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Some people believe famous people’s support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe famous people’s support towards international aid organizations draws attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the contemporary world, influential personalities wield significant influence over public perceptions. Consequently, opinions vary on whether the support of famous individuals for international aid organizations serves to heighten awareness or undermine the significance of global issues. This essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my viewpoint.

On one side of the debate, some believe that the involvement of renowned figures tends to diminish the importance of global issues. This perspective is influenced by reports suggesting that celebrities engage in charitable activities primarily for personal gain. Some well-known actors, for instance, have faced allegations of misleading the public by misusing funds intended for social causes. Such instances contribute to a gradual loss of trust in public figures. As a result, when individuals come across posts or endorsements from celebrities, they may react with immediate skepticism.

On the contrary, I argue that famous personalities play a vital role in supporting international aid organizations. In the current landscape, organizations often utilize the popularity of celebrities to promote their events, as the general public tends to emulate the conduct and actions of their role models. This not only enhances social awareness but also acts as a stimulus for heightened fundraising endeavors, potentially preventing further global problems. For instance, the visit of actor Quang Linh to Africa served as a catalyst for increased fundraising efforts, significantly benefiting international aid organizations and aiding impoverished communities.

In conclusion, while one perspective argues that celebrities may undermine the significance of global concerns, I strongly assert that they make a substantial and effective contribution. Their influence, when used responsibly, can amplify awareness and mobilize resources for the greater good.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "opinions vary" -> "opinions diverge"
    Explanation: Replacing "opinions vary" with "opinions diverge" introduces a more sophisticated term, aligning with academic style and providing a nuanced expression of differing viewpoints.

  2. "This essay will examine" -> "This essay will explore"
    Explanation: Substituting "examine" with "explore" maintains the formality of the language while offering a more dynamic and academically appropriate verb choice.

  3. "some believe" -> "some contend"
    Explanation: Replacing "some believe" with "some contend" adds a level of formality and implies a more deliberate and thoughtful consideration of the perspective.

  4. "diminish the importance" -> "undermine the significance"
    Explanation: Changing "diminish the importance" to "undermine the significance" enhances the precision of the language, using a more specific and formal term.

  5. "allegations of misleading" -> "accusations of deceiving"
    Explanation: Substituting "allegations of misleading" with "accusations of deceiving" introduces a more formal and precise term, aligning with academic language standards.

  6. "loss of trust" -> "erosion of trust"
    Explanation: Replacing "loss of trust" with "erosion of trust" maintains formality and introduces a more nuanced term that conveys a gradual and ongoing process.

  7. "come across posts or endorsements" -> "encounter posts or endorsements"
    Explanation: Changing "come across" to "encounter" adds a touch of formality, providing a more refined expression of individuals encountering information.

  8. "react with immediate skepticism" -> "respond with immediate skepticism"
    Explanation: Adding "respond" enhances the formality of the sentence, aligning with academic tone while maintaining clarity.

  9. "argue that" -> "posit that"
    Explanation: Substituting "argue that" with "posit that" introduces a more formal and assertive term, contributing to a more academic style.

  10. "landscape" -> "context"
    Explanation: Replacing "landscape" with "context" offers a more precise and formal term, enhancing the overall academic tone of the sentence.

  11. "utilize the popularity" -> "leverage the popularity"
    Explanation: Changing "utilize" to "leverage" introduces a more sophisticated term, maintaining formality while expressing the strategic use of celebrity influence.

  12. "conduct and actions" -> "behavior and actions"
    Explanation: Substituting "conduct" with "behavior" introduces a more academically appropriate term, contributing to the precision of language.

  13. "acts as a stimulus" -> "serves as a catalyst"
    Explanation: Replacing "acts as a stimulus" with "serves as a catalyst" offers a more formal and precise term, enhancing the academic quality of the sentence.

  14. "significantly benefiting" -> "substantially benefiting"
    Explanation: Changing "significantly benefiting" to "substantially benefiting" maintains formality while introducing a more precise and impactful adverb.

