Some people believe that employers should not be concerned about the way their employees dress, but they should be concerned about the quality at work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that companies should not care about the clothes of their staff and they should pay attention to the productivity of their work. I am mostly against the proposal to let the employees choose their outfits freely and in the following essay, I will elaborate both on my perspective with rationale and examples.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons for my rationale for regulating uniforms in the workplace. To begin with, firms regulating their subordinates’ attire can foster a sense of professionalism and create a formal atmosphere in the office. As their costumes are similar and appropriate for this environment. This can also help avoid the circumstance of dressing informal by some worker. An illustrative example of this case is an employee who works for a large company in Vietnam, she wears shorts and a off shoulder shirt to work and it has caused a controversy about uniforms in workplaces. Furthermore, the office dress code can bridge the gap between the lower and the higher incomes as the big earners tend to purchase luxurious items, and the lower earners use normal ones. This disparity can cause differences and inharmonious in companies

Some opponents might argue that we should concentrate on the quality of their work without paying attention to their dress as it could exhibit the innovation of the business. However, they might have to consider that similar clothing could help promote the professional image of the corporation in others’ eyes, which can help them achieve more goals and sign more contracts with other companies or partners. For example, the Grab agency regulated their employees to wear uniforms while doing their work and it received lots of good responses from the customers.

In conclusion, despite the apparent advantages of emphasizing work quality, I strongly believe that setting a regulation of dressing the uniform in the work environment can help the business become more professional and formal.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people think" -> "Some individuals believe"
Explanation: Replacing "think" with "believe" refines the tone to a more formal academic register, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"companies should not care about the clothes of their staff" -> "companies should not concern themselves with the attire of their employees"
Explanation: "Concern themselves with" is a more formal expression than "care about," and "attire" is a more precise term than "clothes" in a formal context, improving the academic tone.
"they should pay attention to the productivity of their work" -> "they should focus on the productivity of their work"
Explanation: "Focus on" is a more precise and formal way to express attention and concentration, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"I am mostly against" -> "I am largely opposed to"
Explanation: "Largely opposed to" is a more formal and precise way to express opposition, suitable for academic writing.
"let the employees choose their outfits freely" -> "allow employees to select their attire freely"
Explanation: "Allow employees to select their attire" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the casual tone of "choose their outfits," aligning better with academic style.
"I will elaborate both on my perspective with rationale and examples" -> "I will elaborate on my perspective, providing rationale and examples"
Explanation: "Providing" is a more formal verb than "with," and the rephrasing improves the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"foster a sense of professionalism" -> "promote a sense of professionalism"
Explanation: "Promote" is a more formal synonym for "foster," enhancing the academic tone of the statement.
"As their costumes are similar and appropriate for this environment" -> "as their attire is uniform and appropriate for the work environment"
Explanation: "Uniform" is a more precise term than "similar," and "work environment" is a more formal term than "this environment," which is vague.
"dressing informal by some worker" -> "dressing informally by some workers"
Explanation: Correcting "informal" to "informally" and "worker" to "workers" fixes grammatical errors and maintains consistency in subject-verb agreement.
"the lower and the higher incomes" -> "lower- and higher-income groups"
Explanation: "Lower- and higher-income groups" is a more precise and formal way to refer to socioeconomic categories, enhancing the academic tone.
"inharmonious in companies" -> "inharmonious within companies"
Explanation: "Within" is the correct preposition to use here, providing a clearer and more formal expression than "inharmonious in companies," which is grammatically incorrect.
"we should concentrate on the quality of their work" -> "we should focus on the quality of their work"
Explanation: "Focus" is a more formal synonym for "concentrate," aligning better with academic language.
"it could exhibit the innovation of the business" -> "it could demonstrate the innovation of the business"
Explanation: "Demonstrate" is a more precise and formal verb than "exhibit" in this context, enhancing the academic quality of the sentence.
"help them achieve more goals and sign more contracts" -> "assist them in achieving more goals and securing more contracts"
Explanation: "Assist in achieving" and "securing" are more formal and precise terms, improving the academic tone of the sentence.
"lots of good responses" -> "numerous positive responses"
Explanation: "Numerous positive responses" is a more formal and precise way to express quantity and quality, suitable for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Task Response: 9

