Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others believe that a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals hold a firm belief that work contentment might fulfill their life, while others consider job security as a top priority. Both perspectives are valid,but I lean toward the former thanks to work productivity and mental well-being.

On the one hand, there are some compelling reasons why some laborers prefer a steady job. This is because a regular payment will be paid to ensure employees’ living expenses regardless of recession or unforeseen events like pandemic. This can be seen in the way, where people working for the government did not experience much impact on their income during the Covid-19 lockdown. Furthermore, by devoting all of their time to long-term work, the unemployment rate can be significantly reduced due to human resources being less likely to change jobs. As a result, businesses can allocate less expenses for hiring and training newbies and they will invest more for veterans’ expertise.

On the other hand, I strongly believe that job satisfaction holds greater importance than permanent work. Chief of these is that working with contentment might enhance staff productivity and morale. When employees’ needs and desires are fulfilled, they can work with joy, motivation and creativity without suffering from stress. For instance, although disabled athletes might endure psychological or physical barriers, they still continue with their sport passion. Apart from that, creative fulfilling careers can satisfy their passion. Therefore, employees can have a positive mindset, easily resolve stress and face less boredom at work.

In conclusion, despite the fact that job security can reduce unemployment rate and limit financial burden for workers in sudden circumstances, I firmly believe that job satisfaction is much more indispensable to them.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals hold a firm belief" -> "Some individuals firmly believe"
Explanation: The phrase "firmly believe" is more concise and natural in academic writing, eliminating the redundancy of "firm" and "firmly."
"work contentment" -> "job satisfaction"
Explanation: "Job satisfaction" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic and professional contexts than "work contentment," which is less standard.
"thanks to work productivity and mental well-being" -> "due to increased productivity and improved mental well-being"
Explanation: "Due to" is more formal than "thanks to," and "increased" and "improved" provide a clearer and more academic description of the benefits.
"This is because a regular payment will be paid" -> "This is because regular payments are made"
Explanation: "Regular payments are made" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "a regular payment will be paid."
"This can be seen in the way, where people working for the government" -> "This is evident in the case of government employees"
Explanation: "This is evident in the case of government employees" is more formal and precise, avoiding the informal "the way" and the vague "people working for the government."
"did not experience much impact on their income" -> "suffered little impact on their income"
Explanation: "Suffered little impact" is a more precise and formal way to describe the effect on income.
"devoting all of their time to long-term work" -> "dedicating themselves fully to long-term employment"
Explanation: "Dedicating themselves fully to long-term employment" is more formal and specific, enhancing the academic tone.
"can be significantly reduced" -> "can be substantially reduced"
Explanation: "Substantially" is a more formal synonym for "significantly," aligning better with academic style.
"less likely to change jobs" -> "less likely to switch jobs"
Explanation: "Switch jobs" is a more precise term than "change jobs," which is somewhat vague.
"they will invest more for veterans’ expertise" -> "they will invest more in the expertise of experienced employees"
Explanation: "In the expertise of experienced employees" is more specific and formal, avoiding the colloquial "veterans."
"Chief of these is that" -> "The primary reason is that"
Explanation: "The primary reason is that" is a more formal and direct way to introduce a main point.
"working with contentment might enhance staff productivity and morale" -> "working with satisfaction may enhance staff productivity and morale"
Explanation: "Satisfaction" is the correct term in this context, and "may" is more appropriate than "might" for a speculative statement in academic writing.
"they can work with joy, motivation and creativity" -> "they can work with joy, motivation, and creativity"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "motivation" corrects the punctuation, enhancing readability and formality.
"easily resolve stress" -> "easily manage stress"
Explanation: "Manage" is a more precise and formal term than "resolve" in this context, indicating a more ongoing process.
"face less boredom at work" -> "experience less boredom at work"
Explanation: "Experience" is a more formal and appropriate verb than "face" in this context, aligning with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument: job satisfaction and job security. It discusses the importance of job security in ensuring financial stability during crises and reducing turnover costs for businesses. It also emphasizes job satisfaction’s role in enhancing productivity and mental well-being.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure a more balanced treatment of both perspectives throughout the essay. While both views are presented, the emphasis leans slightly towards job satisfaction. Strengthening the argument for job security with more nuanced examples or counterarguments would enhance completeness.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay clearly expresses a preference for job satisfaction over job security, stating, "I firmly believe that job satisfaction is much more indispensable." This position is maintained consistently throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that the introduction and conclusion explicitly reflect this stance. Consider framing counterarguments more explicitly to contrast with the chosen position, enhancing clarity and depth.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented and supported adequately. Examples such as government employees’ income stability during the pandemic and the impact of job satisfaction on productivity are used effectively.
- How to improve: To extend ideas further, provide more specific data or studies that support the arguments made. Develop examples with deeper analysis to enrich the content and demonstrate a more thorough understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the relative importance of job satisfaction versus job security as prompted.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to either job satisfaction or job security. Avoid tangential points or examples that do not clearly connect back to the central theme of the essay.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the topic and achieves a Band 7 score for Task Response. To improve further, strive for more balanced treatment of opposing views, strengthen clarity in presenting your position, deepen the development of ideas with more specific examples or evidence, and maintain strict relevance to the essay prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization with clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a coherent conclusion summarizing the author’s opinion. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic, starting with an introduction that outlines the two viewpoints, followed by separate body paragraphs supporting each viewpoint, and concluding with a clear opinion.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, ensure that each body paragraph focuses strictly on one viewpoint or aspect of the argument. This clarity helps readers follow the progression of ideas more easily. Additionally, consider using transition phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal shifts in focus or viewpoint, improving the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate distinct ideas and arguments. Each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples that elaborate on the main point.
- How to improve: While the essay generally uses paragraphs effectively, ensure consistency in paragraph length to maintain balance and readability. Shorter paragraphs can sometimes enhance clarity, particularly when introducing new ideas or transitioning between viewpoints. Review and adjust paragraph lengths where necessary to maintain coherence and flow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as linking words (e.g., "On the one hand," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. These devices help to clarify relationships between arguments and enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "Conversely," "Nevertheless") to provide nuanced transitions and reinforce logical connections between ideas. This variety can contribute to a more sophisticated structure and improve the essay’s overall coherence and cohesion.

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt with a logical structure and adequate paragraphing, enhancing the use of diverse cohesive devices and ensuring strict adherence to single-focus paragraphs will further elevate coherence and cohesion. These improvements will not only clarify the logical progression of ideas but also enhance the overall readability and impact of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of vocabulary, with words like "contentment," "fulfill," "endure," and "indispensable" contributing to the overall lexical resource. These choices generally serve to convey meaning adequately.
- How to improve: To enhance the range further, consider incorporating more sophisticated synonyms and expressions where appropriate. For instance, instead of "fulfilling careers," consider alternatives like "fulfilling vocations" or "satisfying professions." This can elevate the lexical richness without compromising clarity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances where vocabulary is used precisely, such as "job satisfaction," "permanent work," and "financial burden." However, there are also moments where word choice could be more precise, like using "fulfilling" in various contexts where a more specific term could add depth (e.g., "gratifying" instead of "fulfilling").
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by selecting words that exactly match the intended meaning. For example, instead of using "joy, motivation, and creativity" as a broad set, consider nuanced terms like "zeal, determination, and innovation" to better capture specific aspects of job satisfaction.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay, with a few minor errors like "work contentment" (should be "job satisfaction") and "lockdown" (should be one word). However, these errors do not significantly detract from overall clarity.
- How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading with a focus on commonly misspelled words and ensuring consistency in compound words like "job security" and "lockdown."

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary and generally maintains good spelling accuracy, there is room for refinement in both breadth and precision of vocabulary. By incorporating more nuanced terms and refining spelling practices, the essay could strengthen its lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. It utilizes simple, compound, and some complex sentences, albeit inconsistently. For example, simple sentences dominate, such as "Some individuals hold a firm belief," while occasional complex structures like "When employees’ needs and desires are fulfilled, they can work with joy, motivation and creativity" are used to provide additional detail and clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, strive for more consistent use of complex sentences. Incorporate relative clauses, conditional sentences, and more sophisticated transitions to connect ideas fluidly. For instance, instead of relying mainly on simple sentences, integrate phrases like "despite the fact that" or "although" to introduce complexity and nuance.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays reasonably accurate grammar and punctuation. However, there are noticeable errors that occasionally disrupt clarity. Examples include issues with subject-verb agreement ("where people working for the government did not experience much impact on their income") and awkward phrasing ("by devoting all of their time to long-term work, the unemployment rate can be significantly reduced due to human resources being less likely to change jobs").
- How to improve: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by reviewing subject-verb agreements, verb tenses, and sentence structure coherence. Proofreading for awkward phrasing and ensuring clarity in complex sentences will further enhance overall coherence and readability. Utilize punctuation more effectively to clarify meaning and aid in sentence structure. For instance, ensure commas are used correctly in lists and to separate clauses.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good effort in utilizing various sentence structures and maintaining overall grammatical accuracy, there is room for improvement in consistently employing complex structures and refining grammatical precision. Strengthening these aspects will elevate the essay’s coherence and clarity, contributing to a more cohesive presentation of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals firmly believe that job satisfaction can greatly enrich their lives, while others prioritize job security above all else. Both perspectives have their merits, but I am inclined towards the former due to its positive impact on work productivity and mental well-being.

On one hand, there are compelling reasons why some workers prefer the stability of a permanent job. This is primarily because regular payments ensure employees’ financial security, unaffected by economic downturns or unforeseen events such as pandemics. This resilience was evident during the Covid-19 lockdown, where government employees, for example, experienced minimal income disruption. Additionally, committing to long-term employment reduces turnover rates, thereby lowering recruitment and training costs for businesses, who can instead invest in the expertise of experienced staff.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that job satisfaction holds greater importance than job security alone. The primary reason for this is that when employees derive fulfillment from their work, it enhances their productivity and boosts morale. When their needs and desires are met, employees approach their tasks with joy, motivation, and creativity, effectively managing stress and minimizing workplace monotony. For instance, despite facing significant challenges, disabled athletes continue to pursue their passions with dedication, highlighting the power of fulfillment in sustaining motivation. Similarly, careers that allow for creative expression can provide employees with deep satisfaction and a positive mindset, making them more resilient to stress and boredom.

In conclusion, while job security undoubtedly provides stability and financial security during uncertain times, I am convinced that job satisfaction plays a more vital role in enriching individuals’ lives. By fostering a productive and content workforce, organizations not only benefit from enhanced performance but also contribute to the overall well-being of their employees.