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Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Opinions are widely divergent on whether it is the most beneficial to admit a terrible situation, such as lack of money or if takingtake risks and melioratinge situations is the best option. In this answer, I willi will shed light on the rationales behind these two perspectives before showing why I allyi ally myself with the latter.

On the one hand, people who are in favor of the notion that accepting the poor situation is a better way cite several reasons for this. First and foremost, people can improve their health when they decide to accept the situation. This is because when they do not think about the problems and ways to fix it. As a result, they can live happilyhappy and do whatever they want to reduce stress and anxiety. On top of that, ignoring the issues can make them enjoy their life more and moremore more satisfied. This can be explained by the fact that people who do not care about the issues can have more time to participate in many leisure activities which can help them improve their mind and health.

On the other hand, there are a hostthere host of compelling rationales as to why I side with those who advocate that improving the situation is a better choice. Chief of these is that itthat, it can help people improve themself in many aspects. As a matter of factfact that, there are many challenges in life like in work or study. And this is a motivation for people to change and try to be the best in many categories. Another justification is that itthat, it can help people get closer to winning the race. Evidently, there isare a lot of competition in life, especially in work. And trying to improve the situation can help people enhance themself and be better day by day.

In conclusion, although there is sufficient evidence to infer that it is better to ignore the situation , i hold the


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "whether it is the most beneficial to admit a terrible situation" -> "whether it is more advantageous to acknowledge a challenging situation"
    Explanation: Replacing "beneficial" with "advantageous" and "admit" with "acknowledge" introduces more formal and precise language, aligning with academic style.

  2. "taking risks and melioratinge situations" -> "taking risks and improving situations"
    Explanation: "Melioratinge" is not a standard English word. Replacing it with "improving" maintains clarity and eliminates the use of an uncommon term.

  3. "In this answer, I willi will shed light on" -> "In this response, I will illuminate"
    Explanation: The repetition of "willi will" is corrected to "will," and "shed light on" is replaced with "illuminate" for a more formal and polished expression.

  4. "why I allyi ally myself with the latter" -> "why I align myself with the latter"
    Explanation: "Allyi ally" is corrected to "align," offering a more standard and appropriate term for expressing agreement or support.

  5. "First and foremost, people can improve their health when they decide to accept the situation." -> "Primarily, individuals can enhance their well-being by choosing to acknowledge the situation."
    Explanation: Replacing "First and foremost" with "Primarily" and "improve their health" with "enhance their well-being" elevates the formality of the statement.

  6. "This is because when they do not think about the problems and ways to fix it." -> "This is because, by not contemplating the issues and potential solutions."
    Explanation: The sentence is restructured for better clarity and precision, and the informal "fix it" is replaced with "potential solutions."

  7. "As a result, they can live happilyhappy and do whatever they want to reduce stress and anxiety." -> "Consequently, they can lead a contented life and engage in activities of their choice to alleviate stress and anxiety."
    Explanation: The repetition of "happilyhappy" is eliminated, and the sentence is refined for a more formal and precise expression.

  8. "more and moremore" -> "increasingly"
    Explanation: "More and moremore" is simplified to "increasingly," enhancing the academic tone and removing redundancy.

  9. "there host of compelling rationales" -> "there are a host of compelling rationales"
    Explanation: "there host" is corrected to "there are a host" for grammatical accuracy.

  10. "itthat" -> "it"
    Explanation: The repeated "itthat" is corrected to "it" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.

  11. "in work or study." -> "in work or academic pursuits."
    Explanation: "study" is replaced with "academic pursuits" for a more encompassing and formal expression.

  12. "And this is a motivation for people to change" -> "This serves as motivation for individuals to initiate change"
    Explanation: The sentence is rephrased for improved clarity and formality, and "And this is" is replaced with "This serves as."

  13. "itthat" -> "it"
    Explanation: The repeated "itthat" is corrected to "it" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.

  14. "there isare a lot of competition in life" -> "there is a considerable amount of competition in life"
    Explanation: The redundant "isare" is corrected to "is," and "a lot of" is replaced with "a considerable amount of" for a more formal tone.

  15. "although there is sufficient evidence to infer that it is better to ignore the situation , i hold the" -> "although there is sufficient evidence to suggest that ignoring the situation is preferable, I maintain the"
    Explanation: The sentence is completed for coherence, and "infer" is replaced with "suggest" for precision in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address both views, presenting arguments for both accepting a bad situation and improving it. However, the essay is cut off abruptly and does not conclude with a clear final opinion. The introduction and the first body paragraph explore the idea of accepting a bad situation, while the second body paragraph begins to discuss the benefits of improving the situation. The lack of a conclusion or a clear final stance affects the completeness of addressing all parts of the question.

    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, ensure that the essay has a proper conclusion summarizing the main points and clearly expressing a final opinion. Additionally, consider refining the organization to have a more balanced presentation of both views throughout the essay.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a clear position, aligning with the idea of improving the situation. However, the abrupt ending and incomplete expression of the final opinion undermine the overall clarity and consistency of the stance.

    • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, make sure the final opinion is explicitly stated in the conclusion. Additionally, revise and reorganize the essay to maintain a more even balance between the two perspectives throughout the body paragraphs.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both views but lacks depth and development. The examples provided are somewhat vague and lack specificity, making it challenging for the reader to fully grasp the points being made.

    • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and development of ideas, incorporate more specific examples and details. Elaborate on each point, providing concrete instances or evidence to support the arguments. This will strengthen the overall persuasive power of the essay.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt of discussing both views and giving a personal opinion. However, the abrupt ending affects the overall coherence and leaves the reader with a sense of incompleteness.

    • How to improve: Ensure a strong conclusion that ties together the main points and clearly states the personal opinion. Additionally, review the essay for any irrelevant or off-topic sentences and remove or rephrase them to maintain a focused and coherent discussion.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and provides some valid points, improvements in organization, depth of ideas, and a more conclusive ending are necessary to elevate the band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organization. It begins with an introduction presenting the two perspectives and the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs address each viewpoint separately. However, the concluding sentence is cut off, leaving the reader without a clear resolution.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize key points and offer a definitive stance.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but their structure is inconsistent. For example, the second paragraph in the "On the one hand" section is excessively long, leading to potential confusion. Furthermore, the abrupt ending of the essay leaves the last paragraph incomplete.
    • How to improve: Divide lengthy paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance readability. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and ends with a conclusion or transition. The conclusion should provide closure to the reader.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). However, there is a lack of variety, and some transitions are overused, leading to a repetitive feel.
    • How to improve: Diversify cohesive devices by incorporating a broader range of transition words and phrases. Use them judiciously to connect ideas seamlessly. Additionally, pay attention to pronoun usage for clarity and coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 6. To improve, focus on paragraph organization, ensuring a clear structure within each paragraph, and enhancing the variety of cohesive devices for smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, provide a comprehensive and well-rounded conclusion to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied words and phrases, but some repetition and limited diversity are evident. For example, the repeated use of "situation" and "improve/improving" throughout the essay limits the lexical variety. However, there are instances where a range of vocabulary is employed, such as "rationales," "meliorating," and "compelling."
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms and exploring different ways to express ideas. Replace repetitive terms with alternatives and incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary where appropriate. Additionally, aim for consistency in maintaining a diverse lexical field throughout the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is generally adequate. However, there are instances where word choices could be more accurate. For example, "I ally myself" might benefit from a more precise term, and the phrase "itthat" in the last paragraph lacks clarity.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision in language by choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Review each sentence to ensure that the selected vocabulary accurately reflects your thoughts. Avoid ambiguous terms and strive for clarity in expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally sound, but there are a few notable errors, such as "melioratinge," "willi," "happilyhappy," and "themself." These errors, while not pervasive, impact the overall impression of language proficiency.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread your essay to identify and correct spelling errors. Consider using spelling and grammar-check tools to catch overlooked mistakes. Additionally, pay attention to word endings and ensure consistency in spelling throughout the essay.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, improvements in lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy can contribute to a more refined and polished piece of writing. Regular proofreading and a conscious effort to diversify language use will enhance overall lexical resource proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited variety of sentence structures. There is a tendency to use simple sentences and a lack of complex structures. For instance, repetitive use of introductory phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" contributes to monotony. Additionally, there is inconsistency in the use of conjunctions, and some sentences lack clarity due to their structure. The essay would benefit from incorporating a more diverse range of sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences, to enhance overall coherence and engagement.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences with subordinate clauses. Vary the use of introductory phrases to introduce ideas, and explore different ways to express relationships between sentences. Utilize conjunctions like "although," "while," and "however" to create smoother transitions and add complexity to your sentences.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits noticeable grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, there are instances of subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., "they do not think about the problems and ways to fix it"), word choice errors (e.g., "widely divergent on whether it is the most beneficial"), and punctuation errors (e.g., missing commas in "lack of money or if takingtake risks"). These errors affect the clarity and coherence of the essay. Attention to proper grammar usage and punctuation is essential for conveying ideas effectively.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully review subject-verb agreement, word choice, and sentence structure. Proofread the essay to identify and correct punctuation errors. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-checking tools to catch and rectify specific issues. Additionally, practice writing complex sentences to improve overall grammatical proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions vary widely on whether it is more advantageous to acknowledge a challenging situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or a shortage of money, or to take risks and improve the situation. In this response, I will illuminate the rationales behind these two perspectives before explaining why I align myself with the latter.

Primarily, individuals can enhance their well-being by choosing to acknowledge the situation. This is because, by not contemplating the issues and potential solutions, they can lead a contented life and engage in activities of their choice to alleviate stress and anxiety. Ignoring the problems allows them to enjoy life more and feel increasingly satisfied, as they have more time for leisure activities that contribute to improving their mental and physical health.

On the other hand, there are a host of compelling rationales as to why I side with those who advocate improving the situation. Chief among these is that it can help individuals improve themselves in various aspects. In work or academic pursuits, challenges abound, serving as motivation for individuals to initiate change and strive to be the best in their respective fields. Another justification is that trying to improve the situation can help individuals progress in the race of life, especially in the competitive realms of work. By enhancing themselves day by day, they get closer to achieving success.

In conclusion, while there is sufficient evidence to suggest that ignoring the situation is preferable, I maintain that taking risks and improving the situation offers individuals the opportunity for personal growth and success in the face of life’s challenges.

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