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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many contend that sharing information to the fullest extent possible is scientifically, entrepreneurially, and academically beneficial, while it is also argued that spreading priceless treasures of materials without limit is unwise. Both sides will be discussed in this essay, which will also advocate the latter.

Undeniably, the revelation of practical and insightful information extensively can provide some noteworthy virtues. One of the most discernable upsides is the significantly enhanced chance of human survival, especially in the face of natural catastrophes. Scientifically, doubtless, given the mounting prevalence of events, such as earthquakes and volcanos, the open dissemination of preventive measures against such disasters is typically conducive to providing virtually inexperienced individuals regarding natural disasters with insightful and practical experience, which proportionally likely makes contributions of great worth to enhancing the ability to navigate and cope with calamities. As a result, this can potentially mitigate and alleviate casualties and damage.

Nevertheless, the unrestricted dissemination of priceless or sensitive information incontrovertibly culminates in severe repercussions. The overriding downside is the increased risk of profitable losses. Indubitably, in business area, in pursuit of maximizing profit growth, entrepreneurs are characteristically inclined to seek sources of confidential information from rivals for competitive advantages. Thus, when investors share their financially valuable data without restraint, they can potentially be highly vulnerable to acute profit degradation due to associated rivals’ exploitation of publicly shared information. Another drawback is the increased risk of atomic wars. Irrefutably, in sensitive realms, such as nuclear weapon research, providing uncontrolled access to sources of such knowledge typically engenders favorable conditions for groups for malicious purposes, namely terrorist organizations, sparking nuclear conflicts, consequently likely leading to mass massacres.
In conclusion, while the unlimited dissemination of information is relatively beneficial, it seems advisable that the revelation of crucial and sensitive information to the fullest extent is manifestly detrimental. Hence, the cautious release of critical material emerges as a better option.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Many contend that" -> "Many argue that"
    Explanation: Replacing "Many contend that" with "Many argue that" introduces a more formal and assertive tone, aligning with academic writing conventions.

  2. "which will also advocate the latter" -> "which will also support the latter perspective"
    Explanation: "Advocate" is more commonly used for active support or promotion, while "support" is a slightly more neutral term, suitable for academic writing. This change maintains formality and clarity.

  3. "Undeniably, the revelation of practical and insightful information extensively can provide some noteworthy virtues." -> "Undoubtedly, the widespread disclosure of practical and insightful information can offer significant benefits."
    Explanation: "Undeniably" is replaced with "Undoubtedly" for a stronger expression of certainty. "Extensively" is replaced with "widespread" for a more precise and formal choice of words.

  4. "One of the most discernable upsides" -> "One of the most evident advantages"
    Explanation: "Discernable" is replaced with "evident" for a more common and precise term in academic writing. This change contributes to a more formal and clear expression.

  5. "doubtless" -> "undoubtedly"
    Explanation: While both terms convey certainty, "undoubtedly" is considered more formal in academic writing compared to "doubtless."

  6. "virtually inexperienced individuals" -> "individuals with limited experience"
    Explanation: "Virtually inexperienced" is replaced with "individuals with limited experience" to convey the idea more precisely and with a formal tone.

  7. "this can potentially mitigate and alleviate casualties and damage" -> "this has the potential to reduce casualties and damage"
    Explanation: The phrase "can potentially" is simplified to "has the potential to," resulting in a clearer and more direct expression of the intended meaning.

  8. "Nevertheless, the unrestricted dissemination of priceless or sensitive information incontrovertibly culminates in severe repercussions." -> "However, the uncontrolled sharing of invaluable or sensitive information unquestionably leads to severe consequences."
    Explanation: "Incontrovertibly culminates" is replaced with "unquestionably leads to" for a more straightforward and formal expression. "Unrestricted dissemination" is changed to "uncontrolled sharing" for better precision.

  9. "Indubitably" -> "Certainly"
    Explanation: "Indubitably" is replaced with "Certainly" for a more widely accepted and slightly less formal term while maintaining the intended level of certainty.

  10. "characteristically inclined" -> "tend"
    Explanation: "Characteristically inclined" is replaced with "tend" for a more concise and straightforward expression in academic writing.

  11. "highly vulnerable to acute profit degradation" -> "susceptible to significant profit decline"
    Explanation: The phrase is modified for better clarity and a more formal tone, replacing "highly vulnerable to acute profit degradation" with "susceptible to significant profit decline."

  12. "irrefutably" -> "undeniably"
    Explanation: While both terms convey certainty, "undeniably" is considered more formal in academic writing compared to "irrefutably."

  13. "such as nuclear weapon research" -> "such as research on nuclear weapons"
    Explanation: Restructuring the phrase for improved clarity and formality.

  14. "typically engenders favorable conditions for groups for malicious purposes" -> "often creates favorable conditions for groups with malicious intent"
    Explanation: The phrase is rephrased for better flow and clarity, avoiding redundancy with a more concise expression.

  15. "Hence, the cautious release of critical material emerges as a better option." -> "Therefore, the careful dissemination of critical information emerges as a more prudent choice."
    Explanation: "Hence" is replaced with "Therefore" for a slightly more formal transition, and "cautious release" is changed to "careful dissemination" for precision and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Many contend that sharing information to the fullest extent possible is scientifically, entrepreneurially, and academically beneficial, while it is also argued that spreading priceless treasures of materials without limit is unwise. Both sides will be discussed in this essay, which will also advocate the latter."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: While your introduction attempts to outline the two views, it lacks clarity and conciseness. Consider rephrasing to clearly present both perspectives and your stance. For instance, "While some argue for the comprehensive sharing of information in science, business, and academia, others caution against freely distributing valuable data. This essay will explore both perspectives, ultimately supporting the latter."
    • Improved example: "While some argue for the comprehensive sharing of information in science, business, and academia, emphasizing its benefits, others caution against freely distributing valuable data due to potential drawbacks. This essay will explore both perspectives, ultimately supporting the view that certain information is too important to be shared freely."
  2. Quoted text: "Undeniably, the revelation of practical and insightful information extensively can provide some noteworthy virtues…"

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: Your point on the benefits of widespread information sharing is well articulated. However, it lacks depth and specific examples. Consider providing concrete instances or personal experiences to support your claims. For example, instead of a general statement about natural disasters, elaborate on a specific case where open dissemination of preventive measures made a significant impact.
    • Improved example: "Undeniably, the widespread sharing of practical and insightful information has proven beneficial. For instance, during the aftermath of the 2015 earthquake in Nepal, the dissemination of detailed guidelines on earthquake preparedness significantly contributed to reducing casualties and damage."
  3. Quoted text: "Nevertheless, the unrestricted dissemination of priceless or sensitive information incontrovertibly culminates in severe repercussions."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: Your transition to the opposing view is clear, but the argument lacks nuance. Instead of using broad terms like "severe repercussions," delve into specific consequences. Provide examples or scenarios to illustrate the potential risks, making your argument more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "Nevertheless, allowing unrestricted access to priceless or sensitive information poses tangible risks. For instance, in the business realm, unrestricted sharing of proprietary data can expose companies to corporate espionage, leading to financial losses and compromised competitiveness."

Overall, your essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic, but enhancing the clarity of your introduction, incorporating specific examples, and refining the depth of your counterargument would strengthen your Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion by presenting ideas in a somewhat organized manner. There’s an evident attempt to follow a logical progression, discussing both views coherently in separate paragraphs. However, the cohesion within and between sentences is occasionally faulty, impacting the fluency of the argument. Some paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, affecting the overall structure. Despite these drawbacks, there is a discernible attempt to address the prompt by discussing both perspectives and offering a clear opinion.

How to Improve:

  1. Cohesion and Flow: Focus on smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure a clear connection between ideas to enhance the overall flow.
  2. Paragraph Structure: Strengthen paragraph structure with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
  3. Balance in Argumentation: While discussing opposing views, aim for a more balanced approach to present each viewpoint effectively.

