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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People hold diverse opinions about whether information should be announced or not. While knowledge coming to light could enhance the efficiency and accuracy of information, I am convinced that keeping the significant information in secret is advantageous because it can avoid the risk of idea imitation.

On the one hand, sharing information is regarded to be authentic. As research is observed and viewed through divergent perspectives of a huge number of individuals, it undergoes careful and detailed scrutiny, thereby boosting the certainty of the information. For instance, university students always need to present their academic research to their lectures and peers in order to get varied feedback and commentaries, ultimately enhancing the overall quality of the academic performances.

Despite these aforementioned benefits, leaking the information publicly can fuel the conspiracy to mimic the idea. As crucial information is readily available to competitors, it facilitates the rivals competing unfairly and applying these researches for different purposes. As a result, it can lead to constraints on development ideas and wasting the endeavor and money as well as grey matters. For instance, the structures and formulas constructing nuclear weapons are confidential because they have enough destructive power to wreak havoc on a whole city. If a nation uses them for purposes of war or violence, it could pose a great threat to human beings.

In conclusion, while publicizing the information could guarantee credibility and certainty thanks to thoroughly screened, I am of the opinion that concealing the research can deal with the hassle associated with patent issues. From my standpoint, in the next coming future, exclusive information will be copyright stringently in order to avert any illegal infringement for divergent purposes.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "While knowledge coming to light could enhance the efficiency and accuracy of information, I am convinced that keeping the significant information in secret is advantageous because it can avoid the risk of idea imitation."
    -> "While the disclosure of knowledge could enhance the efficiency and accuracy of information, I am convinced that maintaining the confidentiality of significant information is advantageous because it can mitigate the risk of idea imitation."
    Explanation: Replacing "coming to light" with "disclosure" and "keeping in secret" with "maintaining the confidentiality" elevates the formality of the sentence and provides more precise terms.

  2. "sharing information is regarded to be authentic."
    -> "sharing information is considered authentic."
    Explanation: Simplifying the phrase by replacing "regarded to be" with "considered" maintains clarity and aligns with academic style.

  3. "For instance, university students always need to present their academic research to their lectures and peers in order to get varied feedback and commentaries, ultimately enhancing the overall quality of the academic performances."
    -> "For example, university students are required to present their academic research to their instructors and peers to receive diverse feedback and commentaries, ultimately enhancing the overall quality of their academic performances."
    Explanation: Replacing "always need to" with "are required to" and "lectures" with "instructors" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  4. "Despite these aforementioned benefits, leaking the information publicly can fuel the conspiracy to mimic the idea."
    -> "Despite these benefits mentioned earlier, publicizing the information can fuel conspiracies to imitate the idea."
    Explanation: Using "mentioned earlier" instead of "aforementioned" and changing "leaking" to "publicizing" improves formality and clarity.

  5. "As crucial information is readily available to competitors, it facilitates the rivals competing unfairly and applying these researches for different purposes."
    -> "As critical information becomes readily available to competitors, it facilitates unfair competition and the application of this research for various purposes."
    Explanation: Replacing "crucial" with "critical" and "researches" with "this research" enhances precision and maintains a formal tone.

  6. "it can lead to constraints on development ideas and wasting the endeavor and money as well as grey matters."
    -> "it can constrain the development of ideas, result in wasted efforts and resources, including financial investments and intellectual capital."
    Explanation: Replacing "constraints on development ideas" with "constrain the development of ideas" and providing more specific terms like "efforts and resources" instead of "endeavor and money" improves clarity and formality.

  7. "If a nation uses them for purposes of war or violence, it could pose a great threat to human beings."
    -> "If a nation employs them for war or violent purposes, it could pose a significant threat to human beings."
    Explanation: Replacing "uses them for purposes of" with "employs them for" and "great" with "significant" enhances precision and formality.

  8. "While publicizing the information could guarantee credibility and certainty thanks to thoroughly screened,"
    -> "While making the information public could enhance credibility and certainty through thorough screening,"
    Explanation: Replacing "publicizing" with "making the information public" and rephrasing the latter part of the sentence improves formality and clarity.

  9. "in the next coming future, exclusive information will be copyright stringently"
    -> "in the near future, exclusive information will be copyright-protected rigorously"
    Explanation: Replacing "next coming future" with "near future" and "copyright stringently" with "copyright-protected rigorously" improves conciseness and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the advantages of sharing information and presenting a clear opinion in favor of keeping valuable information confidential. The examples provided, such as university students presenting research for feedback and the secrecy surrounding nuclear weapon formulas, support the analysis.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider providing a more explicit connection between the advantages of sharing information and the potential drawbacks, creating a seamless flow between the two perspectives.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position favoring the confidentiality of significant information. The stance is clearly stated in the introduction and reinforced throughout the essay. Specific examples, like the mention of nuclear weapon formulas, contribute to the coherence of the position.
    • How to improve: While the position is clear, consider reinforcing it in the conclusion, summarizing the main points and emphasizing the importance of keeping valuable information confidential.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas coherently, with adequate development and support. The examples provided, such as university students seeking feedback and the potential misuse of confidential information, effectively illustrate the points made in each paragraph.
    • How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, consider expanding on the potential benefits of sharing information in the first body paragraph, providing more depth to the argument. Additionally, provide additional examples or evidence to bolster the points made.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, addressing the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of sharing information and presenting a clear opinion. However, there is a brief mention of patent issues in the conclusion that could be more directly tied to the main discussion.
    • How to improve: To improve, ensure that all points, including those in the conclusion, directly relate to the topic of sharing information. Connect the idea of patent issues more explicitly to the overall argument presented in the essay.

In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a well-supported analysis of the benefits and drawbacks of sharing information. To enhance the response, consider refining the connections between different parts of the essay and expanding on certain points to provide a more comprehensive discussion. Additionally, reinforcing the clear position in the conclusion will contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction introduces the topic and presents the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs discuss both views, presenting arguments for and against the sharing of information. The conclusion summarizes the writer’s stance. However, there is a minor issue with the flow in the third paragraph where the transition could be smoother between the benefits of sharing information and the drawbacks.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences between ideas. In the third paragraph, a clearer transition between the advantages and disadvantages of sharing information would improve coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is appropriately divided into paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the third paragraph is lengthy and covers both the benefits and drawbacks of sharing information. Breaking it into two separate paragraphs—one for advantages and another for disadvantages—would improve structural clarity.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking down longer paragraphs to enhance readability and make the structure more organized. Separate the discussion of benefits and drawbacks in the third paragraph into two distinct paragraphs.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices, such as transitional words and phrases, to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. For instance, phrases like "On the one hand" and "Despite these aforementioned benefits" contribute to coherence. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the use of cohesive devices to create a smoother transition between paragraphs and ideas.
    • How to improve: Experiment with a broader range of cohesive devices. Use not only contrastive phrases but also additive and sequential ones to establish a more varied and sophisticated connection between sentences and ideas. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion. Improvements in transitional phrases and varied cohesive devices can further enhance the logical flow and structural clarity of the essay. Consider refining these aspects for an even more cohesive and organized piece.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For instance, the essay uses phrases like "boosting the certainty," "divergent perspectives," and "concealing the research." However, there is room for improvement in the selection of more nuanced and sophisticated vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely.
    • How to improve: To enhance your lexical resource, consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary that aligns closely with the topic. For instance, instead of using "boosting the certainty," consider phrases like "enhancing the veracity." This can add depth and sophistication to your expression.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary adequately but occasionally lacks precision. For instance, the phrase "fuel the conspiracy to mimic the idea" could be more precisely expressed as "trigger the unauthorized replication of ideas." While the message is conveyed, precision in vocabulary can elevate the overall quality of expression.
    • How to improve: Focus on using words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Use a thesaurus to explore synonyms and choose words that capture the nuances of your ideas more accurately. Additionally, consider rephrasing sentences to eliminate ambiguity and enhance clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally correct level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor errors are present, such as "commentaries" instead of "commentary" and "stringently" instead of "strictly." These do not significantly impede comprehension but can be improved for a more polished presentation.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread your essay to catch and correct minor spelling errors. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools, and consider seeking feedback from others to identify areas for improvement. Developing a habit of thorough proofreading will contribute to a higher level of spelling accuracy.

In summary, the essay exhibits a commendable effort in lexical resource, with a reasonable range of vocabulary. To elevate the score, focus on refining precision through more sophisticated word choices and enhancing spelling accuracy. These improvements will contribute to a more polished and refined expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "boosting the certainty," "divergent perspectives," and "facilitates the rivals," contributing to a reasonable variety. However, the essay leans towards more straightforward sentence structures, and there is room for improvement in incorporating more complex structures for a higher band score.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider integrating more complex sentence structures, such as compound and complex sentences. Utilize a mix of short and long sentences to add fluency and sophistication to the essay. Additionally, explore diverse sentence beginnings and experiment with different grammatical structures to elevate the overall quality of expression.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are instances where the phrasing could be refined for better clarity, such as in the sentence, "As research is observed and viewed through divergent perspectives of a huge number of individuals." The use of "huge number" might benefit from a more precise descriptor, and the sentence structure could be improved for smoother flow. Punctuation is generally accurate, but attention to detail, especially in complex sentence structures, is essential to avoid confusion.
    • How to improve: Refine sentence structures for clarity and precision. Pay attention to word choice and consider alternative expressions for better accuracy. Proofread the essay thoroughly to catch any punctuation errors and ensure the proper use of commas, periods, and other punctuation marks. Maintain consistency in the application of punctuation rules throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation but would benefit from a more intentional effort to diversify sentence structures and refine language use for a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions vary on whether information should be shared or kept confidential. While revealing knowledge can improve the efficiency and accuracy of information, I firmly believe that safeguarding significant information is beneficial to prevent the risk of idea imitation.

On one hand, sharing information is considered authentic. Research, when examined from various perspectives, undergoes careful scrutiny, enhancing the certainty of the information. For example, university students are required to present their academic research to instructors and peers, receiving diverse feedback that ultimately improves the overall quality of academic performances.

Despite these benefits, making information public can lead to the conspiracy to mimic ideas. As crucial information becomes readily available to competitors, it promotes unfair competition and the application of research for different purposes. This can constrain the development of ideas, resulting in wasted efforts, resources, including financial investments and intellectual capital. For instance, the confidential structures and formulas of nuclear weapons are crucial due to their destructive power. If such information is misused for war or violence, it could pose a significant threat to human beings.

In conclusion, while making information public could enhance credibility and certainty through thorough screening, I believe that concealing research can address the challenges associated with patent issues. In the near future, I anticipate that exclusive information will be rigorously protected by copyright to prevent illegal infringement for various purposes.

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