Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books. To what
extent do you agree or disagree?

The advent of technology has facilitated eductional applications, leading to some individuals holding an idea of replacing books with digital tools of learning. This essay, arguing for those favoring traditional methods of learning via books, agrees the substition for physical books with the digital forms of learning.
Some people assume that learning via books could be effective for children to expose to knowledge as it offers the famility. Children often commence learning process by the stage of learning how to read and write on books, leading to the sense of affinity among chidlren. Such famility could pave the way for an ideal learning experience. such experience is attritbuted to the nature of books which is easy to use by children from all ages. However, some might argue that books could be monotonous for children as boredom could be registered during process of learning.
this problem could be effectively solved by the employment of techonolgy in education. it is said that best learning could be facilitated via happy learning experience as senses of
euphoria often causes the long-term impression on knowledge, resulting in a better form of learning compared to physical books. films, for instance, incorparating a numerous knowledge could easily inculcate messages into still easily by contexts and charismatic characters. apart from sense of enjoyment in learning, it could be ackowledged that techonoly- based learning could be favorable because of visual and audial experience. the present of images as well as sounds could stimulate the full engagement in learning among students, which gives rise to profoundly acquired knowledge. therefore, the advent of technology in education is undoubtedly crucial to create a joyful, audially as well as visually engaging environment.
in conclusion, acknowledging how books could favor in education, it is still worth employing techonoly in class because of excitment and engagement in learning

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Errors and Improvements:

"eductional" -> "educational"
Explanation: "Eductional" is a misspelling of "educational." Correcting this error improves the overall professionalism and clarity of the essay.
"substition" -> "substitution"
Explanation: "Substition" is a misspelling of "substitution." Using the correct spelling enhances the credibility of the essay.
"famility" -> "familiarity"
Explanation: "Famility" is incorrect; "familiarity" is the appropriate term here. It better communicates the idea of being acquainted with something, in this case, books.
"affinity" -> "affinity"
Explanation: "Affinity" is spelled correctly but is used incorrectly. The correct word to use here is "familiarity," as it aligns better with the context of children becoming comfortable with books.
"attritbuted" -> "attributed"
Explanation: "Attritbuted" is a misspelling of "attributed." Using the correct spelling ensures clarity and professionalism in the essay.
"chidlren" -> "children"
Explanation: "Chidlren" is a misspelling of "children." Correcting this error maintains the readability and correctness of the essay.
"monotonous" -> "tedious"
Explanation: While "monotonous" is not incorrect, "tedious" is a more precise and formal term for describing something boring or repetitive, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"techonolgy" -> "technology"
Explanation: "Techonolgy" is a misspelling of "technology." Correcting this error ensures accuracy and clarity in the essay.
"incorparating" -> "incorporating"
Explanation: "Incorparating" is a misspelling of "incorporating." Using the correct spelling maintains the professionalism and credibility of the essay.
"ackowledged" -> "acknowledged"
Explanation: "Ackowledged" is a misspelling of "acknowledged." Using the correct spelling improves the overall quality and professionalism of the essay.
"techonoly" -> "technology"
Explanation: "Techonoly" is a misspelling of "technology." Consistently using the correct spelling ensures coherence and clarity in the essay.
"excitment" -> "excitement"
Explanation: "Excitment" is a misspelling of "excitement." Correcting this error enhances the professionalism and readability of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the use of films, computers, and games as potential substitutes for books in education. It presents arguments both in favor of traditional learning methods via books and for the integration of technology in education.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, ensure that the essay clearly evaluates the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. While the essay provides arguments for both sides, a clearer stance and more explicit reasoning for the chosen position would strengthen task response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position throughout, indicating agreement with the use of technology in education while acknowledging the value of books. However, the clarity could be improved, as there are moments where the stance is not consistently maintained.
- How to improve: Maintain a consistent stance throughout the essay by clearly stating the position in the introduction and reinforcing it in each body paragraph. Ensure that every argument and example provided supports the chosen position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks thorough development and support. Arguments are introduced but not extensively elaborated upon, and there is limited use of specific examples or evidence.
- How to improve: Extend and support ideas by providing more detailed explanations, examples, and evidence to strengthen the arguments. Engage critically with the topic by addressing potential counterarguments and providing rebuttals where necessary.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the use of technology and books in education. However, there are instances of slightly off-topic remarks, such as the mention of euphoria in learning.
- How to improve: Maintain a sharper focus on the topic by avoiding tangential points and ensuring that every idea and example directly relates to the central argument. Clearly connect each paragraph back to the main topic of technology versus traditional learning methods.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents relevant arguments, there is room for improvement in maintaining a clear and consistent position, extending and supporting ideas, and staying entirely on topic. Strengthening these areas would enhance the coherence and effectiveness of the essay, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some logical organization by presenting arguments in favor of both traditional book learning and technology-based learning. However, the organization could be strengthened. For instance, the introduction lacks a clear thesis statement outlining the author’s stance on the issue, which can confuse the reader about the essay’s direction. Additionally, the essay jumps between discussing the benefits of books and the benefits of technology without a clear transition, which disrupts the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your position on the topic. Then, organize the body paragraphs in a coherent manner, perhaps dedicating one paragraph to discuss the advantages of traditional book learning and another paragraph to discuss the benefits of technology-based learning. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they are not consistently structured or effectively utilized. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea or argument, but some paragraphs in this essay contain multiple ideas, leading to confusion. For example, the paragraph discussing technology-based learning combines arguments about the effectiveness of films and the engagement of visual and auditory experiences without clear separation.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by focusing on one main idea per paragraph. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting details or examples. For instance, separate the discussion of films and the engagement of visual and auditory experiences into distinct paragraphs to improve clarity and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases to connect ideas, but they are used inconsistently and sometimes ineffectively. While some transition words like "however" and "in conclusion" are used, they do not always create smooth transitions between ideas. Additionally, the essay lacks cohesive devices within paragraphs to link sentences and create coherence.
- How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices throughout the essay to improve coherence. Use a variety of transition words and phrases (e.g., furthermore, on the other hand, consequently) to connect ideas logically. Within paragraphs, use cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional expressions to link sentences and maintain coherence. Ensure that cohesive devices are used effectively to guide the reader through the essay’s argument and improve overall clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, including terms such as "facilitated," "substitution," "affinity," "monotonous," "euphoria," "inculcate," "acknowledged," and "excitement." However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of vocabulary usage. For instance, synonyms or more specific terms could be employed to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To broaden the range of vocabulary, consider utilizing synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and specialized terminology relevant to the topic. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "learning," you could employ alternatives like "education," "instruction," or "acquisition of knowledge." Additionally, expanding your vocabulary through extensive reading across various subjects and disciplines can enrich your writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary adequately, there are instances of imprecise or inaccurate word choices. For example, "sense of famility" could be clearer as "familiarity," and "ackowledged" should be "acknowledged." Furthermore, some phrases lack precision, such as "still easily" and "numerous knowledge."
- How to improve: Aim for clarity and precision by selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Avoid using words or phrases that may confuse the reader or obscure your message. Proofreading your writing carefully can help identify and correct any imprecise or inaccurate word choices.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mixed level of spelling accuracy. While some words are spelled correctly, there are several instances of spelling errors, such as "eductional," "substition," "techonolgy," "chidlren," "attritbuted," "incorparating," and "techonoly."
- How to improve: Enhancing spelling accuracy requires consistent practice and attention to detail. Utilize spelling and grammar checkers, proofread your writing thoroughly, and make a conscious effort to learn the correct spelling of commonly misspelled words. Additionally, expanding your vocabulary can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to various words in context.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the structures further. For example, while some complex sentences are present, they are relatively straightforward and could benefit from more intricate subordination or coordination. Additionally, the essay tends to rely on repetitive structures in places, such as beginning multiple sentences with "Children" or "Some people." This repetition can diminish the overall sophistication of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should strive to incorporate a greater variety of sentence types, including compound-complex sentences and sentences with varied subordinate clauses. Varying the sentence beginnings and structures can also add fluency and sophistication to the writing. Additionally, the writer should avoid excessive repetition by employing diverse vocabulary and sentence structures throughout the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays some grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("Some people assume that learning via books could be effective for children to expose to knowledge as it offers the famility"), word choice ("famility" instead of "familiarity"), and punctuation errors (missing commas in compound sentences, such as "films, for instance, incorparating a numerous knowledge could easily inculcate messages into still easily by contexts and charismatic characters"). These errors occasionally impede the clarity of meaning and disrupt the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully review their writing for subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and correct word usage. Proofreading for punctuation errors, particularly in compound and complex sentences, is essential to ensure clarity and coherence. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or instructors can help identify recurring errors and areas for improvement in grammar and punctuation. Practicing sentence structure variety and paying attention to grammatical rules can also contribute to improved accuracy in future writing endeavors.

Bài sửa mẫu

The rise of technology has brought about various educational applications, sparking discussions about replacing traditional books with digital learning tools. This essay, advocating for those who prefer traditional book-based learning, supports the substitution of physical books with digital formats.

Some argue that learning through books is effective for children as it provides familiarity. Children often begin their learning journey by mastering reading and writing with books, fostering a sense of affinity among them. Such familiarity can contribute to an optimal learning experience, attributed to the user-friendly nature of books suitable for children of all ages. However, others contend that books may become tedious for children, leading to boredom during the learning process.

This issue can be addressed by integrating technology into education. It is widely believed that the most effective learning occurs when it is enjoyable, as the excitement generated often leaves a lasting impression on knowledge acquisition. Films, for example, incorporating a wealth of information, can convey messages effectively through contexts and charismatic characters. Besides enhancing enjoyment in learning, technology-based education is advantageous due to its visual and auditory components. The presence of images and sounds can deeply engage students in the learning process, resulting in a more profound understanding of the subject matter.

In conclusion, while recognizing the benefits of traditional books in education, it is still valuable to incorporate technology into the classroom for its ability to create excitement and engagement in learning.