Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others belive that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others belive that education will not work.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People must be aware of their health ,especially when related to eating. Researchers agree that having fast food regularly makes people get fat which is the main cause of many health problems. Some people thought that raising awareness will help to reduce consuming this kind of food while others believe that this knowledge will not have any added value. In my opinion, I totally agree that educating people will make a big difference in their life. In this essay, I will be discussing this matter and elaborating more on my point of view.

To begin with, people should know how many calories their bodies need to do usual activities and how much food they eat correspondingly. This equivalent must be clearly explained to the public to get the full image that helps them to count the daily needs of calories and the differences between useful and not useful fats . For example, when people recognize that a huge number of calories and saturated fat earned from junk food can be replaced with many types of useful food this will change their thoughts and make them think twice before eating any fast meal.

On the other hand, Despite the fact that junk food has uncountable drawbacks, unfortunately, some people like to eat because it makes them feel happy. Therefore, it’s complicated to convince these people to decrease the rate of consuming fast food. For instance, whenever you go out, you notice that fast food restaurants are crowded with people rather than healthy food places. Furthermore, the takeaway and delivery services provided by almost all fast food centres make it easier to have your meal in a few minutes.

To sum up, it’s undeniable that we may try junk food and even frequently, but we have to be careful about the frequency and consider the nutrition facts and fat effects on our health. So be accountable for yourself and don’t eat unhealthy food excessively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "People must be aware of their health,especially when related to eating." -> "Individuals should be cognizant of their health, particularly in relation to dietary habits."
   Explanation: Replacing "People must be aware of their health" with "Individuals should be cognizant of their health" refines the tone to a more formal academic style. Adding "particularly in relation to dietary habits" clarifies the context and enhances specificity.

2. "having fast food regularly makes people get fat" -> "regular consumption of fast food contributes to weight gain"
   Explanation: "Having fast food regularly makes people get fat" is informal and imprecise. "Regular consumption of fast food contributes to weight gain" is more precise and uses formal vocabulary appropriate for academic writing.

3. "Some people thought" -> "Some individuals believe"
   Explanation: "Thought" is a less formal verb that can be replaced with "believe" for a more academic tone.

4. "raising awareness will help to reduce consuming this kind of food" -> "raising awareness can help reduce consumption of this type of food"
   Explanation: "Will help to reduce consuming" is awkward and informal. "Can help reduce consumption of" is more natural and formal.

5. "I totally agree" -> "I strongly agree"
   Explanation: "Totally" is informal and can be replaced with "strongly" to maintain a formal tone suitable for academic writing.

6. "make a big difference in their life" -> "significantly impact their lives"
   Explanation: "Make a big difference in their life" is colloquial. "Significantly impact their lives" is more precise and formal.

7. "people should know how many calories their bodies need" -> "individuals should be aware of their caloric requirements"
   Explanation: "People should know how many calories their bodies need" is somewhat informal and vague. "Individuals should be aware of their caloric requirements" is more precise and formal.

8. "equivalent must be clearly explained to the public" -> "this information should be clearly communicated to the public"
   Explanation: "Equivalent" is not the correct term here; "information" is more appropriate. "Must" can be replaced with "should" to soften the tone slightly, which is more suitable for academic writing.

9. "helps them to count the daily needs of calories and the differences between useful and not useful fats" -> "enables them to track their daily caloric needs and distinguish between beneficial and detrimental fats"
   Explanation: "Helps them to count" is informal and vague. "Enables them to track" is more precise and formal. "Useful and not useful fats" is replaced with "beneficial and detrimental fats" for clarity and formality.

10. "junk food has uncountable drawbacks" -> "junk food has numerous drawbacks"
    Explanation: "Uncountable" is incorrect in this context; "numerous" is the correct term to describe a large but countable number of drawbacks.

