Some people argue that the development of technology is making our lives too complex, and the solution is for everyone to accept a simpler way of life without using that technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It has been widely argued that technology has complicated our life. While I agree that technology has brought our life some complexities, it has also made life easier with many benefits.
On the one hand, it is believed by some people that new technology has made our life too complicated because of the modern crimes we heard these days. In fact, high tech has created opportunities for electric offences to stalk and fraud offences. For instance, many people now use bank accounts instead of traditional transactions at banks and bad guys have taken advantage of the vulnerabilities of online ones to use their accounts without their knowledge. In addition to this, social media crimes through the use of social networking sites such as Facebook, Instagram or Tinder are also dangers. An example for this is Grace Millane, who has been killed and put into a suitcase by a new boyfriend on Tinder. Thus, it is clear why people insisted that this point of view was correct.
However, it cannot be denied advantages that automation brings to our life. With the development of machinery, especially in medical field, it saves the lives of many people. For example, dialysis machines are one of achievements of technology used in health care and they have contributed to maintaining many lives of people who suffers from kidney failure diseases. Additionally, automation also help our relationships become closer. Thanks to the advance of technology, people can get in touch with anyone whom they want to contact, Taking smartphones as an example an individual can call with a family member despite geographical distance. It means that you can tall with your family even you live in another country. If there are not any high tech products, it will be very complex and inconvenient to talk with people who live far from us. Technology is also very useful for learning. With a tablet, computer or smartphone, now you can easily study online at home without going to school. It not only saves time but also very convenient when we have to study at home as many reasons such as illness. It also makes our review process easy and more effective. Consequently, we can understand why other people support this view
In conclusion, although many people still agree that we should live without using technology, I still believe that it can be very beneficial when using appropriately

