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Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that children of all ages should have extra responsibilities (for example, helping at home or at work). Others believe that, outside of school, children should be free to enjoy their lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is agreed that youngsters should be tasked with various responsibilities including household chores beside their students’ lives. However, the others would assert they should concentrate solely on their educational programs. Both opinions are valid to certain extents and from my perspective, I side with the former idea.
On the one hand, children of all ages should have autonomy after school for several aspects. Acquiring a diversity of knowledge at school, students may long for enjoying recreational activities to release stress. Without domestic responsibilities, they can fully pursue their personal interests after the studying curriculum. In addition, these are opportunities for youngsters to widen their social network with peers. Children sharing the same interests may strike up friendships with others, therefore, the circle of friends will be widened.
On the other hand, it is other responsibilities that children should be tasked with in their students' lives. Being assigned with several household chores in a limited period of time by parents, youngsters may develop a sense of responsibility When tasks are linked with a reward, or even punishment, their chores will help them to understand the duty to complete the given tasks with the best of their ability, which is considered to be vital in their adult life. Another further point to discuss is the opportunities to share burden with their parents. Unlike children, the majority of parents would spend around half a day making a living with stressful working hours. Hence, if children assist them, the burden of doing housework can be reduced considerably.
In my point of view, I would root for the idea that students should be tasked with various duties beside their ordinary school lives. By completing household chores, youngsters can develop a range of practical skills, namely time management and a sense of responsibilities. With a certain amount of time allocated in these tasks, they can both assist people around them and hang out with friends to widen the circle of friends.
To sum up, children should feel free to enjoy their students' lives. However, taking various responsibilities can be a more pragmatic approach for them with numerous benefits, namely the opportunities to assist their parents and develop multitudes of vital skills.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "youngsters" -> "adolescents"
    Explanation: Replacing the informal term "youngsters" with "adolescents" adds a more formal touch, aligning with academic language conventions.

  2. "beside their students’ lives" -> "alongside their academic pursuits"
    Explanation: Substituting "beside their students’ lives" with "alongside their academic pursuits" maintains formality and clarifies the reference to educational activities.

  3. "from my perspective" -> "in my view"
    Explanation: "From my perspective" is slightly informal; "in my view" is a more formal alternative, suitable for academic writing.

  4. "On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: "On the one hand" is somewhat informal; "Firstly" is a more structured and academic transition.

  5. "long for enjoying" -> "desire to enjoy"
    Explanation: "Long for enjoying" is informal; "desire to enjoy" is a more polished expression suitable for academic writing.

  6. "Without domestic responsibilities" -> "Absence of household duties"
    Explanation: "Without domestic responsibilities" is somewhat casual; "Absence of household duties" maintains formality and precision.

  7. "personal interests after the studying curriculum" -> "individual interests beyond the academic curriculum"
    Explanation: "personal interests after the studying curriculum" is less formal; "individual interests beyond the academic curriculum" is more academically appropriate.

  8. "strike up friendships with others" -> "forge connections with peers"
    Explanation: "strike up friendships with others" is a colloquial phrase; "forge connections with peers" is a more formal expression.

  9. "it is other responsibilities" -> "there are additional responsibilities"
    Explanation: "it is other responsibilities" is somewhat vague; "there are additional responsibilities" provides clarity and formality.

  10. "sense of responsibility When tasks" -> "sense of responsibility. When tasks"
    Explanation: Adding a period after "sense of responsibility" improves punctuation and clarity in the sentence.

  11. "which is considered to be vital in their adult life" -> "which is deemed crucial for their adult life"
    Explanation: "considered to be vital" can be refined to "deemed crucial," enhancing formality and precision.

  12. "Another further point to discuss is" -> "Another noteworthy aspect to consider is"
    Explanation: "Another further point to discuss" can be refined to "Another noteworthy aspect to consider," which is more formal and precise.

  13. "the majority of parents would spend around half a day making a living with stressful working hours" -> "most parents dedicate a significant portion of their day to earning a living amidst stressful working hours"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence enhances formality and clarity without sacrificing the intended meaning.

