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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many contend that sharing information intensively is scientifically, entrepreneurially, and academically beneficial, while it is also argued that unrestrictedly spreading sensitive material can culminate in severe consequences. Both sides of the debate will be discussed in this essay, which will also advocate the latter.
Undeniably, the practice of information-sharing can provide some certain noteworthy virtues. One of the most discernable benefits is the enhanced chance of human survival, especially in the face of natural disasters. Doubtless, given the spiraling prevalence of such events, such as earthquakes, and volcanos, revealing invaluable experience regarding preventive measures against natural catastrophe is frequently an efficacious vehicle for the enhancement of naturally catastrophically inexperienced individuals’ understanding of knowledge of such disasters, proportionally likely making contributions of great worth to navigating and coping with crisis. As a result, this can potentially mitigate and alleviate casualties and damage.
Nevertheless, sharing sensitive information without restraint is incontrovertibly detrimental. The overriding drawback is the increased risk of financial losses, especially in the context of business. Irrefutably, gaining and exploiting businesses’ plans from rivals for competitive advantages is typically one of the strategic activities that many investors are fully committed, and thereby when business uncontrolledly disseminate valuable information, they will likely be vulnerable to the acute degradation of profit, with the consequence that such losses would presumably leave these entrepreneurs highly susceptible to bankruptcy. Another unquestionable downside is that leaking information freely can spark bloody wars. Indubitably, in sensitive areas, providing unrestricted access to sources of nuclear energy materials frequently engenders favorable conditions for organizations of malicious purposes to spark nuclear conflicts, consequently likely leading to mass massacres.
In conclusion, while the dissemination of information is relatively beneficial, it seems advisable that sharing information without control is a potential detriment. Therefore, the selective release of valuable or sensitive material emerges as a more judicious option.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Many contend that sharing information intensively is scientifically, entrepreneurially, and academically beneficial, while it is also argued that unrestrictedly spreading sensitive material can culminate in severe consequences."

    • Improvement: "Numerous argue that extensive information sharing yields scientific, entrepreneurial, and academic benefits. Conversely, it is posited that indiscriminately disseminating sensitive material can lead to severe repercussions."
      Explanation: Replacing "Many contend that" with "Numerous argue that" maintains formality and precision. "Unrestrictedly" is replaced with "indiscriminately" for a more formal tone, and "culminate" is substituted with "lead to" for clarity and a less dramatic tone.
  2. "Both sides of the debate will be discussed in this essay, which will also advocate the latter."

    • Improvement: "This essay will address both perspectives of the debate, ultimately advocating the latter."
      Explanation: Removing "Both sides of the debate will be discussed" streamlines the sentence. "Advocate the latter" provides clarity by explicitly stating the position the essay supports.
  3. "Undeniably, the practice of information-sharing can provide some certain noteworthy virtues."

    • Improvement: "Undoubtedly, the practice of information-sharing offers distinct and notable advantages."
      Explanation: "Certain noteworthy virtues" is simplified to "distinct and notable advantages" for clarity and precision. "Some certain" is condensed to "distinct" for a more concise and formal expression.
  4. "One of the most discernable benefits is the enhanced chance of human survival, especially in the face of natural disasters."

    • Improvement: "One notable benefit is the increased likelihood of human survival, particularly during natural disasters."
      Explanation: Replacing "discernable" with "notable" maintains a formal tone. "Enhanced chance" is substituted with "increased likelihood" for precision and clearer expression.
  5. "Doubtless, given the spiraling prevalence of such events, such as earthquakes, and volcanos, revealing invaluable experience regarding preventive measures against natural catastrophe is frequently an efficacious vehicle for the enhancement of naturally catastrophically inexperienced individuals’ understanding of knowledge of such disasters, proportionally likely making contributions of great worth to navigating and coping with crisis."

    • Improvement: "Certainly, amidst the escalating occurrence of events like earthquakes and volcanoes, sharing invaluable expertise on preventive measures against natural catastrophes proves to be a highly effective means of enhancing the understanding of those inexperienced with such crises. This contributes significantly to navigating and coping with emergencies."
      Explanation: Simplifying complex phrases to improve readability while maintaining the intended meaning. Replacing "spiraling prevalence" with "escalating occurrence" for clarity and "efficacious vehicle" with "highly effective means" for a more direct expression.
  6. "Nevertheless, sharing sensitive information without restraint is incontrovertibly detrimental."

