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Some people believe that university students should pay all the cost of studies because university education only benefits students themselves, not the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree to disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Some people believe that university students should pay all the cost of studies because university education only benefits students themselves, not the society as a whole.

To what extent do you agree to disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

Many individuals argue that students should bear the tuition fees of their university education as it is more beneficial than society. Personally, I completely disagree with this view. In this essay, I will present several reasons and examples to illustrate my points.
There are two main reasons why less well-off individuals should be state-sponsored. One reason is that some families from disadvantaged background are not able to pay the tuition fees for their offspring. Indeed, students have to study and work to make money at the same time in order to ensure they can attend classes. Moreover, if students dedicate more time to earn money, they could not have enough time and concentrate on studying, which will reduce the productivity of studying. Therefore, subsidizing tuition fees by the government can encourage students from disadvantaged background to have a chance to participate in further education that there will be more talented people to help society.
In addition, it is undeniable that further education plays an important part in society. Certainly, a well-educated population may result in innovation, technological advancement and economic development. For instance, medical students will be able to help many people in society or teachers can transfer their knowledge to students and nurture future generations for social developments.
In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I strongly believe that students should be subsidized for college tuition since university education brings many benefits to society.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Many individuals argue" -> "Many scholars argue"
    Explanation: Replacing "individuals" with "scholars" enhances the academic tone by specifying the group of people involved in the discussion, which is more precise and relevant to the context of an academic debate.

  2. "bear the tuition fees" -> "bear the financial burden of tuition fees"
    Explanation: Adding "financial burden" clarifies the nature of the responsibility being discussed, making the phrase more specific and formal.

  3. "it is more beneficial than society" -> "it is more beneficial to society"
    Explanation: The phrase "more beneficial than society" is awkward and unclear. "More beneficial to society" corrects this by specifying the direction of the benefit, which is clearer and more appropriate for academic writing.

  4. "Personally, I completely disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
    Explanation: "Personally" is somewhat informal and can be omitted in academic writing. "Strongly" is a more formal and succinct alternative that maintains the intensity of the disagreement.

  5. "less well-off individuals" -> "individuals from lower socioeconomic backgrounds"
    Explanation: "Less well-off individuals" is vague and informal. "Individuals from lower socioeconomic backgrounds" is more precise and formal, aligning better with academic standards.

  6. "not able to pay the tuition fees for their offspring" -> "unable to afford tuition fees for their children"
    Explanation: "Offspring" is less commonly used in formal writing and can be replaced with "children" for clarity and formality. "Unable to afford" is a more precise term than "not able to pay."

  7. "study and work to make money at the same time" -> "balance their studies with part-time employment"
    Explanation: "Study and work to make money at the same time" is informal and verbose. "Balance their studies with part-time employment" is more concise and academically appropriate.

  8. "dedicate more time to earn money" -> "allocate more time to earning income"
    Explanation: "Dedicate" and "earn money" are somewhat informal and vague. "Allocate" and "earning income" are more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.

  9. "reduce the productivity of studying" -> "impede academic productivity"
    Explanation: "Reduce the productivity of studying" is awkward and unclear. "Impede academic productivity" is a more precise and formal expression that clearly conveys the impact on academic performance.

  10. "subsidizing tuition fees by the government" -> "government subsidies for tuition fees"
    Explanation: "Subsidizing tuition fees by the government" is a bit clumsy and informal. "Government subsidies for tuition fees" is more direct and formal, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.

  11. "there will be more talented people to help society" -> "there will be more talented individuals contributing to society"
    Explanation: "Talented people to help society" is informal and vague. "Talented individuals contributing to society" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.

  12. "a well-educated population may result in innovation, technological advancement and economic development" -> "a well-educated population can lead to innovation, technological advancements, and economic development"
    Explanation: "May result in" is less assertive and less formal than "can lead to," which is more definitive and suitable for academic writing. Also, "technological advancement" should be pluralized to "technological advancements" for grammatical correctness.

  13. "help many people in society" -> "assist numerous individuals in society"
    Explanation: "Help many people" is informal and vague. "Assist numerous individuals" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

  14. "nurture future generations for social developments" -> "nurture future generations for societal development"
    Explanation: "Social developments" is somewhat vague and informal. "Societal development" is more specific and formal, aligning with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that university students should pay all their tuition fees. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement, which is a critical part of the task. The response lacks a nuanced discussion about the benefits of university education to society, which could have strengthened the argument. The essay mentions that university education benefits society but does not elaborate on this point sufficiently.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should explicitly state their position regarding the extent of their agreement or disagreement. This could involve discussing both sides of the argument briefly before clearly stating their stance. Additionally, providing more examples or evidence of how university education benefits society would enhance the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear position against the idea that students should pay for their education, asserting that it is more beneficial for society. However, the position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The introduction and conclusion clearly express disagreement, but the body paragraphs could better connect back to this central thesis, especially when discussing the societal benefits of education.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph ties back to the main argument. This can be achieved by using topic sentences that reflect the thesis and by summarizing how each point contributes to the overall stance in the conclusion.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the challenges faced by disadvantaged students and the societal benefits of a well-educated population. However, these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported. For instance, while the essay mentions that subsidizing tuition can help talented individuals contribute to society, it does not provide specific examples or data to support this claim. Additionally, the argument about the societal benefits of education is introduced but not fully developed.
    • How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should include specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes that illustrate their points. For instance, discussing a real-world example of a government program that subsidizes education and its positive outcomes could strengthen the argument. Each point should be developed with clear reasoning and evidence.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the issue of tuition fees and the benefits of education. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the mention of students needing to work while studying could be tied more directly to the argument about why tuition should be subsidized, rather than presented as a standalone point.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the central argument. This can be achieved by linking each idea back to the main thesis and ensuring that all examples and explanations are relevant to the discussion of tuition fees and their implications for both students and society.

