Some people believe that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Various debates have arisen regarding the impacts of modern technology on people. While some argue that technological advancements make people more sociable by improving global connectivity with the use of social platforms, others believe that these developments have led to less meaningful online interactions. Personally, although some cannot get on well with changes, I assume that enhanced social interactions offer more benefits.
On the one hand, technology has undoubtedly transformed the way people communicate. With the emergence of social platforms such as Facebook or Instagram, individuals are allowed to easily maintain their relationships regardless of geographical barriers. However, the instance of information dissemination comes along with the widespread of sensitive contents. In other words, insecurities of a person can be widely spread, making them a focal character to receive criticism. This provokes difficulties for an individual to socialize. Accordingly, those with disadvantages struggle integrating into the social platforms if they cannot demonstrate their merits to shadow the opposite ones. Hence, it is appropriate to believe that modern technology promotes isolation.
On the other side, the availability of social networks assists people living distantly to sustain relationships, which was impossible in the past. Internet users with the use of messaging apps are more able to interact, leading to the formation of new connections. Moreover, people are living in an integrated society where they collaborate with multi-nation colleagues, the instant information respondence gains more significance. For instance, a physical appointment is hard to reach between two collaborating distinct nations. Hence, modern technologies have exceedingly expanded the scope of social interaction.
Those advantages somehow indicate the key issue lying in how people adapt to the advancements. To explain, individuals can benefit significantly from them with the relevant usage. Apparently, social bonds are potentially built and information is constantly updated, which are favorable conditions to develop. Reversely, those cannot take part in the pace have to change themselves.
In conclusion, modern technologies lead to more sociable people through instant information exchange, making the society more favorable. However, people are accountable for getting accustomed to those changes, ensuring that they are not abandoned.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Various debates have arisen" -> "Numerous debates have emerged"
Explanation: "Emerged" is a more precise term in academic writing, indicating the origin of debates in a more formal context than "arisen."
"make people more sociable" -> "enhance social interaction among individuals"
Explanation: "Enhance social interaction among individuals" is more specific and formal, avoiding the colloquialism "make people more sociable."
"cannot get on well with changes" -> "are resistant to change"
Explanation: "Are resistant to change" is a more precise and formal way to express opposition to change, avoiding the colloquial "cannot get on well with."
"I assume" -> "I believe"
Explanation: "I believe" is a more assertive and academically appropriate phrase than "I assume," which can imply a lack of certainty.
"enhanced social interactions offer more benefits" -> "enhanced social interactions provide greater benefits"
Explanation: "Provide greater benefits" is more formal and precise than "offer more benefits," aligning better with academic style.
"the instance of information dissemination comes along with the widespread of sensitive contents" -> "the dissemination of information is accompanied by the widespread of sensitive content"
Explanation: "Dissemination of information is accompanied by the widespread of sensitive content" corrects grammatical errors and enhances clarity and formality.
"insecurities of a person can be widely spread" -> "personal insecurities can be widely disseminated"
Explanation: "Personal insecurities can be widely disseminated" uses more precise language and avoids the awkward phrasing of "insecurities of a person."
"making them a focal character to receive criticism" -> "rendering them a focal point for criticism"
Explanation: "Rendering them a focal point for criticism" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone.
"those with disadvantages struggle integrating into the social platforms" -> "those with disadvantages struggle to integrate into social platforms"
Explanation: "Struggle to integrate into social platforms" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"demonstrate their merits to shadow the opposite ones" -> "demonstrate their merits to surpass others"
Explanation: "Demonstrate their merits to surpass others" is clearer and more appropriate in an academic context than the vague and awkward "shadow the opposite ones."
"On the other side" -> "On the other hand"
Explanation: "On the other hand" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing compared to "On the other side."
"people living distantly" -> "people living at a distance"
Explanation: "People living at a distance" is grammatically correct and more formal than "people living distantly."
"instant information respondence" -> "instant information responses"
Explanation: "Instant information responses" corrects the grammatical error and improves the formality of the term.
"a physical appointment is hard to reach" -> "a physical meeting is difficult to arrange"
Explanation: "A physical meeting is difficult to arrange" is more precise and formal, replacing the colloquial "hard to reach."
"Those advantages somehow indicate the key issue lying in how people adapt to the advancements" -> "These advantages suggest that the key issue lies in how people adapt to these advancements"
Explanation: "These advantages suggest that the key issue lies in how people adapt to these advancements" corrects the awkward phrasing and enhances clarity and formality.
"people are accountable for getting accustomed to those changes" -> "individuals must adapt to these changes"
Explanation: "Individuals must adapt to these changes" is more direct and formal, avoiding the less formal "getting accustomed to."
"ensuring that they are not abandoned" -> "ensuring they are not left behind"
Explanation: "Ensuring they are not left behind" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of avoiding abandonment.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the impact of modern technology on sociability. The first paragraph outlines the perspective that technology can lead to less meaningful interactions, citing the spread of sensitive content and the resulting social challenges. The second paragraph counters this by discussing how technology facilitates communication and relationship maintenance over distances. However, while both views are presented, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the nuances of each argument, particularly in the conclusion where the writer’s opinion is stated.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is explored in greater depth. This could involve providing more specific examples or evidence for each side, as well as a clearer transition into the author’s opinion. Additionally, it would be beneficial to reiterate the main points of both views before stating the conclusion to create a more balanced discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a personal opinion that modern technology enhances sociability, but this position could be clearer. The phrase "although some cannot get on well with changes" introduces ambiguity about the writer’s stance, making it less assertive. The conclusion reiterates the belief in technology’s benefits but does not strongly connect back to the arguments made earlier.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should state their opinion more decisively in the introduction and consistently refer back to it throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I firmly believe" or "It is clear that" can help reinforce the writer’s stance. Additionally, summarizing the main points that support this position in the conclusion would provide a stronger closure.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both the positive and negative impacts of technology on sociability. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration. For example, the mention of "insecurities of a person" could be expanded with specific examples of how this affects social interactions. The discussion of how technology aids in maintaining relationships is somewhat general and could benefit from more detailed examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate their points. This could include personal experiences or widely recognized studies that support their claims. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help to extend and connect ideas more fluidly.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the effects of modern technology on sociability. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the discussion of individuals needing to adapt to technological changes. This point, while relevant, could be more tightly linked to the main argument about sociability.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of sociability. Avoiding tangential discussions and ensuring that each paragraph clearly ties back to the prompt will help keep the essay on track. A clear outline before writing could assist in organizing thoughts and maintaining relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, enhancing clarity, depth, and focus will elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presentsa clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the debate and a conclusion that summarizes the author’s opinion. Each paragraph addresses a distinct viewpoint, which aids in logical progression. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the negative aspects of technology on social interactions, while the second body paragraph highlights the positive effects. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the negative impacts to the positive aspects could benefit from a clearer linking statement.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the negative impacts, a phrase like "Conversely, there are also significant benefits to consider" would help guide the reader more effectively into the next argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph has a main idea, supported by examples and explanations. However, the third body paragraph feels slightly underdeveloped and does not follow the same structure as the others, making it less impactful.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph includes a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. For the third body paragraph, consider expanding on how individuals can adapt to technology, providing specific examples or scenarios to illustrate your point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other side," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences feel abrupt or disjointed. For instance, phrases like "In other words" and "To explain" are used, but they could be varied to enhance the flow.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Additionally," or "In contrast." This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately; for example, "Reversely" is not commonly used and could be replaced with "Conversely" or "On the contrary" for clarity.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "technological advancements," "global connectivity," and "sensitive contents." These phrases effectively convey complex ideas and show an understanding of the topic. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "the instance of information dissemination" could be replaced with "the phenomenon of information dissemination" for a more nuanced expression.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "social platforms," alternatives like "digital networks" or "online communities" could be employed. Engaging with a wider array of sources and practicing paraphrasing can also help expand vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains both precise and imprecise vocabulary choices. For example, "the widespread of sensitive contents" should be "the spread of sensitive content," as "widespread" is an adjective and does not fit the context. Additionally, the phrase "making them a focal character to receive criticism" is awkward; "making them a target for criticism" would be clearer and more idiomatic.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on context-appropriate vocabulary. Reading more academic texts can help in understanding how words are used in context. Additionally, revising sentences for clarity and idiomatic expression will enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally shows good spelling accuracy, but there are a few errors, such as "respondence," which should be "response." The phrase "the widespread of sensitive contents" also contains a spelling error in the use of "widespread" as a noun.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, perhaps reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Regular practice with spelling exercises can further solidify spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "While some argue that technological advancements make people more sociable by improving global connectivity with the use of social platforms, others believe that these developments have led to less meaningful online interactions" showcases an ability to convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the essay includes varied sentence beginnings and lengths, which enhances readability. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph where phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other side" are used to transition between ideas, which could be diversified further.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the transition phrases. For example, instead of always using "On the one hand" and "On the other side," alternatives like "Conversely" or "In contrast" can be employed. Additionally, using participial phrases or subordinate clauses can add complexity and depth to your sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "the widespread of sensitive contents" should be corrected to "the spread of sensitive content," as "widespread" is an adjective and does not fit grammatically in this context. Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, can lead to confusion. For instance, in the sentence "Moreover, people are living in an integrated society where they collaborate with multi-nation colleagues, the instant information respondence gains more significance," a semicolon or a period would be more appropriate than a comma to separate the two independent clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage. Pay particular attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct forms of nouns (e.g., "content" instead of "contents"). For punctuation, practice identifying independent and dependent clauses to ensure proper separation. Reading your essay aloud can also help catch errors in flow and punctuation.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Various debates have emerged regarding the impacts of modern technology on social interactions. While some argue that technological advancements make people more sociable by enhancing global connectivity through social platforms, others believe that these developments have resulted in less meaningful online interactions. Personally, although some individuals are resistant to change, I believe that enhanced social interactions provide greater benefits.