  15. "while one perspective argues" -> "while one perspective contends"
    Explanation: Substituting "argues" with "contends" introduces a more formal term, aligning with academic style while expressing the opposing viewpoint.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "On the contrary, I argue that famous personalities play a vital role in supporting international aid organizations."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your introduction of your viewpoint is clear and directly addresses the essay prompt. However, to enhance your Task Response, consider providing a brief roadmap of the main reasons or examples you will use to support your argument. This would help in guiding the reader through your essay.
    • Improved example: "On the contrary, I firmly believe that famous personalities play a vital role in supporting international aid organizations. In the following paragraphs, I will present compelling reasons and examples that illustrate the positive impact of celebrity involvement in raising awareness and funding for global issues."
  2. Quoted text: "This perspective is influenced by reports suggesting that celebrities engage in charitable activities primarily for personal gain."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your point about celebrities engaging in charitable activities for personal gain is well-stated. However, to strengthen your argument, provide a specific example or anecdote that illustrates this phenomenon. This would make your argument more convincing and grounded in real-world instances.
    • Improved example: "This perspective is influenced by well-documented cases, such as the controversy surrounding a prominent actor who was accused of misusing funds meant for social causes. These instances contribute to a gradual erosion of trust in public figures, fueling the perception that celebrities engage in charitable activities primarily for personal gain."
  3. Quoted text: "For instance, the visit of actor Quang Linh to Africa served as a catalyst for increased fundraising efforts, significantly benefiting international aid organizations and aiding impoverished communities."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your use of an example is commendable, showcasing the positive impact of a celebrity visit. To further strengthen your response, consider elaborating on how this visit specifically contributed to increased fundraising efforts and how it aided impoverished communities. Providing more detailed information will enhance the depth of your argument.
    • Improved example: "For instance, the visit of actor Quang Linh to Africa not only garnered significant media attention but also directly contributed to a surge in fundraising efforts. The funds raised were instrumental in implementing sustainable projects that addressed critical needs in impoverished communities, such as access to clean water, education, and healthcare."

Overall, your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the prompt and presents a well-structured argument. To elevate your Task Response, focus on providing more specific examples and reasons to bolster the credibility of your points.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas, with clear progression throughout. It effectively presents both sides of the argument and supports each perspective with relevant examples. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There is a clear central topic within each paragraph, and paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately. The essay maintains a balance between the two views, providing a comprehensive analysis of the topic.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider incorporating a stronger concluding paragraph that succinctly summarizes the main points and reiterates your opinion. Additionally, ensure that the use of cohesive devices is consistently accurate and varied throughout the essay. Keep a careful eye on sentence-level cohesion to avoid any potential faults or mechanical use. Overall, maintaining this level of organization while refining the precision of cohesive devices will further strengthen the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with attempts to incorporate less common lexical items. There’s an evident effort to convey precise meanings, using vocabulary flexibly to present arguments. Some less common lexical items are used with awareness of style and collocation. However, occasional errors in word choice and formation slightly affect the overall lexical control.

How to improve: To reach a higher band score, aim for more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. Work on refining word choice and collocation further, minimizing occasional errors in spelling and word formation. Additionally, strive for a more consistent use of less common lexical items to enhance the lexical richness of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation throughout. There is an effective use of a variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences. The essay presents ideas coherently and uses language effectively to convey meaning. However, there are a few minor errors present, which slightly affect the overall impression of the text. These errors, although infrequent, include instances of minor inaccuracies in sentence construction and punctuation, although they do not significantly hinder comprehension. Overall, the candidate shows a good control of grammar and punctuation with frequent error-free sentences.

How to improve:
To enhance the score further, the writer could pay more attention to sentence structure and punctuation accuracy. Careful proofreading to correct minor errors and ensure consistency in punctuation usage would be beneficial. Also, reinforcing complex sentence structures with precision could contribute to achieving a higher band score. Additionally, maintaining consistency in grammatical accuracy across the entire essay will help elevate the overall quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, influential personalities hold significant sway over public perceptions. Consequently, opinions diverge on whether the support of famous individuals for international aid organizations serves to heighten awareness or undermine the significance of global issues. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my viewpoint.

On one side of the debate, some contend that the involvement of renowned figures tends to diminish the importance of global issues. This perspective is influenced by reports suggesting that celebrities engage in charitable activities primarily for personal gain. Some well-known actors, for instance, have faced accusations of deceiving the public by misusing funds intended for social causes. Such instances contribute to a gradual erosion of trust in public figures. As a result, when individuals encounter posts or endorsements from celebrities, they may respond with immediate skepticism.

On the contrary, I posit that famous personalities play a vital role in supporting international aid organizations. In the current context, organizations often leverage the popularity of celebrities to promote their events, as the general public tends to emulate the behavior and actions of their role models. This not only enhances social awareness but also serves as a catalyst for heightened fundraising endeavors, potentially preventing further global problems. For instance, the visit of actor Quang Linh to Africa substantially benefited international aid organizations and aided impoverished communities.

In conclusion, while one perspective contends that celebrities may undermine the significance of global concerns, I strongly assert that they make a substantial and effective contribution. Their influence, when used responsibly, can amplify awareness and mobilize resources for the greater good.

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