Some believe that people will purchase a product based on their needs and advertising is not needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some believe that people will purchase a product based on their needs and advertising is not needed.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A school of thoughts holds that in recents years, advertisements or marketing campaigns have a less impact on people, in comparison with that in the past. This paragraph will show my opinions about the causes of this situation and reasons why I think it is a positive development for customers.
To begin with, it is worth mentioning some contributions to such kind of this state, namely the raise of awareness and defense mechanism. When the advertising programes appearenced, individuals had trend to be curious about the products which were introduced, lead to the over consumption of goods uncontrollably. After some times buying low-quality products by chance, they started realizing that goods may be not compeletely similar to the introduction. By that way, consumers enhanced the awareness of anything they had a favour. Another compelling interpretation is that buyers are overwhelmed about the over advertisements on the internet. To be more specific, they can catch them through short videos on Tiktok, which makes them bored with anything they enjoyed, especially advertisements.
After all, it absolutely has positive influence on people. Owing to the challenges the salers face up to, they have to find effective solutions to drive their quality of goods, which makes contribution to a great society. Moreover, they have to brainstorm to create increasing funny and interested videos to spread the fame of own products. Regarding the customers, when they think over about what they want, a reasonable decision will be made. As a result, those individuals will put aside more money for other essential purposes, without purchasing anything useless. The environment will be protected if less rubbish such as low-quality clothings, etc are released directly.
In conclusion, the fact that people are less influenced by advertising programes is the result of the rising level of awareness and behaviours. As a positive consequence, it is not only benefit for socitety, but also make great contribution to a more and more eco-friendly planet.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"A school of thoughts" -> "A school of thought"
Explanation: The correct phrase is "A school of thought," which refers to a prevailing opinion or belief among a group of people. The possessive form "thoughts" is incorrect in this context.
"in recents years" -> "in recent years"
Explanation: "Recents" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "recent" to maintain grammatical accuracy.
"in comparison with that in the past" -> "compared to the past"
Explanation: Simplifying "in comparison with that in the past" to "compared to the past" streamlines the sentence and enhances clarity.
"this paragraph will show my opinions" -> "this essay will present my views"
Explanation: "Present" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "show," and "views" is a more precise term than "opinions" in this context.
"the raise of awareness and defense mechanism" -> "the rise in awareness and defensive mechanisms"
Explanation: "The raise" is incorrect; "the rise" is the correct term. Also, "defense mechanism" should be pluralized to "defensive mechanisms" to match the plural context.
"advertising programes" -> "advertising programs"
Explanation: "Programes" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "programs."
"had trend to be curious" -> "tended to be curious"
Explanation: "Had trend to be" is grammatically incorrect; "tended to be" is the correct form.
"lead to the over consumption" -> "led to overconsumption"
Explanation: "Lead" should be in the past tense "led" to match the past context, and "over consumption" should be a single word "overconsumption" for grammatical correctness.
"After some times buying low-quality products" -> "After purchasing low-quality products"
Explanation: "After some times buying" is awkward and incorrect; "After purchasing" is more formal and appropriate.
"compeletely similar" -> "completely similar"
Explanation: "Compeletely" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "completely."
"By that way" -> "In this way"
Explanation: "By that way" is informal and incorrect; "In this way" is the correct phrase for indicating a consequence.
"buyers are overwhelmed about the over advertisements" -> "consumers are overwhelmed by the numerous advertisements"
Explanation: "Buyers" is less formal than "consumers," and "over advertisements" is awkward; "numerous advertisements" is more precise.
"they can catch them through short videos on Tiktok" -> "they can encounter them through short videos on TikTok"
Explanation: "Catch" is informal and imprecise; "encounter" is more formal and appropriate. Also, "Tiktok" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.
"it absolutely has positive influence" -> "it undoubtedly has a positive influence"
Explanation: "Absolutely" is somewhat informal and vague; "undoubtedly" is more precise and formal.
"face up to" -> "face"
Explanation: "Face up to" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing; "face" is sufficient and more formal.
"make great contribution to a more and more eco-friendly planet" -> "make significant contributions to an increasingly eco-friendly planet"
Explanation: "Make great contribution" is grammatically incorrect; "make significant contributions" is grammatically correct and more formal. Also, "more and more" is informal; "increasingly" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the extent to which advertising influences consumer behavior. The author presents a viewpoint that advertising has become less impactful due to increased consumer awareness and the saturation of advertisements. However, the response could benefit from a clearer delineation of the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement. While the author implies a positive view of reduced advertising influence, the essay does not explicitly state whether they fully agree, partially agree, or disagree with the notion that advertising is unnecessary.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. They could also explore the implications of their stance more thoroughly, perhaps by discussing situations where advertising might still play a crucial role in consumer decision-making.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a generally clear position that reduced advertising influence is beneficial for consumers. However, the clarity of this position fluctuates throughout the essay, particularly in the body paragraphs where the focus shifts between discussing consumer awareness and the challenges faced by sellers. This can create confusion regarding the author’s main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should ensure that each paragraph directly supports their main argument. They could use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph and consistently refer back to their position, reinforcing it with relevant examples and explanations.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as increased consumer awareness and the overwhelming nature of advertisements, but these ideas are not always well-developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, the mention of TikTok advertisements is relevant but lacks elaboration on how this specifically affects consumer behavior. Additionally, some points, like the environmental benefits of reduced advertising influence, are introduced but not sufficiently explored.
- How to improve: The author should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, they could elaborate on how consumer awareness leads to better purchasing decisions by providing specific scenarios or statistics. This would strengthen their argument and provide a more compelling case.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the influence of advertising on consumer behavior. However, there are moments where the discussion veers slightly off course, particularly when discussing the challenges faced by sellers without directly linking these challenges back to the impact on consumers.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. They could outline their main argument in the introduction and use it as a guide to check that each paragraph contributes to this central theme. Additionally, avoiding tangential discussions about sellers’ challenges unless they are explicitly tied to consumer behavior would help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from clearer articulation of the author’s position, more thorough development of supporting points, and a tighter focus on the prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the diminishing impact of advertising on consumer behavior. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs attempt to develop this argument. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by unclear transitions and abrupt shifts in focus. For example, the transition from discussing consumer awareness to the overwhelming nature of online advertisements could be smoother to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly. Structuring the essay with a clear progression of ideas—starting with causes, followed by effects, and concluding with implications—would also strengthen coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate ideas, which is a positive aspect. However, the paragraphs themselves could be more effectively structured. For instance, the first body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be more clearly delineated. The discussion on consumer awareness and the effects of excessive advertising are somewhat jumbled, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples and explanations. The writer could benefit from starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and ensuring that all subsequent sentences relate back to this main idea. Additionally, breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones can help improve readability and maintain the reader’s attention.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "To begin with," "Moreover," and "In conclusion," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas are weak. For example, the phrase "By that way" is awkward and does not effectively link the preceding and following sentences.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Consequently," "As a result," "On the other hand," and "In contrast." Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help maintain cohesion without repetition. Ensuring that each cohesive device is used appropriately and enhances the clarity of the argument will further improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, addressing the above areas for improvement will help elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Phrases like "raise of awareness," "defense mechanism," and "over consumption of goods" show an effort to incorporate diverse vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetition and limited synonyms, such as the repeated use of "advertising" and "goods," which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "advertising," you could use "promotion," "marketing," or "commercials." Additionally, expanding the vocabulary related to consumer behavior, such as "purchasing habits," "consumerism," or "market trends," would add depth to the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "the raise of awareness" should be "the rise of awareness," and "individuals had trend to be curious" is awkwardly phrased; a more accurate expression would be "individuals tended to be curious." Furthermore, phrases like "the over advertisements" should be corrected to "overadvertising" or "excessive advertisements" to improve clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Reviewing common collocations and phrases can help improve precision. For example, instead of "the fact that people are less influenced by advertising programs," consider rephrasing to "the observation that individuals are increasingly resistant to advertising." This not only clarifies your point but also enhances the overall quality of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "recents" (should be "recent"), "programes" (should be "programs"), "compeletely" (should be "completely"), and "clothings" (should be "clothing"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay for spelling errors. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help catch mistakes before submission. Practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and terms related to the topic will also enhance overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at using varied vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in precision and spelling. By expanding vocabulary range, focusing on precise language, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly improved.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it largely relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "To begin with" and "Another compelling interpretation is that" show attempts at complex sentence construction, but the overall complexity is limited. There are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the raise of awareness and defense mechanism," which detracts from the clarity and effectiveness of the argument. Additionally, the use of passive voice is minimal, which could have added variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences and varied sentence openings. For example, using relative clauses (e.g., "which have been shown to…") or conditional structures (e.g., "If consumers are aware of…") can add depth. Additionally, varying the sentence length and structure throughout the essay will create a more engaging reading experience.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "in recents years" should be "in recent years," and "advertising programes appearenced" is incorrect; it should be "advertising programs appeared." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "individuals had trend to be curious," which should be "individuals tended to be curious." Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect use of conjunctions, disrupt the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can help identify mistakes before submission. Additionally, studying punctuation rules, particularly regarding commas and conjunctions, will enhance clarity. Practicing writing with a focus on these aspects, perhaps through targeted exercises, can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument, addressing the highlighted grammatical and structural issues will significantly enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

