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Should people buy pets?

Should people buy pets?

Are pets worth being spent money and time on? Public responses to this question vary. Some people say that pets play an important role in human life while others argue that we should spend time and money on other things which are more useful. Each of these opinions has its own merits.
There are strong reasons for supporting the former view. Firstly, pets help people to relax. After a hard working day, they can come back home and talk with their pets as a real friend to reduce stress. Moreover, some activities such as taking pets for a walk and listening to birdsong can also help them relax. Secondly, pets help people to expand their relationships. They can talk and share experiences with other people who keep pets as them. Last but not least, keeping pets provides people with useful knowledge about animal life. Therefore, they can contribute to children’s study, especially to biology.
However, there are plausible reasons for supporting the latter view. One is that pets take too much time and money while people throughout the world are starving. Therefore, people had better use their money to volunteer instead of keeping pets. Next, pets can be annoying with other people. For example, if your dog barks when your neighbors are sleeping, they will be annoyed and you cannot get on well with them. Another reason is that owners can be injured by their pets as some people are allergic to cat fur, and some pets which have not completely domesticated can attack their owner. This will be dangerous for not only the owner but also other people.
Both sides examined, I am in favor of the second opinion. However, people can keep pets if they have enough money and assure that their pets will not be annoying.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Are pets worth being spent money and time on?" -> "Is it worthwhile to invest money and time in pets?"
    Explanation: The original phrase is informal and uses an awkward structure. The suggested alternative maintains clarity while adopting a more formal tone.

  2. "Public responses to this question vary." -> "Public opinions on this matter vary."
    Explanation: The term "responses" is slightly informal, and the change to "opinions" aligns better with academic language. Additionally, rephrasing for clarity enhances the formality.

  3. "Some people say that pets play an important role in human life while others argue that we should spend time and money on other things which are more useful." -> "Some argue that pets play a crucial role in human life, while others contend that time and resources should be allocated to more beneficial pursuits."
    Explanation: The original sentence is somewhat convoluted, and the suggested alternative provides a clearer and more formal expression of the contrasting viewpoints.

  4. "Each of these opinions has its own merits." -> "Each of these perspectives has its own merits."
    Explanation: The term "perspectives" is more formal and precise than "opinions," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

  5. "There are strong reasons for supporting the former view." -> "Compelling reasons support the former perspective."
    Explanation: The suggested change replaces the generic "strong reasons" with "compelling reasons" for a more sophisticated and formal expression.

  6. "Firstly, pets help people to relax." -> "Firstly, pets contribute to individuals’ relaxation."
    Explanation: The revision maintains the structure while using a more formal verb ("contribute") to enhance the academic tone.

  7. "Moreover, some activities such as taking pets for a walk and listening to birdsong can also help them relax." -> "Furthermore, engaging in activities like walking pets and appreciating birdsong can also contribute to relaxation."
    Explanation: The suggested changes improve precision and formality by specifying the activities and using more academic language.

  8. "Keeping pets provides people with useful knowledge about animal life." -> "Keeping pets imparts valuable insights into animal life."
    Explanation: The term "provides" is replaced with "imparts" for a more formal expression without sacrificing clarity.

  9. "One is that pets take too much time and money while people throughout the world are starving." -> "One argument is that pets demand significant time and financial resources, particularly in the context of global hunger."
    Explanation: The revision adds specificity and formality, addressing the issue of global hunger more directly.

  10. "Therefore, people had better use their money to volunteer instead of keeping pets." -> "Therefore, individuals would be better advised to allocate their resources to volunteering rather than keeping pets."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains the conditional structure while using more formal language and providing a clearer comparison.

  11. "They will be annoyed and you cannot get on well with them." -> "This may lead to annoyance, hindering harmonious relationships with them."
    Explanation: The revision clarifies the cause-and-effect relationship in a more formal manner.

  12. "Both sides examined, I am in favor of the second opinion." -> "Upon careful consideration of both perspectives, I favor the second viewpoint."
    Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains the structure while using more formal language ("careful consideration") to express the author’s preference.

  13. "However, people can keep pets if they have enough money and assure that their pets will not be annoying." -> "However, individuals may choose to keep pets if they possess the financial means and can ensure that their pets will not cause inconvenience."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains the conditional structure while using more formal language and specifying the conditions for keeping pets.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses both sides of the argument, presenting reasons for and against buying pets. However, the conclusion is somewhat unclear and seems to lean towards a personal opinion without a clear stance.
    • How to Improve: To improve, ensure a more explicit stance in the conclusion. Clearly state whether the author supports or opposes buying pets and provide a concise summary of the key points.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay attempts to present a clear position but wavers in the conclusion. The introductory and body paragraphs maintain a reasonable clarity in expressing the author’s preference against buying pets.
    • How to Improve: Strengthen the conclusion by reiterating the main stance without ambiguity. Consistently reinforce the chosen position throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay presents ideas on both sides of the argument adequately. It offers reasons supporting the benefits of having pets and opposing viewpoints emphasizing the drawbacks. However, some arguments lack elaboration and depth, affecting the overall development.
    • How to Improve: Elaborate on each point with specific examples or details to provide a more comprehensive and convincing argument. This will enhance the overall development of ideas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but could be more focused. Some points, particularly in the second paragraph, slightly deviate from the central theme of whether people should buy pets.
    • How to Improve: Maintain a tighter focus on the prompt throughout the essay. Avoid introducing tangential points that may distract from the central argument.

