Some people believe that teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should on only those subjects that they find interesting. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

Some individuals are of the opinion that adolescents should be attentive in studying a comprehensive range of subjects since this can provide them with better insights regarding science and social knowledge. However, others are opposed to this belief, supposing that it would be much better to allow them to pursue any subjects that they find motivated. The following essay will delve into both views. From my own experience, it is most ideal to let young people hone themselves in a specific field but also make it a point that they are relatively well-equipped with general information.

Having a profound understanding of all areas provide teenagers with some significant long-term benefits, not only within their academic setting but also in social context. One of the most notable advantage is that young people will gain a sense of achievement when they are industrious and maintain outstanding academic performance in all subjects. Consequently, this can boost their self-esteem and instil in them a positive mindset, encouraging further interpersonal growth through studying and socializing with their peers. Moreover, this study practice can help adolescents develop skills which are beneficial for building their career path later on, with critical thinking, information analyzing and communication being the most notable one. For example, when studying math-centric subjects, the young are put into a scheme which shows how logical concepts function in everyday life. On the other hand, discovering about the founding history of a nation or how impactful and sophisticated a piece of literature is to the society can nurture positive qualifications like patriotism, responsibility and gratitude. among students.

Despite bringing about numerous advantages to the young generations, many argue that being excelled at all subjects may lead to a lot of teenagers being unable to pinpoint their personal strengths, which is of the most essential factors in choosing their majors upon college enrolling. Instead, they lean towards an education system promoting learning according to each individual’s preference. This system has been in operation in some countries for quite a while and is proven to be effective to a great extent. For instance, in Vietnam, specialized schools are established in each city and province across this nation, providing ambitious and aspiring middle schoolers to participate in entrance exams where they can pick a subject to specialize in the following three years. Despite having to cram a greater deal of information and take exams with higher level of difficulty, most of these students still manage to pull off distinctive academic results from other subjects. The implementation of this practice is meant for studious and passionate teenagers to broaden their horizons in fields they are interested in. However, they are still encouraged to maintain their overall results and are reminded about this by their parents and school superintendents.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that each of these suggestions poses both benefits and drawbacks because learning all subjects may elude students’ ability to realize their strengths while learning based on likings may lead to ignorance and unstable study results. From my perspective, it is best for the government to continue talent programs emphasizing on one particular skills to maximize students’ potential, but also to assure that they receive a well-rounded education where all subjects are being taught and taken seriously.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals are of the opinion" -> "Some individuals hold the view"
Explanation: "Hold the view" is a more formal and precise way to express that someone has an opinion, aligning better with academic style.
"supposing" -> "assuming"
Explanation: "Assuming" is more formal and academically appropriate than "supposing," which can sound slightly informal and less precise.
"it would be much better" -> "it would be preferable"
Explanation: "Preferable" is a more formal synonym for "better," enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"make it a point that" -> "ensure that"
Explanation: "Ensure that" is more direct and formal, fitting better in an academic context than the more conversational "make it a point that."
"Having a profound understanding of all areas" -> "Acquiring a comprehensive understanding of various subjects"
Explanation: "Acquiring a comprehensive understanding of various subjects" is more precise and formal, specifying the type of knowledge gained.
"not only within their academic setting but also in social context" -> "not only in academic settings but also in social contexts"
Explanation: "Settings" and "contexts" should be plural to match the plural subject "various subjects," enhancing grammatical accuracy and formality.
"One of the most notable advantage" -> "One of the most significant advantages"
Explanation: "Advantages" should be plural to match the plural subject, and "significant" is more formal than "notable."
"instil in them a positive mindset" -> "instill in them a positive mindset"
Explanation: "Instill" is the correct spelling, enhancing the formal tone of the essay.
"information analyzing" -> "information analysis"
Explanation: "Analysis" is the correct noun form, improving grammatical accuracy.
"put into a scheme which shows" -> "placed in a framework that demonstrates"
Explanation: "Placed in a framework that demonstrates" is more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"discovering about the founding history" -> "learning about the founding history"
Explanation: "Learning" is the correct verb form for the context, improving the sentence structure.
"nurture positive qualifications like patriotism, responsibility and gratitude. among students" -> "cultivate qualities such as patriotism, responsibility, and gratitude among students"
Explanation: "Cultivate" is more formal than "nurture," and "qualities" is more appropriate than "qualifications" in this context.
"being excelled at all subjects" -> "exceling in all subjects"
Explanation: "Excelling" is the correct gerund form, enhancing grammatical accuracy.
"lean towards an education system" -> "tend towards an educational system"
Explanation: "Tend towards" is more formal and precise than "lean towards," and "educational" is the correct adjective form.
"specialized schools are established" -> "specialized schools are set up"
Explanation: "Set up" is a more formal expression than "established" in this context, fitting the academic style better.
"pull off distinctive academic results" -> "achieve outstanding academic results"
Explanation: "Achieve" is more formal and academically appropriate than "pull off," which is colloquial.
"elude students’ ability" -> "impede students’ ability"
Explanation: "Impede" is more precise and formal than "elude," which is less commonly used in this context.
"ignorance and unstable study results" -> "ignorance and inconsistent academic performance"
Explanation: "Inconsistent academic performance" is a more formal and precise term than "unstable study results."
"talent programs emphasizing on one particular skills" -> "talent programs focusing on one particular skill"
Explanation: "Focusing" is more formal than "emphasizing," and "skill" should be singular to match the singular "one particular."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both views regarding whether teenagers should focus on all subjects equally or only on those they find interesting. The first part of the essay presents the argument for a comprehensive education, highlighting the long-term benefits of understanding various subjects. The second part discusses the opposing view, emphasizing the importance of allowing students to specialize in subjects they are passionate about. The essay concludes with the author’s opinion, which synthesizes both perspectives. This comprehensive approach demonstrates a strong understanding of the task.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the author could provide more specific examples or data to support the claims made about the benefits of studying all subjects. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the two views in the introduction could help set the stage for the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, particularly in the conclusion where the author expresses a balanced view that acknowledges the merits and drawbacks of both approaches. The phrase "I firmly believe" indicates a strong personal stance, which is consistent with the discussion presented in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the author could reiterate their opinion more explicitly in the body paragraphs, perhaps by summarizing how each viewpoint contributes to their overall perspective. This could help reinforce the author’s stance and make it more prominent.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas, such as the benefits of a well-rounded education and the importance of specialization. Each idea is supported with relevant examples, such as the mention of Vietnam’s specialized schools and the skills developed through studying various subjects. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration, particularly the examples provided.
