Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones.
Why is this the case?
Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

It is sometimes argued that children spend too many hours on their smartphones. There are several reasons why this trend is gaining momentum . In my view, I firmly believe that this is a negative development. In this essay , I will discuss my opinion with reasons as well as examples .
There are several factors contribute to children’s extensive use of smartphones. First, smartphones provide a wealth of entertainment options. From games and social media platforms to streaming services, the variety and immediacy of content can be highly appealing to young users. The interactive nature of these platforms often creates a sense of engagement and excitement that traditional forms of entertainment may not match.Second, smartphones serve as social connectors. In a world where peer interaction is crucial to social development, smartphones offer children a means to stay connected with friends and participate in social networks, even from a distance. This connectivity can be especially important in an age where physical interactions are sometimes limited due to various reasons such as geographical distance or global events like the COVID-19 pandemic.
In my view, the excessive usage of smartphones among children is a negative development.Spending hours every day on a smartphone can adversely affect children’s physical and mental health. Excessive smartphone use often leads to a sedentary lifestyle, which can contribute to health issues such as obesity and poor physical fitness. This lack of physical activity can also impact mental health, leading to increased stress and anxiety. Moreover, it reduce social skills . Although smartphones facilitate virtual interactions, they may inhibit the development of face-to-face social skills. Children may struggle with communication and emotional understanding when they rely heavily on digital interactions rather than in-person experiences.Besides , the use of smartphones, particularly before bedtime, can interfere with sleep patterns. The blue light emitted by screens can affect the production of melatonin, a hormone crucial for sleep, leading to potential sleep disorders and decreased overall well-being.
In conclusion, despite the convenient uses of smartphones, they hinder the physical and intellectual development of children. Parents should limit their children’s screen time.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is sometimes argued" -> "It is often contended"
Explanation: "It is often contended" is a more formal and precise alternative that enhances the academic tone of the sentence.
"gaining momentum" -> "increasingly prevalent"
Explanation: "Increasingly prevalent" is a more formal and precise term that better captures the growing trend in a scholarly context.
"I firmly believe" -> "I strongly maintain"
Explanation: "I strongly maintain" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, replacing the more conversational "I firmly believe".
"In this essay, I will discuss" -> "In this essay, I will elucidate"
Explanation: "Elucidate" is a more formal verb that enhances the academic tone, replacing the more casual "discuss".
"contribute to" -> "contribute to this trend"
Explanation: Adding "to this trend" clarifies the subject of the contribution, making the sentence more specific and precise.
"From games and social media platforms to streaming services" -> "including games, social media platforms, and streaming services"
Explanation: Using "including" provides a clearer and more formal way to list examples, enhancing the academic style.
"The interactive nature of these platforms often creates" -> "The interactive nature of these platforms frequently fosters"
Explanation: "Fosters" is a more precise and formal verb than "creates", and "frequently" is more academic than "often".
"traditional forms of entertainment may not match" -> "traditional forms of entertainment may not equal"
Explanation: "Equal" is a more precise term in this context, suggesting a direct comparison of quality or level, which is more appropriate than "match" in an academic discussion.
"serve as social connectors" -> "function as social connectors"
Explanation: "Function" is a more formal synonym for "serve", aligning better with academic language.
"In my view, the excessive usage" -> "In my opinion, the excessive use"
Explanation: "In my opinion" is a more formal expression than "In my view", and "use" is grammatically correct in this context, replacing the less formal "usage".
"can adversely affect" -> "may negatively impact"
Explanation: "May negatively impact" is a more formal and precise way to express potential negative effects, suitable for academic writing.
"reduce social skills" -> "diminish social skills"
Explanation: "Diminish" is a more precise and formal term than "reduce" in this context, emphasizing the decrease in quality or effectiveness of social skills.
"Besides, the use of smartphones" -> "Furthermore, the use of smartphones"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Besides", and it better connects the ideas in an academic essay.
"limit their children’s screen time" -> "regulate their children’s screen time"
Explanation: "Regulate" is a more precise and formal term than "limit", which is commonly used in academic discussions about governance and control.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It begins by exploring the reasons behind children’s extensive use of smartphones, such as the entertainment options available and the social connectivity they provide. This is followed by a clear stance that this trend is a negative development, supported by various arguments regarding health impacts and social skills. The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the reasons for smartphone use and the negative consequences, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics to substantiate the claims made about the negative effects of smartphone usage. For instance, citing studies that link excessive screen time to obesity or mental health issues would strengthen the argument and provide a more robust answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position throughout the essay, consistently arguing that the extensive use of smartphones by children is a negative development. Phrases like "I firmly believe that this is a negative development" establish a strong personal stance. However, the transition between discussing reasons for smartphone use and the negative impacts could be smoother to reinforce the overall argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases to link the reasons for smartphone use directly to the negative consequences. For example, after discussing the benefits of social connectivity, the writer could explicitly state how these benefits do not outweigh the potential drawbacks, reinforcing their position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-structured ideas, such as the entertainment value of smartphones and their role in social connectivity. Each point is extended with explanations of how these factors contribute to excessive usage. However, while the ideas are relevant, some points could benefit from deeper exploration. For instance, the discussion on mental health impacts is somewhat brief and could be elaborated upon with more specific examples or research findings.
