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Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In these contemporary technological era, the number of professional individuals such as doctors and engineers are increasing. While many people believe that they ought to be work in the country where they did their course, others argue that they freely opt for others country if they wish. In my point of view, professional people should work abroad to gain more experience, then they are free to choose to stay or go back to their home country to work.
On the one hand, several people who have professional jobs choose to work in the country where they finished their course because of several reasons. The first reason for this is that they want to express their patriotism with their home nation where they did the course. A classic demonstration of this is that a doctor finished his health aid course in his hometown, so he absolutely wants to contribute in developing his hometown where he was born. Another reason for this is that they want to live closely to their families and friends. It is obvious that getting use to with totally new environment is really difficult, especially, living far away from their close relative such as their wife and offspring. It is understandable that many individuals do not want to sacrifice their happiness for employment prospect and success.
On the other hand, besides patriots want to contribute in nation development, there are still other people who want to challenge and have a better opportunity in occupation. Firstly, opting for working in another modern and developed countries such as the United States, Canada and so on is a wise choice. An illustrative example for this is that in the United State will provide better facilities, workplace, and income when compared with other developing nations. Not only having a better job quality but it is also a great chance for them to enlarge their experience and knowledge. It is undeniable that working overseas will help professionals interact directly with diverse knowledge of their major.
To sum up, although working abroad gives more employment prospects, choosing to work in the country where they did their classes is also a good decision. Deciding to stay or work overseas is depended on each person demand and goal, so they can freely choose whatever they want.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In these contemporary technological era" -> "In this contemporary technological era"
    Explanation: The phrase "contemporary technological era" is more concise and precise than "these contemporary technological era." Also, "this" is more grammatically accurate as it refers to a singular era.

  2. "they ought to be work in the country" -> "they ought to work in the country"
    Explanation: Removing the unnecessary "be" improves the grammatical structure of the sentence. The correct phrase is "they ought to work."

  3. "if they wish" -> "if they desire"
    Explanation: Replacing "if they wish" with "if they desire" adds a touch of formality and sophistication to the sentence, aligning it better with academic style.

  4. "In my point of view" -> "In my perspective"
    Explanation: While "In my point of view" is commonly used, "In my perspective" is a slightly more formal alternative in academic writing.

  5. "they are free to choose" -> "they are at liberty to choose"
    Explanation: Substituting "free to choose" with "at liberty to choose" enhances the formality of the sentence without sacrificing clarity.

  6. "On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
    Explanation: "Firstly" is a more formal transition than "On the one hand," and it better aligns with the academic style.

  7. "several people who have professional jobs" -> "numerous professionals"
    Explanation: "Numerous professionals" is a more concise and sophisticated way to refer to individuals with professional jobs.

  8. "because of several reasons" -> "due to various reasons"
    Explanation: "Due to various reasons" is a more formal and precise expression than "because of several reasons."

  9. "getting use to with totally new environment" -> "adjusting to a completely new environment"
    Explanation: "Adjusting to a completely new environment" is a more accurate and formal phrase than "getting used to with totally new environment."

  10. "such as their wife and offspring" -> "such as their spouse and offspring"
    Explanation: "Spouse" is a more formal term than "wife" and is gender-neutral. Using "spouse" maintains a more academic tone.

  11. "besides patriots want to contribute" -> "in addition to patriots who want to contribute"
    Explanation: "In addition to" is a more formal transition, and rephrasing the sentence for clarity improves the overall academic tone.

  12. "another modern and developed countries" -> "other modern and developed countries"
    Explanation: Changing "another" to "other" corrects the grammar and maintains a more formal expression.

  13. "illustrative example for this is that" -> "an illustrative example of this is that"
    Explanation: Adding "of" after "illustrative example" improves the structure and formality of the sentence.

  14. "in the United State" -> "in the United States"
    Explanation: Correcting the plural form of "States" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  15. "it is also a great chance" -> "it also presents a great opportunity"
    Explanation: Replacing "it is also a great chance" with "it also presents a great opportunity" enhances the formality and precision of the sentence.

  16. "Depended on each person demand" -> "Dependent on each person’s demand"
    Explanation: Correcting the grammar by adding an apostrophe and an "s" to "person" ensures clarity and formal correctness.

  17. "so they can freely choose whatever they want" -> "thus, they can freely choose according to their preferences"
    Explanation: Adding "thus" and rephrasing the sentence improves the flow and formality, aligning better with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the viewpoint that professionals should work in the country of their training and the opposing perspective that they should have the freedom to work elsewhere. However, the introduction could be more precise in presenting the two views explicitly. The essay adequately covers the various reasons behind both choices and presents a clear opinion in the conclusion.
    • How to improve: Enhance the introduction by explicitly stating the two views presented in the prompt. This will provide a clearer roadmap for the reader and improve the overall organization.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position throughout, advocating for the freedom of professionals to work abroad initially to gain experience and then decide whether to stay in the host country or return home. The position is clear, and each paragraph aligns with this stance.
    • How to improve: No specific improvement is needed in this aspect; the essay effectively maintains a clear and consistent position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both sides adequately, offering reasons for professionals wanting to work in their home country and those desiring to work abroad. However, some ideas lack development and specific examples, making the essay less impactful. For instance, the point about a doctor wanting to contribute to his hometown needs more elaboration and a concrete illustration.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the essay by providing more detailed examples and elaborating on each point. Offer specific instances, statistics, or anecdotes to enhance the persuasiveness of the arguments.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the advantages of working in the home country and the benefits of working abroad. However, there are instances of language issues and slight deviations, such as the mention of "patriots" and "getting use to" that slightly distract from the main points.
    • How to improve: Ensure that language use is precise, and there are no grammatical errors. Focus on maintaining clarity and coherence in expressing ideas to avoid any distractions from the main topic.

