Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting.

While there are those who hold the view that children should devote equal time to each subject, others are in the belief that subjects which they are passionate about deserve more time to spend on. This essay will closely scrutinize both viewpoints before concluding that I am in favor of the latter.

On the one hand, it is understandable why some argue that youngsters should spend time on all subjects equally. The first reason is that as each subject provides students with a particular skill, those who study a wide range of subjects are more likely to be equipped with various skills and abilities, which will be of use for their future career pursuits. For example, mathematics encourages critical thinking as well as problem-solving skills, while arts promotes creativity and imagination in children. Therefore, this allows them to deal with a number of homework or assignments on their own without any assistance or parental help, and even cope with numerous life issues more flexibly, facilitating a sense of self-reliance and independence. As result, many advocates

On the other hand, I side with those who claim that it is more beneficial for teenagers to focus exclusively on subjects they are interested in. The key rationale is that thanks to a decrease in the extensive hours spent on studying, concentrating entirely on subjects which they love significantly reduces a heavy toll taken on students. This would lower a risk of children confronting high levels of stress and anxiety, which detrimentally affects their overall well-being. A case in point is that people who study subjects they are keen on are less likely to suffer from fatal mental health problems, such as depression or anxiety disorder, than those who do not. Another point worth mentioning is that since teenagers would be provided with motivation while studying their favorite subjects only, exclusive focus enhances their passion in studying. In fact, if a student is concentrating on subjects that they are genuinely passionate about, they would be more willing to devote time and effort to their study, resulting in higher academic outcomes and improved efficiency.

