging with other forms of necessity. For example, when covid 19 epidemic broke out, a large number of workers in poor countries suddenly became unemployed because of social isolation, they are no longer capable of maintaining their normal lives due to the cut off in their incomes, the Vietnamese government decided to allocate the money received from richer countries to help its dwellers cope with the situation. It was acknowledged to be the most efficient quick act of the country in addressing such municipal emergency as it gave individuals flexibility in using the subsidies according to their peculiar needs. Other form rather than money like food or medicines would have not been of much use to citizens at that time because they had been able to equipped themselves with such.
However, it is definitely absurd to consider financial support is the answer for all problems in poor countries as there are complex dilemmas which can only resolved by a combination of different forms of aid rather than sole money. Generally, money is considered a convenient means to cope with immediate predicament yet with long term and sophisticated issues, money only is not enough. It is obvious that poverty derives from the deprivation of knowledge and opportunity; therefore, ways to eliminate its original root must be done with upgrading the underdeveloped education. This can be done by transferring technological expertise, providing necessary facilities, training highly skilled workforce, etc. These resources can be much more efficient compared to money in establishing a sustainable development. Otherwise, when financial aid is not made used of due to poor management and allocation, it can significantly exacerbate existing issues of social gaps and inequality.
In short, monetary assistance is crucial in dealing with challenges in poor countries yet a wider source of supports is what underdeveloped countries need to be provided to conquer their journey of poverty eradication. It requires comprehensive exertion from the entire society to levering the poor from their poverty-related circumstances.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "It can’t be denied that money is a powerful means of support" -> "It cannot be denied that financial resources are a potent means of support"
   Explanation: Replacing "money" with "financial resources" and "powerful" with "potent" elevates the formality of the sentence and avoids the colloquial contraction "can’t."

2. "Instead of being in a rigid form, financial aid possesses a peculiar flexibility" -> "Unlike tangible assets, financial aid exhibits inherent flexibility"
   Explanation: Replacing "rigid form" with "tangible assets" and using "exhibits inherent flexibility" enhances the precision of the language and maintains a more formal tone.

3. "When covid 19 epidemic broke out" -> "When the COVID-19 pandemic emerged"
   Explanation: Using "COVID-19 pandemic" instead of "covid 19 epidemic" adheres to the standard naming conventions and formalizes the description of the outbreak.

4. "because they had been able to equipped themselves with such" -> "as they had already equipped themselves with these necessities"
   Explanation: The phrase "equipped themselves with such" is informal; replacing it with "equipped themselves with these necessities" improves formality and clarity.

5. "However, it is definitely absurd to consider financial support is the answer" -> "Nevertheless, deeming financial support as the sole solution is inherently flawed"
   Explanation: Replacing "it is definitely absurd to consider" with "deeming" and restructuring the sentence enhances formality and conciseness.

6. "as there are complex dilemmas which can only resolved" -> "since there are complex dilemmas that can only be resolved"
   Explanation: Adding "be" after "can only" corrects the grammatical error and improves the sentence’s flow.

7. "It is obvious that poverty derives from the deprivation of knowledge and opportunity;" -> "Poverty is evidently rooted in the lack of access to education and opportunities."
   Explanation: Restructuring the sentence and replacing "It is obvious that" with "Poverty is evidently rooted in" increases clarity and formality.

8. "must be done with upgrading the underdeveloped education" -> "must involve enhancing the quality of education in underdeveloped regions"
   Explanation: Replacing "upgrading the underdeveloped education" with "enhancing the quality of education in underdeveloped regions" provides a more precise and formal expression.

9. "This can be done by transferring technological expertise, providing necessary facilities, training highly skilled workforce, etc." -> "Achieving this requires transferring technological expertise, providing essential infrastructure, and training a highly skilled workforce, among other measures."
   Explanation: Expanding the list and using more formal terms like "essential infrastructure" improves the specificity and formality of the sentence.

10. "levering the poor from their poverty-related circumstances" -> "elevating the impoverished from their circumstances of poverty"
    Explanation: Replacing "levering" with "elevating" and restructuring the sentence enhances formality and maintains a more academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the importance of financial aid in addressing immediate needs, provides examples to support this point, but also recognizes the limitations of relying solely on money. The essay explores the multifaceted nature of poverty and the necessity of a diverse range of resources.
  • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider dedicating more attention to the specific forms of aid other than money that could be beneficial. Providing more concrete examples of alternative types of assistance would strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance, arguing for a holistic approach that includes various forms of support beyond financial aid. The thesis is evident throughout the essay, and the reasoning is logically structured.
  • How to improve: To further improve clarity, consider explicitly restating the main thesis in the conclusion. This reinforces the overall position and ensures a strong, memorable takeaway for the reader.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It uses specific examples, such as the response to the Covid-19 epidemic in Vietnam, to illustrate the flexibility and effectiveness of financial aid. Moreover, it articulates the complexities of poverty and the need for a comprehensive strategy.
  • How to improve: To enhance depth, consider providing more varied examples of successful implementation of non-financial aid measures in poverty alleviation. This would further bolster the argument for a diversified approach.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay stays on topic, consistently addressing the relationship between financial aid and poverty alleviation. There are no significant deviations from the prompt, and the examples provided remain relevant to the central theme.
  • How to improve: While the essay is focused, a brief mention of potential counterarguments or opposing views could add nuance to the discussion. Addressing potential counterpoints demonstrates a thorough consideration of the topic.