In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintaining a consistent position throughout. To improve, enhance the introduction for better clarity, provide more detailed examples to support ideas, and ensure precise language use to avoid distractions from the main topic. Overall, a well-structured essay with room for refinement in specific areas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally follows a logical organization with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the organization of ideas within paragraphs. For instance, the second paragraph presents reasons for working in the home country, but the transition between ideas is somewhat abrupt. It would be beneficial to use transitional phrases to create a smoother flow of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transition words and phrases between sentences and ideas. For example, phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" help signal shifts in focus. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument to avoid a disjointed structure.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs adequately, but there are areas where paragraphing can be refined. The third paragraph, for instance, is lengthy and encompasses both reasons for working abroad. Breaking it into two separate paragraphs—one for the advantages of working abroad and another for the drawbacks—would enhance readability and clarity.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking down lengthy paragraphs into smaller, focused ones. Each paragraph should ideally present and develop a single idea, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. This will also contribute to a more organized and cohesive essay structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," to signal contrasting views. However, there is limited variety in connecting words and phrases within and between sentences. A more diverse range of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases, can be employed for smoother transitions.
    • How to improve: Integrate a wider array of cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence of the essay. For example, use pronouns like "this" or "these" to reference previously mentioned ideas, and employ conjunctions like "however" or "moreover" to establish logical connections between sentences. This will contribute to a more fluid and connected essay structure.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a generally coherent and cohesive structure, there is room for improvement in terms of logical organization within paragraphs, effective use of paragraphs, and diversification of cohesive devices. Implementing these suggestions will contribute to a more polished and well-structured essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating words like "patriotism," "prospects," and "illustrative." However, there is a tendency to repeat certain terms, such as "course" and "country," without offering diverse synonyms. For instance, in the opening paragraph, "work in the country where they did their course" could benefit from variations to enhance lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To improve, strive for more variety in word choices. Synonyms and alternative expressions can enrich the language. Instead of consistently using "course," consider alternatives like "training," "studies," or "education."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The usage of vocabulary is generally clear, but there are instances of imprecise language, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand." These phrases are used to introduce contrasting ideas, but they can be refined for more precise articulation. Additionally, phrases like "totally new environment" and "living far away" could be more specific.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision in expression. Instead of "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," consider more specific transitions like "while some prefer" and "conversely." Replace vague phrases with more detailed descriptions, for example, "adapting to a new cultural setting" and "residing in a distant location."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate, with only a few errors such as "they are free to choose to stay or go back to their home country to work." Here, the correct preposition is "in" instead of "to" before "their home country."
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread carefully and consider using spelling and grammar tools. Additionally, paying attention to prepositions and their correct usage can contribute to overall spelling precision. In this case, it should be "stay or go back to work in their home country."

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource, incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and enhancing precision can elevate the overall quality of expression. Spelling accuracy is generally good, with minor improvements needed in specific instances.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay tends to use a limited range of sentence structures. There is a reliance on simple sentences, and the variety of sentence structures is not fully explored. For instance, the repeated use of simple sentences in the introduction and body paragraphs diminishes the overall richness of expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating complex and compound sentence structures. Introduce phrases and clauses to add depth and complexity to your sentences. For example, in the introduction, instead of saying, "In my point of view, professional people should work abroad to gain more experience, then they are free to choose to stay or go back to their home country to work," you can say, "In my perspective, professionals should consider working abroad to accrue diverse experience, enabling them the freedom to decide whether to continue their careers internationally or return to their home country."
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "they ought to be work" and "they are free to choose to stay or go back." Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, impacting the overall clarity of the sentences.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining grammar, particularly subject-verb agreement. In the sentence mentioned, it should be "they ought to work" and "they are free to choose whether to stay or go back." Pay attention to comma usage; for instance, use commas to set off introductory phrases and after conjunctive adverbs. For example, "In my perspective, professionals should consider working abroad to accrue diverse experience. Consequently, they would be free to decide whether to continue their careers internationally or return to their home country."

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar, there is room for improvement in sentence structure variety and accuracy. Introducing more complex sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy will enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this contemporary technological era, the number of professionals, including doctors and engineers, is on the rise. While some argue that they ought to work in the country where they completed their training, others believe they should be free to choose another country if they wish. In my perspective, professionals should have the freedom to work abroad to gain valuable experience, after which they can decide whether to stay or return to their home country.

On one hand, numerous professionals choose to work in the country where they completed their training for various reasons. Firstly, it is often driven by a sense of patriotism, a desire to contribute to the development of their home nation where they received their education. For instance, a doctor who completed their medical training in their hometown may feel a strong commitment to contribute to the healthcare system there. Additionally, individuals may prefer to stay close to their families and friends, as adjusting to a completely new environment, especially when separated from loved ones like their spouse and offspring, can be challenging. It is understandable that many professionals prioritize personal happiness and relationships over employment prospects and success.

On the other hand, aside from those driven by patriotism, there are individuals who seek challenges and better opportunities in their careers. Firstly, opting to work in other modern and developed countries, such as the United States or Canada, can be a wise choice. An illustrative example of this is the United States, where professionals can find better facilities, workplaces, and higher income compared to some developing nations. Beyond job quality, working abroad provides a great chance for professionals to expand their experience and knowledge. It is undeniable that working overseas enables professionals to interact directly with a diverse range of knowledge in their field.

To sum up, while working abroad offers enhanced employment prospects, choosing to work in the country where one completed their training is also a commendable decision. The decision to stay or work overseas is dependent on each person’s demands and goals, allowing them the freedom to choose according to their preferences.

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