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by exploring both sides of the argument regarding whether employers should prioritize employee dress codes or work quality. The author clearly states their position against allowing free choice of attire, supporting this with reasons related to professionalism and equality. The response includes examples to illustrate these points, such as the anecdote about an employee in Vietnam and the case of the Grab agency.
- How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, it could be slightly improved by offering a more balanced exploration of the opposing view. For a perfect score, including a more developed discussion on why some might advocate for focusing exclusively on work quality would strengthen the overall argument. Providing a more detailed examination of both perspectives before concluding could enhance the depth of analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the notion of allowing employees to choose their outfits freely. The author consistently supports this stance by discussing how a dress code fosters professionalism and minimizes socioeconomic disparities. The position is evident throughout the essay, with the conclusion reiterating the importance of dress regulations.
- How to improve: The position is well-presented, but to achieve a perfect score, the writer could improve the coherence by linking each paragraph more clearly to the central argument. For instance, ensuring that every piece of evidence directly reinforces the argument against free dress codes would create a more cohesive and compelling essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented clearly, with the essay discussing the benefits of dress codes such as professionalism and reduced socioeconomic disparity. Each point is supported with examples, though some examples could be more relevant or elaborated further. For instance, the example of the employee in Vietnam is briefly mentioned and could benefit from more detail to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the effectiveness, the essay could extend each idea with more detailed explanations and more robust examples. Providing deeper analysis and a broader range of examples would support the argument more convincingly. Ensuring that each point is thoroughly developed and directly tied to the central argument will improve the overall quality.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the argument that employers should regulate dress codes to ensure professionalism rather than allowing free choice. However, there are minor deviations, such as the brief discussion of the Grab agency, which, while relevant, could be better integrated into the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a sharper focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and arguments are closely related to the central thesis. Avoiding tangents and integrating examples more seamlessly into the main argument will help keep the essay tightly on topic. Ensuring that each paragraph clearly contributes to the central position will enhance coherence and relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 9

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of logical organization. The writer effectively sets up a clear argument against allowing employees to choose their attire freely and supports this position with relevant reasons and examples. The essay begins with an introductory statement that outlines the writer’s stance, followed by well-structured body paragraphs that present arguments and counterarguments. Each paragraph logically flows into the next, contributing to a cohesive and easily understandable argument. For instance, the essay clearly distinguishes between the benefits of a regulated dress code and the opposing view, which enhances the overall coherence.
- How to improve: Although the essay is well-organized, ensuring that each paragraph fully develops its main idea with detailed explanations and examples could further strengthen the logical progression. Adding transitional sentences between paragraphs could also improve the flow, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different points and arguments. The introduction sets up the essay’s purpose, the first body paragraph addresses the benefits of a dress code, and the second body paragraph presents the opposing view and counters it. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which aids in maintaining clarity and coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, ensure that all supporting sentences are directly related to the topic sentence and contribute to the development of the paragraph’s argument. For example, the first body paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence and more structured development of its ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, including conjunctions, pronouns, and transitional phrases, which contribute to its coherence. For example, phrases like "On the one hand" and "Furthermore" are used to signal shifts in the argument and connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This use of cohesive devices helps in maintaining a logical flow and linking different parts of the essay.
- How to improve: To achieve an even higher level of cohesion, consider diversifying the use of cohesive devices and incorporating more sophisticated connectors. For instance, using a variety of transitional phrases such as "In addition," "Moreover," and "Conversely" could enhance the essay’s flow. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately and contributes to the clarity of the argument. Avoid repetitive or overused phrases, and strive for a natural and varied use of linking words.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and demonstrates a high level of coherence and cohesion. Minor improvements in paragraph development and the variety of cohesive devices could further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "regulating," "professionalism," and "inharmonious." However, the range is somewhat limited and occasionally repetitive. For instance, the term "regulating" is used multiple times and "work" is a frequent choice, which could be diversified. Additionally, phrases like "foster a sense of professionalism" and "bridge the gap" show some variety, but overall, the essay lacks a broader spectrum of vocabulary to effectively convey nuanced arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, try incorporating synonyms and more precise terminology. For example, instead of repeatedly using "work," consider alternatives like "performance," "output," or "job responsibilities." Expanding vocabulary to include less common expressions and idiomatic phrases could also add depth to the argument. Practice with vocabulary exercises and reading diverse materials can help build a broader lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise or awkward vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, "costumes" is an incorrect term in a professional context where "attire" or "uniform" would be more suitable. Additionally, the phrase "dressing informal by some worker" should be "dressing informally by some workers." The term "inharmonious" is also somewhat awkward; "discord" or "disharmony" might be clearer.
- How to improve: To use vocabulary more precisely, focus on selecting terms that fit the context more accurately. Pay attention to collocations and standard phrases in professional writing. Engaging in vocabulary exercises that emphasize correct word choice and context will help refine this skill. Proofreading and reviewing vocabulary usage can also ensure that words are used appropriately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good level of spelling accuracy, but there are a few errors. For instance, "an off shoulder shirt" should be "an off-shoulder shirt," and "a large company in Vietnam" should not have a comma following "Vietnam." Additionally, "the lower earners use normal ones" might be clearer if revised to "the lower earners use more common items." There are minor mistakes that do not significantly impede understanding but indicate areas for improvement.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, regular practice with spelling exercises and proofreading techniques is essential. Using spell check tools and reading the essay out loud can help catch spelling errors. Engaging in spelling-focused activities, such as writing dictations or using flashcards, can also enhance overall spelling proficiency.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a decent command of vocabulary, improvements in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy could raise the score. Expanding vocabulary, refining word choice, and careful proofreading are key steps to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited variety of sentence structures, primarily relying on straightforward and basic constructions. For instance, the sentence "To begin with, firms regulating their subordinates’ attire can foster a sense of professionalism and create a formal atmosphere in the office" demonstrates a basic sentence structure with a clear subject-verb-object pattern. More complex structures such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, or varied sentence beginnings are infrequently used. Additionally, the essay contains a tendency towards repetitive phrasing and simple sentence forms, as seen in “This can also help avoid the circumstance of dressing informal by some worker” and “An illustrative example of this case is an employee who works for a large company in Vietnam…”
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, the writer should incorporate a variety of sentence structures. This includes using complex sentences with subordinate clauses, such as, “Although some people believe that dress codes are unnecessary, others argue that they foster professionalism.” Incorporating different types of clauses (e.g., relative clauses like “which can lead to a more cohesive work environment”) and varying sentence openings can also add sophistication. Practicing writing with conditional sentences (e.g., “If employers enforce dress codes, they might see an increase in professional conduct”) would further diversify sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation. For example:
- "As their costumes are similar and appropriate for this environment" is a fragment and lacks clarity. It should be integrated into a complete sentence.
- “This can also help avoid the circumstance of dressing informal by some worker” contains a grammatical error with “dressing informal” (should be “dressing informally”) and “some worker” (should be “some workers”).
- There are punctuation issues such as the incorrect use of commas and the absence of necessary commas. For instance, “For example, the Grab agency regulated their employees to wear uniforms while doing their work and it received lots of good responses from the customers” would be clearer with a comma after “work” to separate the clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on correcting common errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement (e.g., “some workers” instead of “some worker”), and ensure proper use of adverbs (e.g., “dressing informally” instead of “dressing informal”). Reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas and the construction of complex sentences, will also help. It is beneficial to practice editing sentences for grammatical correctness and clarity, potentially using grammar-check tools or seeking feedback from others.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of grammar and punctuation but requires more variety and precision to reach a higher band score. Implementing the suggested improvements will help achieve a more polished and sophisticated writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people think that companies should not care about the clothes of their staff and should instead pay attention to their productivity at work. I am largely opposed to the proposal to allow employees to choose their outfits freely. In the following essay, I will elaborate on my perspective, providing rationale and examples.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons for regulating uniforms in the workplace. To begin with, firms regulating their employees’ attire can foster a sense of professionalism and create a formal atmosphere in the office, as their clothing is uniform and appropriate for the environment. This can also help avoid the issue of informal dressing by some workers. For instance, an employee at a large company in Vietnam wore shorts and an off-shoulder shirt to work, which sparked controversy about workplace uniforms. Furthermore, a dress code can bridge the gap between lower- and higher-income groups, as higher earners tend to purchase luxurious items while lower earners use standard ones. This disparity can cause differences and be inharmonious within companies.

Some opponents might argue that we should focus on the quality of work without concerning ourselves with attire, as it could demonstrate the innovation of the business. However, they might need to consider that similar clothing can promote a professional image of the corporation, helping them achieve more goals and secure more contracts with other companies or partners. For example, the Grab agency implemented a uniform dress code, which received numerous positive responses from customers.

In conclusion, despite the apparent advantages of emphasizing work quality, I strongly believe that regulating dress codes in the workplace can help businesses appear more professional and formal.