Some countries are struggling with an increase in crime rates. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
It is believed that increasing the number of police on the street is the only way to cut down the crime rates. While acknowledging the reasons behind this, I opine that there should have other alternatives to reduce crimes.
On the one hand, it is justifiable to hold that this approach is beneficial to some extent. The first rationale is that it would act as a deterrent for those who intend to get involved in illegal activities. This is because the presence of policemen creates a sense of authority which makes offenders vacillate their criminal behaviors. Consequently, this way could discourage prospective offenders from breaking the law. Furthermore, the security of citizens would be enhanced by this approach. This is due to the fact that policemen seem to have specialized skills and are well-armed with weapons, which helps them to act promptly in face of criminal behaviors on the streets. As a result, it could increase the efficiency of response when crimes occur, increasing a sense of safety for citizens
On the other hand, there are more compelling reasons to believe that there are some alternative methods to reduce crime in addition to having a greater of number police officers on the streets. First and foremost, the government could impose stricter law enforcement as well as enhance the comprehensive legal system. In fact, when punished with heavy penalties such as longer prison sentences or death punishment, people would not relapse into crime. Therefore, it may help them adjust their behaviors and awareness in the long run. To add credence to my argument, the government should invest in the educational system because it may be a root cause to decrease the crime rate. It means that by having more chances to study, people may have their awareness raised to be able to differentiate between right and wrong-doings. Thus, people tend to become law-abiding citizens.
In conclusion, I would reaffirm my position that the presence of an array of police on the streets is advantageous to some extent, but there are some other effective methods to reduce crime.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"should have other alternatives" -> "should be other alternatives"
Explanation: Replace "should have" with "should be" for better grammar and clarity. "Should be" aligns more appropriately with formal language and expresses the existence of alternatives more clearly.
"justifiable to hold that this approach" -> "reasonable to argue that this approach"
Explanation: Substituting "justifiable to hold" with "reasonable to argue" maintains formality while expressing the viewpoint more precisely. "Reasonable to argue" is a more academic phrase.
"vacillate their criminal behaviors" -> "reconsider their criminal behaviors"
Explanation: "Vacillate" doesn’t accurately convey the idea of criminals rethinking their actions. "Reconsider" is a more appropriate term that signifies a thoughtful reassessment.
"due to the fact that policemen seem to have specialized skills" -> "because policemen possess specialized skills"
Explanation: The phrase "due to the fact that" is overly wordy. "Because" is a concise alternative. Additionally, rephrasing "seem to have" to "possess" strengthens the sentence’s clarity and formality.
"increase the efficiency of response" -> "improve the responsiveness"
Explanation: "Increase the efficiency of response" could be more precisely expressed as "improve the responsiveness," maintaining formality and clarity.
"there are more compelling reasons to believe" -> "there are more compelling reasons to consider"
Explanation: Substituting "believe" with "consider" makes the sentence more formal and academically appropriate. "Consider" aligns better with critical analysis.
"First and foremost" -> "Primarily"
Explanation: "Primarily" is a more formal transition that maintains the sequence of ideas without compromising on formality.
"death punishment" -> "capital punishment"
Explanation: "Death punishment" is less commonly used in formal writing. "Capital punishment" is the standard term for this concept in academic contexts.
"it may help them adjust their behaviors and awareness" -> "it may aid in modifying their behaviors and awareness"
Explanation: Replacing "adjust" with "modify" enhances the precision of language. "Aid in" is more formal than "help."
"by having more chances to study" -> "through increased educational opportunities"
Explanation: "By having more chances to study" is slightly informal. The phrase "through increased educational opportunities" maintains formality while expressing the idea more precisely.
"people tend to become law-abiding citizens" -> "individuals are more likely to adhere to the law"
Explanation: The phrase "tend to become" can be substituted with "are more likely to adhere to," which is more formal and precise in an academic context.
"I would reaffirm my position" -> "I reiterate my position"
Explanation: "I would reaffirm" can be replaced with "I reiterate," maintaining formality and succinctness.
In conclusion, enhancing the essay’s language involves substituting certain phrases with more appropriate and precise alternatives, ensuring greater formality and clarity without sacrificing natural language flow.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the perspective that increasing the number of police is the only way to reduce crime and presents an opposing view, asserting the existence of alternative methods.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both perspectives, it would benefit from a more detailed exploration of the alternative methods. Providing specific examples or evidence to support the argument for alternative approaches would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that while an increased police presence is beneficial to some extent, there are alternative methods to reduce crime.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the alternative methods in the introduction, ensuring the reader immediately understands the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and supports ideas. It provides reasoning for the belief in the effectiveness of more police, citing deterrence and enhanced citizen security. Similarly, the alternative methods are supported with arguments about stricter law enforcement, penalties, and investment in education.
- How to improve: To further extend ideas, elaborate on the potential drawbacks or criticisms of relying solely on an increased police presence. This can add depth to the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of increasing the number of police and introducing alternative methods to reduce crime.
- How to improve: To enhance focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt. In the third paragraph, elaborate on the effectiveness of alternative methods rather than reiterating the benefits of increased police presence.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents a well-structured argument. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples, explicitly stating alternative methods, extending ideas, and avoiding repetition to further enhance the depth and coherence of the response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure. It begins with an introduction that presents the issue and the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs follow a logical progression, with the first focusing on the benefits of increasing police presence and the second discussing alternative methods. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the writer’s position.
