Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the health field, researchers agree that many people eat too much junk food which has a adverse effect for their health. While some individuals hold a view that this problem can be handled by educating people, others believe that education will not effective. To the best of my knowledge, I opine that this issue will be solved for many solutions which will be discussed on the following essay with many relevant examples to clarify it.
On the one hand, junk food is one of the major reasons causes many health problems for people. In particular, the young people abuse junk food, including snacks or soft drink, for relieving stress after many stressful day of the school or deadlines, so it can cause obesity or high blood pressure problems. There numerous merits of enhancing the knowledge of people for using limited junk food cannot be overstated. The local authorities or the government can organize many social activities and education programs for residents who can understand many detrimental effects of junk food for their health. Thus, abusing soft drink or snacks will be controlled better.
Apart from using education to solve this issue, there are variety of solutions which can be applied for alleviating the percentage of using junk food. With the evolving of technology, scientists can create many kinds of junk food which contain good nutrition for people health. Therefore, not only can people deteriorate stress level when using junk food, but their health also is boosted by good nutrition in their food. In addition, the government officials impose policies which reduce the financial burdens of residents. For instance, the implement of policy which decline the cost of good vitamin foods so that people can afford for this food instead of junk food. The health is of paramount importance to people’s life and work that it contributes to the advance of society, so the government have to be really concerned to this problem.
In conclusion, although education can be applied as a effective method for reducing the proportion of eating junk food, there are many methods which have many advantage influences for people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"many people eat too much junk food" -> "many individuals consume excessive amounts of junk food"
Explanation: Replacing "eat too much" with "consume excessive amounts of" refines the language by using a more precise and formal term, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"has a adverse effect" -> "has an adverse effect"
Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error from "a adverse" to "an adverse" ensures proper usage of articles in English, adhering to the rules of English grammar.
"will not effective" -> "will not be effective"
Explanation: Adding the verb "be" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.
"many solutions which will be discussed on the following essay" -> "several solutions that will be discussed in the following essay"
Explanation: Changing "many" to "several" and "on" to "in" corrects the preposition usage, and replacing "which" with "that" improves the grammatical accuracy and formality of the sentence.
"the young people abuse junk food" -> "young people abuse junk food"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "young people" corrects the unnecessary definite article, as "young people" is a general term and does not require the article "the" in this context.
"after many stressful day of the school" -> "after many stressful days at school"
Explanation: Changing "day" to "days" corrects the plural form, and replacing "of the school" with "at school" uses the correct preposition for the context, enhancing clarity and formality.
"There numerous merits" -> "There are numerous merits"
Explanation: Adding "are" corrects the grammatical structure, ensuring the sentence is grammatically complete and formal.
"can understand many detrimental effects" -> "can comprehend the detrimental effects"
Explanation: Replacing "understand" with "comprehend" and "many" with "the" refines the language to a more precise and formal academic style.
"abusing soft drink or snacks" -> "abusing soft drinks or snacks"
Explanation: Changing "soft drink" to "soft drinks" corrects the plural form, aligning with the context of multiple items being referred to.
"there are variety of solutions" -> "there are a variety of solutions"
Explanation: Adding "a" before "variety" corrects the article usage, ensuring grammatical accuracy and formality.
"With the evolving of technology" -> "With the advancement of technology"
Explanation: Replacing "evolving" with "advancement" uses a more precise and formal term, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"people health" -> "people’s health"
Explanation: Adding the possessive apostrophe in "people’s health" corrects the grammatical structure, ensuring proper possession and formality.
"the implement of policy" -> "the implementation of policies"
Explanation: Changing "implement" to "implementation" and "policy" to "policies" corrects the verb form and pluralizes the noun to match the context, improving grammatical accuracy and formality.
"decline the cost of good vitamin foods" -> "reduce the cost of nutritious foods"
Explanation: Replacing "decline" with "reduce" and "good vitamin foods" with "nutritious foods" uses more precise and formal language, enhancing the clarity and appropriateness of the sentence for an academic context.
"have to be really concerned to this problem" -> "must be seriously concerned with this issue"
Explanation: Replacing "have to be really concerned to" with "must be seriously concerned with" corrects the preposition and adverb usage, improving the formality and grammatical correctness of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the effectiveness of education in solving the problem of junk food consumption. The first body paragraph discusses the perspective that education can help mitigate the issue, highlighting the role of local authorities in organizing educational programs. The second body paragraph presents an alternative viewpoint, suggesting that other solutions, such as technological advancements and government policies, can also be effective. However, the discussion lacks a balanced exploration of both sides, as the second viewpoint is less developed and does not fully articulate why education might not work.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the essay could provide a more detailed analysis of the reasons why some people believe education will not be effective. This could include discussing factors such as ingrained habits, cultural influences, or the appeal of junk food. Additionally, ensuring that both perspectives are given equal weight in terms of depth and examples would strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear opinion that multiple solutions, including education, can address the issue of junk food consumption. However, the position is somewhat muddled by the phrasing in the introduction and conclusion, which could lead to confusion about the author’s stance. Phrases like "this issue will be solved for many solutions" are vague and detract from the clarity of the position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author should explicitly state their opinion in a straightforward manner. Using clear language in both the introduction and conclusion to summarize the main argument would help reinforce the position. Additionally, consistently linking back to the main argument throughout the essay would improve coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the topic, such as the role of education and alternative solutions like technological advancements. However, the support for these ideas is often weak. For instance, while the essay mentions that education can help control junk food consumption, it does not provide specific examples or evidence to substantiate this claim. Similarly, the discussion of technological solutions lacks detail and fails to explain how these innovations would effectively reduce junk food consumption.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the author should include specific examples, statistics, or studies that illustrate the effectiveness of education and alternative solutions. Expanding on each idea with concrete evidence would enhance the persuasiveness of the argument and provide a more robust discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing junk food consumption and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the discussion of technological advancements feels somewhat tangential and lacks a direct connection to the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether education is an effective solution. Clarifying how each solution ties back to the issue of junk food consumption and the role of education would help keep the essay tightly aligned with the prompt.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in clarity, depth of analysis, and support for arguments would enhance the overall effectiveness and coherence of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by unclear transitions and a lack of clear topic sentences. For instance, the second paragraph begins with "On the one hand," which is appropriate, but the transition to discussing the merits of education is not as smooth as it could be. The ideas sometimes feel jumbled, particularly in the second body paragraph where the introduction of alternative solutions lacks a clear connection to the previous discussion about education.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help clarify the relationships between ideas. Structuring the essay with a clear outline before writing may also help in maintaining a logical progression of thoughts.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could be better developed. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the negative impact of junk food but does not fully explore the educational solutions proposed. The second body paragraph introduces alternative solutions but lacks depth and clarity, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples and explanations. The writer could benefit from expanding on each point made in the paragraphs. For instance, in the second body paragraph, elaborating on how technology can create healthier junk food options could provide more depth and clarity. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument will strengthen the overall coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "Apart from," which help to signal shifts in argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "there are variety of solutions" lacks a cohesive link to the previous discussion about education, making the transition feel abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Using devices such as "Moreover," "Consequently," and "As a result" can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned concepts will enhance the flow of the essay. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts can help the writer become more adept at integrating them smoothly into their writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing logical organization, developing paragraphs more fully, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety in word choice and often relies on common terms. For instance, phrases like "junk food," "health problems," and "education programs" are repeated without variation. While the writer attempts to use some less common phrases, such as "detrimental effects" and "financial burdens," the overall vocabulary range remains limited.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "junk food," alternatives like "processed foods" or "unhealthy snacks" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "health complications" instead of "health problems" would diversify the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "an adverse effect for their health" should be "an adverse effect on their health," and "education will not effective" should be "education will not be effective." These inaccuracies can lead to confusion and detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on ensuring that vocabulary is used in the correct context and form. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing sentence construction can help. For instance, instead of saying "the implement of policy," the writer could say "the implementation of policies," which is both precise and grammatically correct.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "a adverse" (should be "an adverse"), "effective" (missing "be"), and "the implement of policy" (should be "the implementation of policy"). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing exercises that focus on spelling can help reinforce correct forms.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with the prompt, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Junk food is one of the major reasons causes many health problems for people.") and compound sentences ("With the evolving of technology, scientists can create many kinds of junk food which contain good nutrition for people health."). However, the range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or contain awkward constructions. For instance, phrases like "the young people abuse junk food" could be restructured for clarity and sophistication. Additionally, the use of clauses is inconsistent, which affects the overall fluency of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses effectively. For example, instead of saying "the government can organize many social activities," you could say, "the government can organize various social activities that not only educate the public about the dangers of junk food but also promote healthier eating habits." Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied sentence openings can also help diversify your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "which has a adverse effect for their health" should be "which has an adverse effect on their health." Additionally, the phrase "education will not effective" is incorrect; it should be "education will not be effective." There are also instances of missing articles and incorrect prepositions, such as "the implement of policy which decline the cost of good vitamin foods" which should be "the implementation of a policy that reduces the cost of nutritious foods." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also affect readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly concerning articles, prepositions, and verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, proofreading your work for punctuation errors, such as ensuring commas are used correctly to separate clauses, can significantly enhance clarity. Reading more academic essays can also provide insight into proper grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

