Some people believe that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

One school of thought holds that technological advanced applications and platforms has creates an ideal opportunities for interpersonal relationships and communications. Others, nevertheless, contend that these cutting-edge technologies lead to a divided society. This essay will delve into both stances before proposing my perspective on the impact of technology on human’s interactions.

Admittedly, there are compelling reasons that explain why technological enhancement enables individuals to cohesively secure their social bonds. Turning back to previous decades, the methodology of contacting and communicating then was simplistic and monotonous, with the latency and paucity of modern features, including the lack of Internet connection, haptic devices emerging in current digital epoch, and the seclusion due to geographical distances, resulting in limited social circles within regional neighborhood, workplace, or school. Meanwhile, today’s real-life equipped with the aid of cutting-edge technologies, especially the emergence of Internet and prolific social media platforms, making it easier to acquire friends and expanded social network regardless of distances, and alleviating those prevailed difficulties from the past.

Opponents of the previous view, on the other hand, argue that modern technology has a divided effect on human sociability. As well-constructed relationships require profound dedication and emotional investment evolving from regular physical interactions or genuine conversation, which are quite challenging to embrace. Indulging into myriad virtual relationships and forgoing real-life bonds, meanwhile, unable humans to concentrate and contrive for high-quality relationships as all criteria for it are unassailable and the ability to maintain will be impaired. Thus, unmanageable online relationships lead to social isolation, not to mention a sense of humility and delusion, which potentially harm one’s mental well-being.

From my perspective, although there are mixed opinions on the influence of technological advancements on human interpersonal interaction, I believe that it is double-edged. While modern technology enlarges our social circles and helps us stay in touch with acquaintances and family members, over-relying on them could make our relationships superficial and negatively affect our mental health.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "technological advanced applications and platforms has creates" -> "technological advancements in applications and platforms have created"
    Explanation: Correcting the verb tense and subject-verb agreement improves grammatical accuracy. Using "advancements" instead of "advanced" is more precise in this context, referring to the ongoing process of technological development.

  2. "an ideal opportunities" -> "ideal opportunities"
    Explanation: Removing "an" before "opportunities" corrects the article usage, as "opportunities" is an uncountable noun and does not require an article.

  3. "cutting-edge technologies lead to a divided society" -> "cutting-edge technologies contribute to societal fragmentation"
    Explanation: "Contribute to societal fragmentation" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase than "lead to a divided society," which is somewhat vague and colloquial.

  4. "human’s interactions" -> "human interactions"
    Explanation: Removing the possessive apostrophe corrects the grammatical error, as "interactions" is an uncountable noun.

  5. "the methodology of contacting and communicating then was simplistic and monotonous" -> "the methods of communication then were simplistic and monotonous"
    Explanation: "Methods of communication" is more specific and accurate than "methodology of contacting and communicating," which is awkward and unclear. Also, "were" corrects the verb tense to match the past tense of the sentence.

  6. "haptic devices emerging in current digital epoch" -> "haptic devices that have emerged in the current digital era"
    Explanation: "That have emerged" corrects the verb tense to the past perfect, aligning with the context of discussing historical development. "Era" is more formal than "epoch," and it fits better in this context.

  7. "real-life equipped with the aid of cutting-edge technologies" -> "life equipped with the aid of cutting-edge technologies"
    Explanation: Removing "real" corrects the redundancy, as "real-life" is redundant when used with "life."

  8. "making it easier to acquire friends and expanded social network" -> "facilitating the acquisition of friends and expanding social networks"
    Explanation: "Facilitating" and "expanding" are more precise and formal verbs than "making it easier," and "social networks" should be plural to match the context of multiple connections.

  9. "prevailed difficulties" -> "prevailing difficulties"
    Explanation: "Prevailing" is the correct form to describe ongoing difficulties, not "prevailed," which would imply that the difficulties have already been overcome.

