Some people believe that children should not be given homework every day, while others believe that they must get homework every day in order to be successful at school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people believe that children should not be given homework every day, while others believe that they must get homework every day in order to be successful at school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some individuals are of the opinion that doing assignments is an indispensable way for pupils to review the knowledge they studied at school. As a student, I only partially agree with this for some reasons that I will outline in this essay.
On one hand, there are indeed that there are a bunch of benefits when students do homework on their own. Firstly, teachers and tutors can know the strengths and weaknesses of their learners, which makes it easier for them to teach and manage. For example, Mr. Tom whose juniors can be trained in their weak skills by submitting their IELTS writing essays to their English teacher. Secondly, it also reinforces and reminds their knowledge. For instance, Laura’s music class always gives some revision and it helps her scholars remember what she had taught in class longer than other musicians teaching about music but do not give any appointment.
On the other hand, others believe that doing appointments is time-consuming and creates a huge pressure on the pupils. First and foremost, they may suffer from a numerous pressure from mentors or classmates. In other words, Vietnam which country study approximately 15 subjects, consequently there is much homework Vietnamese schoolchildren need to finish before the deadline and it makes them snow under. Last but not least, studying new things is also essential for the learners to let their hair down after a test or a long day at school; however, they cannot if there are loads of revisions.
In short, homework has a number of advantages owing to the fact that it gives opportunities for all students to practice and reinforce. In contrast, anything excessive is always malicious which means pupils and teachers ought to balance it.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Some individuals are of the opinion that" -> "Some individuals believe that"
Explanation: "Believe" is more direct and commonly used in academic writing than "are of the opinion that," which can sound overly formal and less natural in this context. -
"doing assignments is an indispensable way" -> "completing assignments is an essential method"
Explanation: "Completing assignments" is more specific and accurate than "doing assignments," and "essential method" is more precise and formal than "indispensable way." -
"I only partially agree with this" -> "I partially concur with this"
Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," which enhances the academic tone of the statement. -
"there are indeed that there are a bunch of benefits" -> "there are indeed several benefits"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and redundant. Simplifying it to "several benefits" improves clarity and maintains formality. -
"doing homework on their own" -> "completing homework independently"
Explanation: "Completing homework independently" is more precise and formal than "doing homework on their own." -
"Mr. Tom whose juniors can be trained" -> "Mr. Tom, whose students can be trained"
Explanation: "Students" is the correct term for those under the guidance of a teacher, not "juniors," which is typically used in a university or academic context. -
"submitting their IELTS writing essays" -> "submitting their IELTS essays"
Explanation: "Writing essays" is redundant when referring to IELTS, which is a standardized test format. -
"reinforces and reminds their knowledge" -> "reinforces and reinforces their knowledge"
Explanation: The verb "reminds" is not the correct choice here; "reinforces" should be used twice to maintain consistency in meaning. -
"Laura’s music class always gives some revision" -> "Laura’s music class consistently provides revision"
Explanation: "Provides" is more formal and precise than "gives," and "consistently" is more specific than "always." -
"music but do not give any appointment" -> "music, but do not schedule appointments"
Explanation: "Schedule appointments" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea of assigning tasks, replacing the vague and incorrect "give any appointment." -
"a numerous pressure" -> "a significant amount of pressure"
Explanation: "A numerous pressure" is grammatically incorrect; "a significant amount of pressure" is the correct expression. -
"Vietnam which country study approximately 15 subjects" -> "Vietnam, which studies approximately 15 subjects"
Explanation: The comma and the verb "studies" correct the grammatical structure and clarity. -
"snow under" -> "overwhelmed"
Explanation: "Snow under" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing; "overwhelmed" is the appropriate term. -
"let their hair down" -> "relax"
Explanation: "Let their hair down" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing; "relax" is a more straightforward and formal alternative. -
"loads of revisions" -> "numerous revisions"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal and precise than "loads," which is colloquial. -
"anything excessive is always malicious" -> "excessive anything is always detrimental"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. Reordering and using "detrimental" instead of "malicious" improves clarity and formality.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the necessity of homework for children, discussing the benefits of homework on one hand and the drawbacks on the other. However, the treatment of each side is somewhat uneven. The first side is presented with examples, while the second side lacks depth and specific examples. For instance, the mention of "Vietnam which country study approximately 15 subjects" is vague and does not effectively illustrate the argument about excessive homework.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both perspectives are explored with equal depth. This could involve providing more concrete examples and elaborating on the implications of excessive homework, perhaps by including statistics or studies that support the claims made.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states a partial agreement with the notion of homework, but this position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The introduction suggests a balanced view, but the conclusion leans towards the idea that homework can be beneficial if balanced, which could confuse the reader about the writer’s actual stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help clarify the writer’s stance and ensure it is consistently reflected in the discussion.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the benefits of homework in reinforcing knowledge and the pressure it can create. However, the support for these ideas is often weak or unclear. For example, the phrase "doing appointments is time-consuming" lacks clarity, as "appointments" is not a commonly used term in this context and may confuse readers.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to present ideas more clearly and provide stronger support. This could involve defining terms clearly, using relevant examples, and elaborating on points made. For instance, instead of saying "doing appointments," the writer could refer to "homework assignments" and explain how they can lead to stress.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of homework. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second body paragraph where the mention of "let their hair down" seems somewhat unrelated to the main argument about homework.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the argument being made. They can achieve this by outlining the main points before writing and referring back to this outline to check for relevance as they develop their ideas.