By addressing these areas, you can work towards improving your band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria for IELTS Task 2 essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the health field, researchers agree that many individuals consume excessive amounts of junk food, which has an adverse effect on their health. While some people hold the view that this problem can be solved by educating the public, others believe that education will not be effective. To the best of my knowledge, I opine that this issue can be addressed through several solutions that will be discussed in the following essay, along with relevant examples to clarify my points.

On the one hand, junk food is one of the major causes of numerous health problems for people. In particular, young people often abuse junk food, including snacks and soft drinks, to relieve stress after many demanding days at school or during deadlines. This can lead to obesity and high blood pressure issues. There are numerous merits to enhancing people’s knowledge about the limited consumption of junk food, which cannot be overstated. Local authorities or the government can organize various social activities and educational programs to help residents comprehend the detrimental effects of junk food on their health. Thus, the abuse of soft drinks and snacks can be better controlled.

Apart from using education to tackle this issue, there are a variety of solutions that can be applied to reduce the consumption of junk food. With the advancement of technology, scientists can create healthier versions of junk food that contain better nutrition for people’s health. Therefore, not only can individuals alleviate their stress levels when consuming these healthier options, but their health can also be improved by the nutritional benefits of their food. In addition, government officials can implement policies that reduce the financial burdens on residents. For instance, the implementation of policies that lower the cost of nutritious foods can make it more affordable for people to choose these options over junk food. People’s health is of paramount importance to their lives and work, contributing significantly to the advancement of society, so the government must be seriously concerned with this issue.

In conclusion, although education can be applied as an effective method for reducing the consumption of junk food, there are several other methods that can have advantageous influences on people’s health.