Some people believe that the only purpose of films is to entertain. But others say films should have educational value. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Opinions are divided on weather films should only serve entertainment purposes or they should also bring educational values. Although it is understandable why some people only see films as a form of entertainment I firmly believe that films could bring more to our socirty and carry additional educational messages as well.

First and foremost, it is undeniable that one purpose of films is entertainment. As an audience, people watch movies or go to the cinemas to enjoy and forget about their worries in the meantime. If a film is enjoyable, it could help the audience to feel relaxed and relieve their stress. From the film industry point of view, if movies could achieve their entertainment purpose, they would gain popularity, leading to commercial success. This would, in turn, make the film industry properous.

However, I believe that films having educational value is not mutually exclusive to them being entertaining. Movies can be both entertaining and educational at the same time. In fact, the ducational message, if implemented correctly, could add to a movie. The audience would enjoy such a movie a little more since they gain a bit more knowledge watching it. Moreover, if a popular film carries an educational message, that message would reach many more people., bringing benefits to our society. For example, the Oscar-winning film " 12 years of slaves" portraits the life of and African-Amerian man in an age when slavery still exist. It tells a history lesson about such time to many people.

In conclusion, I could understand why many people think films are only for entertainment, however, I strongly believe that films could also carry educational messages. Movies that bring educational values should be supported and widely received

