Some people believe that social media brings many benefits. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, some individuals think that social media brings many advantages. In my opinion, I partly agree with this viewpoint for the following reasons.

On the one hand, social media plays a vital role in raising awareness of important social issues. For example, movements like Black Lives Matter and Me Too have gained traction through social media, mobilizing support and inspiring action. Owing to social networking sites, people who have these mutual goals can gather together in order to combat racism. Therefore, social online platforms demonstrate a powerful impact on society.

On the other hand, the drawbacks of social media include misleading information, which cannot be overlooked. To explain, the rapid spread of misinformation is a significant problem, as wrong stories can lead to harmful consequences. For example, during COVID-19, there was the dissemination of false news related to the effectiveness of vaccines. This can lead to misunderstanding and confusion among users.

In conclusion, while social media offers substantial benefits such as increasing awareness, it also poses serious challenges, including misinformation. A balanced and mindful approach to social media use is essential to maximize its benefits while minimizing its disadvantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"some individuals think" -> "some scholars argue"
Explanation: "Scholars argue" specifies the source of the opinion, enhancing the academic tone and credibility of the statement.
"I partly agree" -> "I concur partially"
Explanation: "Concur partially" is a more formal expression that aligns better with academic style, replacing the more conversational "I partly agree."
"plays a vital role" -> "plays a crucial role"
Explanation: "Crucial" is a more precise and formal synonym for "vital," enhancing the academic tone.
"For example, movements like Black Lives Matter and Me Too" -> "For instance, movements such as Black Lives Matter and Me Too"
Explanation: "For instance" is a more formal transitional phrase than "For example," and "such as" is more appropriate than "like" in formal writing.
"Owing to social networking sites" -> "Due to social networking platforms"
Explanation: "Due to" is a more formal preposition than "Owing to," and "platforms" is a more precise term than "sites" in this context.
"people who have these mutual goals" -> "individuals sharing these common objectives"
Explanation: "Individuals sharing these common objectives" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and informal "people who have these mutual goals."
"can gather together" -> "can assemble"
Explanation: "Assemble" is a more formal and precise verb than "gather together," which is somewhat colloquial.
"social online platforms" -> "social media platforms"
Explanation: "Social media platforms" is the correct term, as "social online platforms" is redundant and less specific.
"cannot be overlooked" -> "must not be ignored"
Explanation: "Must not be ignored" is a stronger, more formal expression than "cannot be overlooked," which is somewhat vague.
"To explain" -> "To illustrate"
Explanation: "To illustrate" is more appropriate in academic writing to introduce examples, replacing the less formal "To explain."
"wrong stories" -> "false information"
Explanation: "False information" is a more precise and formal term than "wrong stories," which is vague and informal.
"This can lead to misunderstanding and confusion among users" -> "This may result in misunderstandings and confusion among users"
Explanation: "May result in" is a more formal and academically appropriate modal expression than "can lead to," and "misunderstandings" is a more formal plural form.
"substantial benefits" -> "significant advantages"
Explanation: "Significant advantages" is a more precise and formal term than "substantial benefits," aligning better with academic style.
"serious challenges" -> "significant challenges"
Explanation: "Significant" is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe challenges, replacing the less formal "serious."

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging both the benefits and drawbacks of social media. However, it only partially engages with the task, as it does not clearly state whether the author agrees or disagrees with the notion that social media brings many benefits. The phrase "I partly agree" is vague and does not provide a definitive stance, which is crucial for a higher band score.
- How to improve: To fully answer the question, the author should clearly state whether they agree or disagree with the statement in the introduction and maintain that position throughout the essay. For instance, if the author agrees, they should emphasize the benefits more strongly and provide more examples supporting this viewpoint.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. While it mentions both sides of the argument, it fails to take a definitive stand. The phrase "I partly agree" creates ambiguity, making it difficult for the reader to understand the author’s true stance on the issue.
- How to improve: The author should choose a clear position—either fully agreeing or disagreeing—and consistently support that position throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using stronger language to express agreement or disagreement and ensuring that all points made align with the chosen stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as the role of social media in raising awareness and the issue of misinformation. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the author mentions social movements, they do not delve deeper into how these movements have specifically benefited society or provide additional examples to strengthen their argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay, the author should aim to extend their ideas with more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, they could discuss specific instances where social media has led to tangible changes in public policy or social attitudes, thereby providing a stronger foundation for their claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the benefits and drawbacks of social media. However, the lack of a clear position may lead to some confusion regarding the main argument. The conclusion reiterates both sides but does not decisively lean towards one viewpoint, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to their main argument. They should also avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion; instead, they should summarize their main points and reinforce their position to provide a sense of closure.