  14. "if children assist them" -> "if children provide assistance"
    Explanation: "assist them" is more casual; "provide assistance" is a more formal alternative, fitting for academic writing.

  15. "students should be tasked with various duties beside their ordinary school lives" -> "students should be assigned diverse responsibilities beyond their regular school commitments"
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more formal language to convey the idea of students taking on additional duties.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both views presented in the prompt. The author discusses the belief that children should have extra responsibilities, such as household chores, as well as the opposing view that they should be free to enjoy their lives outside of school. The relevant content is spread throughout the essay, showcasing a balanced consideration of both perspectives.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider providing a clearer separation between the discussion of each view. This could involve dedicating specific paragraphs to each perspective, making it easier for the reader to follow the argumentation.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position throughout the essay, explicitly stating a preference for children having various responsibilities alongside their school lives. This stance is consistently reinforced, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen this clarity, ensure that the thesis statement clearly communicates the author’s position at the beginning of the essay. Additionally, reiterate the position in the conclusion to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a well-organized manner, with a logical flow from one point to the next. Examples are provided to support the arguments, such as the benefits of developing practical skills through household chores. However, some instances lack detailed elaboration, and expanding on specific examples could enhance the depth of the discussion.
    • How to improve: Include more specific and detailed examples to illustrate key points. For instance, provide concrete instances of how completing household chores contributes to the development of time management and a sense of responsibility.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the prompt’s main points. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the mention of stress relief through recreational activities may slightly deviate from the main theme.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each point made directly contributes to the overall argument. While some tangential points may add depth, be cautious not to stray too far from the central theme. Connect all ideas back to the main topic of children having responsibilities outside of school.

In summary, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the task and effectively explores both sides of the argument. To improve, consider refining the structure for better clarity, reinforcing the thesis statement, providing more detailed examples, and ensuring a consistent focus on the central theme throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs present contrasting views, providing reasons and examples for each. The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points. However, there is room for improvement in the overall flow and coherence. Some ideas could be better connected, and transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of autonomy for children to the responsibilities they should have is somewhat abrupt.

    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider creating stronger connections between ideas. Use transition phrases to guide the reader through the flow of the essay. Ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs, providing a clear link between each point. In this essay, a more gradual transition from discussing the benefits of autonomy to introducing the idea of responsibilities could improve coherence.

  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure the content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as the benefits of autonomy, the responsibilities children should have, and the writer’s opinion. However, there are instances where paragraph breaks could be more strategically placed to enhance clarity and emphasize key points. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of autonomy to responsibilities might benefit from a new paragraph.

    • How to improve: Consider revising the paragraph structure for better emphasis and clarity. Ensure each paragraph addresses a single, clear point. Break paragraphs strategically to emphasize shifts in ideas. In this essay, breaking the paragraph after discussing the benefits of autonomy could help signal the shift to the discussion on responsibilities.

  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases and pronouns, to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. However, there is an opportunity to expand the range of cohesive devices for a more varied and sophisticated effect. While some transitions are present, a more diverse use of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, synonyms, parallel structures) could contribute to a smoother and more engaging reading experience.