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"weather" -> "whether"
Explanation: "Weather" refers to atmospheric conditions, while "whether" is used to introduce alternatives or possibilities, which is the intended meaning here.
"socirty" -> "society"
Explanation: "Socirty" is a misspelling of "society," which refers to the community of people living in a particular region and sharing customs, laws, etc.
"First and foremost" -> "Primarily"
Explanation: "First and foremost" is a more informal phrase. "Primarily" is a suitable alternative that maintains the formal tone of the essay.
"forget about their worries in the meantime" -> "temporarily escape their concerns"
Explanation: "Forget about their worries in the meantime" is colloquial. "Temporarily escape their concerns" is a more formal and precise expression.
"properous" -> "prosperous"
Explanation: "Properous" is a misspelling of "prosperous," which means successful or thriving, fitting for the context of commercial success in the film industry.
"ducational" -> "educational"
Explanation: "Ducational" is a typographical error. "Educational" is the correct spelling, denoting something relating to education.
"ducational" -> "educational"
Explanation: Same as above.
"the ducational message, if implemented correctly" -> "educational messages, if conveyed effectively"
Explanation: "Implemented" doesn’t fully convey the idea of communicating a message. "Conveyed effectively" better emphasizes the transmission of educational content to the audience.
"enjoy such a movie a little more since they gain a bit more knowledge watching it" -> "derive greater enjoyment from such films as they acquire additional knowledge"
Explanation: The original phrase is a bit informal. The suggested alternative maintains formality while expressing the idea more precisely.
"the Oscar-winning film " 12 years of slaves" portraits" -> "the Oscar-winning film ’12 Years a Slave’ portrays"
Explanation: Corrected the title formatting and verb tense for accuracy and consistency.
"portraits" -> "portrays"
Explanation: "Portraits" is a noun, while "portrays" is the appropriate verb here, meaning depicts or represents.
"of and African-Amerian man" -> "of an African-American man"
Explanation: Corrected the spelling of "African-American" and replaced "and" with "an" for grammatical accuracy.
"still exist" -> "still existed"
Explanation: Changed the verb tense to match the past tense of the narrative.
"many more people" -> "a larger audience"
Explanation: "Many more people" is slightly informal. "A larger audience" is a more formal and precise phrase.
"neccessary" -> "necessary"
Explanation: Corrected the spelling of "necessary," removing the extra "e."
"Movies that bring educational values should be supported and widely received" -> "Films that impart educational value deserve support and broad reception"
Explanation: Restructured the sentence for clarity and formality, replacing "bring educational values" with "impart educational value," and "widely received" with "broad reception."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives outlined in the prompt. It acknowledges the viewpoint that films are primarily for entertainment while also asserting the possibility and value of films having educational significance.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, the essay could delve deeper into the specific reasons why some individuals hold each viewpoint. Additionally, providing more concrete examples or scenarios illustrating both perspectives would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that films can serve both entertainment and educational purposes simultaneously. This stance is consistently articulated throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, ensure that the thesis statement explicitly states the position taken on the issue. Additionally, reinforce this position through more explicit language throughout the body paragraphs.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents the ideas reasonably well, offering examples to support the argument. However, some points lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the example of "12 Years a Slave" is relevant but could be explored in more detail to highlight its educational impact.
- How to improve: To extend ideas, provide more in-depth analysis and examples. Delve into why certain films are effective in conveying educational messages and how they impact audiences beyond mere entertainment.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the dual purpose of films as entertainment and education. However, there are instances where the focus wavers slightly, such as the brief discussion on the film industry’s commercial success.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point directly relates to the central argument regarding the role of films in entertainment and education. Minimize tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to the main thesis.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in providing more nuanced analysis, reinforcing the thesis throughout, and staying closely aligned with the topic. Strengthening these aspects would elevate the essay’s clarity and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a logical organization, with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction presents the two opposing views effectively, and the body paragraphs discuss each viewpoint coherently. However, there are instances where the flow could be smoother. For example, the transition between discussing the entertainment value of films and the educational value could be more seamless.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transition words or phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. Additionally, ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea to avoid confusion for the reader.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, such as the purpose of films or the potential educational value. However, there are minor issues with paragraph structure, such as the second paragraph being overly long and covering multiple points.
- How to improve: Break down longer paragraphs into smaller, more focused paragraphs, each addressing a single idea. This will improve readability and help maintain the coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "First and foremost" and "In conclusion." However, there is a lack of variety in cohesive devices, with limited use of pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional words throughout the essay.
- How to improve: Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices to improve coherence. Use pronouns (e.g., "this," "these") to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, and utilize a variety of transition words (e.g., "furthermore," "however," "moreover") to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. This will help to create a smoother flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, utilizing words such as "entertainment," "educational values," "prosperous," "mutually exclusive," "implemented," and "portrays." These terms cover the essential concepts of the prompt adequately.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more diverse synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "entertainment," explore alternatives like "amusement," "diversion," or "enjoyment." Additionally, introducing specialized vocabulary related to film genres or educational methodologies can enrich the essay’s lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision. For instance, phrases like "entertainment purposes," "educational message," and "commercial success" convey clear meanings within the context of the essay.
- How to improve: Pay closer attention to the precise usage of vocabulary to avoid ambiguity or unintended connotations. For example, in the sentence "Movies can be both entertaining and educational at the same time," "entertaining" and "educational" could be further clarified or specified to provide a more nuanced understanding of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "weather" instead of "whether," "socirty" instead of "society," "ducational" instead of "educational," "properous" instead of "prosperous," "Amerian" instead of "American," and missing spaces in "years of slaves."
- How to improve: Proofread the essay carefully to identify and correct spelling errors before submission. Utilizing spell-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help improve spelling accuracy. Additionally, practicing spelling through targeted exercises or vocabulary drills can reinforce correct spelling patterns.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency towards simpler structures, and some sentences lack complexity, which could enhance the essay’s flow and coherence. For instance, there’s a repetitive use of introductory phrases like "First and foremost" and "Moreover," which, while effective in organizing ideas, could be diversified for greater impact.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence patterns, such as conditional sentences, parallelism, and subordinate clauses. Additionally, vary the placement of phrases and clauses within sentences to avoid monotony. This could involve using introductory phrases less frequently and exploring alternative ways to transition between ideas, such as through the use of transitional adverbs or conjunctions.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation, but there are several instances of errors throughout the text. For example, "weather" should be "whether," "socirty" should be "society," "ducatiional" should be "educational," "properous" should be "prosperous," "ducational" should be "educational," and "portraits" should be "portrays." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases and in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, proofread the essay carefully to identify and correct errors in spelling, verb conjugation, and word usage. Pay particular attention to commonly confused words, such as "whether" vs. "weather" and "society" vs. "socirty." Additionally, review punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas with introductory phrases and coordinating conjunctions in compound sentences. Practicing sentence structure and grammar exercises can also help reinforce these skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and utilizes a variety of sentence structures, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence patterns and enhancing grammatical accuracy to achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are divided on whether films should solely serve as entertainment or if they should also convey educational values. While it is understandable why some people perceive films solely as a source of entertainment, I firmly believe that films can offer more to our society by incorporating additional educational messages as well.

Primarily, it is undeniable that one purpose of films is entertainment. As audience members, people watch movies or visit cinemas to enjoy themselves and temporarily escape their concerns. If a film is enjoyable, it can help the audience relax and relieve stress. From the perspective of the film industry, if movies can fulfill their entertainment purpose, they are likely to gain popularity, leading to commercial success. This, in turn, can contribute to the prosperity of the film industry.

However, I believe that films with educational value are not mutually exclusive to being entertaining. Movies can be both entertaining and educational simultaneously. In fact, educational messages, if conveyed effectively, can enhance a movie. The audience may derive greater enjoyment from such films as they acquire additional knowledge while watching. Moreover, if a popular film portrays an educational message, it can reach a larger audience, thereby benefiting our society. For example, the Oscar-winning film “12 Years a Slave” depicts the life of an African-American man during a time when slavery still existed. It serves as a historical lesson to many viewers.

In conclusion, while I understand why many people view films as solely for entertainment, I strongly believe that films can also convey educational messages. Films that impart educational value deserve support and broad reception.