fbpx

Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and
that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial
background they have.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary society, there is a ongoing discussion whether college tuition fees should be removed or not. While some individuals acknowledge that this practice should be taken into consideration to be exercised in real life due to some greater chances it may bring to students and society, others, including myself, oppose that because it seems to be an investment, those who want to attend universities should pay for their opportunities and also contribute to their nation economy.
Supporters of the free tuition fees assert that this action allows a variety of demographic groups, especially for those who are from lower socioeconomic background, to pursue higher education. Therefore, the rate of mental problems causing by college and money pressure can decrease significantly. As a result, more individuals can find a high-salary jobs and afford for better living standard. At the state level, society will benefit from a high level of civilised citizens, which lead to a decline in crime rate as people can distinguish between right and wrong.
However, it seems to me that abandoning college fees to permit all kinds of people, even those who are not well-suited with university environment, will cause a college inflation. This means that when everyone has a chance to get higher education, the college degree can not maintain their original value, resulting in job saturation and increasing hyper-competitive level in labour market. Eventually, giving students tuition free makes them not to pay much attention to academic results and study since it will cost them nothing to re-take a subject. While these opportunities can be wasted in some ways, it is still a financial burden on the state and others taxpayers. It is not fair enough for them, especially taxpayers from businesses, because they are almost have no benefits from facilitating to strangers education.
In conclusion, the advantages of free tuition fees are overshadowed by the disadvantages. I strongly believe that removing attending college fees may not work effectively for nation development so instead of that, other policies such as reducing fees for those experiencing porverties or difficulties should be legislated for the more optimal effectiveness


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "there is a ongoing discussion" -> "there is an ongoing discussion"
    Explanation: The indefinite article "an" is more appropriate before "ongoing" to maintain grammatical correctness.

  2. "taken into consideration to be exercised" -> "considered for implementation"
    Explanation: The phrase "taken into consideration to be exercised" is awkward. Replacing it with "considered for implementation" is more concise and aligns better with formal language.

  3. "chances it may bring to students and society" -> "opportunities it may afford to students and society"
    Explanation: Replacing "chances" with "opportunities" and "bring" with "afford" improves precision and elevates the vocabulary, aligning with academic style.

  4. "those who want to attend universities" -> "individuals aspiring to attend universities"
    Explanation: Using "individuals aspiring to attend universities" adds formality and specificity to the statement.

  5. "nation economy" -> "national economy"
    Explanation: "Nation economy" should be corrected to "national economy" for grammatical accuracy.

  6. "assert that this action allows" -> "argue that this measure enables"
    Explanation: The word "assert" is replaced with "argue," and "action" with "measure" for a more formal and nuanced expression of the idea.

  7. "causing by college and money pressure" -> "resulting from the pressures of college and financial constraints"
    Explanation: The phrase "causing by college and money pressure" is unclear. The suggested alternative provides a more precise and formal description.

  8. "find a high-salary jobs" -> "secure high-paying jobs"
    Explanation: "Find a high-salary job" is modified to "secure high-paying jobs" for a more polished and formal expression.

  9. "which lead to a decline" -> "which leads to a decline"
    Explanation: The verb "lead" should be corrected to "leads" for subject-verb agreement.

  10. "it seems to me that abandoning college fees" -> "I am concerned that eliminating college fees"
    Explanation: The phrase is refined for a more formal tone, replacing "it seems to me" with "I am concerned that."

  11. "abandoning college fees to permit all kinds of people" -> "eliminating college fees to allow individuals of all backgrounds"
    Explanation: The phrase is rephrased for clarity and formality, replacing "abandoning" with "eliminating" and specifying "individuals of all backgrounds."

  12. "well-suited with university environment" -> "well-suited to the university environment"
    Explanation: The preposition "with" should be corrected to "to" for proper usage.

  13. "college degree can not maintain" -> "college degree cannot maintain"
    Explanation: "can not" is corrected to "cannot" for grammatical accuracy.

  14. "resulting in job saturation and increasing hyper-competitive level" -> "leading to job saturation and an elevated level of hyper-competition"
    Explanation: The sentence is restructured for clarity and formality, replacing "resulting in" with "leading to" and improving the expression of increased competitiveness.

  15. "giving students tuition free" -> "providing tuition-free education to students"
    Explanation: The phrase is refined for a more formal tone, replacing "giving students tuition free" with "providing tuition-free education to students."

