Some people believe that technological advancements have made our lives simpler and more convenient, while others argue that these developments have led to a loss of important life skills. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, technology is one of the essential parts of life. Some people think new technology makes life easier. Others worry they're making us forget important things.
On the one hand, technology has some great benefits. First, it's easier than ever to talk to friends far away with phones and social media. Things that used to take a long time are quick now because of machines and computers. For example, with online banking, people don't need to go to the bank anymore. Just a few clicks, their money is sorted. Moreover, the internet has tons of information that helps us learn and solve problems without much effort. Therefore, technology definitely makes life simpler and more convenient.
On the other hand, there are some drawbacks of technological advancements. First, People are forgetting how to do things on their own because we rely too much on technology. Basic things like doing math without a calculator, writing with a pen, or finding our way without GPS are becoming hard for some. When we let computers check our spelling and grammar, our writing skills get worse. Second, always getting what we want right away makes us less patient and not as good at solving problems. So, while technology is helpful, it's also making us forget important skills.
In conclusion, while technological advancements have made our lives better, these developments have led to a loss of important life skills.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Nowadays" is considered informal in academic writing. "Currently" is a more formal alternative that maintains the temporal reference.
"Some people think" -> "Some individuals believe"
Explanation: "Think" is less formal than "believe." "Individuals" is a more formal term compared to "people."
"new technology makes life easier" -> "modern technology facilitates daily life"
Explanation: "New technology" is somewhat vague and informal. "Modern technology" is more specific and formal. "Facilitates" is a formal synonym for "makes… easier."
"Others worry they’re making us forget important things." -> "Others express concerns regarding the potential for technological advancements to erode essential skills."
Explanation: The original sentence is informal and lacks specificity. The suggested alternative conveys the same idea in a more formal and precise manner.
"it’s easier than ever" -> "it is now easier than ever"
Explanation: Avoid contractions like "it’s" in academic writing. Expanding the contraction enhances formality.
"friends far away" -> "distant acquaintances"
Explanation: "Friends far away" is colloquial; "distant acquaintances" is more formal and precise.
"quick now" -> "rapid now"
Explanation: "Quick" is informal; "rapid" is a more formal synonym.
"things are quick now because of machines and computers" -> "processes have expedited due to the advent of machines and computers"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks formality and precision. The suggested alternative uses more formal language and conveys the idea more clearly.
"people don’t need to go to the bank anymore" -> "individuals are no longer required to visit physical banks"
Explanation: The suggested alternative is more formal and precise than the colloquial original phrase.
"Just a few clicks, their money is sorted." -> "With just a few clicks, their financial transactions are processed."
Explanation: The suggested alternative is more formal and provides a clearer description of the process.
"tons of information" -> "a plethora of information"
Explanation: "Tons" is informal; "a plethora" is more formal and precise.
"helps us learn and solve problems" -> "facilitates learning and problem-solving"
Explanation: The suggested alternative is more formal and concise.
"without much effort" -> "with minimal effort"
Explanation: "Without much effort" is colloquial; "with minimal effort" is more formal.
"there are some drawbacks of technological advancements" -> "there are certain disadvantages associated with technological progress"
Explanation: The suggested alternative is more formal and precise.
"People are forgetting how to do things on their own" -> "Individuals are increasingly losing proficiency in independent tasks"
Explanation: The suggested alternative is more formal and specific.
"we rely too much on technology" -> "we have become overly dependent on technology"
Explanation: "Rely too much" is informal; "become overly dependent" is more formal.
"Basic things like doing math without a calculator" -> "Fundamental tasks such as mental arithmetic"
Explanation: The suggested alternative is more formal and precise.
"writing with a pen" -> "manual writing with pen and paper"
Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a clearer description of the action.
"finding our way without GPS" -> "navigating without the aid of GPS technology"
Explanation: The suggested alternative is more formal and specific.
"When we let computers check our spelling and grammar" -> "When relying on computers for spelling and grammar checks"
Explanation: The suggested alternative is more concise and maintains formality.
"our writing skills get worse" -> "our writing proficiency deteriorates"
Explanation: "Get worse" is informal; "deteriorates" is more formal.
"always getting what we want right away" -> "instant gratification"
Explanation: The suggested alternative is a more concise and formal term for the concept.
"makes us less patient" -> "diminishes our patience"
Explanation: "Makes us less patient" is informal; "diminishes our patience" is more formal.
"not as good at solving problems" -> "less adept at problem-solving"
Explanation: The suggested alternative is more formal and precise.
"these developments have led to a loss of important life skills" -> "these advancements have resulted in the erosion of crucial life skills"
Explanation: The suggested alternative is more formal and specific.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument, acknowledging the benefits and drawbacks of technological advancements. It discusses how technology simplifies life and provides convenience while also highlighting concerns about the loss of essential life skills.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, ensure a more explicit acknowledgment of the two opposing views in the introduction. Develop each viewpoint with more depth and clarity, possibly by providing specific examples or statistics to support the arguments.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, asserting that while technology has benefits, it also leads to the erosion of important life skills. This position is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, explicitly state the author’s opinion in the introduction to guide the reader through the essay more effectively. Additionally, reinforce the position by providing stronger and more consistent reasoning throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, providing examples to illustrate both the advantages and disadvantages of technological advancements. However, some points could be further extended and supported with additional evidence or elaboration.
- How to improve: Strengthen the essay by expanding upon each idea with more detailed explanations, real-life examples, or relevant data. This will provide a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and strengthen the overall argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic by discussing the impact of technological advancements on simplifying life and the potential loss of essential skills. However, some minor tangential points, such as the mention of online banking, could be more directly linked to the main argument.
