Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's busy lifestyle, music plays an inevitable part in human life. While some people believe that music is an efficient way to unwind and relieve stress and depression, I totally disagree with this notion. The role of music is not only to entertain but also to develop individuals’ brains and enhance social interactions.
It is understandable why some people argue that the role of music is purely for entertainment. Nowadays, people experience busy lifestyles and hectic schedules, which negatively impact their mental health and put a lot of pressure on them. Listening to some songs after a long day is one of the best methods to forget their burdens, refresh their minds, and provide an escape from their troubles. Moreover, when listening to music, people’s brains release substances such as dopamine and serotonin, which bring feelings of happiness and relaxation.
However, these individuals overlook the other benefits of music, which they have probably experienced at least once in their lives. Firstly, music contributes to brain development. More specifically, it is believed that music helps people become more creative. A recent survey in Australia found that individuals who play any musical instrument have the ability to solve problems more quickly and innovatively than others. Additionally, music can be beneficial to memory, as it slows the risk of cognitive decline and increases concentration. Secondly, music provides opportunities to meet like-minded people. A classic example of this is music shows and concerts, which attract numerous people with the same taste in music. Therefore, they can interact with others, exchange ideas, express their own musical perceptions, and widen their circle of relationships.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that music has a plethora of advantages, not only in enhancing mood but also in other areas, and people should thoroughly take advantage of it.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s busy lifestyle" -> "In contemporary lifestyles"
Explanation: The phrase "In today’s busy lifestyle" is somewhat informal and vague. "In contemporary lifestyles" provides a more precise and formal alternative that better suits academic writing.
"plays an inevitable part" -> "plays a crucial role"
Explanation: "Inevitable part" is somewhat vague and less formal. "Crucial role" is more specific and academically appropriate, emphasizing the importance of music in human life.
"I totally disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
Explanation: "Totally" is informal and can be seen as overly emphatic in academic writing. "Strongly" is a more formal and appropriate intensifier.
"is not only to entertain but also to develop individuals’ brains" -> "serves not only to entertain but also to enhance cognitive development"
Explanation: The phrase "develop individuals’ brains" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "Enhance cognitive development" is more specific and academically precise, focusing on the cognitive benefits of music.
"Nowadays" -> "currently"
Explanation: "Nowadays" is somewhat informal and conversational. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"people experience busy lifestyles and hectic schedules" -> "individuals face busy lifestyles and hectic schedules"
Explanation: "People experience" is a bit informal and general. "Individuals face" is more formal and specific, emphasizing the challenges posed by busy lifestyles.
"Listening to some songs" -> "Listening to music"
Explanation: "Some songs" is vague and informal. "Music" is more precise and formal, encompassing a broader range of musical genres and styles.
"forget their burdens" -> "forget their concerns"
Explanation: "Burdens" can imply a heavy or oppressive load, which might be too strong for the context. "Concerns" is a more neutral and appropriate term for the emotional impact of music.
"refresh their minds" -> "refresh their mental state"
Explanation: "Refresh their minds" is somewhat colloquial. "Refresh their mental state" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic language.
"provide an escape from their troubles" -> "offer a respite from their troubles"
Explanation: "Provide an escape" is slightly informal and colloquial. "Offer a respite" is more formal and fits the academic tone better.
"people’s brains release substances such as dopamine and serotonin" -> "the brain releases substances such as dopamine and serotonin"
Explanation: "People’s brains" is redundant and informal. "The brain" is more precise and formal, focusing on the biological process.
"bring feelings of happiness and relaxation" -> "induce feelings of happiness and relaxation"
Explanation: "Bring" is somewhat informal and vague. "Induce" is a more precise and scientifically appropriate term for describing the effects of music on emotions.
"have probably experienced at least once in their lives" -> "have likely experienced at least once in their lives"
Explanation: "Probably" is less formal and less certain than "likely," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"More specifically, it is believed that music helps people become more creative" -> "Specifically, research suggests that music enhances creativity"
Explanation: "It is believed" is vague and informal. "Research suggests" is more authoritative and formal, aligning with academic standards.