In conclusion, although some individuals think that teenagers should spend equal time on all subjects, I am of the opinion that just focusing on what they are keen on would be a wiser course of action.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"hold the view" -> "maintain the perspective"
Explanation: "Hold the view" is a bit informal for academic writing. "Maintain the perspective" is a more formal alternative that aligns better with academic style.
"are in the belief" -> "are of the belief"
Explanation: "Are in the belief" is not a standard phrase. "Are of the belief" is a more conventional expression in formal writing.
"deserve more time to spend on" -> "merit additional attention"
Explanation: "Deserve more time to spend on" is slightly colloquial. "Merit additional attention" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"closely scrutinize" -> "carefully examine"
Explanation: While "closely scrutinize" is not necessarily incorrect, "carefully examine" is a more common and academically appropriate phrase.
"I am in favor of the latter" -> "I support the latter perspective"
Explanation: "I am in favor of the latter" is grammatically correct but slightly informal. "I support the latter perspective" maintains formality and clarity.
"The first reason is that" -> "Firstly,"
Explanation: "The first reason is that" is somewhat redundant. "Firstly," is a more concise and appropriate transition in academic writing.
"a wide range of subjects" -> "a diverse array of subjects"
Explanation: "Wide range" is a bit colloquial. "Diverse array" is a more sophisticated alternative that fits better in academic writing.
"which will be of use" -> "which will be beneficial"
Explanation: "Of use" is informal. "Beneficial" is a more precise and academically appropriate term.
"This allows them to deal with a number of homework or assignments on their own" -> "This equips them to independently handle various homework assignments"
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat awkward. The suggested alternative provides a smoother and more formal expression.
"even cope with numerous life issues more flexibly" -> "and even adapt to various life challenges more effectively"
Explanation: "Cope with numerous life issues more flexibly" is a bit informal. "Adapt to various life challenges more effectively" maintains formality and clarity.
"As result, many advocates" -> "As a result, many proponents"
Explanation: "As result" is grammatically incorrect. "As a result, many proponents" corrects the error and offers a more formal term for those who support the argument.
"I side with those who claim" -> "I align with those who assert"
Explanation: "I side with those who claim" is somewhat informal. "I align with those who assert" maintains formality while expressing the same idea.
"a heavy toll taken on students" -> "a significant burden placed on students"
Explanation: "Heavy toll taken on students" is slightly informal. "Significant burden placed on students" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"this would lower a risk" -> "this would reduce the risk"
Explanation: "Lower a risk" is not incorrect but "reduce the risk" is a more concise and formal alternative.
"people who study subjects they are keen on" -> "individuals who pursue their interests"
Explanation: "People who study subjects they are keen on" is slightly repetitive and informal. "Individuals who pursue their interests" is more concise and formal.
"fatal mental health problems" -> "severe mental health disorders"
Explanation: "Fatal mental health problems" is somewhat dramatic and imprecise. "Severe mental health disorders" is a more accurate and formal term.
"worth mentioning" -> "worth noting"
Explanation: "Worth mentioning" is acceptable but "worth noting" is a more concise and formal expression commonly used in academic writing.
"since teenagers would be provided with motivation" -> "as teenagers would be motivated"
Explanation: "Since teenagers would be provided with motivation" is wordy and slightly awkward. "As teenagers would be motivated" provides a more direct and concise expression.
"exclusive focus enhances their passion in studying" -> "exclusive focus fosters their enthusiasm for learning"
Explanation: "Enhances their passion in studying" is somewhat informal. "Fosters their enthusiasm for learning" is a more formal and precise alternative.
"devote time and effort to their study" -> "dedicate time and effort to their studies"
Explanation: "Devote time and effort to their study" is grammatically incorrect. "Dedicate time and effort to their studies" corrects the error and maintains formality.
"higher academic outcomes" -> "improved academic performance"
Explanation: "Higher academic outcomes" is somewhat vague. "Improved academic performance" is a more specific and formal term.
"although some individuals think" -> "while some argue"
Explanation: "Although some individuals think" is slightly informal. "While some argue" is a more formal and concise alternative.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives presented in the prompt. It discusses the idea of focusing on all subjects equally versus concentrating on those of interest, ultimately stating a clear preference for the latter. Each viewpoint is analyzed with supporting reasoning.
- How to improve: While the essay provides a balanced analysis of both perspectives, it could enhance its depth by providing more nuanced reasoning and exploring potential counterarguments. Encourage the writer to delve deeper into the implications of each approach and consider any potential drawbacks.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, clearly advocating for the position that teenagers should focus exclusively on subjects they are interested in. This position is articulated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, advise the writer to reinforce their position throughout the body paragraphs with explicit topic sentences and to avoid any ambiguity or wavering language that may detract from the coherence of their argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports its ideas adequately, offering examples and reasoning to justify the preference for focusing on subjects of interest. Each perspective is elaborated upon with relevant examples and explanations.
- How to improve: While the essay provides sufficient support for its arguments, encourage the writer to further extend their ideas by exploring additional examples or incorporating more diverse perspectives. Encourage the use of specific evidence to bolster the credibility of their claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely on topic, addressing the central issue of whether teenagers should focus equally on all subjects or exclusively on those of interest. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused, particularly in the transition between paragraphs.
- How to improve: Suggest that the writer ensure each paragraph directly contributes to the central argument and avoid any tangential discussions that may distract from the main topic. Encourage the use of clear topic sentences to maintain focus and coherence throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs presenting each viewpoint coherently, and a concise conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, presenting supporting points and examples logically.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider strengthening transitions between paragraphs to ensure smoother flow and cohesion. Additionally, providing a more explicit roadmap of the essay’s structure in the introduction can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas and arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the argument, facilitating clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Additionally, consider varying the length and structure of paragraphs to maintain reader engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"), pronouns ("this," "that"), and repetition ("subjects they are interested in"). These cohesive devices help connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay already incorporates cohesive devices effectively, consider expanding the range of devices used to include more sophisticated connectors and discourse markers. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately to reinforce the logical progression of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, with a well-structured argument supported by effective paragraphing and cohesive devices. To further enhance coherence, focus on strengthening transitions between paragraphs and diversifying the range of cohesive devices used. Keep up the good work!