On the one hand, technology has undoubtedly transformed the way people communicate. With the emergence of social platforms such as Facebook and Instagram, individuals can easily maintain their relationships regardless of geographical barriers. However, the dissemination of information is accompanied by the widespread of sensitive content. In other words, personal insecurities can be widely disseminated, rendering them a focal point for criticism. This provokes difficulties for individuals trying to socialize. Accordingly, those with disadvantages struggle to integrate into social platforms if they cannot demonstrate their merits to surpass others. Hence, it is reasonable to believe that modern technology promotes isolation.

On the other hand, the availability of social networks assists people living at a distance in sustaining relationships, which was impossible in the past. Internet users, through messaging apps, are better able to interact, leading to the formation of new connections. Moreover, as people collaborate with multinational colleagues, instant information responses gain more significance. For instance, arranging a physical meeting is difficult between two collaborating nations. Hence, modern technologies have exceedingly expanded the scope of social interaction.

These advantages suggest that the key issue lies in how people adapt to these advancements. To explain, individuals can benefit significantly from them with relevant usage. Apparently, social bonds can be built, and information is constantly updated, which creates favorable conditions for development. Conversely, those who cannot keep pace must adapt to these changes.

In conclusion, modern technologies lead to more sociable people through instant information exchange, making society more favorable. However, individuals are accountable for adapting to these changes, ensuring they are not left behind.