11. "it’s complicated to convince these people to decrease the rate of consuming fast food" -> "it is challenging to persuade these individuals to reduce their consumption of fast food"
    Explanation: "It’s complicated" is informal and colloquial. "It is challenging" is more formal, and "reduce their consumption" is more precise than "decrease the rate of consuming."

12. "whenever you go out, you notice that fast food restaurants are crowded with people rather than healthy food places" -> "whenever one ventures out, it is observed that fast food establishments are more crowded than those serving healthy options"
    Explanation: "Whenever you go out" is informal and conversational. "Whenever one ventures out" is more formal. "Crowded with people rather than healthy food places" is awkward; "more crowded than those serving healthy options" is clearer and more formal.

13. "takeaway and delivery services provided by almost all fast food centres" -> "takeaway and delivery services offered by nearly all fast food establishments"
    Explanation: "Provided by almost all fast food centres" is slightly informal and imprecise. "Offered by nearly all fast food establishments" is more formal and precise.

14. "don’t eat unhealthy food excessively" -> "avoid excessive consumption of unhealthy foods"
    Explanation: "Don’t eat unhealthy food excessively" is informal and conversational. "Avoid excessive consumption of unhealthy foods" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the effectiveness of education in combating junk food consumption. The author presents the argument that education can help raise awareness about the health risks associated with junk food, while also acknowledging the opposing view that some individuals may not change their eating habits despite being informed. However, the discussion lacks depth in exploring the opposing viewpoint. For instance, while the essay mentions that some people find happiness in eating junk food, it does not delve into why education might fail to change their behavior or what alternative solutions could be proposed.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more detailed examples or statistics that illustrate the ineffectiveness of education in certain demographics. Additionally, discussing other potential solutions, such as policy changes or community initiatives, would provide a more balanced view and fully address the prompt.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The author’s position is clear in favor of education as a means to combat junk food consumption, as stated in the thesis and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the essay could benefit from a more consistent reinforcement of this position throughout the body paragraphs. The transition between discussing the benefits of education and the challenges posed by personal preferences could be smoother to maintain clarity.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the author should explicitly connect each point back to the central argument. For example, after discussing the challenges of changing eating habits, the author could emphasize how education can still play a role in addressing these challenges, perhaps by suggesting targeted educational strategies that consider emotional factors.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of calorie awareness and the emotional attachment to junk food. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. The example of crowded fast food restaurants is relevant but could be expanded with more specific data or studies that illustrate the prevalence of junk food consumption and its impact on health.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should include more concrete examples, such as statistics on obesity rates or studies that show the effectiveness of educational programs in changing dietary habits. Additionally, elaborating on how education can be tailored to address emotional attachments to food would provide a more comprehensive discussion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on junk food and the role of education. However, there are moments where the discussion veers slightly off course, particularly when mentioning personal responsibility in the conclusion. While this is relevant, it could be more directly tied back to the central argument about education.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the prompt. The conclusion could be rephrased to reinforce the importance of education in promoting personal responsibility rather than introducing a new idea about individual accountability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from deeper exploration of the opposing viewpoint, more robust supporting evidence, and a tighter focus on the central argument throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and states the writer’s opinion. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of education regarding calorie awareness, while the second body paragraph addresses the challenges posed by the enjoyment of junk food. This organization allows the reader to follow the argument easily. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between the ideas is somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that link the ideas between paragraphs more explicitly. For instance, after discussing the benefits of education, you could introduce the second paragraph with a phrase like, "However, despite these educational efforts, there are significant challenges that hinder their effectiveness."

