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Some people argue that we should do research into our family history. Others agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that we should do research into our family history. Others agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is predicted that the people should learn about our family history but the others do not think so and they claim that the people should focus on the present and future generations. Personally, Both perception holds reasonable merit but I agree more to the previous view based on some reasons which will be explained further in this essay.
On the one hand, I agree that the people should focus on training for the modern generations and prepare the best thing for young generation in the future which will help the economics of family and society become better. This one will create many material benefits which the looking back at the past will not do so. The modern generations and the young generations are main force who decide the succesfull for the future of human society so predict the future and prepare modern educational programs is extremely necessary. People can not use the old things for the modern or future such as the education in the past is not suitable for the modern young, ancient feudal customs are too outdated compared to today and the modern life is completely different to the life of old generations

On the other hand ,firstly , i still believe that the traditional, cultural or experience of the old generations has significant usefulness for ours . Althought the people are changing the traditional and cultural, which were remained over a thousand years, to make their life become more convenient, there are still something that can not change because this one has hold many admits about history of family .Secondly, I claim that the experience of the old generation which collected from the days of facing war and its consequences such as food shortages, illness , and sacrifice, is quite necessary for each people because nobody can see how the future will change . In addition, the learning knowledge about this one will help the family has many talktime which will significantly improve the relationship of members in ours family
In short, The people are usually busy to problem about becoming develop and complete more and sometimes the historical family is quite unnecessary but people should pay more attention to it because it is very important in preserving traditional beauty and the connection between generations


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "the people" -> "individuals" or "people in general"
    Explanation: "The people" is vague and can refer to a collective or a specific group. Using "individuals" or "people in general" clarifies the intended meaning and enhances the formality of the text.

  2. "but the others do not think so" -> "however, others disagree"
    Explanation: "The others" is informal and imprecise. "Others" is more appropriate and maintains a formal tone. Additionally, "however" is a more formal transition than "but" in academic writing.

  3. "Personally, Both perception holds reasonable merit" -> "Personally, both perspectives have merit"
    Explanation: "Both perception" is grammatically incorrect. "Both perspectives" is the correct term, and "have merit" is more formal than "holds merit."

  4. "I agree more to the previous view" -> "I concur more with the previous view"
    Explanation: "Agree more to" is grammatically incorrect. "Concur with" is the correct phrase and is more formal and precise.

  5. "prepare the best thing for young generation" -> "prepare the best for the young generation"
    Explanation: "The best thing" is awkward and unclear. "The best" is more concise and appropriate in this context.

  6. "which will help the economics of family and society become better" -> "which will enhance the economic well-being of families and society"
    Explanation: "The economics of family and society" is awkward and unclear. "Economic well-being" is a more precise and formal term, and "families" is plural to match the context.

  7. "This one will create many material benefits" -> "This approach will yield numerous material benefits"
    Explanation: "This one" is vague and informal. "This approach" is clearer and more formal, and "yield" is a more academic term than "create."

  8. "the looking back at the past" -> "looking back at the past"
    Explanation: "The looking back at the past" is grammatically incorrect. "Looking back at the past" is the correct phrase.

  9. "the modern generations and the young generations" -> "the modern and young generations"
    Explanation: "The modern generations and the young generations" is redundant. "The modern and young generations" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning.

  10. "succesfull for the future of human society" -> "successful for the future of human society"
    Explanation: "Succesfull" is a typographical error. "Successful" is the correct spelling.

  11. "People can not use the old things for the modern or future" -> "People cannot apply old methods to modern or future contexts"
    Explanation: "Use the old things" is vague and informal. "Apply old methods to modern or future contexts" is more precise and formal.

  12. "Althought" -> "Although"
    Explanation: "Althought" is a typographical error. "Although" is the correct word.

  13. "which were remained over a thousand years" -> "which have remained for over a thousand years"
    Explanation: "Were remained" is grammatically incorrect. "Have remained" corrects the verb tense and improves the sentence structure.

