some people believe what children watch on tv influences their behaviour. some say it is the amount of time watching television that influences their behaviour . discuss both view and give ur opinion.

Opinions are divergent regarding whether content and duration are injurious or beneficial on children. This essay will discuss both views on this topic.

On the one hand, with the advancement of TV technology, children are influenced by content that television provides. First, children often mimic attention-grabbing things such as actions or jokes that appear on TV. This is because they are naturally inclined to parrot behaviors they find engaging or entertaining. For instance, catchphrases, jingles or even display violence are parroted by children as it is easily attracted. In addition, content on TV possibly contributes to emotional development and belief systems for preteen audiences since exposure is likely to impart children’s minds. Children usually spend more time on watching TV per day so content on TV contributes to developing their thought. A perfect example is that when children watch Superman, they can learn numerous knowledge and skills that involve teamwork and altruism; meanwhile, if children tend to watch violent obscene, they will be aggressive behaviors leading to facing troubles in society.

On the other hand, TV viewing time affects on children’s behaviors and brings a host of disadvantages. Firstly, spending more time watching TV creates a sedentary lifestyle for children because they often have a certain position to watch. Consequently, if children spend all their spare time on TV, they will face problems that involve physical health and psychology such as obesity and short-sightedness. Furthermore, the duration of screen time on TV disrupts sleep patterns, such as skipping naps and sleeping late due to spending too much time on TV. This actions also influence on cognitive function and brain development leading to the deterioration of performance progress.

