Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is apparent that with the proliferation of technology, a horde of people are supporting the use of technological gadgets and mediums over the conventional one, which is books, in schools. Although integrating technology in education is beneficial, I still believe that books are indispensable.
Granted, it is understandable why many individuals are after the application of technology in an educational process. This is because films, computers, and games can easily attract students’ attention due to their visually appealing images or demonstrations. Therefore, using these innovative mediums in teaching can facilitate students’ imagination and bolster their comprehension, hence better academic performance amongst learners. However, there are some ambiguous definitions that cannot be demonstrated by visual illustration, especially in philosophy. For example, stoicism is one of the most common yet complicated theories that cannot be described by pictures but words. If words are deprived, people may fail to fully understand this definition.
On the other hand, I strongly hold that books cannot be replaced in education due to some reasons as follows. Firstly, books can claim validation because information has to undergo a stringent censorship process before being widely published. As a result, people can rely on this source of information without any doubts about its authenticity or credibility. Secondly, books are more user-friendly than technological gadgets due to their earlier introduction to users. For instance, learners in remote areas cannot access the Internet due to the underdevelopment in their place, but they can still resort to books for valid information, rendering them as potential as those with technological assistance. Were it not for books, students in these places would be deprived of a chance to be educated.
In conclusion, while I agree that technology involvement can facilitate students’ understanding due to its visual demonstration, I strongly believe that books cannot be replaced due to their authenticity and universal application.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"a horde of people" -> "a significant number of individuals"
Explanation: The phrase "a horde of people" is informal and evokes a somewhat negative connotation. "A significant number of individuals" maintains neutrality and aligns better with academic tone.
"the conventional one, which is books" -> "the traditional medium, namely books"
Explanation: The phrase "the conventional one, which is books" is awkwardly structured and informal. "The traditional medium, namely books" is clearer and more formal.
"are after" -> "pursue"
Explanation: "Are after" is an informal expression. "Pursue" is more precise and academically appropriate, conveying the idea of actively seeking or striving for something.
"films, computers, and games" -> "films, computer programs, and educational games"
Explanation: Specifying "computer programs" and "educational games" clarifies the context and ensures the reader understands these are tools for learning, not entertainment.
"can easily attract" -> "have the potential to engage"
Explanation: "Can easily attract" is somewhat simplistic. "Have the potential to engage" is more precise and suggests a conditional ability to capture attention, which is more accurate in an academic context.
"bolster their comprehension" -> "enhance their understanding"
Explanation: While "bolster" is not incorrect, "enhance" is more commonly used in academic texts to describe improvement or augmentation, making it a better choice for consistency and clarity.
"ambiguous definitions" -> "abstract concepts"
Explanation: "Ambiguous definitions" might imply unclear or poorly defined terms, which is not the intended meaning. "Abstract concepts" more accurately describes ideas that are difficult to visualize or understand because of their complexity or intangibility.
"stoicism" -> "Stoicism"
Explanation: "Stoicism" is a proper noun referring to a specific philosophical school of thought and should be capitalized to reflect its proper status.
"If words are deprived" -> "If textual explanations are omitted"
Explanation: "If words are deprived" is awkward and unclear. "If textual explanations are omitted" is more precise and academically appropriate, clearly indicating the absence of written descriptions.
"claim validation" -> "are subject to rigorous validation"
Explanation: "Claim validation" is an unclear phrase. "Are subject to rigorous validation" more accurately describes the process of scrutiny and verification that books undergo before publication.
"without any doubts" -> "with confidence"
Explanation: "Without any doubts" is a double negative that can be simplified to "with confidence" for clarity and to maintain a positive tone.
"user-friendly" -> "accessible"
Explanation: While "user-friendly" is not incorrect, "accessible" is more formal and encompasses not just ease of use but also availability and approachability, making it a better choice for this context.
"due to the underdevelopment in their place" -> "owing to the lack of development in their regions"
Explanation: "Due to the underdevelopment in their place" is awkwardly phrased. "Owing to the lack of development in their regions" is more formal and precise.
