Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations. While others think it is a waste of money. Discuss both views.

One school of thought holds that expending a large amount of money on family celebrations is essential, whereas others claim that it is unnecessary to spend money on. In this essay, I will look at the reasoning of both views.
Proponents of spending budget on family party base their argument on the fact that this facilitate people to boost the family relationship. They tend to think that some occasions such as NYE, Christmas or Easter day which rarely take place is the best ideal to family gathering, almost all of members will come home in the day-off to gather together. They may have to wait for a long time to see their family so they find it worth spending money on new clothes, gift for each member, decoration or a party with a large scale. They assert that these things can bridge the gap between family members, create a memorable events. In addition, paying money for family celebrations is the culture and social significant in many countries, especially in Asian country. Asian people tend to spend an excessive amount of money on lavish weddings or birthday party due to the fact that they have a strong belief that a monumental wedding is one of the ideal way to mirror their status.
On the other hand, one might argue that it is a waste of money when spending too much budget on private family party. The primary reasons for this thinking is financial strain that many people have to face. They likely to bear the financial burden for hiring sites, food and decorations which might not justifiable due to the temporary nature of event. Moreover, the family which do not have a great background may deal with a heavy loans in the future. Using alternative ways that are more economical is one of the reason to against the proponents of spending money on family celebrations. Many individuals appreciate spending quality time such as family dinner, shopping together or cozy picnic instead of the sumptuous parties. This helps them get closer to their family without pay a lot of money.
In conclusion, it is understandable that some people like to throw lavish parties, while others against this way of celebrating. Both of these statement are reasonable and have their own opinion.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"expending a large amount of money" -> "allocating a significant amount of funds"
Explanation: "Allocating" is more precise and formal than "expending," which can imply a sense of waste or unnecessary spending. "Significant amount of funds" is more specific and formal than "large amount of money."
"spending budget on family party" -> "allocating funds for family celebrations"
Explanation: "Allocating funds" is more precise and formal than "spending budget," which is grammatically incorrect. "Celebrations" is a more encompassing term than "party," which is more informal.
"facilitate people to boost" -> "enable individuals to strengthen"
Explanation: "Enable" is more formal and precise than "facilitate," and "strengthen" is more specific than "boost" in the context of relationships.
"rarely take place" -> "occasionally occur"
Explanation: "Occasionally occur" is more formal and academically appropriate than "rarely take place," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"almost all of members will come home" -> "most family members will return home"
Explanation: "Most family members" is clearer and more formal than "almost all of members," and "return home" is more specific than "come home."
"find it worth spending money on" -> "consider it worthwhile to spend money on"
Explanation: "Consider it worthwhile to spend money on" is more formal and precise than "find it worth spending money on," which is somewhat colloquial.
"bridge the gap between family members" -> "strengthen family bonds"
Explanation: "Strengthen family bonds" is a more precise and formal expression than "bridge the gap between family members," which is somewhat metaphorical and less formal.
"create a memorable events" -> "create memorable events"
Explanation: "Memorable events" should be a single noun phrase without the article "a," as it refers to a general concept rather than a specific instance.
"paying money for family celebrations" -> "expenditure on family celebrations"
Explanation: "Expenditure" is a more formal term than "paying money," and it is more appropriate in an academic context.
"strong belief that a monumental wedding" -> "firm belief that a grand wedding"
Explanation: "Firm" is more precise and formal than "strong," and "grand" is a more appropriate adjective for describing weddings than "monumental," which is typically used for structures or events of great historical or cultural significance.
"they likely to bear the financial burden" -> "they are likely to bear the financial burden"
Explanation: Adding "are" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal.
"might not justifiable" -> "may not be justified"
Explanation: "May not be justified" is grammatically correct and more formal than "might not justifiable," which is awkward and incorrect.
"Using alternative ways that are more economical" -> "adopting more economical alternatives"
Explanation: "Adopting more economical alternatives" is more formal and precise than "using alternative ways that are more economical," which is awkward and verbose.
"pay a lot of money" -> "incurs significant expenses"
Explanation: "Incurs significant expenses" is more formal and precise than "pay a lot of money," which is informal and vague.
"Both of these statement are reasonable" -> "Both of these statements are reasonable"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error by adding the plural form "statements" to match the plural subject "statements."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the expenditure on family celebrations, which is a positive aspect. The first paragraph discusses the reasons why some people believe spending money is important, such as strengthening family bonds and cultural significance, while the second paragraph presents the opposing viewpoint, highlighting financial strain and alternative, less expensive ways to celebrate. However, the analysis of both views lacks depth. For instance, the essay mentions cultural significance but does not elaborate on how this impacts individuals’ decisions or societal norms.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each viewpoint. For instance, discussing specific cultural practices or providing statistics on spending could strengthen the argument for the importance of spending money on celebrations. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides, ensuring that each perspective is equally developed.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not clearly present the writer’s position on the issue. While it discusses both sides, it fails to articulate a definitive stance or conclusion that reflects the writer’s personal view. The conclusion states that both statements are reasonable but does not clarify which perspective the writer aligns with or why.
- How to improve: The writer should consider including a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines their position. Additionally, reinforcing this position throughout the essay, especially in the conclusion, would provide clarity. For example, the writer could state whether they believe spending money on celebrations is justified or not, and then summarize the reasons supporting that view in the conclusion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both viewpoints, but they are not sufficiently extended or supported. For example, while it mentions that spending money can create memorable events, it does not provide specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate this point. Similarly, the argument against spending money is mentioned, but it lacks supporting details that could make it more compelling.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to include specific examples, anecdotes, or data that support their arguments. For instance, discussing a specific family celebration that was memorable due to spending or a personal story about a less expensive gathering could enhance the essay’s persuasiveness. Additionally, using linking words and phrases can help in logically extending and connecting ideas.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the two views regarding spending on family celebrations. However, there are moments where the focus becomes slightly unclear, particularly in the transition between ideas. For instance, the mention of "heavy loans" could be better connected to the overall argument about financial strain.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main topic. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help clarify the main point being discussed. Additionally, ensuring that all supporting details directly relate to the argument being made will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument, it requires more depth, clarity, and support to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents two contrasting views regarding spending money on family celebrations, which is a clear and relevant approach to the prompt. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by outlining the two perspectives. However, the organization within paragraphs can be improved. For example, the first paragraph discusses the benefits of spending on celebrations but could better separate the ideas of family bonding and cultural significance into distinct sentences for clarity. The second paragraph also presents valid points but lacks a clear transition between the financial strain and the alternative ways of celebrating.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that summarize the main idea. Additionally, ensure that each point is developed fully before moving on to the next. Using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," or "For instance," can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphing could be more effective. The first paragraph is quite long and contains multiple ideas that could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the benefits of spending money and the other on cultural significance. The second paragraph also combines several ideas about financial strain and alternative celebrations, which could be confusing for the reader.
- How to improve: Aim for clearer paragraph divisions by ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. For instance, the first paragraph could be divided into two: one discussing the emotional and relational benefits of celebrations, and the other addressing cultural practices. This would provide a clearer structure and make it easier for readers to follow the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand," and "In addition," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences lack clear connections, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument. For instance, phrases like "this helps them get closer to their family" could be better linked to the previous point about alternative celebrations.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Moreover," "Consequently," or "As a result" to show relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically flows into the next by using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents both views effectively, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices would enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "expend," "boost," "memorable events," and "financial strain" being used. However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks variety. For example, the phrase "spending money on" is used multiple times, which could be varied with alternatives like "investing in" or "allocating funds for." Additionally, the use of "family celebrations" is repeated without synonyms or paraphrasing.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "spending money on," the writer could use "investing in," "allocating resources for," or "financing." Keeping a thesaurus handy while writing could help diversify word choice.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are notable instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "spending too much budget on private family party" is awkward and could be more clearly stated as "overspending on private family parties." Additionally, "the culture and social significant in many countries" should be corrected to "the cultural and social significance in many countries." Such inaccuracies can confuse the reader and detract from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases or unclear terms. Furthermore, using a grammar and spell-check tool can assist in catching errors before finalizing the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "facilitate" (should be "facilitates"), "ideal to family gathering" (should be "ideal for family gatherings"), "events" (should be "event"), and "Asian country" (should be "Asian countries"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing short paragraphs and reviewing them for spelling mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading the essay multiple times can also help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences are used, such as "Proponents of spending budget on family party base their argument on the fact that this facilitate people to boost the family relationship." However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of simple sentences and phrases. For example, "They may have to wait for a long time to see their family so they find it worth spending money on new clothes, gift for each member, decoration or a party with a large scale." This sentence could be restructured to enhance variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more compound and complex sentences. For example, combining ideas using conjunctions or relative clauses can create more sophisticated sentences. Additionally, varying the sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases or dependent clauses) can enhance the overall flow and complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "this facilitate people" should be "this facilitates people," indicating a subject-verb agreement error. Additionally, phrases like "the culture and social significant in many countries" should be corrected to "the cultural and social significance in many countries." Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. For instance, "Moreover, the family which do not have a great background may deal with a heavy loans in the future" lacks a comma before "which."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles and prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on common errors, can be beneficial. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding commas, especially in complex sentences, will help clarify meaning. Reading essays and paying attention to punctuation can also provide a model for correct usage.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear discussion of both views, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice, along with targeted feedback, can aid in achieving these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

One school of thought holds that expending a large amount of money on family celebrations is essential, whereas others claim that it is unnecessary to spend money on them. In this essay, I will look at the reasoning behind both views.

Proponents of allocating funds for family celebrations base their argument on the fact that this enables individuals to strengthen family relationships. They tend to think that some occasions, such as New Year’s Eve, Christmas, or Easter, which rarely occur, are the ideal times for family gatherings, as almost all family members will return home on their days off to come together. They may have to wait a long time to see their family, so they find it worthwhile to spend money on new clothes, gifts for each member, decorations, or a large-scale party. They assert that these things can bridge the gap between family members and create memorable events. In addition, spending money on family celebrations is culturally and socially significant in many countries, especially in Asian countries. Asian people tend to spend an excessive amount of money on lavish weddings or birthday parties due to the fact that they have a firm belief that a grand wedding is one of the ideal ways to reflect their status.

On the other hand, one might argue that it is a waste of money to spend too much on private family celebrations. The primary reason for this viewpoint is the financial strain that many people face. They are likely to bear the financial burden of hiring venues, food, and decorations, which may not be justified due to the temporary nature of the event. Moreover, families without a strong financial background may deal with heavy loans in the future. Adopting more economical alternatives is one reason to oppose spending excessively on family celebrations. Many individuals appreciate spending quality time, such as family dinners, shopping together, or having cozy picnics instead of sumptuous parties. This helps them get closer to their family without incurring significant expenses.

In conclusion, it is understandable that some people like to throw lavish parties, while others are against this way of celebrating. Both of these statements are reasonable and have their own merits.