    • Improvement: "However, unrestricted sharing of sensitive information is unquestionably detrimental."
      Explanation: Substituting "incontrovertibly" with "unquestionably" retains the emphasis on certainty while using a more commonly understood term. "Without restraint" is replaced with "unrestricted" for conciseness and formality.
  7. "Irrefutably, gaining and exploiting businesses’ plans from rivals for competitive advantages is typically one of the strategic activities that many investors are fully committed…"

    • Improvement: "Undeniably, acquiring and leveraging rival businesses’ plans for competitive advantages is a strategic pursuit embraced by many investors…"
      Explanation: Replacing "Irrefutably" with "Undeniably" for a more common synonym. "Gaining and exploiting businesses’ plans" is streamlined to "acquiring and leveraging rival businesses’ plans" for clarity and precision.
  8. "Another unquestionable downside is that leaking information freely can spark bloody wars."

    • Improvement: "Another undeniable drawback is that unrestricted information leakage can incite violent conflicts."
      Explanation: Using "undeniable" instead of "unquestionable" for a clearer expression of certainty. Replacing "leaking information freely" with "unrestricted information leakage" for a more direct and formal wording.
  9. "In conclusion, while the dissemination of information is relatively beneficial, it seems advisable that sharing information without control is a potential detriment."

    • Improvement: "In conclusion, while information dissemination holds relative benefits, unrestricted sharing proves to be a potential detriment."
      Explanation: Condensing the sentence for clarity and formality. Replacing "relatively beneficial" with "holds relative benefits" for a more precise expression.
  10. "Therefore, the selective release of valuable or sensitive material emerges as a more judicious option."

    • Improvement: "Hence, opting for the selective release of valuable or sensitive material proves to be a more prudent choice."
      Explanation: Replacing "emerges as" with "proves to be" for a more assertive expression. Substituting "judicious" with "prudent" for a more commonly used synonym in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Many contend that sharing information intensively is scientifically, entrepreneurially, and academically beneficial, while it is also argued that unrestrictedly spreading sensitive material can culminate in severe consequences. Both sides of the debate will be discussed in this essay, which will also advocate the latter."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: The introduction is clear in presenting the two sides of the argument but lacks a concise roadmap of the essay’s main points. Consider providing a brief overview of the arguments you will delve into, enhancing the overall structure and coherence.
    • Improved example: "Many argue that intensive information sharing brings scientific, entrepreneurial, and academic benefits. Conversely, some believe that unrestricted dissemination of sensitive material can have severe consequences. This essay will discuss both perspectives, with a focus on supporting the latter view."
  2. Quoted text: "Doubtless, given the spiraling prevalence of such events, such as earthquakes, and volcanos, revealing invaluable experience regarding preventive measures against natural catastrophe is frequently an efficacious vehicle for the enhancement of naturally catastrophically inexperienced individuals’ understanding of knowledge of such disasters, proportionally likely making contributions of great worth to navigating and coping with crisis. As a result, this can potentially mitigate and alleviate casualties and damage."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: While the paragraph discusses the benefits of sharing information related to natural disasters, it lacks specificity and clarity. Provide concrete examples or personal experiences to illustrate the point, making it more convincing.
    • Improved example: "For instance, sharing specific preventive measures against earthquakes and volcanic eruptions can significantly benefit individuals who lack experience in handling such disasters. Drawing on personal experiences or real-life examples would enhance the credibility of this argument."
  3. Quoted text: "Nevertheless, sharing sensitive information without restraint is incontrovertibly detrimental."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: The transition between paragraphs is abrupt. Consider incorporating a sentence to smoothly connect this paragraph with the preceding one, improving the overall flow of the essay.
    • Improved example: "Despite the advantages of sharing information in certain contexts, it is crucial to acknowledge the potential drawbacks. Now, let’s explore the risks associated with unrestricted information sharing."
  4. Quoted text: "Irrefutably, gaining and exploiting businesses’ plans from rivals for competitive advantages is typically one of the strategic activities that many investors are fully committed, and thereby when business uncontrolledly disseminate valuable information, they will likely be vulnerable to the acute degradation of profit, with the consequence that such losses would presumably leave these entrepreneurs highly susceptible to bankruptcy."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: The argument is convoluted and lacks clarity. Simplify the language and structure to ensure that the point is easily understandable. Consider breaking down complex sentences for better readability.
    • Improved example: "Undoubtedly, when businesses share valuable information without control, competitors may exploit it for strategic advantages. This could lead to a significant decline in profits, making entrepreneurs vulnerable to bankruptcy."
  5. Quoted text: "Indubitably, in sensitive areas, providing unrestricted access to sources of nuclear energy materials frequently engenders favorable conditions for organizations of malicious purposes to spark nuclear conflicts, consequently likely leading to mass massacres."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: The argument about the risks of unrestricted access to sensitive information is strong but lacks depth. Provide more nuanced reasoning or examples to strengthen the persuasive impact of this point.
    • Improved example: "In critical areas like nuclear energy, unrestricted access to sensitive materials may create favorable conditions for malicious organizations to initiate nuclear conflicts. For instance, historical examples or specific scenarios could be incorporated to illustrate the gravity of this potential consequence."