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"it has also made life easier with many benefits" -> "it has also facilitated numerous benefits in our lives"
Explanation: Replacing "made life easier" with "facilitated numerous benefits" enhances the formality of the statement while maintaining clarity and precision in expressing the positive impact of technology.
"electric offences" -> "cybercrimes"
Explanation: "Electric offences" is an uncommon and potentially confusing term. "Cybercrimes" is a more widely recognized and academically appropriate term for crimes committed using electronic devices and networks.
"bad guys" -> "perpetrators"
Explanation: "Bad guys" is overly informal for an academic context. "Perpetrators" is a more formal and precise term to refer to individuals who commit crimes.
"social media crimes through the use of social networking sites such as Facebook, Instagram or Tinder are also dangers" -> "social media crimes facilitated by platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, or Tinder also pose significant risks"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and uses informal language. "Facilitated by" clarifies how social media contributes to the commission of crimes, and "pose significant risks" emphasizes the severity of the issue.
"an example for this is Grace Millane" -> "an example of this is Grace Millane"
Explanation: "An example for this" is grammatically incorrect. "An example of this" is the correct phrase to introduce an illustrative example.
"new boyfriend on Tinder" -> "individual she met on Tinder"
Explanation: "New boyfriend on Tinder" is informal and imprecise. "Individual she met on Tinder" maintains formality and clarity in describing the relationship.
"it cannot be denied advantages" -> "the advantages cannot be denied"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, placing the subject before the verb.
"with the development of machinery" -> "due to advancements in technology"
Explanation: "Development of machinery" is too specific and less encompassing than "advancements in technology," which better captures the broader impact of technological progress.
"dialysis machines are one of achievements of technology used in health care" -> "dialysis machines represent a significant technological achievement in healthcare"
Explanation: Rewording for clarity and formality, specifying that dialysis machines are a notable accomplishment in healthcare technology.
"automation also help our relationships become closer" -> "automation also fosters closer relationships"
Explanation: Correcting subject-verb agreement and using "fosters" to convey the idea of promoting or encouraging closer relationships.
"Taking smartphones as an example an individual can call with a family member despite geographical distance" -> "For example, smartphones enable individuals to communicate with family members regardless of geographical distance"
Explanation: Revising for clarity and structure, presenting the example in a more formal and coherent manner.
"It means that you can tall with your family even you live in another country" -> "This means that you can communicate with your family even if you live in another country"
Explanation: Correcting grammatical errors and improving clarity by restructuring the sentence.
"If there are not any high tech products" -> "Without high-tech products"
Explanation: Simplifying and clarifying the phrase for better readability and formality.
"it will be very complex and inconvenient to talk with people who live far from us" -> "communication with distant individuals would be considerably more complex and inconvenient"
Explanation: Enhancing formality and precision by rephrasing the sentence for clarity and academic tone.
"Tchnology" -> "Technology"
Explanation: Correcting the typographical error in the word "Technology."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument presented in the prompt. It acknowledges the perspective that technology has made life more complex while also recognizing its benefits. The discussion of both viewpoints is evident throughout the essay, with examples provided for each stance.
- How to improve: To enhance the comprehensiveness of the response, consider providing a more balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of technology. While the essay does touch on both aspects, expanding on the potential drawbacks of technology could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by indicating agreement with the statement that technology has both complicated and simplified life. This stance is consistently expressed throughout the essay, with supporting examples provided for each perspective.
- How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the central argument. Emphasizing the chosen stance in the introduction and conclusion can also help solidify the essay’s overall clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the complexity and benefits of technology, extending them with examples and explanations. Specific instances, such as the impact of technology on crime and healthcare, are provided to support the arguments.
- How to improve: To improve idea presentation and development, consider organizing the essay into distinct paragraphs, each focusing on a single idea or example. Additionally, providing more detailed explanations and evidence for each point can enhance the overall effectiveness of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the complexity of modern life due to technology and the proposed solution of embracing simplicity. However, there are some instances where the discussion of social media crimes and personal anecdotes slightly deviates from the main topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, ensure that all examples and explanations directly relate to the effects of technology on the complexity of life. Avoid tangential discussions that may distract from the central argument.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the complexities and benefits of technology while maintaining a clear position throughout. To enhance the response, consider providing a more balanced discussion, reinforcing the central argument, improving idea presentation, and ensuring consistent relevance to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that presents both sides of the argument, followed by two body paragraphs discussing the advantages and disadvantages of technology. The conclusion reaffirms the author’s stance. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using transitional phrases or sentences. Additionally, consider reordering paragraphs to create a more seamless progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, but some paragraphs contain multiple points without clear delineation. For instance, the second paragraph discusses both the disadvantages of technology (high tech crimes) and the dangers of social media, which could be separated into two distinct paragraphs for clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for unity within each paragraph by focusing on one main idea or argument. Break down complex paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability and coherence. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices such as transitional phrases ("On the one hand," "However," "In addition to this," "Additionally," "In conclusion") to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the range of cohesive devices used.
- How to improve: Expand the variety of cohesive devices employed, including pronouns (e.g., "it," "this"), conjunctions (e.g., "and," "but," "although"), and synonyms to avoid repetitive language. This will enhance coherence by establishing clearer relationships between sentences and ideas.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents coherent arguments, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and cohesive devices can elevate the clarity and coherence of the writing, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "complicated," "automation," "vulnerabilities," "advantages," "achievements," "convenient," and "appropriate." These lexical choices contribute to the clarity and depth of the argument presented.
- How to improve: While the essay already utilizes a wide range of vocabulary, enhancing variety further by incorporating synonyms or alternative expressions for frequently used terms could elevate the lexical richness. For instance, instead of consistently using "advantages," consider employing alternatives like "benefits," "merits," or "pros" to add nuance to the discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision, effectively conveying ideas. For example, the phrase "modern crimes" effectively encapsulates contemporary criminal activities facilitated by technology. However, there are instances where more precise word choices could enhance clarity and precision. For instance, in the sentence "bad guys have taken advantage of the vulnerabilities of online ones," the term "vulnerabilities" could be substituted with a more specific term like "security loopholes" to offer a clearer depiction of the issue.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, consider utilizing specialized terminology where appropriate, especially when discussing technical or complex subjects. Additionally, employing contextually appropriate synonyms or refining expressions to convey precise meanings can elevate the sophistication of the language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates adequate spelling accuracy, with minor errors that do not significantly impede comprehension. For instance, "electric offences" should be corrected to "cybercrimes," "tall" should be replaced with "talk," and "high tech" should be written as "high-tech." These errors, while present, do not detract significantly from the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider incorporating proofreading techniques such as spell-checking tools or reading the essay aloud to identify and rectify errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling patterns and practicing regularly can help minimize spelling mistakes and enhance overall writing quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. There are instances of complex sentences, such as "With the development of machinery, especially in the medical field, it saves the lives of many people." However, these complex structures are somewhat limited in number and could be more varied to enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and participial phrases. For example, instead of relying solely on basic sentence structures, introduce sentences with introductory phrases or clauses to add variety and depth to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy overall. However, there are some instances of errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("If there are not any high tech products, it will be very complex…") and punctuation errors (missing commas in compound sentences). Additionally, there are areas where sentence structures could be refined for clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure consistency throughout the essay. Review the use of punctuation marks, such as commas, to accurately separate clauses and enhance readability. Additionally, revise sentences for clarity and coherence, ensuring that ideas are expressed clearly and logically.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competent grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation skills. By incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures and paying closer attention to grammatical details, the clarity and sophistication of the writing can be enhanced, leading to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

While it’s true that technology has introduced some complexities into our lives, it has also facilitated numerous benefits. On one hand, there are concerns that technology has led to an increase in cybercrimes, such as fraud and stalking. For example, online banking has made it easier for perpetrators to access others’ accounts without their consent. Moreover, social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, or Tinder have seen instances of crimes, as evidenced by cases like Grace Millane, who met her demise through a Tinder acquaintance. These are valid reasons why some advocate for a simpler lifestyle without technology.

However, the advantages cannot be denied. Due to advancements in technology, innovations like dialysis machines represent significant achievements in healthcare, saving countless lives. Automation also fosters closer relationships. For example, smartphones enable individuals to communicate with family members regardless of geographical distance. This means that you can communicate with your family even if you live in another country. Without high-tech products, communication with distant individuals would be considerably more complex and inconvenient.

Furthermore, technology plays a vital role in education. With devices like tablets, computers, or smartphones, one can easily access online learning resources from home. This not only saves time but also provides convenience, particularly in situations like illness when attending school is not feasible. Additionally, technology enhances the learning process, making it more efficient and effective.

In conclusion, while there are arguments for living a simpler life without technology, I believe that when used appropriately, technology can bring significant benefits to our lives.