    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a variety of linking words and structures. For example, consider using a wider range of conjunctions (e.g., moreover, consequently) and synonyms to avoid repetition. Additionally, ensure that the connection between sentences is seamless. This will contribute to a more cohesive and sophisticated expression of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. However, refining the logical organization, strategically using paragraphs, and diversifying cohesive devices can further enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, incorporating words such as "recreational activities," "curriculum," "social network," "sense of responsibility," and "stressful working hours." However, there is room for improvement in terms of diversifying the vocabulary further. The use of some phrases, like "students’ lives" and "household chores," is repetitive and could be enriched by exploring synonyms or alternative expressions.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider incorporating more nuanced terms or synonyms where appropriate. For instance, instead of consistently using "students’ lives," explore alternatives like "academic pursuits" or "scholastic endeavors." Additionally, replace repetitive phrases like "household chores" with alternatives such as "domestic responsibilities" or "family duties" to add sophistication to your language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely, such as in the phrase "a sense of responsibility" and "recreational activities." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "a diversity of knowledge at school" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with a more specific term like "a broad spectrum of academic knowledge."
    • How to improve: Aim for more precision by choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of using general terms, opt for specific and targeted vocabulary. For instance, replace broad phrases like "diversity of knowledge" with more specific terms like "broad academic spectrum" or "diverse educational experiences" to add clarity and depth to your expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances of errors, such as "youngsters" (plural form) being used when referring to a singular subject. Additionally, there is a lack of consistency in verb tenses in phrases like "children should feel free" where "should feel" could be revised to "should be allowed to feel."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the agreement between subject and verb forms, ensuring consistency in verb tenses. In addition, proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct any spelling errors, such as ensuring singular or plural forms match the intended context. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar tools to assist in this process.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonably good command of vocabulary and spelling, refining and diversifying the choice of words and ensuring precision will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished expression. Additionally, meticulous attention to spelling and grammatical details will enhance overall language accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used throughout the essay. However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety. The majority of sentences are of medium length, and there is a tendency to rely on basic structures. For instance, there is limited use of advanced structures such as inversion or conditional sentences.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex and varied sentence constructions. Experiment with different types of clauses, and pay attention to sentence length for a more dynamic and engaging prose. Utilize inversion or conditional structures to add depth and complexity to your sentences.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that could be addressed. For example, in the sentence "However, it is other responsibilities that children should be tasked with in their students’ lives," the use of "it is other responsibilities" is awkward and could be clarified. Additionally, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement and preposition use could be refined for smoother expression.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, especially when dealing with complex sentences. Review the use of prepositions to ensure precision and clarity. Proofread your essay thoroughly to catch any awkward phrasing or grammatical errors. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-check tools to identify and rectify specific issues.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures, but refinement in sentence variety and grammatical accuracy would contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing. Keep practicing and experimenting with different sentence structures, and pay meticulous attention to grammatical details during the editing process.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely accepted that adolescents should shoulder additional responsibilities, such as household chores, alongside their academic pursuits. Conversely, some argue that youngsters should solely focus on their educational endeavors. Both perspectives hold merit to a certain extent, but in my view, I lean towards the belief that children should be entrusted with diverse responsibilities.

On the one hand, there is a compelling argument that children of all ages should have the autonomy to enjoy various aspects of life beyond their school hours. Engaging in a broad spectrum of learning experiences at school, students may harbor a desire to enjoy recreational activities to alleviate stress. In the absence of household duties, they can fully dedicate themselves to personal interests beyond the academic curriculum. Moreover, these moments of freedom offer opportunities for youngsters to forge connections with peers who share similar interests. As a result, friendships blossom, contributing to the expansion of their social network.

On the other hand, it is crucial to recognize the value of additional responsibilities in shaping a child’s character. When children are assigned household chores within a specified timeframe, they can cultivate a sense of responsibility. When these tasks are associated with rewards or consequences, youngsters learn the importance of completing assigned duties to the best of their ability, a skill deemed vital for their adult lives. Another noteworthy aspect to consider is the opportunity for children to share the burden with their parents. Given that most parents dedicate a significant portion of their day to earning a living amidst stressful working hours, if children provide assistance, the collective burden of household chores can be considerably alleviated.

In my view, students should be assigned diverse responsibilities beyond their regular school commitments. By actively participating in household chores, adolescents can develop practical skills such as time management and a heightened sense of responsibility. Through allocating a certain amount of time to these tasks, they not only contribute to the well-being of those around them but also have the chance to spend quality time with friends, thereby expanding their circle of companions.

In conclusion, while it is essential for children to relish their student lives, incorporating various responsibilities can be a more pragmatic approach. This approach offers numerous benefits, including the opportunity to assist parents and the development of a range of vital skills.

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