Overall Feedback:
The essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the prompt by presenting arguments for and against buying pets. To improve, focus on maintaining a consistent stance, providing more detailed examples, and avoiding deviations from the main topic. Strengthening the conclusion to clearly reflect the author’s position will contribute to a more cohesive and convincing essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction presents the topic and outlines different perspectives. Body paragraphs follow a clear structure, discussing reasons supporting both views. However, there’s room for improvement in the overall flow, as the shift between supporting the first and second opinions could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transition sentences or phrases between paragraphs to guide readers through the shift in perspectives. Ensure a clear progression of ideas by linking supporting points cohesively.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument, maintaining coherence within individual sections. However, some paragraphs could benefit from a more explicit topic sentence to guide readers.
    • How to improve: Strengthen each paragraph’s structure by starting with a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea. This will help readers anticipate the content and better understand the essay’s organization.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a reasonable range of cohesive devices, such as linking words (e.g., "Firstly," "Moreover," "However," "Last but not least"). These contribute to overall coherence. However, there’s an opportunity to enhance variety and precision in the use of cohesive devices for a more sophisticated effect.
    • How to improve: Introduce a broader spectrum of cohesive devices, including synonyms for commonly used transition words. Additionally, vary sentence structures to add complexity and engage the reader further. This will elevate the overall cohesion of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid level of coherence and cohesion. Improvements in the transition between ideas, explicit topic sentences, and the diversification of cohesive devices could enhance the overall organization and readability. Remember to maintain a consistent and explicit connection between the thesis statement and supporting points for a more seamless flow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there is an attempt to use varied expressions, some phrases and word choices are repetitive. For instance, the frequent use of the phrase "people throughout the world" and repetition of "pets" in close proximity could be diversified for a more extensive lexical range.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, strive for more diversity in vocabulary. Synonyms and alternative expressions can be introduced to avoid repetition. Additionally, incorporating specialized vocabulary related to the topic, such as terms specific to pet care or the responsibilities of pet ownership, would enrich the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is satisfactory. However, there are instances where the essay could benefit from more nuanced and accurate word choices. For example, the phrase "take too much time and money" could be replaced with more specific terms to precisely convey the idea of the resource-intensive nature of pet ownership.
    • How to improve: Work on refining vocabulary choices to convey ideas with greater precision. Instead of general phrases, opt for specific terms that capture the exact meaning intended. Thesauruses and context-specific vocabulary lists can be valuable resources for expanding and refining word choices.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally sound throughout the essay. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors are present, such as "being spent" (should be "spending") and "assure" (should be "ensure"). While these do not significantly impede comprehension, attention to these details can enhance the overall quality of the writing.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, careful proofreading is crucial. Utilize spelling and grammar checking tools, and allocate dedicated time for reviewing the essay before submission. Additionally, focusing on common areas of error, such as homophones and commonly misspelled words, can contribute to improved spelling proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and complexity of structures. For instance, a greater use of complex sentences or the incorporation of rhetorical devices would enhance the essay’s overall sophistication.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences by using subordinate clauses. Additionally, experiment with rhetorical devices such as parallelism or inversion to add nuance to your expressions.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy, but there are instances where minor errors occur. For example, in the phrase "worth being spent money," it would be more grammatically correct to say "worth spending money." Punctuation is generally accurate, but there are occasional missing or misused commas, such as in "pets play an important role in human life while others argue."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to verb-noun agreement, verb tense consistency, and preposition usage to enhance grammatical accuracy. Review the rules for comma usage, ensuring appropriate placement to improve overall punctuation accuracy. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission will help catch and correct such errors.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and sentence structures, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy. Experimenting with more complex sentence constructions and conducting thorough proofreading will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

Is it worthwhile to invest money and time in pets? Public opinions on this matter vary. Some argue that pets play a crucial role in human life, while others contend that time and resources should be allocated to more beneficial pursuits. Each of these perspectives has its own merits.

Compelling reasons support the former perspective. Firstly, pets contribute to individuals’ relaxation. After a hard working day, they can come back home and interact with their pets as real friends to reduce stress. Furthermore, engaging in activities like walking pets and appreciating birdsong can also contribute to relaxation. Keeping pets imparts valuable insights into animal life. They help people expand their relationships by providing a common interest for socializing with others who share the same passion for pets. This, in turn, can contribute to a sense of community.

One argument against owning pets is that they demand significant time and financial resources, particularly in the context of global hunger. Therefore, individuals would be better advised to allocate their resources to volunteering rather than keeping pets. This may lead to annoyance, hindering harmonious relationships with neighbors, especially if pets create disturbances, such as barking late at night.

Upon careful consideration of both perspectives, I favor the second viewpoint. However, individuals may choose to keep pets if they possess the financial means and can ensure that their pets will not cause inconvenience. It is essential for pet owners to be responsible and considerate, taking into account the potential impact of their pets on others, both in terms of time and noise. In conclusion, while the benefits of having pets are evident, responsible ownership is paramount to ensure a positive coexistence with the broader community.

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