In summary, while contents on television are not without certain disadvantages for children’s behaviour, I would contend that the given downsides of duration of watching television are more glaring.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Opinions are divergent" -> "Opinions are diverse"
Explanation: "Diverse" is a more precise term in academic writing, emphasizing the variety of viewpoints without the connotation of disagreement implied by "divergent."
"injurious or beneficial" -> "harmful or beneficial"
Explanation: "Harmful" is a more direct and academically appropriate term than "injurious," which can be less commonly used in this context.
"with the advancement of TV technology" -> "with advancements in television technology"
Explanation: "Advancements" is a more formal and precise term than "advancement," and specifying "television technology" clarifies the subject.
"children are influenced by content that television provides" -> "children are influenced by the content provided by television"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "content" and rephrasing the sentence structure improves clarity and formality.
"often mimic attention-grabbing things" -> "often mimic attention-grabbing elements"
Explanation: "Elements" is a more specific and formal term than "things," which is vague and informal.
"as it is easily attracted" -> "as they are easily attracted"
Explanation: Corrects the pronoun reference to "they" to match the subject "children."
"content on TV possibly contributes to" -> "content on television may contribute to"
Explanation: "May" is more appropriate than "possibly" in academic writing, and "television" is preferred over "TV" for formality.
"children’s minds" -> "children’s minds"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive form to "children’s" for grammatical accuracy.
"spend more time on watching TV" -> "spend more time watching television"
Explanation: "Watching television" is a more formal and grammatically correct phrase than "watching TV."
"a host of disadvantages" -> "a range of disadvantages"
Explanation: "Range" is a more precise and formal term than "host," which can be seen as colloquial.
"spending more time watching TV creates a sedentary lifestyle" -> "excessive TV viewing leads to a sedentary lifestyle"
Explanation: "Excessive TV viewing" is a more precise and formal way to describe the issue, and "leads to" is more direct than "creates."
"they will face problems that involve physical health and psychology" -> "they may encounter issues related to physical health and psychology"
Explanation: "May encounter issues" is more tentative and academically appropriate than "will face problems," which is too definitive.
"This actions" -> "These actions"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive pronoun "This" to "These" to agree with the plural noun "actions."
"influence on cognitive function and brain development" -> "influence on cognitive functions and brain development"
Explanation: "Functions" should be plural to match the generalization implied by "functions."
"the deterioration of performance progress" -> "deterioration in academic performance"
Explanation: "Academic performance" is a more specific and formal term than "performance progress," which is vague and less precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the influence of television on children, discussing the impact of content in the first body paragraph and the effect of viewing time in the second. The introduction clearly states that both perspectives will be discussed, which is a strong point. However, the conclusion could be more explicit in summarizing both sides before stating the writer’s opinion, which could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure that the conclusion succinctly reflects both viewpoints before stating their opinion. This could involve a brief recap of the main arguments presented for each side, reinforcing the discussion’s balance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in the conclusion, stating that the disadvantages of excessive viewing time are more significant. However, the argument could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, while the first paragraph discusses the positive aspects of content, it does not sufficiently connect these points back to the overall argument about the influence of television.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should link back to their opinion more explicitly in each paragraph. For example, after discussing the positive aspects of content, they could mention how these benefits might be overshadowed by the negative effects of excessive viewing time.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding both the content and duration of television viewing. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, while it mentions that children can learn teamwork and altruism from shows like Superman, it does not elaborate on how this learning occurs or provide a specific example of a scene that illustrates this.
- How to improve: To enhance the development and support of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, they could describe a specific episode of a show that teaches teamwork or provide statistics on the impact of screen time on children’s health to strengthen their arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the influence of television on children’s behavior. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, particularly in the first body paragraph, where the mention of "emotional development and belief systems" feels somewhat vague and could be better tied to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the influence of television on behavior. Avoiding vague statements and instead providing concrete examples or definitions would help keep the discussion relevant and precise.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced discussion, improvements in clarity, depth of argumentation, and focus on the question will enhance the overall effectiveness and coherence of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two views regarding the influence of television on children. Each viewpoint is discussed in separate paragraphs, which aids in logical organization. However, the transition between discussing the influence of content and the impact of viewing time could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" effectively signals a shift, but the connection between the two arguments could be more explicitly stated to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that not only indicate a shift but also clarify the relationship between the two viewpoints. For example, you could introduce the second viewpoint by referencing the first, such as, "While the content of television plays a significant role in shaping behavior, the amount of time spent watching it can also have profound effects."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the first paragraph discussing content could start with a stronger statement about how specific types of content influence behavior.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to clearly outline the main idea. For instance, instead of starting with "On the one hand," you could say, "The content children consume on television significantly influences their behavior." This approach will provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "in addition," and "on the other hand," which help in linking ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "This actions also influence on cognitive function" lacks a clear connection to the previous sentence, making the transition feel abrupt.
- How to improve: Diversify the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Incorporate more linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," and "consequently," to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used correctly; for example, "This action" should be corrected to "These actions" to maintain grammatical accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement, particularly in enhancing logical flow, strengthening paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices. By addressing these aspects, the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay can be significantly improved.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "injurious," "emotional development," and "sedentary lifestyle." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "watching TV" and "children." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the essay’s lexical richness. For example, instead of repeatedly stating "watching TV," alternatives such as "viewing television" or "television consumption" could be employed.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related phrases to avoid redundancy. Reading more widely and noting varied expressions can help in expanding vocabulary. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also aid in developing a broader vocabulary range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "parroted by children as it is easily attracted," where "attracted" is not the correct term. The phrase could be more accurately expressed as "because they are easily drawn to it." Additionally, the phrase "numerous knowledge and skills" is incorrect; it should be "a wealth of knowledge and skills." Such inaccuracies can lead to confusion about the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on understanding the nuances of word meanings and their correct contexts. Engaging with vocabulary exercises that emphasize collocations and context usage can be beneficial. Furthermore, revising sentences for clarity and correctness before finalizing the essay can help catch imprecise language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "obscene" (which should be "obscene") and "psychology" (which should be "psychological"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers. Additionally, "this actions" should be corrected to "these actions" to maintain grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should incorporate regular spelling practice into their study routine. Utilizing tools like spell checkers during the writing process can help identify errors. Additionally, creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can be an effective strategy to improve spelling skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on expanding vocabulary, improving precision in word choice, and ensuring correct spelling will significantly enhance the quality of the writing and potentially raise the band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and varied sentence beginnings. For instance, the use of introductory phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively organizes the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way clauses are combined. For example, the phrase "children are influenced by content that television provides" could be rephrased to enhance variety. Additionally, the sentence "Children usually spend more time on watching TV per day so content on TV contributes to developing their thought" could be restructured for clarity and impact.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied conjunctions and transitions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "because" to explain causation, try "as a result," "therefore," or "thus." Additionally, varying the placement of adverbial phrases can create more dynamic sentence flow. Practice using different types of sentences, such as conditional sentences or using passive voice where appropriate, to enhance the overall complexity of your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several notable errors. For instance, the phrase "this actions also influence on cognitive function" should be corrected to "this action also influences cognitive function." The use of "affects on" is incorrect; it should simply be "affects." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "such as actions or jokes that appear on TV" to separate the clause more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions. Regularly reviewing common grammatical rules and practicing with exercises can help reinforce these skills. Additionally, proofreading your work for punctuation errors and ensuring that clauses are clearly separated can enhance clarity. Consider reading your essay aloud to catch any awkward phrasing or grammatical mistakes that may not be immediately apparent when reading silently.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are diverse regarding whether the content and duration of television viewing are harmful or beneficial to children. This essay will discuss both views on this topic.

On the one hand, with advancements in television technology, children are influenced by the content that television provides. First, children often mimic attention-grabbing elements such as actions or jokes that appear on TV. This is because they are naturally inclined to parrot behaviors they find engaging or entertaining. For instance, catchphrases, jingles, or even displays of violence are often mimicked by children as they are easily attracted to them. In addition, content on television may contribute to emotional development and belief systems for preteen audiences since exposure is likely to impact children’s minds. Children usually spend more time watching television each day, so the content on TV contributes to developing their thoughts. A perfect example is that when children watch Superman, they can learn numerous skills that involve teamwork and altruism; meanwhile, if children tend to watch violent content, they may develop aggressive behaviors that lead to facing troubles in society.

On the other hand, the amount of time spent watching TV affects children’s behaviors and brings a range of disadvantages. Firstly, spending more time watching television leads to a sedentary lifestyle for children because they often maintain a certain position to watch. Consequently, if children spend all their spare time on TV, they will encounter issues related to physical health and psychology, such as obesity and short-sightedness. Furthermore, excessive TV viewing disrupts sleep patterns, such as skipping naps and sleeping late due to spending too much time on television. These actions also influence cognitive functions and brain development, leading to a deterioration in academic performance.

In summary, while content on television is not without certain disadvantages for children’s behavior, I would contend that the downsides associated with the duration of watching television are more glaring.