  16. "financial burden on the state and others taxpayers" -> "financial burden on the state and other taxpayers"
    Explanation: "others taxpayers" should be corrected to "other taxpayers" for proper usage.

  17. "they are almost have no benefits" -> "they almost have no benefits"
    Explanation: "are" is removed for grammatical accuracy, resulting in "they almost have no benefits."

  18. "facilitating to strangers education" -> "contributing to the education of unfamiliar individuals"
    Explanation: "facilitating to strangers education" is awkward. The suggested alternative provides a more formal and precise expression.

  19. "instead of that" -> "instead, other policies"
    Explanation: The phrase "instead of that" is refined to "instead, other policies" for smoother and more formal transition between ideas.

  20. "reducing fees for those experiencing porverties" -> "reducing fees for those experiencing poverty"
    Explanation: "porverties" is corrected to "poverty" for proper spelling and usage.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It presents both sides of the argument, acknowledging the benefits of free tuition for lower socioeconomic backgrounds while expressing a contrary opinion. The introduction provides a clear overview of the ongoing debate, and the conclusion reiterates the stance and suggests alternative policies.
    • How to improve: While the essay answers all parts of the question, it could enhance its depth by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the points made. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph is tightly focused on a specific aspect of the question would improve clarity.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, with the writer opposing the idea of free tuition. The stance is evident in the thesis statement, and each paragraph consistently supports this viewpoint.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider using more varied and precise language to express the opposition. Additionally, explicitly stating the writer’s position in the conclusion would reinforce the consistency of the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, developing arguments logically. However, some ideas lack depth, and the supporting examples are general. For instance, the argument against free tuition mentions job saturation and hyper-competition without providing concrete examples or data.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay’s depth, incorporate specific examples, statistics, or real-world scenarios to support each point. This would make the arguments more compelling and provide a stronger foundation for the presented ideas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but briefly veers off track when discussing the potential consequences of free education, such as the college degree losing its value. While this point is relevant, it needs more development.
    • How to improve: To stay more focused, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main argument. In this case, elaborating on the consequences of free education on the value of a college degree would strengthen the essay’s coherence.

