Social media has become an integral part of modern life, transforming the way we communicate, consume information, and connect with others. However, some people argue that social media has negative impacts on society, such as promoting unrealistic expectations, fostering addiction, and eroding social interaction. Discuss both the positive and negative aspects of social media and give your opinion on its overall impact on society.
Social media has become an integral part of modern life, transforming the way we communicate, consume information, and connect with others. However, some people argue that social media has negative impacts on society, such as promoting unrealistic expectations, fostering addiction, and eroding social interaction. Discuss both the positive and negative aspects of social media and give your opinion on its overall impact on society.
In the modern days, social media has been associated with human life, it has changed how we connect with family and friends, and receive the information. While some people think that social media has negative effects on humanity. For instance, fake news, unreal predictions, and so more. This essay, I will discuss both sides of the issue and give my opinion.
On the one hand, it can not be denied that social media has brought a lot of advantages for humans. The platforms like Facebook, Zalo have helped us connect with family and friends more easily and cheaper. With a connected network smartphone, we can speak with others from many countries with zero delay. Additionally, thanks to the development of the technology, people can update the news in real-time. After a few seconds, people could know the situation of the hurricane, therefore they could have a good plan to avoid its damages.
On the other hand, it also brings a lot of negative effects to humanity and I personally believe that it outweighs the advantages. One of the main risks of social media is the discredibility of news. Information overload but lost transparency make people confused about what they read. Many media outlets prioritize commercial interests instead of giving the varifiled information. Those outlets spread biased sensationalism information to the public. For example, a post on facebook says that there will be a pandemic in Europe could make the world disordered. But a fake post like that could be spread really fast without any control of the social media owner.
In conclusion, there is no denying that social media has given us so many positive things, but I still believe that its drawbacks are more dangerous. Therefore, the governments and social media should take real actions to enhance its disadvantages.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In the modern days" -> "In modern times"
Explanation: "In the modern days" is a colloquial expression. "In modern times" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. -
"associated with human life" -> "integrated into human life"
Explanation: "Associated with" is vague and informal; "integrated into" more accurately describes the extent of social media’s impact on daily life. -
"it has changed how we connect with family and friends, and receive the information" -> "it has altered the way we connect with family and friends and access information"
Explanation: "Altered the way" is more precise and formal than "changed how," and "access information" is a more specific term than "receive the information." -
"so more" -> "and so on"
Explanation: "So more" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "And so on" is the correct phrase to indicate continuation. -
"This essay, I will discuss" -> "This essay, I will discuss"
Explanation: The comma after "essay" is unnecessary and disrupts the flow of the sentence. Removing it corrects the punctuation. -
"it can not be denied" -> "it cannot be denied"
Explanation: "Can not" is a less formal contraction; "cannot" is the correct form for formal writing. -
"a lot of advantages" -> "numerous advantages"
Explanation: "A lot of" is informal and vague; "numerous" is more precise and formal. -
"The platforms like Facebook, Zalo" -> "Platforms such as Facebook and Zalo"
Explanation: "The platforms like" is informal and imprecise; "Platforms such as" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. -
"speak with others" -> "communicate with others"
Explanation: "Speak with" is informal and vague; "communicate with" is more specific and formal. -
"zero delay" -> "instantly"
Explanation: "Zero delay" is colloquial; "instantly" is more formal and commonly used in academic contexts. -
"update the news in real-time" -> "receive real-time updates on news"
Explanation: "Update the news in real-time" is awkward and unclear; "receive real-time updates on news" is clearer and more formal. -
"Information overload but lost transparency" -> "Information overload, resulting in a loss of transparency"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar. -
"make people confused" -> "confuse people"
Explanation: "Make people confused" is grammatically incorrect; "confuse people" is the correct form. -
"varifiled information" -> "varied information"
Explanation: "Varifiled" is a typographical error; "varied" is the correct word. -
"biased sensationalism information" -> "biased sensationalist information"
Explanation: "Biased sensationalism information" is awkward and grammatically incorrect; "biased sensationalist information" is grammatically correct and clearer. -
"a post on facebook says" -> "a post on Facebook claims"
Explanation: "Says" is too informal for academic writing; "claims" is more appropriate and formal. -
"could make the world disordered" -> "could disrupt global order"
Explanation: "Make the world disordered" is informal and vague; "disrupt global order" is precise and formal. -
"a fake post like that could be spread really fast" -> "such a false post could spread rapidly"
Explanation: "Really fast" is informal; "rapidly" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. -
"without any control of the social media owner" -> "without the control of the social media owner"
Explanation: "Without any control of" is redundant; "without the control of" is more concise and formal. -
"enhance its disadvantages" -> "mitigate its disadvantages"
Explanation: "Enhance" is incorrect in this context; "mitigate" is the correct term for reducing or lessening negative effects.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the positive and negative aspects of social media as required by the prompt. The positive side is discussed in the first body paragraph, highlighting the ease of communication and real-time news updates. The negative aspects are covered in the second body paragraph, focusing on issues like fake news and information overload. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides, as the negative aspects are given more emphasis, which may not fully satisfy the requirement to discuss both perspectives equally.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that each side is given equal weight. This could involve adding more examples or elaborating further on the positive impacts of social media, such as its role in social movements or community building, to provide a more balanced view.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their opinion that the negative impacts of social media outweigh the positives, particularly in the second body paragraph. However, the transition from discussing the positive aspects to the negative could be smoother, as the abrupt shift may confuse readers about the overall stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use transitional phrases that reinforce their opinion throughout the essay. For instance, after discussing the benefits, they could introduce the negative aspects with a phrase like, "Despite these advantages, there are significant drawbacks that must be considered."