- How to improve: Maintain a tighter focus on the main argument throughout the essay by avoiding unnecessary tangents. Ensure that every example or point provided directly relates to either the benefits or drawbacks of technology as outlined in the essay prompt. This will help strengthen the coherence and relevance of the essay.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear stance, there is room for improvement in providing more comprehensive explanations, strengthening the position, extending ideas with additional support, and maintaining a tighter focus on the main argument. With these enhancements, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It follows a traditional essay structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion summarizing the arguments. Each paragraph focuses on either the benefits or drawbacks of technological advancements, providing clear separation of ideas. However, there is room for improvement in the coherence between sentences within paragraphs. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt, leading to a slightly disjointed flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical coherence, ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Consider using transitional phrases such as "furthermore," "however," or "on the other hand" to connect ideas seamlessly. Additionally, maintain consistency in the depth of analysis within each paragraph to avoid abrupt shifts in focus.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to structure the discussion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, facilitating readability and coherence. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development to fully explore the ideas presented.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Support this idea with relevant examples or evidence, and provide a concluding sentence that summarizes the paragraph’s key points. Consider whether any paragraphs could be subdivided to delve deeper into complex arguments and provide more nuanced analysis.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences. Examples include transitional phrases like "on the one hand" and "in conclusion," as well as pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned concepts. However, there is a tendency to rely on repetitive cohesive devices, which can hinder the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to maintain reader engagement and improve clarity. Incorporate a variety of transition words and phrases to indicate logical relationships between ideas, such as cause and effect, comparison, and contrast. Additionally, ensure pronouns and other referencing devices are used consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to avoid confusion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary by incorporating various terms related to technology and its impacts on daily life. Examples include "technological advancements," "social media," "online banking," "GPS," "spelling and grammar," and "problem-solving." These terms effectively convey the writer’s ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical richness of the essay, consider incorporating more precise and nuanced vocabulary related to the positive and negative aspects of technology. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "technology," the writer could employ synonyms such as "digital innovations," "technological breakthroughs," or "electronic advancements" to add depth to their discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For example, phrases like "technological advancements" and "social media" are used accurately to describe modern innovations. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "basic things" in the sentence "Basic things like doing math without a calculator…" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with a more specific term, such as "fundamental skills" or "elementary tasks," to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, carefully consider the context in which words are employed and aim to select terms that accurately capture the intended meanings. Additionally, incorporating domain-specific terminology related to technology and life skills can further enhance precision and depth in the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with minimal errors observed. However, there are a few instances where spelling errors detract from the overall coherence of the writing. For example, "they’re" is misspelled as "their" in the sentence "Others worry they’re making us forget important things." Additionally, "tonnes" should be spelled as "tons" in the phrase "the internet has tons of information."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider employing proofreading techniques such as spell-checking software or reading the essay aloud to identify and correct any errors. Additionally, developing a habit of reviewing written work meticulously before submission can help minimize spelling mistakes and improve the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. It employs varied sentence beginnings and lengths, enhancing readability and coherence. For instance, simple sentences like "Some people think new technology makes life easier" are balanced with complex sentences like "Basic things like doing math without a calculator, writing with a pen, or finding our way without GPS are becoming hard for some." However, there’s room for improvement in incorporating more complex syntactic structures such as conditional sentences, passive voice, and inversion for rhetorical effect.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and sophistication of sentence structures, consider integrating more complex grammatical constructions. For example, incorporating conditional sentences could add depth to your argument. Additionally, experiment with using passive voice constructions to vary sentence structures further. Furthermore, employing inversion for emphasis or stylistic variation can elevate the quality of your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances of minor grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies. For example, in the sentence "First, People are forgetting how to do things on their own because we rely too much on technology," the capitalization of "People" should be lowercase, and a comma after "First" would enhance clarity. Additionally, the phrase "When we let computers check our spelling and grammar, our writing skills get worse" could be improved by adding a comma after "grammar" for better rhythm and flow.
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation precision, proofread your writing carefully to catch and correct minor errors. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, capitalization, and punctuation rules. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify any overlooked mistakes. This proactive approach will help refine your writing and ensure greater accuracy in future compositions.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, technology plays a pivotal role in our daily lives. While some argue that modern technology facilitates daily life, others express concerns regarding the potential for technological advancements to erode essential skills.

On the positive side, it is now easier than ever to connect with distant acquaintances through phones and social media. Processes have expedited due to the advent of machines and computers, exemplified by the fact that individuals are no longer required to visit physical banks. With just a few clicks, their financial transactions are processed. Additionally, the internet provides a plethora of information that facilitates learning and problem-solving with minimal effort.

However, there are certain disadvantages associated with technological progress. Individuals are increasingly losing proficiency in independent tasks as we have become overly dependent on technology. Fundamental tasks such as mental arithmetic, manual writing with pen and paper, and navigating without the aid of GPS technology are gradually fading from our skill set. When relying on computers for spelling and grammar checks, our writing proficiency deteriorates. Moreover, the culture of instant gratification diminishes our patience, making us less adept at problem-solving.

In conclusion, while technological advancements have undoubtedly made our lives simpler and more convenient, these advancements have also resulted in the erosion of crucial life skills. It’s imperative that we strike a balance between leveraging technology for its benefits while ensuring that we maintain proficiency in essential tasks.