In conclusion, the essay effectively addresses the essay prompt, presenting a clear position with reasonably developed ideas. To improve, it could benefit from more specific examples, deeper analysis, and tighter focus in each paragraph. Additionally, a clearer restatement of the writer’s position in the conclusion would enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction presenting the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by two body paragraphs that discuss opposing views. The conclusion summarizes the writer’s position. However, there are instances where the progression of ideas is not entirely smooth. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of free tuition to the drawbacks is somewhat abrupt.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider implementing smoother transitions between paragraphs. Provide a clear roadmap in the introduction to guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one, creating a cohesive narrative.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs, with each one focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the structure within some paragraphs can be improved. For instance, the second paragraph could be more organized by separating the ideas about societal benefits and the state level advantages into distinct paragraphs.
    • How to improve: Emphasize clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea. Consider breaking down lengthy paragraphs into shorter ones, each addressing a specific subtopic. This will enhance readability and help maintain a clear line of reasoning.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices adequately, including transition words and phrases (e.g., "while," "however," "in conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in the variety and frequency of these devices. More sophisticated connectors could be employed to establish stronger relationships between ideas.
    • How to improve: Integrate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as advanced transitional phrases and conjunctions, to create a seamless connection between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that the use of these devices contributes to the overall coherence of the essay, making the progression of ideas more fluid.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion, refinement in the organization of ideas, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate it to a higher band score. Focus on creating a more seamless and structured narrative to enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied terms, but it lacks consistency and depth. For instance, the phrase "college inflation" is a notable expression that contributes to the diversity of vocabulary. However, there is room for improvement in incorporating more sophisticated and nuanced terms to enhance the lexical richness.
    • How to improve: To elevate the score, aim for a more extensive and precise vocabulary. Introduce advanced vocabulary that accurately conveys your ideas. For instance, instead of using general terms like "some individuals" or "high-salary jobs," consider employing more specific words to convey your thoughts effectively. Additionally, explore synonyms and alternative phrases to avoid repetition.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a tendency to use vocabulary with some imprecision. For example, the phrase "those who want to attend universities should pay for their opportunities" is somewhat vague, and a more precise term could replace "opportunities." Precision is crucial to convey ideas clearly, and in some instances, there is a need for more exact vocabulary to enhance the overall clarity of the essay.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to the precision of your vocabulary. Choose words that accurately capture your intended meaning. For instance, replace general terms like "some greater chances" with more specific terms like "educational opportunities" or "career prospects." This will not only improve clarity but also contribute to a more sophisticated expression of ideas.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors, such as "porverties" instead of "poverties." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, consistently correct spelling is essential for achieving a higher band score.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your essay carefully before submission. Use spelling and grammar check tools to catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, focus on common pitfalls such as homophones and frequently misspelled words. Developing a habit of reviewing your writing for spelling accuracy will contribute to overall improvement.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource, there is room for improvement in terms of both range and precision. Strive for a more diverse and sophisticated vocabulary, ensuring that each word is chosen with precision to enhance clarity. Additionally, pay meticulous attention to spelling accuracy to elevate the overall quality of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at varied sentence structures, but it relies heavily on simple and compound sentences. Some complex structures are attempted, though not consistently or fluently. For instance, there are instances of complex sentences like "Supporters of the free tuition fees assert that this action allows a variety of demographic groups, especially for those who are from lower socioeconomic backgrounds, to pursue higher education." However, the essay lacks diverse structures like conditional sentences, passive voice constructions, or inversion for emphasis, limiting its overall range.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay’s structural variety, consider integrating more complex sentences. Use conditional forms ("If… then…"), employ passive voice for emphasis or objectivity ("It is believed that…"), and experiment with different sentence structures to create a more engaging and sophisticated flow.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays generally sound grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors throughout. Instances like "abandoning college fees to permit all kinds of people" (abandoning college fees to permit all people) and "it will cost them nothing to re-take a subject" (to retake a subject) are examples of minor errors. The overall grasp of grammar is strong, contributing to clear communication.
    • How to improve: Keep practicing grammar to refine accuracy further. Pay attention to article usage, preposition placement, and subject-verb agreement. Review sentence structure to ensure coherence and precision.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally used adequately, though there are some areas that need improvement. Commas are occasionally misused or missing, impacting the clarity of certain sentences. For instance, "Supporters of the free tuition fees assert that this action allows a variety of demographic groups especially for those who are from lower socioeconomic backgrounds to pursue higher education" would benefit from commas for clarity.
    • How to improve: Focus on mastering comma usage for clauses and phrases, particularly to delineate between dependent and independent clauses. Review the rules for commas in complex sentences and practice applying them to enhance readability.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and relatively proficient use of punctuation. To improve, concentrate on diversifying sentence structures for a more engaging narrative and refine punctuation skills for increased clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, there is an ongoing discussion about whether college tuition fees should be eliminated. While some individuals acknowledge that this practice should be considered for implementation in real life due to the opportunities it may afford to students and society, others, including myself, disagree because it seems like an investment. Those aspiring to attend universities should pay for their opportunities and contribute to their nation’s economy.

Supporters of free tuition fees assert that this action allows various demographic groups, especially those from lower socioeconomic backgrounds, to pursue higher education. Therefore, the rate of mental problems resulting from the pressures of college and financial constraints can decrease significantly. As a result, more individuals can secure high-paying jobs and afford a better standard of living. At the state level, society will benefit from a high level of civilized citizens, leading to a decline in the crime rate as people can distinguish between right and wrong.

However, it seems to me that eliminating college fees to allow individuals of all backgrounds, even those not well-suited to the university environment, will cause a college inflation. This means that when everyone has a chance to get higher education, the college degree cannot maintain its original value, leading to job saturation and an elevated level of hyper-competition in the labor market. Eventually, providing tuition-free education to students makes them not pay much attention to academic results and study since it will cost them nothing to retake a subject. While these opportunities can be wasted in some ways, it is still a financial burden on the state and other taxpayers. It is not fair enough for them, especially taxpayers from businesses, because they almost have no benefits from contributing to the education of unfamiliar individuals.

In conclusion, the advantages of free tuition fees are overshadowed by the disadvantages. I am concerned that eliminating college fees may not work effectively for national development. Instead of that, other policies, such as reducing fees for those experiencing poverty or difficulties, should be considered for more optimal effectiveness.

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT