Some people believe that we cannot learn anything from the past for our life today, while others believe that history is a valuable source of information to understand human’s life. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Some people believe that we cannot learn anything from the past for our life today, while others believe that history is a valuable source of information to understand human's life.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
While a particular number of people hold the belief that we are unable to learn anything from the past for the sake of life today, others think a large number of priceless information is taken from history to comprehend our life. I completely agree with the idea that interpreting the history means having more knowledge of human beings.
Firstly, it is undeniable that the past was the only existing evidence of our former generations and ancestors, so we could possibly figure out mysteries that are still questionable. For instance, human's origins is remaining one of the biggest query throughout the world, which only can be resolved by finding for proof whether if we are descandents of primal money or not. While the hypothetical controversies still remain, the only way we could shed light on human's origins is only through the history.
In addition, it is commonly belived by researchers that studying the past could probably predict the tendancy of development and behaviors of human in the future. To illustrate this, the second world war was previously foretold after the first world war owing to the greed in human which is clearly the cause for many wars according to history.
Furthurmore, history is still a obligatory subject for every students to learn due to the importance of knowing about noticeable events, so pupils are more likely to appriciate what they have now compared to the past, and eventually forming a good attidude towards the current circumstance.
In conclusion, history is not only an irreplaceable source of knowledge to fathom human beings in the past, but also a tool to help solve sophisticated problems in the contemporary era. Were it not researchs into the past, we would not have the comprehension of the human today.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"a particular number of people" -> "a significant number of individuals"
Explanation: "A particular number of people" is vague and informal. "A significant number of individuals" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence. -
"unable to learn anything" -> "incapable of learning anything"
Explanation: "Unable to learn anything" is somewhat informal and slightly vague. "Incapable of learning anything" is more formal and precise, fitting better in an academic context. -
"a large number of priceless information" -> "a significant amount of invaluable information"
Explanation: "A large number of priceless information" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "A significant amount of invaluable information" corrects the grammar and uses more precise adjectives suitable for formal writing. -
"interpreting the history" -> "interpreting historical events"
Explanation: "Interpreting the history" is vague and informal. "Interpreting historical events" specifies what is being interpreted, enhancing clarity and formality. -
"human’s origins is remaining" -> "human origins remain"
Explanation: "Human’s origins is remaining" is grammatically incorrect. "Human origins remain" corrects the verb agreement and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality. -
"finding for proof" -> "seeking evidence"
Explanation: "Finding for proof" is awkward and informal. "Seeking evidence" is more precise and academically appropriate. -
"descandents of primal money" -> "descendants of ancient civilizations"
Explanation: "Descandents of primal money" is incorrect and unclear. "Descendants of ancient civilizations" corrects the spelling and provides a clear, historically accurate context. -
"the hypothetical controversies still remain" -> "the ongoing debates continue"
Explanation: "The hypothetical controversies still remain" is awkward and unclear. "The ongoing debates continue" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing. -
"tendancy of development" -> "tendency of development"
Explanation: "Tendancy" is a misspelling. Correcting it to "tendency" fixes the error and maintains the formal tone. -
"the second world war was previously foretold" -> "the Second World War was predicted"
Explanation: "Was previously foretold" is verbose and less formal. "Was predicted" is concise and maintains the formal tone. -
"owing to the greed in human" -> "due to human greed"
Explanation: "Owing to the greed in human" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Due to human greed" corrects the grammar and enhances clarity. -
"Furthurmore" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Furthurmore" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "Furthermore" maintains professionalism and accuracy. -
"obligatory subject" -> "compulsory subject"
Explanation: "Obligatory" is less common in this context; "compulsory" is more direct and widely accepted in academic writing. -
"appreciate what they have now" -> "appreciate the advancements they have made"
Explanation: "Appreciate what they have now" is vague and informal. "Appreciate the advancements they have made" specifies what is being appreciated, enhancing clarity and formality. -
"forming a good attidude" -> "developing a positive attitude"
Explanation: "Forming a good attidude" contains a typographical error and is informal. "Developing a positive attitude" corrects the spelling and uses more formal language. -
"Were it not researchs into the past" -> "Were it not for research into the past"
Explanation: "Researchs" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "research" fixes the spelling, and "Were it not for research into the past" is grammatically correct and formal.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views presented in the prompt. The first paragraph acknowledges the belief that we cannot learn from the past, while the second paragraph supports the opposing view that history provides valuable insights into human life. The author’s opinion is clearly stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion, which strengthens the response. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion of the opposing view, as it primarily focuses on supporting the idea that history is valuable without adequately exploring the reasons behind the belief that it is not.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should dedicate a paragraph to discussing the reasons why some people believe that learning from the past is not beneficial. This could involve mentioning arguments such as the idea that history can be misinterpreted or that it may not be relevant to contemporary issues.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently advocating for the importance of learning from history. The author expresses agreement with the notion that history is a valuable source of knowledge. However, the transition between discussing both views and the author’s stance could be smoother, as the initial acknowledgment of the opposing view feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, the writer should use transitional phrases when moving from discussing the opposing view to presenting their own opinion. This could involve phrases like "Despite this perspective, I believe…" to create a more fluid argument.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the value of history, such as its role in understanding human origins and predicting future behaviors. The examples provided, such as the reference to the World Wars, effectively illustrate the points made. However, some ideas could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the discussion on human origins is somewhat vague and could benefit from additional context or examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points with more detailed examples or explanations. For instance, providing specific historical events or figures that illustrate the lessons learned from the past would enhance the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the discussion of history’s relevance to contemporary life. However, there are moments where the language becomes unclear or slightly off-topic, such as the phrase "the only way we could shed light on human’s origins is only through the history," which could be more precise.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all statements directly relate to the central argument. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and coherence can help eliminate any ambiguous phrases that may distract from the main points.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some adjustments to balance the discussion of opposing views, enhance the development of ideas, and improve clarity, the essay could achieve an even higher score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of the value of history, with each paragraph addressing a distinct point that supports this view. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the conclusion summarizes the main argument well. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the origins of humans to predicting future behaviors is somewhat abrupt and lacks a clear connective thread.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly relate back to the thesis. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," or "On the other hand" could be employed to guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. For example, the first paragraph is longer and more detailed than the third, which feels somewhat underdeveloped.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, the writer should aim for a more uniform length and depth of analysis across paragraphs. Each point made should be elaborated with specific examples or explanations. For instance, expanding the third paragraph with more detail about the importance of history in education could provide a more robust argument.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "In addition," and "Furthermore," which help to connect ideas within the text. However, there are instances where cohesion could be enhanced. For example, the phrase "the only way we could shed light on human’s origins is only through the history" is repetitive and could be streamlined for clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "Moreover," "Consequently," or "As a result" can help to create more varied connections between ideas. Additionally, the writer should avoid redundancy by rephrasing sentences to eliminate repetitive language, thereby improving clarity and fluidity.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on enhancing logical flow, balancing paragraph development, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate the essay’s coherence and cohesion further.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "priceless information," "comprehend our life," and "irreplaceable source of knowledge." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the term "history" is used frequently without sufficient synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "history," alternatives like "the past," "historical events," or "historical context" could be employed. Additionally, varying sentence structures can help to showcase a broader vocabulary.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "human’s origins is remaining one of the biggest query" where "query" should be pluralized to "queries," and "descandents of primal money" which is unclear and likely intended to refer to "descendants of primitive humans." These inaccuracies can lead to confusion and detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For instance, instead of "primal money," a more appropriate phrase could be "early humans" or "primitive ancestors." Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will also help in using vocabulary more precisely.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "descandents" (should be "descendants"), "belived" (should be "believed"), "tendancy" (should be "tendency"), "Furthurmore" (should be "Furthermore"), "obligatory" (should be "obligatory"), "appreciate" (should be "appreciate"), and "attidute" (should be "attitude"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools, and should proofread their work carefully before submission. Additionally, creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can help reinforce correct spelling in future essays.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary usage, there are significant areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can elevate their lexical resource score in future IELTS essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use various sentence structures, including complex sentences like "While a particular number of people hold the belief that we are unable to learn anything from the past for the sake of life today, others think a large number of priceless information is taken from history to comprehend our life." However, there are instances where the sentence structures are overly convoluted or awkward, which can hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "the only way we could shed light on human’s origins is only through the history" could be simplified for better readability. Additionally, the use of conditional structures is limited, which could enhance the variety of sentence forms.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more conditional sentences, relative clauses, and varying the length of sentences. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "it is," try starting sentences with different subjects or introductory phrases. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help in creating more complex and varied structures.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity and professionalism. For example, "human’s origins is remaining one of the biggest query" should be "human origins remain one of the biggest queries." The misuse of "whether if" is incorrect; it should simply be "whether." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. The phrase "the only way we could shed light on human’s origins is only through the history" is awkwardly phrased and contains redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to review subject-verb agreement, pluralization, and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can be beneficial. For punctuation, reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where pauses (commas) are needed. Additionally, consider using grammar-checking tools to catch mistakes before finalizing the essay.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and attempts to use a variety of structures, improvements in grammatical accuracy and sentence variety are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on these areas will enhance clarity and coherence in writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
While a significant number of individuals hold the belief that we are unable to learn anything from the past for the sake of life today, others think a large amount of invaluable information is taken from history to comprehend our lives. I completely agree with the idea that interpreting history means gaining more knowledge of human beings.
Firstly, it is undeniable that the past is the only existing evidence of our former generations and ancestors, so we could possibly figure out mysteries that are still questionable. For instance, human origins remain one of the biggest queries throughout the world, which can only be resolved by seeking evidence to determine whether we are descendants of ancient civilizations or not. While the hypothetical controversies still exist, the only way we could shed light on human origins is through history.
In addition, it is commonly believed by researchers that studying the past could probably predict the tendency of development and behaviors of humans in the future. To illustrate this, the Second World War was predicted after the First World War due to human greed, which is clearly the cause of many wars according to history.
Furthermore, history is still a compulsory subject for every student to learn due to the importance of knowing about significant events, so pupils are more likely to appreciate what they have now compared to the past, and eventually develop a positive attitude towards the current circumstances.
In conclusion, history is not only an irreplaceable source of knowledge to understand human beings in the past, but also a tool to help solve sophisticated problems in the contemporary era. Were it not for research into the past, we would not have the comprehension of humanity today.