"slows the risk of cognitive decline" -> "reduces the risk of cognitive decline"
Explanation: "Slows" is incorrect in this context; "reduces" is the correct term for decreasing the likelihood of cognitive decline.
"increases concentration" -> "enhances concentration"
Explanation: "Increases" is a bit informal and general. "Enhances" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic context better.
"music shows and concerts" -> "musical performances"
Explanation: "Music shows and concerts" is informal and imprecise. "Musical performances" is a more formal and encompassing term.
"attract numerous people" -> "draw numerous individuals"
Explanation: "Attract" is somewhat informal and vague. "Draw" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"exchange ideas" -> "share ideas"
Explanation: "Exchange" can imply a more formal or business-like interaction. "Share" is more appropriate for casual interactions and discussions.
"express their own musical perceptions" -> "articulate their musical preferences"
Explanation: "Express their own musical perceptions" is awkward and unclear. "Articulate their musical preferences" is clearer and more formal, fitting the context of discussing personal tastes in music.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that music primarily serves to reduce stress and anxiety. The writer articulates their position in the introduction and supports it with arguments about the broader benefits of music, such as brain development and social interaction. However, while the essay does present a counterargument regarding the stress-relief aspect of music, it could benefit from a more nuanced discussion of the extent to which music can serve this purpose, which is implied in the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the writer could explicitly acknowledge the role of music in stress relief while simultaneously arguing that it is not its primary function. This would provide a more balanced view and directly address the "to what extent" aspect of the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, consistently arguing against the idea that music’s main purpose is stress reduction. The use of phrases like "I totally disagree" in the introduction and "I strongly believe" in the conclusion reinforces this stance. However, there are moments where the discussion of stress relief could be more clearly contrasted with the other benefits mentioned.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly contrast the benefits of stress relief with the other advantages of music. For example, stating, "While music can indeed help with stress relief, its role extends far beyond this function…" would help clarify the position further.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the argument that music has benefits beyond stress relief. The points about brain development and social interaction are well-developed and supported with examples, such as the survey in Australia. However, the essay could benefit from more detailed examples or evidence to further substantiate these claims, particularly regarding the social benefits of music.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer could include specific examples of how music enhances creativity or social interactions, such as mentioning particular studies or anecdotes about musicians who have fostered community through their art. This would provide a richer context for the arguments made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of music beyond stress relief. However, there are instances where the discussion of stress relief could lead to a more in-depth exploration of how it fits into the overall argument. The essay does not deviate significantly from the topic, which is a strength.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly ties back to the central argument. When discussing stress relief, it would be beneficial to immediately link it back to the broader theme of music’s multifaceted role in human life, reinforcing the main argument throughout.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer could elevate their score even further, particularly in terms of depth and clarity of argumentation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-structured, presenting a clear argument against the notion that music primarily serves to relieve stress and anxiety. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph logically follows the previous one. For instance, the first body paragraph addresses the common belief about music’s role in entertainment, while the second body paragraph counters this by highlighting music’s benefits for brain development and social interaction. This logical progression aids the reader’s understanding of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. For example, the first body paragraph could begin with a sentence that explicitly states the common belief before discussing it, which would help reinforce the contrast with the writer’s viewpoint.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The transition from discussing music’s role in entertainment to its cognitive and social benefits is smooth, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points. However, the paragraphs could be more distinct in terms of their internal structure.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph follows a clear pattern of development. For instance, in the second body paragraph, after presenting the benefits of music for brain development, consider adding a concluding sentence that ties back to the overall argument. This would reinforce the connection between the evidence presented and the thesis.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "moreover," "however," and "firstly," which help to connect ideas and indicate the relationship between different points. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. The use of "additionally" and "therefore" also effectively signals the progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking phrases and synonyms. For example, instead of repeating "additionally," you could use "furthermore" or "in addition" to introduce new points. Additionally, varying sentence structures can enhance the flow; for instance, using relative clauses or participial phrases can create more complex sentences that maintain coherence while enriching the text.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further elevate the clarity and sophistication of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively conveying complex ideas. Phrases such as "inevitable part," "efficient way to unwind," and "cognitive decline" showcase the writer’s ability to use varied vocabulary. Additionally, the use of terms like "like-minded people" and "musical perceptions" enriches the text and reflects a strong grasp of language.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "music," synonyms such as "melodies," "tunes," or "harmonies" could be employed. This would not only diversify the vocabulary but also keep the reader engaged.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with a high degree of precision. For example, the terms "dopamine" and "serotonin" are used correctly in the context of discussing the psychological effects of music. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more precise. The phrase "relieve stress and depression" could be misleading, as it implies that music can cure depression rather than alleviate symptoms.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should consider the connotations of words and their implications. Instead of stating that music "relieves stress and depression," it would be more accurate to say that music "can help alleviate feelings of stress and anxiety." This subtle change clarifies the intended meaning without overstating the effects of music.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no glaring errors that detract from the overall quality of the writing. Words like "inevitable," "efficient," and "cognitive" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a strong command of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or writing software can also aid in identifying any potential errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in English can further bolster spelling proficiency.