  14. "make their life become more convenient" -> "make their lives more convenient"
    Explanation: "Become" is unnecessary in this context. "Make their lives more convenient" is grammatically correct and more direct.

  15. "has many talktime" -> "has many talking points"
    Explanation: "Talktime" is not a standard term. "Talking points" is the correct phrase, referring to topics of discussion.

  16. "problem about becoming develop and complete more" -> "concerns about further development and completion"
    Explanation: "Problem about becoming develop and complete more" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Concerns about further development and completion" is clearer and more formal.

  17. "the historical family" -> "family history"
    Explanation: "The historical family" is unclear and awkward. "Family history" is the correct term and is more precise.

These changes enhance the formality, clarity, and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the importance of researching family history versus focusing on present and future generations. The first paragraph introduces the topic and states the writer’s opinion, which is that researching family history is more important. The subsequent paragraphs discuss both perspectives, although the discussion of the opposing view is less developed. The essay does touch on the merits of both sides, but the arguments for the present and future generations are more robust compared to the discussion of family history.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more balanced discussion of both views. This could involve elaborating on the benefits of researching family history with specific examples and evidence, such as how understanding one’s ancestry can influence personal identity or community ties. Additionally, ensuring that both perspectives are given equal weight will strengthen the overall argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear position in favor of researching family history, but this position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. While the introduction indicates agreement with the first view, the body paragraphs sometimes blur this stance, particularly in the discussion of the opposing view, where the writer seems to concede too much ground without adequately defending their position.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should consistently refer back to their main argument in each paragraph. This can be achieved by using transition phrases that reiterate the importance of family history, even when discussing the opposing view. Additionally, concluding each section with a sentence that ties back to the main argument can help reinforce the writer’s stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of modern education and the value of traditional knowledge. However, the support for these ideas is often vague or lacks depth. For example, while the essay mentions that the experience of older generations is necessary, it does not provide specific examples or evidence to illustrate how this knowledge can be applied in contemporary contexts.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples, anecdotes, or data that support their claims. For instance, discussing a particular family tradition that has been beneficial in modern times or citing studies that show the impact of family history on personal identity could strengthen the argument. Additionally, using clear topic sentences for each paragraph can help in structuring the ideas more effectively.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, but there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the second body paragraph. The discussion of the importance of traditional knowledge sometimes veers into general statements about societal changes without directly tying back to the prompt’s focus on family history.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made is directly relevant to the prompt. This can be achieved by regularly linking back to the central themes of family history and its relevance to modern life. Creating an outline before writing could also help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that all points made are pertinent to the essay question.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, there is room for improvement in balancing the discussion, reinforcing the position, providing specific support for ideas, and maintaining focus on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear discussion of both views regarding the importance of researching family history versus focusing on present and future generations. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are generally organized around distinct points. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by unclear transitions and a lack of clear topic sentences. For instance, the transition between the two main arguments could be smoother, as the shift from discussing the importance of modern education to the value of traditional knowledge feels abrupt.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "In contrast," or "Furthermore," can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly. Structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that each focus on a single idea, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points will also improve coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness is inconsistent. Each paragraph addresses a different aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, some paragraphs are overly long and contain multiple ideas that could be better served by being split into separate paragraphs. For example, the second paragraph combines several ideas about modern education and its necessity, which could be divided into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the need for modern educational programs and another on the implications of outdated customs.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, aim for a clear structure where each paragraph contains one main idea supported by relevant examples. This can be achieved by identifying the key point of each paragraph and ensuring that all sentences within that paragraph relate directly to that point. Additionally, consider using a consistent format for each paragraph, starting with a topic sentence, followed by supporting details, and concluding with a sentence that reinforces the main idea.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate the two perspectives. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some devices are used incorrectly or awkwardly, such as "this one" and "ours," which can confuse the reader. The use of pronouns and demonstratives needs to be clearer to ensure that references are easily understood.
    • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases such as "Moreover," "Additionally," "Conversely," and "For instance." This will help to clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and references are clear and specific to avoid ambiguity. For example, instead of saying "this one," specify what "this one" refers to, such as "this emphasis on traditional knowledge."