  10. "unable humans to concentrate and contrive for high-quality relationships" -> "prevents humans from concentrating and contriving for high-quality relationships"
    Explanation: "Prevents" is the correct verb to use in this context, indicating the negative impact of technology on relationships, and "from" is the correct preposition to use with "concentrating and contriving."

  11. "unmanageable online relationships lead to social isolation" -> "unmanageable online relationships can lead to social isolation"
    Explanation: Adding "can" provides a conditional tone, which is more appropriate for describing potential outcomes rather than stating a definitive consequence.

  12. "not to mention a sense of humility and delusion" -> "not to mention feelings of humility and delusion"
    Explanation: "Feelings" is a more appropriate term than "sense" in this context, as it refers to emotions more directly and accurately.

  13. "over-relying on them could make our relationships superficial" -> "over-reliance on them could render our relationships superficial"
    Explanation: "Over-reliance" is a more precise term than "over-relying," and "render" is a more formal verb than "make," fitting better in an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the impact of modern technology on sociability. The first paragraph presents the argument that technology enhances social connections, citing the evolution of communication methods and the role of social media. The second paragraph counters this by discussing the potential for technology to foster superficial relationships and social isolation. However, while both perspectives are discussed, the conclusion could have more explicitly summarized the arguments presented to reinforce the discussion.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that each viewpoint is not only introduced but also summarized in the conclusion. This could involve briefly restating the key points made for both sides before presenting your opinion, thereby reinforcing the discussion and ensuring all parts of the question are comprehensively addressed.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that technology has a dual impact on sociability. This is evident in the concluding statement, where the author acknowledges both the benefits and drawbacks of technology. However, the transition into the opinion could be more explicit, as it feels somewhat abrupt after discussing both views.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly signal the shift from discussing both perspectives to presenting your own opinion. For example, phrases like "In conclusion," or "Ultimately," can help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas related to the topic, such as the historical context of communication and the psychological effects of technology on relationships. However, some points, particularly regarding the negative impacts of technology, could benefit from further elaboration or examples. For instance, discussing specific studies or statistics about social media usage and mental health could strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance the depth of your ideas, aim to provide concrete examples or data that support your claims. This could involve referencing studies that illustrate the correlation between technology use and social isolation or mental health issues, thereby providing a more robust foundation for your arguments.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of technology on sociability. However, there are moments where the language becomes overly complex or convoluted, which may detract from the clarity of the argument. For instance, phrases like "cutting-edge technologies lead to a divided society" could be simplified to enhance understanding.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, strive for concise and straightforward language. Avoid overly complex sentence structures and jargon that may confuse the reader. Instead, aim for clarity by using simpler expressions that convey your ideas effectively without losing depth.

By addressing these areas, the essay could potentially reach a higher band score, enhancing both clarity and depth of argumentation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views on technology’s impact on sociability. Each body paragraph addresses one viewpoint, with the first paragraph supporting the idea that technology enhances social connections, while the second paragraph presents the counterargument. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of technology to its drawbacks could be more explicitly signposted to enhance clarity.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate the shift from one idea to another. For example, phrases like "Conversely," or "On the contrary," can help signal the reader that a different perspective is being introduced. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion, making it easier for the reader to digest the information. However, the second paragraph is quite lengthy and could benefit from being divided into two distinct paragraphs to improve readability and focus.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones that each focus on a single idea or aspect of the argument. For instance, the second paragraph could be split into one discussing the emotional investment required for real-life relationships and another addressing the consequences of superficial online interactions. This would create a clearer structure and allow for more in-depth exploration of each point.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand," "meanwhile," and "thus," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. Some sentences feel slightly disjointed, and the overall flow could be improved with more varied linking words and phrases.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "furthermore," "in addition," or "moreover" to add information, and "however," "nevertheless," or "despite this" to contrast ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and create smoother transitions between sentences. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "technology," you could use "these advancements" or "such innovations" to maintain cohesion.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, employing terms such as "technological advanced applications," "interpersonal relationships," and "profound dedication." However, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as "technological advanced applications," which should be "technologically advanced applications." The use of "cutting-edge technologies" and "prolific social media platforms" reflects a good grasp of relevant vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more varied synonyms and expressions. For example, instead of repeating "modern technology," you could use "contemporary innovations" or "digital advancements." Additionally, ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and idiomatic.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "creates an ideal opportunities," which should be "creates an ideal opportunity." The phrase "the latency and paucity of modern features" is somewhat unclear; "latency" typically refers to delay, which may not be the intended meaning in this context.
    • How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. For example, instead of "latency," you might consider "limitations" or "lack." Additionally, ensure subject-verb agreement and singular/plural consistency, such as changing "has creates" to "has created."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "creates" instead of "created," and "humility" when "humiliation" might be more appropriate in the context. These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review your essay with fresh eyes, focusing specifically on spelling. Additionally, using spelling and grammar checking tools can help catch errors before submission. Regular practice with vocabulary lists and spelling exercises can also reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, improvements can be made in grammatical accuracy, precision of word choice, and spelling. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "Turning back to previous decades" and "as all criteria for it are unassailable" show an attempt to use more sophisticated structures. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and errors that detract from the overall effectiveness, such as "technological advanced applications" (should be "technologically advanced applications") and "the methodology of contacting and communicating then was simplistic and monotonous" (which could be more clearly articulated).
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, using participial phrases or conditional clauses can enhance complexity. Additionally, ensure that all structures are grammatically correct to maintain clarity and coherence.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: There are several grammatical errors that affect the clarity of the essay. For instance, "has creates an ideal opportunities" should be "has created an ideal opportunity," and "the seclusion due to geographical distances" could be more clearly expressed. Punctuation is generally well-handled, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "meanwhile" in "Meanwhile, today’s real-life equipped with the aid of cutting-edge technologies."
    • How to improve: Focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing with exercises can help solidify these concepts. Additionally, consider reading your work aloud to catch awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, which can often be overlooked in silent reading.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the highlighted weaknesses will enhance clarity and effectiveness, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

One school of thought holds that technological advancements in applications and platforms have created ideal opportunities for interpersonal relationships and communication. Others, nevertheless, contend that these cutting-edge technologies contribute to societal fragmentation. This essay will delve into both stances before proposing my perspective on the impact of technology on human interactions.

Admittedly, there are compelling reasons that explain why technological enhancements enable individuals to cohesively secure their social bonds. Reflecting on previous decades, the methods of communication then were simplistic and monotonous, characterized by latency and a lack of modern features. The absence of Internet connectivity and haptic devices that have emerged in the current digital era, along with geographical distances, resulted in limited social circles within local neighborhoods, workplaces, or schools. Meanwhile, today’s life, equipped with the aid of cutting-edge technologies—especially the emergence of the Internet and prolific social media platforms—makes it easier to acquire friends and expand social networks regardless of distance, alleviating the prevailing difficulties of the past.

Opponents of the previous view, on the other hand, argue that modern technology has a divisive effect on human sociability. Well-constructed relationships require profound dedication and emotional investment that evolve from regular physical interactions or genuine conversations, which are increasingly challenging to embrace. Indulging in myriad virtual relationships while forgoing real-life bonds prevents humans from concentrating and contriving high-quality relationships, as all criteria for meaningful connections are unassailable, and the ability to maintain them will be impaired. Thus, unmanageable online relationships can lead to social isolation, not to mention feelings of humility and delusion, which potentially harm one’s mental well-being.

From my perspective, although there are mixed opinions on the influence of technological advancements on human interpersonal interaction, I believe that it is double-edged. While modern technology enlarges our social circles and helps us stay in touch with acquaintances and family members, over-reliance on it could render our relationships superficial and negatively affect our mental health.

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