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in clarity, depth of argumentation, and consistent positioning would enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical organization could be improved. For instance, the transition between the benefits of homework and the drawbacks is somewhat abrupt. The phrase "On one hand" is followed by a list of benefits, but the connection to the opposing view could be clearer. Additionally, the examples provided, such as Mr. Tom and Laura’s music class, while relevant, could be more effectively integrated into the argument to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer transition phrases that signal shifts in perspective, such as "Conversely" or "In contrast." Additionally, ensure that examples directly support the main argument of each paragraph. For instance, when discussing the benefits of homework, explicitly link how these benefits contribute to academic success, thereby reinforcing the argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph addresses a distinct viewpoint, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the internal structure of some paragraphs could be improved. For example, the first body paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be more clearly delineated, leading to potential confusion.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on this idea, and conclude with a sentence that reinforces the paragraph’s main point. For instance, in the first body paragraph, clearly state the benefits of homework before listing them, and consider breaking down complex ideas into simpler, more digestible parts.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In short." However, there is a noticeable reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can detract from the overall fluency and coherence of the writing. For example, the phrase "last but not least" is effective, but it could be complemented with other linking phrases to enhance variety and flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "Moreover" to introduce new points, and "However," "On the other hand," or "Nevertheless" to contrast ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help reduce repetition and improve cohesion.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases like "indispensable way," "strengths and weaknesses," and "reinforces and reminds." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety, such as the overuse of "homework" and "students." The phrase "a bunch of benefits" is informal and lacks academic tone, which detracts from the overall quality.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms and more sophisticated expressions. For example, instead of "a bunch of benefits," alternatives like "numerous advantages" or "various benefits" could be employed. Additionally, varying the terms used for "students" (e.g., "learners," "pupils," "scholars") would improve lexical diversity.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices are imprecise or awkward, such as "doing appointments" instead of "doing homework" and "numerous pressure" instead of "significant pressure." The phrase "snow under" is used correctly but is somewhat informal for an academic essay. The use of "malicious" in the context of excessive homework is also inappropriate, as it typically refers to intent to harm rather than a negative consequence.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on selecting words that accurately convey the intended meaning. For instance, replacing "doing appointments" with "completing assignments" would clarify the message. Furthermore, using "significant pressure" instead of "numerous pressure" would enhance precision. It is also advisable to avoid informal expressions and ensure that vocabulary aligns with the academic context.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "appointments" (intended to mean "assignments"), "scholars" (which may not be the best fit in context), and "Vietnam which country study" (which should be rephrased for clarity). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly using spell-check tools or asking someone else to review it. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and terms related to the essay topic can help reinforce correct usage. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly would also be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents both views, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on these areas will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Some individuals are of the opinion…") and more complex sentences ("On one hand, there are indeed that there are a bunch of benefits…"). However, the use of complex structures is limited, and some sentences are awkwardly constructed, which affects clarity. For example, the phrase "there are indeed that there are a bunch of benefits" is grammatically incorrect and confusing. Additionally, the use of phrases like "let their hair down" may not be appropriate in an academic context.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses effectively. For instance, instead of saying "there are indeed that there are a bunch of benefits," the writer could say, "there are several significant benefits associated with completing homework." Furthermore, using varied sentence beginnings and transitioning phrases can help improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "doing appointments" should be "doing homework," and "a numerous pressure" should be "numerous pressures." The sentence "Vietnam which country study approximately 15 subjects" is also awkward and lacks necessary punctuation; it should be rephrased for clarity, such as "In Vietnam, where students study approximately 15 subjects, there is a significant amount of homework." Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences where they are needed to separate clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect word forms. Practicing sentence rephrasing can also help clarify meaning. For punctuation, the writer should review the rules for using commas, especially in complex sentences, to ensure that clauses are properly separated. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting errors.
Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help raise the band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.
Bài sửa mẫu
Some individuals are of the opinion that doing assignments is an indispensable way for pupils to review the knowledge they studied at school. As a student, I only partially agree with this for some reasons that I will outline in this essay.
On one hand, there are indeed several benefits when students do homework independently. Firstly, teachers and tutors can know the strengths and weaknesses of their learners, which makes it easier for them to teach and manage. For example, Mr. Tom, whose students can be trained in their weak skills by submitting their IELTS writing essays to their English teacher. Secondly, it also reinforces and reminds them of their knowledge. For instance, Laura’s music class consistently provides revision, which helps her scholars remember what she has taught in class longer than other musicians who teach music but do not schedule appointments.
On the other hand, others believe that doing homework is time-consuming and creates a significant amount of pressure on the pupils. First and foremost, they may suffer from numerous pressures from mentors or classmates. In other words, Vietnam, which studies approximately 15 subjects, consequently has much homework that Vietnamese schoolchildren need to finish before the deadline, and it makes them feel overwhelmed. Last but not least, studying new things is also essential for learners to relax after a test or a long day at school; however, they cannot if there are loads of revisions.
In short, homework has a number of advantages owing to the fact that it gives opportunities for all students to practice and reinforce their knowledge. In contrast, excessive anything is always detrimental, which means pupils and teachers ought to balance it.