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve greater coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Phrases like "modern generations," "traditional, cultural or experience," and "material benefits" show an effort to incorporate diverse vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetition, such as "generations" and "people," which detracts from the overall lexical variety. Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as "the economics of family and society become better," which could be expressed more naturally.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to include synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "generations," alternatives like "youth," "youngsters," or "future leaders" could be employed. Additionally, varying sentence structures and incorporating more complex vocabulary will enrich the essay. For example, instead of "the people should focus on training for the modern generations," a more varied expression could be "society must prioritize equipping the youth with contemporary skills."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the looking back at the past will not do so" is vague and unclear. Additionally, "the experience of the old generation which collected from the days of facing war" could be more accurately expressed as "the experiences of previous generations during times of conflict." The use of "admit" in "this one has hold many admits about history of family" is incorrect and should be replaced with "insights" or "lessons."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and ensuring that word choices align with standard usage. For example, instead of saying "the historical family is quite unnecessary," it could be more precisely stated as "understanding family history may seem irrelevant at times." Reading more academic texts can also help in understanding the nuances of word usage.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "succesfull" (successful), "Althought" (Although), and "talktime" (which should be "quality time" or "meaningful conversations"). These errors can distract the reader and affect the overall impression of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or flashcards for commonly misspelled words. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or reading it aloud can help catch errors before submission. Utilizing tools like spell check in word processors can also assist in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at using vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences follow a simple or compound structure, with few complex sentences. For example, phrases like "the people should learn about our family history" and "the people should focus on training for the modern generations" are straightforward and lack variation. The use of phrases such as "this one will create many material benefits" shows an attempt at complexity but remains simplistic in construction.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "the people should focus on training for the modern generations," the writer could say, "While some argue that focusing on training for modern generations is essential, others believe that understanding family history is equally important." This not only adds complexity but also improves coherence and flow.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "the people should learn about our family history but the others do not think so" lacks a comma before "but," which is necessary to separate the two independent clauses. Additionally, phrases like "the modern generations and the young generations are main force who decide the succesfull for the future" contain grammatical inaccuracies, such as the incorrect use of "succesfull" (should be "success") and the awkward phrasing of "are main force" (should be "are the main force").
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help in creating more grammatically correct and varied sentences. Furthermore, using grammar-checking tools can assist in identifying and correcting errors before finalizing the essay.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy. Engaging in targeted practice, such as writing complex sentences and proofreading for grammatical errors, will significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is predicted that individuals should learn about our family history, but others do not think so and claim that people should focus on the present and future generations. Personally, both perspectives have merit, but I concur more with the previous view based on some reasons which will be explained further in this essay.

On the one hand, I agree that people should focus on training for the modern generations and prepare the best for the young generation in the future, which will enhance the economic well-being of families and society. This approach will yield numerous material benefits that looking back at the past will not provide. The modern and young generations are the main force that will decide the success of the future of human society, so predicting the future and preparing modern educational programs is extremely necessary. People cannot apply old methods to modern or future contexts, such as education in the past, which is not suitable for the modern young. Ancient feudal customs are too outdated compared to today, and modern life is completely different from the life of previous generations.

On the other hand, I still believe that the traditions, culture, and experiences of the old generations have significant usefulness for us. Although people are changing traditions and cultures, which have remained for over a thousand years, to make their lives more convenient, there are still some things that cannot change because they hold many insights about family history. Secondly, I claim that the experiences of the old generation, collected from the days of facing war and its consequences, such as food shortages, illness, and sacrifice, are quite necessary for each individual because nobody can predict how the future will change. In addition, learning about this knowledge will help families have many talking points, which will significantly improve the relationships among members of our families.

In short, people are usually busy with problems related to development and completion, and sometimes family history seems quite unnecessary. However, individuals should pay more attention to it because it is very important in preserving traditional beauty and the connection between generations.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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