In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a well-structured argument for the importance of diverse forms of assistance in addition to financial aid. To further enhance the response, consider expanding on alternative types of aid, reiterating the main thesis in the conclusion, providing more varied examples, and briefly addressing potential counterarguments. Overall, a strong and well-articulated essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction that sets up the argument and follows a structured progression of ideas. However, there are moments where the essay’s organization could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the flexibility of financial aid to the limitations of money in solving long-term issues is somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition between these ideas would enhance overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through shifts in focus. For instance, introducing phrases like "Furthermore" or "On the other hand" can help create a more seamless flow between different aspects of the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, providing a clear structure. Each paragraph generally focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the development of the third paragraph, where the transition from discussing the limitations of financial aid to the importance of education is somewhat abrupt. A more gradual transition would enhance paragraph effectiveness.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that aligns with the overall argument. Additionally, use transitional sentences at the end of paragraphs to smoothly connect one idea to the next. In the third paragraph, a sentence signaling the shift from financial aid to the importance of education would enhance the overall cohesion.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("it," "its"), conjunctions ("yet," "otherwise"), and reference words ("this," "that"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay by connecting ideas and guiding the reader. However, there are instances where the connection between ideas could be strengthened. For example, the transition between discussing the immediate needs addressed by financial aid and the long-term issues of poverty is somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, pay attention to the clarity of connections between ideas. Consider using more explicit transitional phrases or repeating key terms to reinforce the links between different parts of the essay. For instance, rephrasing the transition as "While financial aid is crucial for addressing immediate needs, a more holistic approach is required to tackle long-term poverty issues" can improve coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, with some areas that can be refined for a more polished and seamless presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort in utilizing a variety of vocabulary. There is evidence of vocabulary beyond basic levels, including terms like "monetary subsidy," "sophisticated issues," and "sustainable development." Examples, such as the discussion around the Covid-19 epidemic, show a degree of flexibility in expressing ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more nuanced and context-specific terms. Also, pay attention to the precision of word choices to ensure they align closely with the intended meaning.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with clarity. For instance, the term "financial aid" is consistently employed, contributing to coherence. However, there are instances where the word "necessity" is used in a somewhat repetitive manner.
  • How to improve: Aim for more diversity in synonyms to avoid repetition. In cases where the term "necessity" is recurrent, consider using alternatives like "essential," "requirement," or "indispensable."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. Most words are spelled correctly, with only a few minor errors, such as "exerted" instead of "considered" and "made used of" instead of "made use of."
  • How to improve: Continue practicing attention to detail in spelling. Proofread carefully to catch minor errors like those mentioned above. Additionally, consider using tools like spell checkers to enhance spelling accuracy.

In conclusion, while the essay showcases a commendable vocabulary range, attention to precision and occasional spelling accuracy lapses could be refined. Striving for more varied and context-specific vocabulary, minimizing repetition, and refining spelling will contribute to an even stronger command of lexical resources.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of sentence structures. It effectively employs complex sentences, compound sentences, and some variety in sentence length. For instance, the essay incorporates complex sentences like, "Owing to the fact that money and currency are the most common tool of trade," and compound sentences such as, "It requires comprehensive exertion from the entire society to levering the poor from their poverty-related circumstances."
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more sophisticated sentence structures, such as parallelism, conditional sentences, and rhetorical devices. This will add depth and complexity to your writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be clearer. For example, in the sentence, "They are no longer capable of maintaining their normal lives due to the cut-off in their incomes," there is a slight ambiguity that could be clarified for better precision.
  • How to improve: Focus on refining sentence clarity, particularly in complex structures. Be cautious about potential ambiguity, ensuring that the reader can easily discern the intended meaning. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation, especially the correct use of commas in complex sentences. For instance, in the sentence, "It requires comprehensive exertion from the entire society to levering the poor from their poverty-related circumstances," consider revising for improved clarity and punctuation accuracy.

Overall, your essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy. To elevate your score further, focus on refining sentence structures for increased variety and clarity. Additionally, continue to pay attention to nuanced aspects of punctuation to enhance the overall precision of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Financial inequality among countries and social classes has sparked endless debates aiming to find an inclusive solution to narrow this gap. While monetary subsidy is considered the most effective tool of support, there is a growing argument that other forms of aid are necessary to help eradicate poverty in underdeveloped countries. Without disregarding the crucial role of financial assistance, I am of the opinion that poverty can only be battled through an inclusive integration of diverse resources.

It cannot be denied that money is a potent means of support to help poor countries address their immediate dilemmas in urgent situations. Money and currency, being the most common tools of trade, can be diverted into myriad forms of necessities, including food, medicines, and shelter. Unlike tangible assets, financial aid exhibits inherent flexibility, capable of meeting the needs of different situations by exchanging with other forms of necessity. For instance, during the COVID-19 epidemic, a large number of workers in poor countries suddenly became unemployed due to social isolation. Facing a disruption in their incomes, the Vietnamese government decided to allocate the money received from richer countries to help its dwellers cope with the situation. This quick and efficient action was acknowledged as it gave individuals flexibility in using the subsidies according to their peculiar needs, unlike other forms like food or medicines that would have been of little use to citizens who had already equipped themselves with such necessities.

Nevertheless, deeming financial support as the sole solution is inherently flawed, as there are complex dilemmas that can only be resolved by a combination of different forms of aid rather than money alone. Poverty is evidently rooted in the lack of access to education and opportunities. To address this, efforts must involve enhancing the quality of education in underdeveloped regions. Achieving this requires transferring technological expertise, providing essential infrastructure, and training a highly skilled workforce, among other measures. These resources can be much more efficient compared to money in establishing sustainable development. Otherwise, when financial aid is not effectively used due to poor management and allocation, it can significantly exacerbate existing issues of social gaps and inequality.

In conclusion, monetary assistance is crucial in dealing with challenges in poor countries, yet a wider source of support is needed to help underdeveloped countries conquer their journey of poverty eradication. It requires comprehensive efforts from the entire society to elevate the impoverished from their circumstances of poverty.