Overall, to improve the score for Task Response, the writer should aim to provide a more balanced exploration of the topic, clearly articulate their position, support their ideas with relevant examples, and maintain a strong focus on the prompt throughout the essay. Additionally, addressing the word count requirement is crucial, as being under the word limit can negatively impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is organized in a logical manner, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that present distinct arguments, and a concise conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance and sets the stage for the discussion. Each body paragraph addresses a specific reason supporting the argument against the idea that students should pay for their education. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the financial challenges faced by disadvantaged students, while the second highlights the societal benefits of a well-educated population. This clear structure aids the reader in following the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between ideas within paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the financial burden in the first paragraph, a transitional phrase like "Furthermore" or "Additionally" could help connect to the next point about societal benefits more smoothly. This would reinforce the logical progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which contributes to clarity. Each paragraph has a clear focus, and the writer maintains a consistent theme within each section. The first paragraph addresses the financial struggles of students, while the second discusses the broader societal implications of education. However, the first body paragraph could be further divided to enhance readability and focus on each point more distinctly.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking the first body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the financial struggles of disadvantaged students and the other on the implications of these struggles on their educational outcomes. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve clarity.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Indeed," "Moreover," and "Certainly," which help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. These devices effectively signal the relationship between sentences and ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied expressions that indicate contrast or addition, which would enhance the overall cohesion.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate phrases such as "On the other hand," when presenting counterarguments or "In addition to this," when adding further support to an argument. This variety will not only improve the essay’s cohesion but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a coherent argument. By refining the organization of paragraphs and expanding the range of cohesive devices, the writer can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on some common phrases and expressions. For example, terms like "tuition fees," "disadvantaged background," and "well-educated population" are used appropriately, but the overall vocabulary could be more varied. Phrases such as "help society" and "transfer their knowledge" are somewhat repetitive and lack sophistication.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "help society," alternatives like "contribute to societal welfare" or "enhance community well-being" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "financially disadvantaged families" instead of "less well-off individuals" could add variety.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "students should bear the tuition fees" could be more clearly expressed as "students should be responsible for covering their tuition fees." Additionally, the term "subsidizing tuition fees" is somewhat vague; it could be specified as "government subsidies for tuition fees" to clarify the subject.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that clearly conveys the intended meaning. For example, instead of saying "students dedicate more time to earn money," a more precise phrasing would be "students who allocate significant time to part-time jobs." This not only clarifies the meaning but also enhances the overall quality of the writing.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "disadvantaged background," which should be "disadvantaged backgrounds" for grammatical consistency. Additionally, the phrase "could not have enough time and concentrate on studying" should be revised to "could not have enough time to concentrate on studying."
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling and grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or grammar checking software can help identify errors. Furthermore, reading the essay aloud can assist in catching awkward phrasing or grammatical inconsistencies that might be overlooked during silent reading.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and careful proofreading can elevate the lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "if students dedicate more time to earn money, they could not have enough time and concentrate on studying." This shows an ability to connect ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "one reason is" or "in addition," which can make the writing feel formulaic.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use different conjunctions or transition phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "one reason is," the writer could start with "Another factor to consider is…" or "Additionally, it is important to note that…". This would not only diversify the sentence structure but also improve the overall flow of the essay.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "disadvantaged background" should be "disadvantaged backgrounds" to ensure grammatical agreement. Additionally, the sentence "they could not have enough time and concentrate on studying" lacks parallel structure; it would be clearer as "they could not have enough time to concentrate on studying." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are a few instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "which will reduce the productivity of studying."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and ensure parallel structure in sentences. A careful proofreading process can help catch these errors. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For example, revising sentences to include necessary commas can help separate clauses and improve the overall readability of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical details will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals argue that students should bear the tuition fees of their university education as it is more beneficial to themselves than to society. Personally, I completely disagree with this view. In this essay, I will present several reasons and examples to illustrate my points.

There are two main reasons why individuals from lower socioeconomic backgrounds should be state-sponsored. One reason is that some families from disadvantaged backgrounds are unable to pay the tuition fees for their children. Indeed, students have to study and work to earn money at the same time in order to ensure they can attend classes. Moreover, if students dedicate more time to earning income, they may not have enough time to concentrate on their studies, which will reduce their academic productivity. Therefore, government subsidies for tuition fees can encourage students from disadvantaged backgrounds to have a chance to participate in further education, leading to more talented individuals contributing to society.

In addition, it is undeniable that further education plays an important role in society. Certainly, a well-educated population can lead to innovation, technological advancements, and economic development. For instance, medical students will be able to assist numerous individuals in society, or teachers can transfer their knowledge to students and nurture future generations for societal development.

In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I strongly believe that students should be subsidized for college tuition since university education brings many benefits to society.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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