Some argue that the increasing use of technology in education is beneficial for students, while others believe it can have negative consequences. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The raising in the use of technology for educational purpose lead to an arguement in the society. While many people suppose that this have a wonderful benefit for students, others agree that there are many potential risks. I think balencing the amount of time spending on technological devices is better.

Using phones, tablets, laptops or other devices give students a great opportunity to access information. When the teachers give a problem and ask to pupils to find the way to address it, finding the sample on Internet is easier for them to give the answer. If they have chances to deal with the issues and find solutions themselve, the lesson can be unforgetable. Moreover, with the help of technology, teachers can illutrate the knowledge by videos or games which is increasing the enthuasism of students in the lessons. For example, many institutions especially is kindergarten in my country playing educational music videos to teach the children about the alphabet and their bodies. Youngsters find it is easy to remember when they can sing togerther with the music, watch colourful video after listening the songs.

However, the abuse of technology has several drawbacks. Learner are no longer want to study in the traditional way which is boring in their mind. For examble, if older teachers have problems to use morden devides then asking to teach in the old way as the time when technology has not developed yet, most of the students confirm that they do not want to take part in the course. In adition, school need to allow the pupils to bring their own devides to support to lesson, it significantly hard for them to manage the using time of phone of children For instance, many school have to deal with the problem that young students playing games on their phone all the time even they are in the class and not allow to use phone.