Improving the logical connection between ideas and refining the structure of individual paragraphs can elevate the essay’s coherence and cohesion to a higher band level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with attempts to use less common lexical items, showcasing a fair level of flexibility and precision in language use. The writer employs a variety of vocabulary to discuss the benefits and drawbacks of sharing information. There is a mix of less common vocabulary items, although occasionally, these choices might not be consistently accurate in word choice and collocation. The essay maintains an awareness of style and collocation, albeit with occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation.

The essay effectively discusses the benefits of sharing information, utilizing vocabulary to express ideas about survival, scientific dissemination, and the potential advantages in dealing with natural disasters. However, the essay also addresses the drawbacks, discussing issues related to business profit losses and the risk of nuclear conflicts due to unrestricted information sharing, demonstrating a variety of vocabulary throughout.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score further, focus on ensuring a more consistent and accurate use of less common vocabulary and idiomatic expressions. Pay closer attention to word choice and collocation to minimize occasional inaccuracies. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors can help improve overall lexical precision. Incorporating a broader range of sophisticated vocabulary and refining its application within the context of the essay will strengthen lexical richness.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures, showcasing a commendable grammatical range. There is evident control over grammar and punctuation, with frequent error-free sentences. The use of vocabulary is extensive and appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are some instances of minor errors, such as in the phrase "Indubitably, in business area," where the preposition "area" may be better replaced with "arena." Additionally, the sentence "One of the most discernable upsides is the significantly enhanced chance of human survival, especially in the face of natural catastrophes" could be refined for better clarity.

How to improve:
To elevate the score, strive for even greater accuracy by paying attention to minor errors and refining sentence structures. Ensure that complex sentences are clear and free of ambiguity. In the mentioned example, consider rephrasing to enhance clarity: "One of the most discernable upsides is the significantly enhanced chance of human survival, especially in the face of natural catastrophes."

Note: This essay effectively uses complex structures, and while there are some areas for improvement, it falls within the Band 7 range due to its overall strong command of grammar and punctuation.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many argue that sharing information to the fullest extent possible is scientifically, entrepreneurially, and academically beneficial, while others contend that spreading priceless treasures of materials without limit is unwise. Undoubtedly, the widespread disclosure of practical and insightful information can offer significant benefits. Both sides will be discussed in this essay, which will also support the latter perspective.

Undeniably, the revelation of practical and insightful information extensively can provide some noteworthy virtues. One of the most evident advantages is the significantly enhanced chance of human survival, especially in the face of natural catastrophes. Scientifically, individuals with limited experience, given the mounting prevalence of events such as earthquakes and volcanoes, the open dissemination of preventive measures against such disasters is typically conducive to providing virtually inexperienced individuals regarding natural disasters with insightful and practical experience. This proportionally likely makes contributions of great worth to enhancing the ability to navigate and cope with calamities. As a result, this has the potential to reduce casualties and damage.

However, the uncontrolled sharing of invaluable or sensitive information unquestionably leads to severe consequences. Certainly, the overriding downside is the increased risk of profitable losses. Undeniably, in the business area, in pursuit of maximizing profit growth, entrepreneurs are characteristically inclined to seek sources of confidential information from rivals for competitive advantages. Thus, when investors share their financially valuable data without restraint, they can potentially be highly susceptible to significant profit decline due to associated rivals’ exploitation of publicly shared information. Another drawback is the increased risk of atomic wars. Certainly, in sensitive realms, such as research on nuclear weapons, providing uncontrolled access to sources of such knowledge often creates favorable conditions for groups with malicious intent, namely terrorist organizations, sparking nuclear conflicts, consequently likely leading to mass massacres.

Therefore, the careful dissemination of critical information emerges as a more prudent choice. In conclusion, while the unlimited dissemination of information is relatively beneficial, it seems advisable that the revelation of crucial and sensitive information to the fullest extent is manifestly detrimental. Hence, the cautious release of critical material emerges as a better option.

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