- How to improve: The author should aim to extend their ideas with more detailed explanations or additional examples. For instance, when discussing the benefits of studying all subjects, the author could elaborate on how specific skills translate into real-world applications or career paths. This would provide a more robust support for their arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each paragraph contributing to the overall discussion of the two views on education for teenagers. The author does not deviate from the main question, ensuring that all content is relevant to the prompt.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, the author should ensure that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. This can be achieved by using linking phrases that clearly indicate how one idea relates to another, which will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task with a clear presentation of both views and a well-articulated personal opinion. To achieve an even higher band score, the author should focus on providing more detailed examples, reinforcing their position throughout the essay, and ensuring smooth transitions between ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The arguments are generally well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. For example, the first body paragraph effectively outlines the benefits of studying a wide range of subjects, while the second body paragraph discusses the advantages of specializing in subjects of interest. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, particularly when shifting from one argument to another. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of a broad education to the drawbacks of this approach could be more explicit to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the contrary" or "In contrast" can help guide the reader through the shifts in perspective more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph addressing a distinct point. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs explore different viewpoints. However, the conclusion could be more distinct and concise, as it currently blends summary with personal opinion, which may confuse the reader about the main takeaway.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion is clearly separated and succinctly summarizes the main points without introducing new ideas. Each paragraph should also begin with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that section, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "however," "moreover," and "despite," which contribute to the overall coherence of the text. These devices help connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Nonetheless, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "on the other hand" is used, but additional devices could enhance the flow and connection of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "furthermore," "in addition," or "conversely" can add variety. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to avoid redundancy and maintain clarity. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help improve their application in writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, but with some adjustments in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices, it could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "adolescents," "insights," "interpersonal growth," and "patriotism." These choices reflect an ability to articulate complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetition and less varied word choices, such as the repeated use of "subjects" and "students," which could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating a broader array of synonyms and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "subjects," you could use "disciplines," "fields of study," or "areas of knowledge." Additionally, varying the terms used to refer to "students" (e.g., "learners," "pupils," or "young individuals") would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "self-esteem," "critical thinking," and "information analyzing." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "the young" which is somewhat vague and could be more specifically defined as "young people" or "teenagers." The phrase "being excelled at all subjects" is also awkward; it would be clearer to say "excelling in all subjects."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. For example, instead of "being excelled at," use "excelling in" or "performing well in." Additionally, ensure that terms are used in their correct contexts; for instance, "discovering about" should be revised to "learning about" or "studying." This precision will enhance clarity and coherence.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors, such as "advantage" (should be "advantages") and "among" (should be capitalized as it follows a period). These errors do not significantly detract from the overall readability but indicate a need for careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a break and then review it with fresh eyes, focusing specifically on spelling and grammatical errors. Additionally, using tools like spell checkers or grammar checkers can help identify mistakes that may have been overlooked.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of lexical range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying word choices, ensuring precise vocabulary usage, and implementing effective proofreading strategies, the overall quality of the lexical resource can be further enhanced.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For example, complex sentences such as "Having a profound understanding of all areas provide teenagers with some significant long-term benefits…" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "if they find motivated," showcases an ability to express hypothetical situations. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the young are put into a scheme which shows how logical concepts function in everyday life," which could be rephrased for clarity and fluidity.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For instance, instead of starting sentences with the subject, try beginning with adverbial clauses or phrases to create a more engaging flow. Additionally, ensure that all phrases are idiomatic and clear; revising awkward constructions will enhance readability.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, though there are some notable errors. For instance, "one of the most notable advantage" should be "one of the most notable advantages" to ensure subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the phrase "which are beneficial for building their career path later on" could be more concisely expressed as "which are beneficial for their future careers." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are minor issues, such as the lack of a comma before "among students" in the sentence that ends with "responsibility and gratitude."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and pluralization. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing with exercises focused on common errors can be beneficial. For punctuation, consider reading the essay aloud to identify natural pauses that may require commas or other punctuation marks. This practice can help in recognizing where clarity is needed, ensuring that sentences are not only grammatically correct but also easy to read.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced discussion of the topic. By refining sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can elevate their writing to an even higher level.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals hold the view that adolescents should be attentive in studying a comprehensive range of subjects, as this can provide them with better insights regarding science and social knowledge. However, others are opposed to this belief, assuming that it would be preferable to allow them to pursue only those subjects that they find interesting. The following essay will delve into both views. From my own experience, it is most ideal to let young people hone their skills in a specific field while also ensuring that they are relatively well-equipped with general information.

