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The pie charts demonstrate coffee production, percentage of consumption in different countries and proportion of coffee profits.
Overall, what stands out from the three charts is that South America and Central America are respectively the dominant production as well as consumption of coffee. Also noteworthy is that shippers lead other groups in the number of profits during the given period.
In reference to the percentage of coffee producers and consumers, the coffee output of South America takes the first position with more than forty percent in total while Africa, Asia and Central America fall within the range between ten and twenty percent. In the meantime, Ocenia holds the lowest proportion which is only two percent. Central America is the ascendant coffee consumer, making up more than half of the chart.
With regards to the profit allocation, more than a half of the coffee revenue belongs to shippers whereas explorers account for seven percent – approximately one-eighth compared to shippers . Another distinctive point is the turnover of sellers which occupies more than a quarter, followed by the amount of producers’ profit at eleven percent during this time frame.

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Errors and Improvements:

"What stands out from the three charts is that" -> "The salient feature of the three charts is that"
Explanation: Replacing "What stands out from the three charts is that" with "The salient feature of the three charts is that" maintains clarity while using a more sophisticated phrase.
"as well as" -> "and"
Explanation: "As well as" is often used informally; "and" is a more concise and formal alternative in this context.
"Also noteworthy is that" -> "Additionally, it is noteworthy that"
Explanation: "Also noteworthy is that" can be replaced with "Additionally, it is noteworthy that" to enhance formality and clarity.
"In reference to" -> "Regarding"
Explanation: "In reference to" is slightly awkward; "Regarding" is a more concise and formal alternative.
"takes the first position" -> "holds the primary position"
Explanation: "Takes the first position" can be replaced with "holds the primary position" for a more sophisticated expression.
"fall within the range between" -> "range from"
Explanation: "Fall within the range between" is redundant; "range from" is a more concise alternative.
"the ascendant coffee consumer" -> "the predominant coffee consumer"
Explanation: "The ascendant coffee consumer" is awkward; "the predominant coffee consumer" is more appropriate for expressing dominance.
"With regards to" -> "Regarding"
Explanation: "With regards to" can be replaced with "Regarding" for brevity and formality.
"more than a half" -> "over half"
Explanation: "More than a half" can be replaced with "over half" for a more concise expression.
"occupies more than a quarter" -> "comprises over a quarter"
Explanation: "Occupies more than a quarter" can be replaced with "comprises over a quarter" for variety and clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the key information presented in the pie charts. It provides a clear overview of the main trends in coffee production, consumption, and profit distribution. The main features of each chart are highlighted, including the dominance of South and Central America in both production and consumption, as well as the significant proportion of profits earned by shippers. The information is presented in a coherent manner, allowing the reader to understand the main points of each chart.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could provide a more detailed analysis of the data, particularly in terms of the specific percentages mentioned. Additionally, ensuring that the language used is precise and accurate would enhance the clarity of the report. Moreover, extending the discussion on the implications of the findings could further strengthen the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some coherence and progression. There is a clear attempt to organize ideas logically, starting with an overview and then discussing specific details from the charts. However, there are some issues with cohesion within and between sentences. For example, the transition between discussing coffee production and consumption could be smoother. Additionally, there is a lack of clarity in referencing certain elements from the charts, which affects the overall cohesion of the essay. Paragraphing is used, but it’s not always logically structured, as some points could be better grouped together for improved coherence.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that there is a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use cohesive devices more effectively to establish connections between sentences and paragraphs. Make sure that referencing to the charts is clear and specific, avoiding ambiguity. Also, focus on structuring paragraphs in a way that enhances the flow of the essay, grouping related points together for better organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. It effectively describes the data presented in the pie charts and uses varied vocabulary such as "dominant," "noteworthy," "ascendant," and "distinctive." There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary like "shippers," "explorers," and "producers’ profit." However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "proportion of coffee profits" instead of "allocation of coffee profits," and "turnover of sellers" which could be better expressed as "profits for sellers." Additionally, some phrases could be clearer and more concise, improving overall lexical sophistication.

How to improve: To improve, focus on refining word choice and collocation. Use precise vocabulary and ensure that less common terms are used accurately. Additionally, strive for clearer and more concise expression to enhance lexical sophistication. Reviewing collocations and idiomatic expressions related to the topic can also aid in achieving greater precision in language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay employs a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, demonstrating an attempt to vary sentence structure. There are instances of complex structures such as "what stands out from the three charts is that" and "With regards to the profit allocation, more than a half of the coffee revenue belongs to shippers whereas explorers account for seven percent – approximately one-eighth compared to shippers." However, some sentences could be more complex for higher accuracy.

There are errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, but they rarely hinder communication. For example, "more than a half of the coffee revenue belongs to shippers" should be "more than half of the coffee revenue belongs to shippers." Additionally, there are instances of faulty punctuation, such as missing commas before coordinating conjunctions in compound sentences.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should aim for greater sentence variety by incorporating more complex structures. Additionally, careful proofreading for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes can enhance clarity and precision in conveying ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts illustrate data concerning coffee production, consumption percentages across various countries, and the distribution of coffee profits.

Overall, it is evident from the charts that South America and Central America hold significant roles in both coffee production and consumption. Additionally, shippers emerge as the primary beneficiaries in terms of profit.

In terms of coffee production and consumption percentages, South America leads with over forty percent of the total output. Africa, Asia, and Central America each contribute between ten and twenty percent, while Oceania represents the smallest share at merely two percent. Central America stands out as the leading consumer, accounting for more than half of the total consumption.

Regarding profit allocation, shippers claim the lion’s share, capturing more than half of the coffee revenue. In contrast, explorers secure only seven percent, approximately one-eighth of the shippers’ share. Notably, sellers make up over a quarter of the turnover, with producers’ profits amounting to eleven percent during the specified period.