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of communication and the dangers of misinformation. However, some points lack depth. For example, the mention of "fake news" could be further elaborated with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. Additionally, the phrase "unreal predictions" is vague and could be clarified to enhance understanding.
- How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could include citing specific studies or statistics regarding social media’s impact on mental health or societal behavior, which would add credibility and depth to the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the impacts of social media. However, there are moments where the writing becomes slightly unfocused, particularly in the discussion of "unreal predictions," which is not clearly defined or explained. This can detract from the overall coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. They could define terms like "unreal predictions" or replace it with a more relevant point, such as the impact of social media on mental health or self-esteem, which would align better with the discussion of unrealistic expectations.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides, deeper support for ideas, and improved coherence in transitions and definitions.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both positive and negative aspects of social media, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally organized logically, with the positive aspects addressed first followed by the negative aspects. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the advantages to the disadvantages could benefit from a clearer linking statement that prepares the reader for the change in focus.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "Conversely," or "On the flip side," at the beginning of the paragraph discussing the negative aspects. This will help signal to the reader that a contrasting viewpoint is being introduced. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that section.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic, which is a strength. However, some paragraphs could be further developed to enhance depth and clarity. For example, the paragraph discussing the negative impacts could be split into two: one focusing on the issue of fake news and another on the broader implications of social media addiction and eroded social interaction.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph is focused on a single main idea and contains supporting details that elaborate on that idea. Consider using more specific examples and explanations to flesh out each point. This will not only improve clarity but also provide a more comprehensive discussion of each aspect.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "but lost transparency make people confused" lacks a clear connection to the preceding sentence, which could confuse readers.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In addition," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next by using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts. This will create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic of social media. Words and phrases such as "integral part," "unrealistic expectations," "information overload," and "discredibility" are used, indicating an attempt to engage with the topic at a deeper level. However, there are instances where vocabulary choices are somewhat limited or repetitive, such as the repeated use of "social media" and "humanity" without variation.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "social media," you could use "digital platforms," "online networks," or "social networking sites." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary or idiomatic expressions could elevate the essay’s overall quality.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes relevant vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the term "discredibility" is not standard; the correct term would be "discredit" or "lack of credibility." Furthermore, phrases like "unreal predictions" could be more accurately expressed as "unrealistic expectations" or "misleading information."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. When unsure about a word’s usage, consult a dictionary or thesaurus. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on precision can help. For example, instead of saying "fake news," you could specify "misinformation" or "false information," which are more precise terms.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "varifiled" (which should be "verified") and "disordered" (which could be replaced with "chaos" or "disarray" for clarity). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can affect the reader’s understanding.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review your work with fresh eyes to catch errors. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing software can help identify and correct spelling mistakes before submission. Regular practice with spelling exercises or quizzes can also reinforce correct spelling habits.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focus on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and maintaining correct spelling to enhance clarity and effectiveness in communication.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. For example, phrases like "social media has been associated with human life" and "it has changed how we connect with family and friends" show an ability to construct varied sentences. However, the essay relies heavily on straightforward constructions and lacks more sophisticated structures that can enhance clarity and engagement. For instance, the use of "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" is effective for contrast but could be complemented with more varied transitional phrases or clauses.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses or participial phrases. For example, instead of saying "With a connected network smartphone, we can speak with others from many countries with zero delay," you could say, "By utilizing a connected smartphone network, individuals can communicate with others across the globe instantaneously." Additionally, practice using a variety of conjunctions and transition words to improve the flow and complexity of your writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fair level of grammatical accuracy; however, there are several instances of grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from the overall clarity. For example, the phrase "In the modern days" should be "In modern times," and "the platforms like Facebook, Zalo have helped us" is missing a comma before "have." Additionally, the sentence "Information overload but lost transparency make people confused about what they read" is grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to "Information overload, combined with a lack of transparency, makes people confused about what they read." These errors indicate a need for more careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review basic grammar rules, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement and the use of commas. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, consider reading your essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing or punctuation errors. Using grammar-checking tools can also provide immediate feedback on potential mistakes, allowing for corrections before final submission.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
In modern times, social media has become integrated into human life, transforming how we connect with family and friends and access information. While some people argue that social media has negative impacts on society, such as promoting unrealistic expectations, fostering addiction, and eroding social interaction, I believe it is essential to examine both the positive and negative aspects of social media. This essay will discuss both sides of the issue and provide my opinion.
On the one hand, it cannot be denied that social media has brought numerous advantages to humanity. Platforms such as Facebook and Zalo have made it easier and more affordable for us to communicate with family and friends. With a connected smartphone network, we can communicate with others from many countries instantly. Additionally, thanks to advancements in technology, people can receive real-time updates on news. For instance, within seconds, individuals can learn about the situation of a hurricane, allowing them to make informed plans to avoid potential damage.
On the other hand, social media also presents several negative effects, and I personally believe that these drawbacks outweigh the advantages. One of the main risks associated with social media is the credibility of news. Information overload, resulting in a loss of transparency, can confuse people about what they read. Many media outlets prioritize commercial interests over providing verified information. These outlets often spread biased sensationalist information to the public. For example, a post on Facebook claiming that there will be a pandemic in Europe could disrupt global order. Such a false post could spread rapidly without the control of the social media owner, leading to widespread panic and misinformation.
In conclusion, while it is undeniable that social media has provided us with many positive benefits, I believe that its drawbacks pose significant dangers. Therefore, it is crucial for governments and social media platforms to take real actions to mitigate its disadvantages.