In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the author should clarify their position, provide more extensive support for their ideas, and ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed. Additionally, they should aim to meet the word count requirement to avoid penalties associated with being under word.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively states the writer’s position, and each body paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument—one focusing on the benefits of social media and the other on its drawbacks. This logical organization aids the reader in following the writer’s line of reasoning. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother; the shift from benefits to drawbacks feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second paragraph, such as "Conversely" or "On the flip side," to signal the shift in focus. Additionally, a brief linking sentence at the end of the first paragraph that hints at the upcoming discussion of drawbacks would create a more cohesive transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific point. The first body paragraph discusses the advantages of social media, while the second addresses its disadvantages. This clear separation helps maintain clarity. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more internal structure, as each one primarily consists of a single main idea followed by examples, which may limit depth.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, consider incorporating topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, within each paragraph, you could include further elaboration or analysis of the examples provided. For instance, after mentioning the Black Lives Matter movement, you might discuss how social media facilitated this awareness beyond just gathering support.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example," "on the one hand," and "on the other hand," which help in linking ideas and providing clarity. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied expressions to enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using a broader array of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "for example," you could use "such as," "to illustrate," or "this is evident in." Additionally, incorporating phrases that indicate contrast or comparison, like "in contrast," "similarly," or "however," can help create a more nuanced connection between ideas.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing social media’s impact. Phrases like "raising awareness," "mobilizing support," and "harmful consequences" show some variety. However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in the use of terms like "social media" and "misinformation." This limits the overall lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "social media," alternatives like "digital platforms," "online networks," or "social networking sites" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more varied expressions for "advantages" and "disadvantages" would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "wrong stories" could be more effectively expressed as "false narratives" or "inaccurate information," which would convey a clearer meaning. The term "substantial benefits" is appropriate, but "significant advantages" might align better with the context.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting words that convey the intended meaning with greater clarity. Reviewing vocabulary lists related to the topic of social media could help identify more precise terms. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also enhance the ability to express ideas more accurately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no glaring errors that detract from the overall readability. Words such as "mobilizing," "misleading," and "consequences" are spelled correctly, which reflects a good level of spelling competence.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, regular practice through writing exercises and using spell-check tools can be beneficial. Additionally, reading a variety of texts can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written material.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range and precision. By diversifying vocabulary and ensuring precise word choices, the overall quality of the writing can be enhanced. Regular practice and exposure to varied language will further support these improvements.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "Owing to social networking sites, people who have these mutual goals can gather together in order to combat racism." This sentence effectively combines clauses to convey a clear idea. Additionally, the essay employs conditional structures, such as "This can lead to misunderstanding and confusion among users," which adds depth to the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the introductory and concluding paragraphs, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "On the one hand" or "On the other hand," try beginning with a subordinate clause or using different transitional phrases. This will not only diversify the sentence structures but also improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "which cannot be overlooked" is correctly used to introduce a relative clause, enhancing clarity. However, there are instances where punctuation could be improved, such as in the sentence, "To explain, the rapid spread of misinformation is a significant problem, as wrong stories can lead to harmful consequences." The comma before "as" could be omitted for better flow. Additionally, the phrase "the dissemination of false news related to the effectiveness of vaccines" could be simplified to improve clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, pay attention to the use of commas, especially in complex sentences. Reviewing the rules for comma usage can help clarify when they are necessary. Additionally, consider simplifying complex phrases to ensure clarity and avoid potential grammatical errors. Practicing sentence restructuring and seeking feedback on drafts can also be beneficial in identifying and correcting errors before final submission.

By focusing on these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially raising the overall band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, some individuals believe that social media brings many advantages. In my opinion, I concur partially with this viewpoint for the following reasons.

On the one hand, social media plays a crucial role in raising awareness of important social issues. For instance, movements such as Black Lives Matter and Me Too have gained traction through social media, mobilizing support and inspiring action. Due to social networking platforms, individuals sharing these common objectives can assemble to combat racism and promote equality. Therefore, social media platforms demonstrate a powerful impact on society.

On the other hand, the drawbacks of social media include misleading information, which must not be ignored. To illustrate, the rapid spread of false information is a significant problem, as incorrect narratives can lead to harmful consequences. For example, during COVID-19, there was the dissemination of false news related to the effectiveness of vaccines. This may result in misunderstandings and confusion among users.

In conclusion, while social media offers significant advantages such as increasing awareness, it also poses serious challenges, including misinformation. A balanced and mindful approach to social media use is essential to maximize its benefits while minimizing its disadvantages.