"rendering them as potential as those" -> "equipping them comparably to those"
Explanation: "Rendering them as potential as those" is unclear and awkward. "Equipping them comparably to those" is clearer and conveys the idea of providing similar opportunities or capabilities more effectively.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages of using films, computers, and games in education, as well as the importance of books. It acknowledges the potential benefits of technology in facilitating learning while also asserting the irreplaceable value of books.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that each point made directly relates to the prompt. Providing more specific examples of how technology can enhance education, as well as elaborating on the significance of books beyond just their accessibility and credibility, could strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, arguing that while technology can aid comprehension, books remain indispensable due to their authenticity and universal availability.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that every paragraph reinforces the main position without introducing contradictory statements or ambiguities.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, offering examples and reasoning to support its points. It discusses the benefits of technology in engaging students and acknowledges the limitations of visual mediums in conveying complex concepts. Additionally, it provides reasons for the enduring value of books, such as their validation process and accessibility.
- How to improve: To extend ideas further, consider providing more nuanced examples and exploring alternative perspectives. Additionally, ensure that all supporting arguments are directly relevant to the main points being made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the use of films, computers, and games versus books in education. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing stoicism, which may not directly relate to the central argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, consistently tie each point back to the overarching theme of technology versus books in education. Avoid tangents that detract from the main argument and ensure that every example or illustration serves to strengthen the central position.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive examples, reinforcing clarity, extending ideas, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic throughout. By refining these aspects, the essay could further enhance its coherence and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of logical organization, evidenced by a clear introduction stating the writer’s stance, well-developed body paragraphs that address both sides of the argument, and a conclusion that reaffirms the writer’s opinion. The transition from discussing the benefits of technological mediums in education to advocating for the indispensability of books is smooth, allowing the reader to follow the argument easily. For example, the transition phrase "However" effectively signals a shift from discussing the advantages of technology to its limitations, particularly in conveying complex concepts like stoicism.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, the writer could benefit from explicitly outlining the main arguments in the introduction. This would provide the reader with a roadmap of the essay’s structure. Additionally, including a brief summary of the key points before the conclusion could strengthen the logical progression and reinforce the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. The introductory paragraph sets the context and presents the thesis statement. The body paragraphs are well-structured, each starting with a clear topic sentence ("Granted, it is understandable why…"; "On the other hand, I strongly hold…") that guides the reader through the argument. The concluding paragraph succinctly summarizes the writer’s stance and the reasons behind it.
- How to improve: While the paragraph structure is generally effective, there’s room for improvement in developing the ideas within each paragraph more thoroughly. For instance, the paragraph discussing the limitations of technology in education could be expanded to include more examples or evidence to support the argument. Additionally, ensuring a balance in the length and development of paragraphs could improve the overall cohesion and readability of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices that contribute to its overall coherence. Transition words and phrases like "Granted", "However", "For example", and "On the other hand" are used effectively to connect ideas and signal shifts in the argument. These devices help to maintain the flow of the essay and guide the reader through the writer’s reasoning.
- How to improve: To further improve, the writer could incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices that emphasize contrast, addition, cause and effect, and exemplification. For instance, phrases like "In contrast", "Furthermore", "As a result", and "To illustrate" could provide clearer connections between ideas. Additionally, using synonyms and paraphrasing key terms can enhance cohesion without repetition. Experimenting with different types of cohesive devices can also make the writing more engaging and dynamic.

Overall, the essay effectively organizes information logically, uses paragraphs efficiently, and employs a range of cohesive devices, which supports the coherence and cohesion band score of 7. With targeted improvements in outlining main arguments, developing ideas within paragraphs, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer has the potential to achieve an even higher score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout, with the writer employing varied terminology to express ideas effectively. For instance, phrases such as "proliferation of technology," "visually appealing," "bolster their comprehension," and "stringent censorship process" showcase lexical diversity. Moreover, the essay incorporates specialized terminology like "stoicism" to discuss complex concepts, indicating a sophisticated vocabulary.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, consider integrating more nuanced vocabulary specific to the topic. For instance, exploring synonyms or related terms for frequently used words such as "beneficial," "indispensable," and "user-friendly" can enrich the expression. Additionally, incorporating domain-specific vocabulary related to education and technology could add depth to the analysis.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas without ambiguity. For example, the distinction made between "visual demonstration" and "universal application" illustrates precise vocabulary usage. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as the use of "ambiguous definitions" which might be better conveyed as "conceptual complexities."