Overall, the essay adequately addresses the task but could benefit from clearer structure, more specific examples, and improved transitions between paragraphs.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a generally clear organization and progression of ideas. It effectively discusses both sides of the argument, showcasing the benefits of information sharing alongside the potential risks of unrestricted dissemination. The introduction sets the stage for the essay’s discussion, and each paragraph elaborates on specific points supporting the respective views. There’s a clear attempt at paragraphing, though improvements could enhance the overall coherence.

The essay effectively uses cohesive devices, allowing the reader to follow the argument. However, there are instances of language that might obstruct the flow slightly, and some ideas could be presented with better clarity to enhance the overall cohesion.

How to improve:
To elevate coherence and cohesion to a higher band, consider refining the paragraph structure for clearer logical progression. Ensure each paragraph addresses a single main idea and transitions smoothly to the next. Additionally, work on simplifying complex sentence structures to enhance readability without compromising the depth of the argument. Aim for smoother integration of ideas to create a more seamless flow throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, utilizing a wide range of words with fluency and flexibility. The writer successfully conveys precise meanings and skillfully incorporates uncommon lexical items. There are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as in the phrase "naturally catastrophically inexperienced individuals," where the usage may impede clarity. However, these errors are infrequent and can be considered minor ‘slips.’ The essay maintains a sophisticated and natural control of lexical features overall.

How to improve:
To further enhance the Lexical Resource, the writer should focus on refining the accuracy of word choice and collocation. Avoid complex or convoluted expressions that may hinder clarity. Additionally, paying attention to sentence structure can contribute to a smoother flow of ideas. Overall, maintaining the current level of vocabulary while reducing minor errors would elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay exhibits a commendable range of sentence structures and employs complex vocabulary effectively. The writer utilizes varied sentence forms, including compound and complex structures, demonstrating a good level of grammatical control. The essay successfully communicates ideas without compromising clarity, although occasional errors and minor awkwardness are present.

How to improve:
To further enhance the score, focus on refining accuracy and ensuring smoother transitions between ideas. Carefully review complex sentence structures to mitigate occasional errors and refine overall coherence for a more polished presentation.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate over the extensive sharing of information in scientific research, business, and academia is a topic that sparks differing opinions. Some argue that widespread sharing is advantageous, while others contend that certain information is too crucial to be freely disclosed. This essay explores both perspectives, ultimately supporting the view that cautious sharing is essential.

Certainly, sharing information has its merits, particularly in enhancing human survival during natural disasters. With the increasing occurrence of events like earthquakes and volcanoes, sharing valuable insights on preventive measures becomes a powerful tool. This can significantly contribute to the knowledge of those inexperienced in handling such crises, potentially reducing casualties and damage.

However, it is undeniable that unrestricted sharing of sensitive information has its drawbacks. A significant concern is the heightened risk of financial losses, especially in the business realm. When valuable business plans are disclosed freely, competitors can exploit this information for strategic advantages, leading to a severe decline in profits. Another undeniable downside is the potential for conflict, particularly in sensitive areas like nuclear energy. Allowing unrestricted access to nuclear materials creates favorable conditions for malicious organizations to incite nuclear conflicts, resulting in mass casualties.

In conclusion, while information dissemination can be beneficial, uncontrolled sharing poses potential risks. Therefore, advocating for the selective release of valuable or sensitive material emerges as a more prudent option.

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