Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others believe that a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others believe that a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There has been much controversy about whether job fulfillment or employment stability is more significant for employees. From my perspective, although satisfaction with the occupation is a necessary feeling and is justifiable to some extent, I personally lean towards job security.
It is easy to understand why a group of people prioritize the fulfilling job, for the fact that working costs mostly a half of the day, so it is important to keep a positive attitude while working. With the satisfaction in doing the job they love, they will feel more motivated and their productivity also enhanced. Furthermore, with those people satisfied with their job, they see working assignments as a passion, so they participate with a positive feeling and attitude. For that reason, they are less likely to engage in mental health diseases and have a better overall well-being.
However, I firmly believe there are greater benefits for employees to engage in a permanent job due to the unpredictability of the job market in the world these days. There is no doubt that having a permanent job ensures employees with financial stability and security, although some occupations’ salaries are not too high, it is still enough for individuals to live on and have opportunities for promotions due to their lifelong career dedication. Besides, the main motivation factor when working for a permanent job is to supply for themselves and for their families, which is significantly stronger compared to the passion of those who prefer fulfilling ones. So, in the long run, it helps people to have a consistent working attitude, not relying too much on emotions and gaining trust from their superior.
In conclusion, I hold the belief that job satisfaction relies on various factors and circumstances, fluctuating and including various unpredictable aspects, while job security offers a consistent foundation for a stable life, so choosing a permanent job is better than choose job satisfaction.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"There has been much controversy" -> "There has been considerable controversy"
Explanation: "Considerable" is a more precise and formal term than "much," enhancing the academic tone of the statement. -
"is a necessary feeling and is justifiable to some extent" -> "is a necessary aspect and is justifiable to some extent"
Explanation: Replacing "feeling" with "aspect" provides a more formal and precise term that better fits the context of discussing job satisfaction in a professional setting. -
"I personally lean towards" -> "I tend to favor"
Explanation: "Tend to favor" is more formal and academically appropriate than "lean towards," which is somewhat colloquial. -
"It is easy to understand why" -> "It is evident why"
Explanation: "It is evident why" is a more formal expression that enhances the academic tone of the sentence. -
"working costs mostly a half of the day" -> "working occupies most of the day"
Explanation: "Occupies most of the day" is a more precise and formal way to describe the time spent working, avoiding the colloquial and vague "costs mostly a half of the day." -
"they will feel more motivated and their productivity also enhanced" -> "they will be more motivated and their productivity will be enhanced"
Explanation: Using "will be" instead of "also enhanced" corrects the grammatical structure and maintains a formal tone. -
"participate with a positive feeling and attitude" -> "approach tasks with a positive attitude"
Explanation: "Approach tasks with a positive attitude" is more specific and formal than "participate with a positive feeling and attitude," which is redundant and informal. -
"less likely to engage in mental health diseases" -> "less likely to suffer from mental health issues"
Explanation: "Suffer from mental health issues" is a more precise and formal way to describe the impact of job satisfaction on mental health. -
"There is no doubt that" -> "It is undeniable that"
Explanation: "It is undeniable that" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "There is no doubt that." -
"although some occupations’ salaries are not too high, it is still enough for individuals to live on" -> "although salaries in some occupations may not be high, they are still sufficient for individuals to sustain themselves"
Explanation: "Sufficient for individuals to sustain themselves" is more formal and precise than "enough for individuals to live on," which is somewhat colloquial. -
"the main motivation factor" -> "the primary motivation"
Explanation: "Primary motivation" is a more formal and concise term than "main motivation factor." -
"supply for themselves and for their families" -> "support themselves and their families"
Explanation: "Support" is a more formal and precise term than "supply," which is less commonly used in this context. -
"not relying too much on emotions" -> "not overly reliant on emotions"
Explanation: "Not overly reliant on emotions" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express the idea of not being overly influenced by emotions. -
"choosing a permanent job is better than choose job satisfaction" -> "choosing a permanent job is preferable to prioritizing job satisfaction"
Explanation: "Preferable to prioritizing" is a more formal and precise way to compare the two options, avoiding the awkward and incorrect "choose job satisfaction."
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding job satisfaction and job security. The first paragraph discusses the importance of job satisfaction, highlighting its impact on motivation and mental health. The second paragraph presents the author’s viewpoint favoring job security, emphasizing financial stability and the unpredictability of the job market. However, while both perspectives are mentioned, the discussion could benefit from deeper exploration of the opposing view, particularly in terms of specific examples or scenarios where job satisfaction might outweigh job security.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the benefits of job satisfaction. Additionally, acknowledging counterarguments more thoroughly would provide a more balanced view and strengthen the overall discussion.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author clearly states their position favoring job security in the introduction and maintains this stance throughout the essay. The arguments presented are logical and coherent, with a clear distinction between the two viewpoints. However, the transition between discussing job satisfaction and job security could be smoother, as the shift feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the author could use transitional phrases to better connect the discussion of job satisfaction to their argument for job security. This would help guide the reader through the essay and reinforce the author’s position more effectively.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding job satisfaction and job security, with some supporting details. For instance, the author mentions the motivation and well-being associated with job satisfaction and the financial stability provided by job security. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial, lacking in-depth analysis or specific examples that could strengthen the arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples or statistics. For instance, citing studies on job satisfaction and productivity or providing real-world examples of individuals who have prioritized job security could add depth to the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt directly and discussing both job satisfaction and job security. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened, particularly in the conclusion, which introduces the idea of "various factors and circumstances" affecting job satisfaction without clearly tying it back to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all parts of the essay directly relate back to the prompt. In the conclusion, it would be beneficial to succinctly summarize the key points made in the essay and reinforce the final stance on job security without introducing new concepts that could distract from the main argument.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, but it could benefit from deeper exploration of ideas, smoother transitions, and more specific examples to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss both views, with the first paragraph focusing on job satisfaction and the second on job security. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing job satisfaction to job security feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that would help the reader follow the argument more seamlessly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing job satisfaction, a sentence like "Conversely, many argue that job security plays a more crucial role in today’s volatile job market" would create a clearer transition.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the writer maintains focus within each section. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it somewhat merges with the final body paragraph rather than standing out as a separate summary of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion is clearly delineated from the body paragraphs. It should summarize the main points and restate the writer’s opinion without introducing new ideas. A clear statement like "In summary, while job satisfaction is important, the stability provided by job security ultimately outweighs it" would strengthen the conclusion.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "furthermore," and "besides," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, there is a reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For instance, "for that reason" and "so" are used multiple times, which detracts from the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using alternatives like "in addition," "consequently," or "on the other hand" can enhance the essay’s cohesiveness. Additionally, varying sentence structures can help maintain reader interest and improve the overall flow of the essay.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an improved band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "controversy," "fulfillment," "motivation," and "financial stability." However, the vocabulary used tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "job satisfaction" and "permanent job," which appear multiple times without variation. For instance, "satisfaction with the occupation" could be varied with synonyms or paraphrased to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "job satisfaction," alternatives like "career fulfillment" or "work contentment" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "employment security" instead of "permanent job" would enhance lexical variety.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "working costs mostly a half of the day" is awkward and unclear; it could be rephrased to "working occupies a significant portion of one’s day." Similarly, the term "mental health diseases" is not commonly used; "mental health issues" or "mental health disorders" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. Reviewing common collocations and phrases in English can help. For instance, instead of "engage in mental health diseases," the writer could say "experience mental health challenges." This not only improves clarity but also aligns with natural English usage.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. For instance, "fulfilling job" is used correctly, but "the fact that working costs mostly a half of the day" contains awkward phrasing that could lead to confusion. The phrase "the main motivation factor" is also slightly off; it would be better as "the main motivating factor."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on commonly misspelled words can help. Reading extensively can also reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the range and precision of vocabulary, as well as ensuring clarity in expression, will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, the writer effectively uses complex sentences such as "Although satisfaction with the occupation is a necessary feeling and is justifiable to some extent, I personally lean towards job security." This showcases the ability to connect ideas and express nuanced opinions. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph, where phrases like "for the fact that" and "with the satisfaction in doing the job they love" could be varied further to enhance the overall complexity and engagement of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound and complex sentences. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "there is" or "it is," try using introductory clauses or phrases. Additionally, varying the placement of subordinate clauses can create more dynamic sentence constructions. Practicing with different sentence starters and structures can help achieve this.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the fulfilling job" should be "fulfilling jobs" to maintain plurality and coherence. Additionally, the sentence "although some occupations’ salaries are not too high, it is still enough for individuals to live on" contains a comma splice, which disrupts the flow. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "although" in the same sentence.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread for common errors such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation misuse. Consider focusing on the correct use of articles and plural forms, as well as avoiding run-on sentences. Engaging in grammar exercises that target these areas can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading more academic texts can provide insight into proper sentence structure and punctuation usage.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
There has been considerable controversy about whether job satisfaction or job security is more significant for employees. From my perspective, although satisfaction with one’s occupation is a necessary aspect and is justifiable to some extent, I tend to favor job security.
It is evident why some individuals prioritize a fulfilling job; working occupies most of the day, so it is important to approach tasks with a positive attitude. With satisfaction in doing the job they love, employees will feel more motivated, and their productivity will be enhanced. Furthermore, those who are satisfied with their work tend to view assignments as a passion, which fosters a positive feeling and attitude. For that reason, they are less likely to suffer from mental health issues and enjoy better overall well-being.
However, I firmly believe there are greater benefits for employees who engage in a permanent job, especially given the unpredictability of the job market today. It is undeniable that having a permanent position ensures financial stability and security. Although salaries in some occupations may not be high, they are still sufficient for individuals to sustain themselves and have opportunities for promotions due to their lifelong career dedication. Moreover, the primary motivation for working in a permanent job is to support themselves and their families, which is significantly stronger compared to the passion of those who prefer fulfilling roles. In the long run, this helps individuals maintain a consistent working attitude, as they are not overly reliant on emotions and can gain trust from their superiors.
In conclusion, I hold the belief that job satisfaction relies on various factors and circumstances, fluctuating and including unpredictable aspects. In contrast, job security offers a consistent foundation for a stable life. Therefore, choosing a permanent job is preferable to prioritizing job satisfaction.