- How to improve: To ensure even greater precision, carefully consider the specific connotations and shades of meaning associated with chosen vocabulary. Avoid vague or overly general terms where more precise alternatives exist. Consulting a thesaurus or academic resources can help identify more exact terms to express nuanced ideas.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors observed. Notable examples of correct spelling include "proliferation," "authenticity," and "comprehension." However, there are a few instances of misspellings, such as "a horde of people are supporting" (should be "a host of people" or "a horde of people is supporting") and "were it not for books" (should be "were it not for books").
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay thoroughly to catch and correct any misspellings or typographical errors. Utilizing spell-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and rectify spelling mistakes effectively. Additionally, paying close attention to commonly misspelled words and practicing their correct usage can contribute to enhanced spelling proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of complex, compound, and simple sentences throughout the essay. For example, complex sentences are evident in phrases such as "Although integrating technology in education is beneficial" and "If words are deprived, people may fail to fully understand this definition." Compound sentences are utilized effectively, such as "Granted, it is understandable why many individuals are after the application of technology in an educational process." Additionally, there are instances of simple sentences like "Books are more user-friendly than technological gadgets due to their earlier introduction to users."
- How to improve: While the variety of structures is impressive, there is room to further enhance coherence and sophistication. Introducing more complex sentence structures, such as using subordinate clauses or incorporating rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion, could elevate the essay’s depth and eloquence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are some minor errors present, such as in the phrase "a horde of people are supporting," where "a horde" is singular and should be followed by "is supporting." Additionally, there is an instance of awkward phrasing in "were it not for books," where a conditional structure might be clearer as "If it were not for books." Punctuation usage is mostly correct, though there are a few instances where clarity could be improved, such as the lack of a comma after "In conclusion" at the beginning of the final paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, careful proofreading for subject-verb agreement and sentence structure consistency is recommended. Additionally, paying attention to subtle nuances of punctuation, particularly in complex sentence constructions, can help refine the clarity and flow of ideas in the essay. Using a variety of punctuation marks appropriately, such as dashes or semicolons, could also contribute to the overall sophistication of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a commendable variety of sentence structures. With a focus on refining grammatical accuracy and incorporating more sophisticated sentence constructions, the essay could further elevate its effectiveness in conveying ideas and arguments.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that there is growing support for the integration of technological tools and mediums in schools, surpassing the traditional use of books. While incorporating technology in education brings benefits, I maintain that books remain indispensable.

Certainly, there are valid reasons why many advocate for the inclusion of technology in the educational landscape. Films, computers, and games have the potential to captivate students with their visually engaging content. Consequently, utilizing these innovative mediums in teaching can stimulate students’ imagination and enhance their comprehension, leading to improved academic performance. However, there are certain complex concepts, particularly in philosophy, that cannot be adequately conveyed through visual means alone. Take Stoicism, for example, a profound theory that relies heavily on textual explanations rather than visual representations. Omitting textual explanations may hinder individuals from fully grasping such abstract concepts.

On the contrary, I firmly believe that books should not be replaced in education for several reasons. Firstly, books undergo rigorous validation processes before being published widely, ensuring the authenticity and credibility of the information they contain. Consequently, people can rely on books with confidence, knowing that the information presented has been subjected to thorough scrutiny. Secondly, books remain accessible to a significant number of individuals, even in remote areas where technological infrastructure may be lacking. While learners in such regions may face challenges accessing the internet, they can still rely on books as a reliable source of information. Thus, books play a crucial role in providing educational opportunities to students, regardless of their geographical location.

In conclusion, while I acknowledge the potential of technology to enhance students’ understanding through visual demonstration, I maintain that books cannot be replaced due to their authenticity and universal accessibility.