Acquiring a comprehensive understanding of various subjects provides teenagers with significant long-term benefits, not only in academic settings but also in social contexts. One of the most notable advantages is that young people will gain a sense of achievement when they are industrious and maintain outstanding academic performance across all subjects. Consequently, this can boost their self-esteem and instill in them a positive mindset, encouraging further interpersonal growth through studying and socializing with their peers. Moreover, this study practice can help adolescents develop skills that are beneficial for building their career paths later on, with critical thinking, information analysis, and communication being the most notable. For example, when studying math-centric subjects, young people are placed in a framework that demonstrates how logical concepts function in everyday life. On the other hand, learning about the founding history of a nation or understanding how impactful and sophisticated a piece of literature is to society can cultivate qualities such as patriotism, responsibility, and gratitude among students.

Despite bringing about numerous advantages to young generations, many argue that excelling in all subjects may impede students’ ability to pinpoint their personal strengths, which is one of the most essential factors in choosing their majors upon college enrollment. Instead, they tend towards an educational system that promotes learning according to each individual’s preferences. This system has been in operation in some countries for quite a while and has proven to be effective to a great extent. For instance, in Vietnam, specialized schools are set up in each city and province, providing ambitious middle schoolers the opportunity to participate in entrance exams where they can select a subject to specialize in for the following three years. Despite having to cram a greater deal of information and take exams with a higher level of difficulty, most of these students still manage to achieve outstanding academic results in other subjects. The implementation of this practice is meant for studious and passionate teenagers to broaden their horizons in fields they are interested in. However, they are still encouraged to maintain their overall results, and this is reinforced by their parents and school superintendents.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that each of these suggestions poses both benefits and drawbacks. Learning all subjects may elude students’ ability to realize their strengths, while focusing solely on personal interests may lead to ignorance and inconsistent academic performance. From my perspective, it is best for the government to continue talent programs focusing on one particular skill to maximize students’ potential, while also ensuring that they receive a well-rounded education where all subjects are taught and taken seriously.