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph centers on the importance of calorie awareness, while the second addresses the emotional attachment to junk food. However, the conclusion feels slightly disconnected from the main argument, as it introduces new ideas rather than summarizing the points made in the body.
  • How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs. Avoid introducing new concepts; instead, reinforce the key points made about the effectiveness of education and the challenges posed by emotional eating. A clearer connection to the thesis statement would strengthen the overall coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "on the other hand," and "for example," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "this equivalent must be clearly explained to the public" could benefit from a clearer reference to what "this equivalent" specifically refers to.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. Consider using "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "however" to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensure that references are clear; for instance, instead of "this equivalent," specify "the relationship between caloric intake and health" to enhance clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on smoother transitions, clearer conclusions, and a broader range of cohesive devices will help elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "junk food," "calories," "saturated fat," and "nutrition facts." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "fast food" and "junk food," which appear multiple times without variation. This limits the lexical diversity that is expected at higher band scores.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "junk food," they could use "processed food," "unhealthy snacks," or "fast cuisine." Additionally, using more varied adjectives (e.g., "nutritious" instead of "useful") would enrich the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys meaning, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "this knowledge will not have any added value" is vague and could be clearer. The term "useful" in "useful and not useful fats" lacks specificity and could be better articulated as "healthy" and "unhealthy fats."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using more specific terms that accurately convey their intended meaning. For example, instead of saying "this knowledge will not have any added value," they could say "this knowledge may not significantly change eating habits." This would provide clearer communication of their argument.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "belive" (should be "believe") and "fast meal" (which could be more appropriately phrased as "fast food"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the essay and can lead to misunderstandings.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy. This can include reading the essay aloud to catch errors, using spell-check tools, or writing drafts and revising them after a short break to approach the text with fresh eyes. Additionally, familiarizing themselves with commonly misspelled words can help reduce these errors in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. By diversifying vocabulary, enhancing precision, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can significantly improve their overall performance.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "To begin with" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces different points, indicating a good command of discourse markers. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures, such as conditional sentences or varied clause placements. For example, the phrase "this equivalent must be clearly explained to the public" could be restructured for more impact.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include relative clauses or conditional clauses. For example, instead of saying "people should know how many calories their bodies need," it could be rephrased to "people should understand how many calories their bodies require to function effectively." Additionally, varying the sentence openings and using a mix of active and passive voice can enhance the overall complexity and interest of the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "people get fat which is the main cause of many health problems" lacks a comma before "which," leading to a run-on sentence. Additionally, the phrase "this knowledge will not have any added value" could be more clearly expressed as "this knowledge may not add any value." Punctuation errors, such as the unnecessary space before commas and inconsistent use of commas, detract from the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on careful proofreading to catch punctuation errors and ensure that clauses are correctly punctuated. It would be beneficial to review rules regarding comma usage, particularly in complex sentences. Additionally, practicing sentence combining exercises can help the writer become more adept at creating grammatically correct and varied sentences. Using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting persistent errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on the diversification of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

People must be cognizant of their health, particularly in relation to dietary habits. Researchers agree that the regular consumption of fast food contributes to weight gain, which is a primary cause of many health problems. Some individuals believe that raising awareness can help reduce consumption of this type of food, while others argue that this knowledge will not have any significant impact. In my opinion, I strongly agree that educating people will make a substantial difference in their lives. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives and elaborate on my point of view.

To begin with, individuals should be aware of their caloric requirements and how their food intake corresponds to their daily activities. This information should be clearly communicated to the public to provide a comprehensive understanding that enables them to track their daily caloric needs and distinguish between beneficial and detrimental fats. For example, when people recognize that the high number of calories and saturated fats found in junk food can be replaced with various types of nutritious food, it can change their mindset and encourage them to think twice before opting for fast meals.

On the other hand, despite the numerous drawbacks of junk food, some individuals enjoy eating it because it makes them feel happy. Therefore, it is challenging to persuade these individuals to reduce their consumption of fast food. For instance, whenever one ventures out, it is observed that fast food establishments are more crowded than those serving healthy options. Furthermore, the takeaway and delivery services offered by nearly all fast food establishments make it easier to obtain a meal in just a few minutes.

To sum up, it is undeniable that we may indulge in junk food occasionally, but we must be cautious about the frequency and consider the nutritional facts and fat effects on our health. Therefore, individuals should avoid excessive consumption of unhealthy foods and take responsibility for their dietary choices.