In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages in the spreading use of technology for education. I think institutions should ponder about only teachers can use technology devices and ban students from this due to the bad impact of it on sutudents.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The raising in the use of technology for educational purpose" -> "The increasing use of technology for educational purposes"
Explanation: "The raising" is incorrect; "increasing" is the correct verb form. Also, "educational purpose" should be pluralized to "educational purposes" for grammatical accuracy and to match the plural subject "use."
"lead to an arguement" -> "leads to an argument"
Explanation: "Arguement" is a misspelling of "argument." Additionally, "lead" should be "leads" to agree with the singular subject "raising."
"suppose" -> "believe"
Explanation: "Suppose" implies a hypothetical scenario, whereas "believe" is more appropriate for expressing a conviction or opinion.
"this have a wonderful benefit" -> "this has numerous benefits"
Explanation: "This have" is grammatically incorrect; "this has" is the correct form. Also, "wonderful" is vague and informal; "numerous" is more precise and formal.
"balencing" -> "balancing"
Explanation: "Balencing" is a misspelling; "balancing" is the correct term.
"spending on technological devices" -> "spending time on technological devices"
Explanation: The phrase "spending on" is incorrect; "spending time on" is the correct prepositional phrase.
"give students a great opportunity to access information" -> "provide students with a significant opportunity to access information"
Explanation: "Give" is too informal and vague; "provide" is more formal and precise. Also, "great" is replaced with "significant" for a more academic tone.
"finding the sample on Internet" -> "finding examples online"
Explanation: "Sample" is incorrect in this context; "examples" is the correct noun. Also, "on Internet" is informal; "online" is more appropriate in formal writing.
"illutrate" -> "illustrate"
Explanation: "Illutrate" is a misspelling; "illustrate" is the correct word.
"en thuasism" -> "enthusiasm"
Explanation: "En thuasism" is a typographical error; "enthusiasm" is the correct spelling.
"many institutions especially is kindergarten" -> "many institutions, especially kindergartens"
Explanation: "especially is" is grammatically incorrect; "especially kindergartens" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains the formal tone.
"togerther" -> "together"
Explanation: "Togerther" is a spelling error; "together" is the correct word.
"Learner are no longer want to study" -> "Students no longer want to study"
Explanation: "Learner" is incorrect; "students" is the correct term. Also, "are no longer want" is grammatically incorrect; "no longer want" is the correct phrase.
"morden devides" -> "modern devices"
Explanation: "Morden" is a misspelling; "modern" is the correct word. Also, "devides" is a misspelling; "devices" is the correct term.
"allow the pupils to bring their own devides" -> "allow students to bring their own devices"
Explanation: "Pupils" is less formal than "students," and "devides" is a misspelling; "devices" is the correct term.
"situations" -> "students"
Explanation: "Situations" is incorrect in this context; "students" is the correct noun.
"ban students from this due to the bad impact of it on sutudents" -> "ban students from using technology due to its negative impact on students"
Explanation: "This" is vague and unclear; "using technology" clarifies the subject. "Bad" is informal; "negative" is more appropriate in academic writing. "Sutudents" is a typographical error; "students" is the correct spelling.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the use of technology in education, presenting arguments for its benefits and drawbacks. However, the discussion lacks depth in exploring the negative consequences. For instance, while the essay mentions that students may become distracted by technology, it does not elaborate on how this impacts their learning outcomes or social interactions. Additionally, the conclusion offers a personal opinion but does not clearly synthesize the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides are explored more thoroughly. This could involve providing specific examples of negative consequences, such as decreased attention spans or reduced face-to-face interactions. Furthermore, the conclusion should summarize the key points made in the essay and clearly state the writer’s position in relation to the arguments discussed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a personal opinion that balancing technology use is preferable; however, this position is somewhat unclear and inconsistent. The phrase "balancing the amount of time spending on technological devices is better" lacks specificity and does not directly tie back to the arguments made in the body paragraphs. This weakens the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should explicitly connect their opinion to the arguments presented. For example, after discussing the benefits and drawbacks, the writer could reiterate their stance by stating that while technology has advantages, its misuse can lead to significant issues, thus advocating for a balanced approach. Clear transitional phrases can help reinforce the position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the accessibility of information through technology and the potential for distraction. However, the support for these ideas is often weak or vague. For instance, the example of educational music videos is relevant but could be more effectively linked to the argument about engagement and retention. Additionally, some points, such as the drawbacks of technology, are not sufficiently elaborated upon.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could involve discussing specific studies or statistics that illustrate the impact of technology on learning. Additionally, each point should be clearly linked to the overall argument, ensuring that the reader understands how each idea contributes to the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the benefits and drawbacks of technology in education. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, such as when discussing older teachers’ difficulties with modern devices. This point, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the central argument about the impact of technology on students.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the main question of the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all arguments are relevant and contribute to the overall discussion. Additionally, avoiding tangential points will help keep the essay concise and on topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a discussion of both views regarding the use of technology in education, but the organization lacks clarity. The introduction sets the stage for the argument but does not clearly outline the structure of the essay. The points made in the body paragraphs are relevant but could be better sequenced. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of technology to its drawbacks is abrupt, which disrupts the logical flow. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the main points but does not effectively summarize the discussion or provide a clear stance.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, begin with a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument, such as "On the one hand" for benefits and "On the other hand" for drawbacks. Consider structuring the essay with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs (one for each view), and a conclusion that synthesizes the information presented.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. Each paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses both the benefits of technology and specific examples without a clear separation of ideas. The second body paragraph similarly mixes points about drawbacks without a clear focus.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. Start with a topic sentence that clearly states the main point of the paragraph. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on the point, using examples where appropriate. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a clear connection between ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "moreover," but their usage is limited and at times incorrect. For example, "Moreover" is used to introduce a new idea rather than to add to a previous point, which can confuse the reader. Additionally, there are instances of repetition in phrases and a lack of variety in cohesive devices, which can detract from the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," "conversely," and "for instance." Pay attention to the context in which these devices are used to ensure they enhance clarity. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts can help improve their application in writing.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant points, improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it often relies on basic terms and phrases. For instance, words like "wonderful benefit," "great opportunity," and "potential risks" are somewhat generic and do not showcase a broader lexical range. The use of phrases such as "abuse of technology" and "traditional way" indicates an attempt to engage with more complex ideas, but the overall vocabulary remains limited.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more varied and sophisticated synonyms and expressions. For example, instead of "wonderful benefit," consider using "significant advantages" or "substantial benefits." Additionally, using more academic or formal language, such as "utilization of technology" instead of "use of technology," would elevate the lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the raising in the use of technology" is awkward and should be "the rise in the use of technology." Similarly, "balancing the amount of time spending" should be "balancing the amount of time spent." These inaccuracies detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and contextually appropriate. Regularly reviewing vocabulary in context and practicing paraphrasing can help. Additionally, using a thesaurus to find more suitable words can aid in achieving greater precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "arguement" (argument), "balencing" (balancing), "illutrate" (illustrate), "enthuasism" (enthusiasm), "examble" (example), "morden" (modern), "devides" (devices), "hard" (hard), "sutudents" (students), and "togerther" (together). These errors can disrupt the reader’s understanding and detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help catch and correct errors before submission. Reading more extensively can also improve spelling through exposure to correctly spelled words in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use a range of vocabulary, improvements in vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Many sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For example, the sentence "Using phones, tablets, laptops or other devices give students a great opportunity to access information" is straightforward and could be enhanced with more complex structures. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the raising in the use of technology" and "the abuse of technology has several drawbacks" shows a tendency towards repetitive phrasing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "When the teachers give a problem and ask to pupils to find the way to address it," you could say, "When teachers present a problem and ask pupils to find a solution, they encourage critical thinking." Additionally, using varied sentence openings and transitions can create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "lead to an arguement" should be "leads to an argument," and "this have a wonderful benefit" should be "this has wonderful benefits." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect word forms (e.g., "devides" instead of "devices"), further hinder readability. The phrase "the lesson can be unforgetable" contains a spelling error, as "unforgetable" should be "unforgettable."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Practicing with grammar exercises focused on common errors can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for spelling and punctuation errors before submission can help catch mistakes. Reading the essay aloud may also assist in identifying awkward phrasing or grammatical inconsistencies.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant discussion on the topic, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice and careful revision are key strategies for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The increasing use of technology for educational purposes leads to an argument in society. While many people believe that this has numerous benefits for students, others argue that there are potential risks. I think balancing the amount of time spent on technological devices is essential.

Using phones, tablets, laptops, or other devices provides students with a significant opportunity to access information. When teachers present a problem and ask pupils to find a solution, locating examples online makes it easier for them to respond. If they have the chance to tackle issues and find solutions themselves, the lesson can be unforgettable. Moreover, with the help of technology, teachers can illustrate knowledge through videos or games, which increases students’ enthusiasm for the lessons. For example, many institutions, especially kindergartens in my country, play educational music videos to teach children about the alphabet and their bodies. Youngsters find it easy to remember when they can sing together with the music and watch colorful videos after listening to the songs.

However, the misuse of technology has several drawbacks. Learners no longer want to study in the traditional way, which they perceive as boring. For example, if older teachers struggle to use modern devices and resort to teaching in the old-fashioned manner, most students indicate that they do not want to participate in the course. In addition, schools need to allow pupils to bring their own devices to support lessons, but this significantly complicates managing the time students spend on their phones. For instance, many schools face the issue of young students playing games on their phones even when they are not permitted to use them in class.

In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages to the increasing use of technology in education. I believe institutions should consider allowing only teachers to use technological devices and ban students from doing so due to the negative impact it can have on them.