- How to improve: While the overall structure is sound, there could be a slight improvement in the transition between paragraphs. Using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the essay more smoothly.
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific point or argument. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately concise, and the body paragraphs provide sufficient elaboration on the ideas presented.
- How to improve: Consider varying the length of sentences within paragraphs to add a natural flow and rhythm to the writing. This can enhance the overall readability of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases ("On the one hand," "Furthermore," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay and help connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are used, there is room for improvement in the diversity of vocabulary and expressions. Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices to add nuance and sophistication to the essay. For instance, consider using synonyms for frequently used terms to avoid repetition.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion. Improvements can be made by refining transitions between paragraphs and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. Additionally, attention to sentence structure within paragraphs can enhance overall readability.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While it includes words and phrases appropriate for the task, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. For instance, there is a repetition of certain words such as "crime" and "streets" that could be replaced with synonyms for greater lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance your score, consider incorporating a wider array of synonyms and using more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "crime," you might use alternatives like "criminal activities," "wrongdoing," or "illegal acts." Similarly, explore synonyms for "streets" such as "public spaces" or "urban areas" to avoid repetition.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where word choices could be more precise. For example, the phrase "it is justifiable to hold" might be refined for clarity and precision.
- How to improve: Aim for precision in your expressions. Instead of "it is justifiable to hold," consider rephrasing to convey your point more directly, such as "it is reasonable to argue" or "it is defensible to claim." This ensures that your ideas are communicated with utmost clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with only minor issues observed. However, there are a few errors, such as "have other alternatives" (should be "have other alternatives") and "vacillate their criminal behaviors" (consider "deter their criminal behaviors").
- How to improve: Pay close attention to details in spelling. Proofread your essay carefully to catch and correct minor errors. Additionally, consider utilizing tools like spell checkers to enhance your spelling accuracy. Specifically, focus on correcting common errors like subject-verb agreement and choosing the right prepositions.
Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, but refining your vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy can contribute to a more polished and higher-scoring piece. Keep practicing to incorporate these improvements into your writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate variety of sentence structures. It effectively employs complex sentences, such as the one explaining the deterrent effect of police presence. However, there is room for improvement in incorporating more diverse sentence structures, such as compound-complex sentences or varied sentence beginnings, to enhance overall fluency and sophistication.
How to improve: To elevate your score in this aspect, consider incorporating compound-complex sentences for a more nuanced expression of ideas. Additionally, vary sentence beginnings to avoid monotony. For instance, start some sentences with phrases or dependent clauses to add diversity.
Use Grammar Accurately:
Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement issues occur, such as in "there should have other alternatives" (there should be other alternatives) and "a greater of number police officers" (a greater number of police officers). Addressing these minor errors will contribute to a more polished and precise essay.
How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement. Reviewing each sentence for such issues before finalizing your essay can help eliminate these minor errors. Consider using grammar-check tools or seeking feedback from peers to catch any overlooked mistakes.
Use Correct Punctuation:
Detailed explanation: Punctuation usage is generally accurate. Commas are appropriately used for list items and to separate clauses in complex sentences. However, there are a few instances where incorrect punctuation is present, such as missing commas after introductory phrases (e.g., "On the one hand"). Correcting these minor punctuation errors will contribute to a more polished and professional presentation.
How to improve: To refine punctuation skills, pay careful attention to the correct placement of commas, especially after introductory phrases or clauses. Reviewing punctuation rules and practicing with sample sentences can help reinforce proper usage. Consider utilizing grammar-check tools to identify and correct specific punctuation errors.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, with areas for improvement in sentence structure variety and minor punctuation details. Addressing these suggestions will contribute to a more refined and sophisticated expression of ideas.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is commonly believed that increasing the number of police on the streets is the sole solution to curb rising crime rates. While recognizing the reasons supporting this view, I contend that there should be other alternatives considered to address the issue of crime.
On one hand, it is reasonable to argue that having more police presence is beneficial to some extent. The primary rationale is that it acts as a deterrent for those contemplating illegal activities. The authoritative presence of policemen makes potential offenders reconsider their criminal behaviors. Consequently, this approach may dissuade individuals from breaking the law. Moreover, the specialized skills and prompt response capabilities of policemen, armed with weapons, enhance citizens’ security and improve responsiveness to criminal incidents, fostering a greater sense of safety.
On the other hand, there are more compelling reasons to consider alternative methods to reduce crime beyond increasing the number of police officers on the streets. Primarily, the government could impose stricter law enforcement and enhance the comprehensive legal system. Heavy penalties, such as longer prison sentences or capital punishment, may discourage individuals from relapsing into criminal behavior, aiding in modifying their behaviors and awareness in the long run. Furthermore, investing in the educational system could be pivotal in decreasing the crime rate. Increased educational opportunities empower individuals with the awareness to differentiate between right and wrong, making them more likely to adhere to the law and become law-abiding citizens.
In conclusion, while I acknowledge the advantages of having a greater number of police on the streets, I reiterate my position that there are other effective methods to reduce crime. It is essential to explore a comprehensive approach that includes not only law enforcement but also focuses on modifying behaviors and increasing awareness through increased educational opportunities.