Overall, the essay reflects a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "While some people believe that music is an efficient way to unwind and relieve stress and depression, I totally disagree with this notion." This sentence effectively combines a subordinate clause with a main clause, showcasing the writer’s ability to convey contrasting ideas. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, such as "Listening to some songs after a long day is one of the best methods to forget their burdens, refresh their minds, and provide an escape from their troubles." This variety enhances the flow and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more conditional sentences (e.g., "If people engage with music regularly, they may experience improved mental health.") and participial phrases (e.g., "Having listened to music, individuals often feel rejuvenated."). This would not only add complexity but also allow for more nuanced expressions of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The grammatical accuracy in the essay is generally high, with few noticeable errors. For example, the phrase "which negatively impact their mental health and put a lot of pressure on them" correctly uses the relative pronoun "which" to refer back to "schedules." However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "the role of music is not only to entertain but also to develop individuals’ brains," where a clearer parallel structure could enhance clarity (e.g., "the role of music is not only to entertain but also to foster brain development"). Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there is a lack of commas in some complex sentences that could improve readability.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on ensuring parallel structure in lists and comparisons. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, would be beneficial. For instance, adding a comma before "which" in "listening to music, which brings feelings of happiness and relaxation" can clarify the sentence structure. Regular practice with grammar exercises and peer reviews could also help identify and rectify subtle errors.

In summary, the essay displays a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a Band Score of 8. By incorporating more varied sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can further elevate their writing quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s busy lifestyle, music plays an inevitable part in human life. While some people believe that music is an efficient way to unwind and relieve stress and anxiety, I strongly disagree with this notion. The role of music is not only to entertain but also to develop individuals’ brains and enhance social interactions.

It is understandable why some people argue that the role of music is purely for entertainment. Currently, individuals face busy lifestyles and hectic schedules, which negatively impact their mental health and put a lot of pressure on them. Listening to some songs after a long day is one of the best methods to forget their concerns, refresh their mental state, and offer a respite from their troubles. Moreover, when listening to music, people’s brains release substances such as dopamine and serotonin, which induce feelings of happiness and relaxation.

However, these individuals overlook the other benefits of music, which they have likely experienced at least once in their lives. Firstly, music contributes to brain development. More specifically, it is believed that music helps people become more creative. A recent survey in Australia found that individuals who play any musical instrument have the ability to solve problems more quickly and innovatively than others. Additionally, music can be beneficial to memory, as it reduces the risk of cognitive decline and enhances concentration. Secondly, music provides opportunities to meet like-minded people. A classic example of this is musical performances and concerts, which draw numerous individuals with the same taste in music. Therefore, they can interact with others, share ideas, articulate their musical preferences, and widen their circle of relationships.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that music has a plethora of advantages, not only in enhancing mood but also in other areas, and people should thoroughly take advantage of it.