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with varied terminology employed to express ideas and arguments. For instance, synonyms like "devote" and "concentrate" are used interchangeably, enhancing the lexical diversity. Additionally, phrases such as "critical thinking," "problem-solving skills," and "mental health problems" contribute to the richness of vocabulary.
- How to improve: While the essay exhibits a strong vocabulary repertoire, further enhancement can be achieved by incorporating more nuanced or specialized terminology where applicable. Aim to incorporate domain-specific vocabulary related to education, psychology, or other relevant fields to add depth and sophistication to the discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying intended meanings. For instance, phrases like "subjects they are passionate about" and "high levels of stress and anxiety" precisely capture the author’s intended sentiments. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as the use of "fatal" in "fatal mental health problems," which might not accurately convey the severity of the conditions.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, strive to select vocabulary that precisely reflects the intended meaning and context. In the example mentioned, consider alternative terms like "severe" or "debilitating" to more accurately describe the impact of mental health issues without overstating their lethality.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally high level of spelling accuracy, with few noticeable errors. Words are spelled correctly throughout the text, contributing to overall clarity and professionalism. However, there are a couple of minor spelling errors, such as "closely scrutinize" (scrutinize spelled as ‘scrutinize’), and "keen" (as ‘kean’).
- How to improve: To maintain consistent spelling accuracy, consider employing proofreading techniques such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-checking tools. Additionally, reviewing commonly misspelled words and practicing spelling exercises can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of lexical resources, with a diverse range of vocabulary effectively employed to convey ideas. To further enhance lexical precision and spelling accuracy, continued exposure to diverse vocabulary and diligent proofreading practices are recommended.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences. For instance, it effectively utilizes introductory phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand") to introduce contrasting viewpoints, employs conditional sentences ("If a student is concentrating on subjects that they are genuinely passionate about, they would be more willing to devote time and effort to their study"), and incorporates relative clauses ("subjects which they are passionate about deserve more time to spend on").
- How to improve: While the essay showcases variety in sentence structures, there’s room for further enhancement by integrating more complex sentence constructions, such as inversion, parallelism, and rhetorical questions. For instance, incorporating rhetorical questions can engage the reader and add persuasive flair to the argument. Additionally, employing a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the essay can enhance coherence and readability.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates proficiency in grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of minor errors, such as subject-verb agreement ("those who hold the view that children should devote equal time to each subject, others are in the belief that subjects which they are passionate about deserve more time to spend on") and punctuation misuse ("As result, many advocates"). Additionally, there are some awkward phrasings that could be revised for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it’s essential to proofread the essay thoroughly, paying close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation. Specifically, ensure that subjects and verbs agree in number and that commas are appropriately used to enhance clarity and readability. Additionally, revising awkward phrasings for clarity and coherence can further enhance the overall quality of the essay. Using grammar check tools or seeking feedback from peers can also be beneficial in identifying and rectifying errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

While there are those who maintain the perspective that children should devote equal time to each subject, others are of the belief that subjects they are passionate about merit additional attention. This essay will carefully examine both viewpoints before concluding that I support the latter perspective.

On the one hand, it is understandable why some argue that youngsters should spend time on all subjects equally. The first reason is that as each subject provides students with particular skills, those who study a diverse array of subjects are more likely to be equipped with various abilities, which will be beneficial for their future career pursuits. For example, mathematics encourages critical thinking as well as problem-solving skills, while arts promote creativity and imagination in children. This equips them to independently handle various homework assignments or tasks and even adapt to various life challenges more effectively, facilitating a sense of self-reliance and independence. As a result, many proponents align with this perspective.

On the other hand, I align with those who assert that it is more beneficial for teenagers to focus exclusively on subjects they are interested in. The key rationale is that thanks to a decrease in the extensive hours spent on studying, concentrating entirely on subjects they love significantly reduces a significant burden placed on students. This would reduce the risk of children confronting high levels of stress and anxiety, which detrimentally affects their overall well-being. A case in point is that individuals who pursue their interests are less likely to suffer from severe mental health disorders, such as depression or anxiety disorder, than those who do not. Another point worth noting is that as teenagers would be motivated while studying their favorite subjects only, exclusive focus fosters their enthusiasm for learning. In fact, if a student is concentrating on subjects that they are genuinely passionate about, they would be more willing to dedicate time and effort to their studies, resulting in improved academic performance and efficiency.

In conclusion, while some argue that teenagers should spend equal time on all subjects, I support the perspective that just focusing on what they are keen on would be a wiser course of action.