A school of thought holds that in recent years, advertisements or marketing campaigns have less impact on people compared to the past. This essay will present my views on the causes of this situation and the reasons why I believe it is a positive development for consumers.

To begin with, it is worth mentioning some contributions to this state of affairs, namely the rise in awareness and defensive mechanisms among consumers. When advertising programs first appeared, individuals tended to be curious about the products being introduced, which led to overconsumption of goods uncontrollably. After purchasing low-quality products by chance, they began to realize that these goods may not be completely similar to their advertisements. In this way, consumers enhanced their awareness of the products they favored. Another compelling interpretation is that buyers are overwhelmed by the numerous advertisements on the internet. To be more specific, they can encounter them through short videos on TikTok, which often makes them bored with anything they once enjoyed, especially advertisements.

Overall, this situation undoubtedly has a positive influence on people. Owing to the challenges that sellers face, they must find effective solutions to improve the quality of their goods, which contributes to a better society. Moreover, they need to brainstorm and create increasingly engaging and entertaining videos to promote their products. Regarding consumers, when they reflect on what they truly want, they are more likely to make reasonable decisions. As a result, these individuals can allocate more money for other essential purposes, without purchasing unnecessary items. The environment will benefit if less waste, such as low-quality clothing, is produced.

In conclusion, the fact that people are less influenced by advertising programs is a result of the rising level of awareness and changing behaviors. As a positive consequence, this trend not only benefits society but also makes significant contributions to an increasingly eco-friendly planet.