- How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points with additional details or examples. For instance, when discussing the impact on physical health, including specific statistics about childhood obesity rates related to screen time could provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing both the reasons for smartphone use and the negative implications of this trend. There are no significant deviations from the main topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments presented. However, the concluding statement about parents limiting screen time, while relevant, could be seen as slightly tangential to the main argument about the negative development itself.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus on the topic, the conclusion could be rephrased to emphasize the implications of the arguments made rather than introducing a new recommendation. For example, the conclusion could reiterate the importance of addressing the negative impacts discussed rather than suggesting parental action, which might detract from the overall argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task, with clear arguments and a well-structured response. By incorporating more specific examples and refining transitions, the writer could further elevate the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by body paragraphs that each address specific reasons for the trend of smartphone use among children and its negative implications. The logical flow is generally strong, as the reasons are presented in a coherent manner. For instance, the transition from discussing entertainment options to social connectivity is smooth and relevant, maintaining the reader’s understanding of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "One significant reason for children’s extensive smartphone use is the entertainment it provides." This would help the reader immediately grasp the focus of the paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability and comprehension. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the paragraph discussing the negative impacts of smartphone use could be further divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on physical health issues and the other on social skills and mental health.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant details. For instance, after discussing physical health impacts, a new paragraph could begin with a topic sentence about social skills, allowing for a more focused and organized presentation of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "first," "second," and "moreover," which help to guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, phrases like "in my view" and "besides" effectively signal shifts in the writer’s perspective and introduce new points. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance fluidity.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating more complex linking phrases and transitions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "first" and "second," you could use "to begin with" and "in addition to this" for variety. Furthermore, using phrases like "on the other hand" when discussing counterarguments or alternative perspectives could enrich the essay’s cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, meriting a band score of 8. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can elevate the clarity and effectiveness of their argument even further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "extensive use," "wealth of entertainment options," and "social connectors." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation in expression. For instance, the phrase "smartphones provide a wealth of entertainment options" could be diversified with synonyms or alternative phrases to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "smartphones," alternatives like "mobile devices" or "digital gadgets" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "digital engagement" or "virtual communication," would enhance the range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "reduce social skills" should be "reduces social skills" for grammatical accuracy. Additionally, the term "hinder" is used effectively, but the phrase "may inhibit the development of face-to-face social skills" could be more precise by specifying what skills are being inhibited.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that verbs are correctly conjugated. Furthermore, providing more context or specificity when discussing concepts (e.g., specifying which social skills are affected) would clarify the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "adversely" (which is spelled correctly) but could be confused with "adversly," and "besides" should be separated from the preceding sentence for clarity. Overall, the spelling is mostly accurate, but the occasional errors can detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring that all terms are spelled correctly. Utilizing tools like spell check or writing software can also help catch errors before submission. Regular practice with spelling exercises or quizzes can further reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "In a world where peer interaction is crucial to social development" and "Although smartphones facilitate virtual interactions, they may inhibit the development of face-to-face social skills" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the introductory and concluding sentences, which could benefit from more variation.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use different forms of clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "There are" or "In my view," the writer could begin with adverbial phrases or participial phrases, such as "Recognizing the importance of peer interaction…" or "To illustrate the negative impacts of excessive smartphone use…". This would not only diversify the sentence structures but also improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors that do not impede understanding. However, there are some grammatical issues, such as "There are several factors contribute to children’s extensive use of smartphones," which should be corrected to "There are several factors that contribute to children’s extensive use of smartphones." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas before conjunctions in compound sentences and inconsistent spacing after periods, detract from the overall clarity. For example, "this trend is gaining momentum ." should be corrected to "this trend is gaining momentum."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on ensuring that all clauses are properly connected with appropriate conjunctions and that relative clauses are correctly formed. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on clause structure and punctuation rules can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring consistent spacing can enhance the overall presentation. Utilizing tools or resources for grammar checking before finalizing the essay could also help catch these minor mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to the variety of sentence structures and careful proofreading for grammatical and punctuation accuracy will further enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are several factors that contribute to children’s extensive use of smartphones. First, smartphones provide a wealth of entertainment options. From games, social media platforms, and streaming services, the variety and immediacy of content can be highly appealing to young users. The interactive nature of these platforms often fosters a sense of engagement and excitement that traditional forms of entertainment may not equal. Second, smartphones serve as social connectors. In a world where peer interaction is crucial to social development, smartphones offer children a means to stay connected with friends and participate in social networks, even from a distance. This connectivity can be especially important in an age where physical interactions are sometimes limited due to various reasons such as geographical distance or global events like the COVID-19 pandemic.

In my opinion, the excessive use of smartphones among children is a negative development. Spending hours every day on a smartphone can adversely affect children’s physical and mental health. Excessive smartphone use often leads to a sedentary lifestyle, which can contribute to health issues such as obesity and poor physical fitness. This lack of physical activity can also impact mental health, leading to increased stress and anxiety. Moreover, it diminishes social skills. Although smartphones facilitate virtual interactions, they may inhibit the development of face-to-face social skills. Children may struggle with communication and emotional understanding when they rely heavily on digital interactions rather than in-person experiences. Furthermore, the use of smartphones, particularly before bedtime, can interfere with sleep patterns. The blue light emitted by screens can affect the production of melatonin, a hormone crucial for sleep, leading to potential sleep disorders and decreased overall well-being.

In conclusion, despite the convenient uses of smartphones, they hinder the physical and intellectual development of children. Parents should regulate their children’s screen time.